0
Strynx

Blond Vs. Lawers

By Strynx, in The Bonfire

Recommended Posts

Strynx    0

Strynx
Just got that!
A blond and a lawer are sitting side by side in a plane for a long trip. The lawer ask the blond if she wants to play a fun game. The blond is tired and refuses the offer but the lawer insist and tells her that the game is simple and fun: " I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the anwser you give me 5$ and vice versa" The blond politly declines again but the lawer persist " Ok let's say that i ask you a question and you don't know the anwser you give me 5$ but if you ask me a question and i don't know the anwser i give you 500$" the blond accepts.
Lawer: " What's the distance between the earth and the moon?"
Blond:" i don't know" she pull a 5$ from her purse
Blond: " What as three when going up a hill but four coming down?"
The lawer does'nt know but for 500$. He calls his friend on his cell, goes through all the web sites relating to riddles nothing.
After an hour he wakes up the blond an gives her 500$.
Then the lawer ask:
" By the way what was the answer to your question?"
Blond pulls a 5$ from her purse.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

larry    0

larry
"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man."
Tom Clancy
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome
things that money can buy."
Steve Martin
"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Drew Carey
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless
experiences go, it's pretty damned good."
Woody Allen
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the
taxidermist."
Camille Paglia
My favorite:
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL convertible."
Unknown
"My kid had sex with your honor student."
Bumper Sticker
"My sexual preference is not you."
T-shirt

"Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for
the rest of your life."
Michael Sinz
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."
Henry Miller
-Larry

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Divadiver    0

Divadiver
There was a young man driving his car, when suddenly he saw a little frog
sitting beside him. The frog began saying to the man "Kiss me, kiss me"!
But the man didn't want to kiss a frog..
The little creature kept saying to the man "Kiss me, kiss me" So at last, he
accepted and kissed the frog. And guess what the frog turned into??
A very beautiful lady.
Now, the man began saying to the lady "Kiss me, kiss me"... but the lady didn't
want to kiss the man. At last she accepted and kissed the man...And guess what
the man turned into??
The next motel!!!!
Diva

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Divadiver    0

Divadiver
Ann:
Here's one that you can send to her. I got a good laugh out of it.
The Legal Night Before Christmas

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature.
Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
Diva

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
0
Go To Topic Listing