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Emma

Men. Freaks.

By Emma, in The Bonfire

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Emma    0

Emma
>> Who understands men?
>>1. The nice men are ugly.
>>2. The handsome men are not nice.
>>3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
>>4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
>>5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
>>6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think
>> we are only after their money.
>>7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
>>8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
>> don't think we are beautiful enough.
>>9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
>> nice and have money, are cowards.
>>10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some
>> money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST
>>MOVE!!!!
>>11.The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest
>> in us when we take the initiative.
>> NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
>> Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our
>> job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
>> something you'd like to have dinner with.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

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Phil    0

Phil
...and I thought this was about a woman's problem like pms, it would fit, no? Menstrual freaks. C'mon guys don't we know all about that.
Never woke up with a headache because of the wine the night before? It tasted just fine - but the anti-freeze just didn't go down very well...
c u
Phil

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koune    0

koune
45 facts about women:
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man *wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.
14. Women think all beer is the same.
15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower.
16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be.
18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
19. Women brush their hair *before* bed.
20. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
21. Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling.
22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, "It's there in the bible". hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?
23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"
24. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet.
25. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse.
33. The first naked man women see is "Ken".
35. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast-size.
36. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn
37. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
38. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
39 All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with them about it.
40. If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.
42. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".
43. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they"left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
44. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
45. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see womens trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried do you?

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koune    0

koune
I have to post this for a colleague at work, so these are not my words (must agree though):
First move, naturally from Holland: Maidenhead Emma should check out our male situation. Here, daring single heteros still exist (as myself, for example), who are nice, handsome, etc. etc. etc. etc. We're not talking about grubby clarets here... this is vintage brandy!

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Wil    0

Wil
Who can understand women...?
> >
> > 1. The nice women ming.
> > 2. The fit women know it and act like they deserve a medal for the
> > looks
> > that were given to them by their parents.
> > 4. The fit, nice and heterosexual women are either married or have
> > been
> > heart broken in the past and can't handle anything heavy for the next
> > few
> > years. Booh hooh.
> > 5. The minging birds appreciate you more and cling on like...cling film
> > but
> > at the end of the day...they ming.
> > 7. The fit women with money think they are the power women of the new
> > millennium and think we believe we should be amazed by their
> > achievements in
> > such a sexist society.
> > 8. Fit women without money think they deserve to have everything paid
> > for
> > them even if they won't put out at the end of the night.
> > 8. Women moan about blokes who never make the first move although
> > women
> > rarely do and more often than not will turn a bloke down who does make
> > the
> > move thereby killing his confidence.
> > 9. No woman can throw a ball properly
> > 10. All women want equality only when it suits them
> > 11. Some women actually object to allowing a trip down Bourneville
> > Boulevard
> >
> > NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS WOMEN?
> > Women are also like a fine wine. The bottle looks alright, you think
> > you are
> > in for a treat, but when you open it up you realise its been around
> > for too
> > long and actually smells and tastes like vinegar only this time you
> > can't
> > cough and splutter because she might get offended (sorry for that one
> > the
> > rest is from the heart and please add to if you feel it is appropriate.
> > Not
> > very busy as you can tell).

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Emma    0

Emma
I don't care because I do already have one of the nice, handsome, heroic ones...I was only sharing for the benefit of those poor gels still looking ;)
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(Shhhh, don't tell Gus, I need him to pack my rig when i can't be arsed....)

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