Cutting Costs @ Enron

[Slappie 9]

Memo: To all Staff

As our company has to make drastic cuts in spending, volunteers are needed to commit suicide.
This will substantially reduce our salary bill. Employees wishing to participate in this scheme
are asked to assemble on the roof of the offices on alternate Fridays.

Participants will be marked on the difficulty of their dive and the highest scorer will receive
greatly enhanced Death In Service benefits.

This action, in view of it's voluntary nature, will not affect your Pension rights, however,
participating staff are asked to avoid landing on Company Cars as this will cost more money than
is saved, which would be counter productive and could cause injury to non-participating
spectators.
Non-participants are therefore asked to be vigilant and to keep glancing skywards on these days
of action. It would also be appreciated if non-participants would give every assistance to the
cleaners in clearing up after the event. Bodies will be disposed of in waste skips in the car
park and staff are therefore asked to ensure they keep moving on these days to avoid being
inadvertently mistaken for successful participants.

Any staff participating will be allowed to change his/her mind until reaching the top floor,
after which it will be impossible for the attending Occupational Health and Safety representative
to get into a "Catching Position". The Company hopes to obtain a set reduction in staff through
this scheme and it must therefore be considered one of our most worthwhile projects to date.
Should the scheme be over-subscribed, a waiting list will be introduced.

To assist the cleaners, it would be appreciated if all participants could take with them onto
the roof a large black plastic bag (available from the stationery room). If they could climb
into the bag just prior to the jump, this will certainly ease congestion at ground level.

It is important that the projected jumps are shown on your department's staff planning charts so
that work can be re-distributed to your colleagues to cause minimum disruption to the company.

Please note: any participant choosing to jump outside normal working hours will not be paid
overtime.

Regards
Management
{Sorry to whom ever I offend but I thought this was fitting for some of the people I know and the sitituations their in}
My New Website with 24hr Chat

[freeflir29 0]

Yeah.....I was reading about them on CNN. Somehow I find it hard to believe that a power company will just shut down and close it's doors???? Is all the power just going to be turned off?
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[jfields 0]

Amusing, Slappie.
I thought Enron would have people jump off of Dynegy's roof, thereby transfering the resulting cleanup costs to their failed partner. Just an idea.... Justin
My Homepage

[jfields 0]

Clay,
I think they are more of a power broker and reseller than an actual generation facility. Of course, I could be wrong, since I don't work there. Hhmmm.. You better get your question answered quickly.
Justin
My Homepage

[Slappie 9]

Clay,
They are a power broker / reseller of electricity, natrual gas.... They had some serious "Creative" Accounting My New Website with 24hr Chat

[freeflir29 0]

I don't know much about Enron but Dynergy I know a lot about. My parents are involved with a huge law suit against Dynergy. They own a lot of generation facilities....Which they like to build 20 feet from your back door......they bribe Po-dunk county officials for permits to put said generation facilities 20 ft from your back door (of course the bottom line being that they RAPE the county and take all the huge profits) .......Typical "Big Evil Corporation" stuff.
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[freeflir29 0]

I'm sure it's the top executives that are going to take this the hardest! NOT!!! They'll all run off with a couple mil a piece to a Carribean Vacation spot.
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[Zennie 0]

Picture, if you will, a bad "Survivor" episode, except that the island itself is sinking as well. That's sort of what it's like to work for Enron right now.
I'm not going to go into all the boo-hoo, sob-sob stuff, cuz I gave Slappie an earful of that yesterday (yes even we Eastern philospohers get depressed from time to time ). Suffice it to say there are going to be entire textbooks written about this whole mess. But it more or less amounts to "creative accounting". To give some of you a feel of the scope of the cratering here, as recently as this past February, Enron's stock was valued at around $80/share. It is currently selling for around $0.39.
So, needless to say, I look forward to this Saturday, cuz I don't think about this stuff when I'm at the DZ. *shrug*
"Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control. Unable to forgive. And we're sinking deeper."

[Zennie 0]

Quote

I'm sure it's the top executives that are going to take this the hardest! NOT!!! They'll all run off with a couple mil a piece to a Carribean Vacation spot.

Not that they didn't try. But I think there will be a fair number that will be spending some time as "Bruiser's" cell mate.
"Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control. Unable to forgive. And we're sinking deeper."

[freeflir29 0]

"Bruiser's" cell mate"
"Hi....What's your name?
Bend over!
How ya doin Ben!" -Fletch
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[chicagoskydiver 0]

Quote

They had some serious "Creative" Accounting

I know how that goes! When you ask an engineer and an accountant what's two plus two, the engineer will answer four. The accountant will answer "what do you want it to be?". LOL! Seriously though, I would imagine not only Enron's management will be in trouble, but what about the accounting firm that audits their financial statements and expresses an opinion on them, as required by the SEC? You can't tell me they didn't know what was going on. I wouldn't mind getting a good look at Enron's last annual report.
Hackey