61 things to do in the Jump Plane

[Slappie 9]

61 Fun Things to do in a Jump Plane
1. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. Beat out bongo rifts on your helmet.
6. Unzip your jumpsuit part way, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
7. One word: Flatulence!
8. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
9. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
10. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the plane hits turbulence.
11. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
12. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the plane.
13. Ask each passenger getting on if you can pull their silver handle for them.
14. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
15. Look around and ask "is that your dytter?"
16. Say "Announcing the Xth Floor!" each 1000'.
17. Listen to the plane walls with a stethoscope.
18. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
19. Ask the jumper next to you, "If you burn in into a forest, does it make a sound?".
20. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises.
23. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
24. Sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" or "99 bottles of beer on the wall" in round.
25. After everyone has taken off their seatbelts, connect mismatching pairs in consideration of the next load.
26. Ask about the in-flight beverage choices, meal, and inflight movie. Insist that you were told a meal would be served when you purchased your ticket.
27. When jump run is announced, stand up and yell: "But I paid for a round trip ticket!"
28. Play "enie, menie, miny, moe" while pointing the shiny silver handles of nearby jumpers.
29. Hum Gregorian chants.
30. When someone is spotting, point toward the horizon and innocently ask "Is that Mexico?"
31. Moan, clutch your stomach, mutter "Oh damn, not motion sickness now." Then ask your neighbor if you can borrow his Factory Diver.
32. When boarding the plane ask if you can have emergency row seating.
33. After the first person exits, point out the door and exclaim "It's a bird, it's a plane, nah, just another f#$&in' toad."
34. Cough then mutter "Don't worry the doctor said it can only be spread through physical contact."
35. Pretend to pick lice out of your neighbors hair then eat them.
36. Theorize (incorrectly) on why airplanes and square parachutes actually fly.
37. Bow down and grovel before the local skygod.
38. Play rock, paper, scissors - if no one will join you, play against yourself using both hands.
39. Hand out labels that say "Plan B - Part 1" and "Plan B - Part 2" for everyone's cutaway and reserve handles.
40. Have the other jumpers get the attention of the jumper furthest from you then wave and smile broadly.
41. Turn to a student and say "Don't worry, the engine sounds _much_ better than it did yesterday."
42. Sing "Edelweiss".
43. Say to the jumper across from you, "All is in readiness, Comrade. This time we cannot fail!"
44. Pick your nose and then hold your finger up to another jumper and ask, "Booger?".
45. Tell the jumper next to you that skydiving is nothing compared the time when you were pinned down under a deadly hail of Jap fire.
46. Speak into your altimeter then hold it to your ear and nod your head.
47. Ask the other passengers in a thick German accent for their tickets.
48. Shift around as you sit and announce that thongs are overrated.
49. Talk about the parachute equipment you saw on the Home Shopping Channel.
50. Sing "Rawhide" as the plane accelerates to takeoff.
51. Start a petition demanding more altitude.
52. Repetitively ask, "Are we there yet?"
53. Tap furtively on the bulkhead and mutter, "Now where's that secret panel?"
54. Try to hypnotize the jumper across from you.
55. After you put your goggles on, act surprised, and say hello to the person across from you.
56. Give the jumper next to you a "Wet-Willy".
57. When the pilot announces jumprun advise the other jumpers to return their seats and tray tables to the full upright and locked position.
58. Bring your own joystick and pretend you're flying the plane.
59. Move your helmet past your neighbor's head and announce, "The Deathstar has cleared the planet".
60. According to the stories of one of the jet loads at Quincy a couple of years ago...
61. Solve quadratic equations aloud.
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[Zennie 0]

We need to add to this list. I'll have to think a bit, but everyone else, have at it!
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Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Slappie 9]

I cannot believe outa all these psyco skydivers {me included} we can't add to the list?? I know you've got ideas to add to it. Something you've always wanted to do in the jump plane??
I'm worried about you folks now... *sigh*
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[bluestar 0]

62. Twister (right hand pink grip)
63. Nap
64. F$%K the tandems? *
Kevin
*see friday funnies

[fred 0]

65. Join the mile high club.
Probably pretty tricky in a C-182, especially with all the gear.
"I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They're more vulnerable, in much more need of solace. And they're fairly open to suggestion. And I use that to fuck them some place fairly uncomfortable."
"What, like the back of a volkswagen?"
- mallrats

[PLFXpert 0]

I know there's a few anti-religious skydivers on here which is all good but I always say a short prayer on the way to altitude for myself and all the skydivers on my load that we all have fun skydives and safe landings.
No skydiver has ever had a mal on my loadThe rest of the time I pretty much just joke around w/ the other jumpers. There's nothing better than having some good laughs on the way up.
Much love and blue skies,
Carrie http://www.geocities.com/skydivegrl20/

[JDBoston 0]

Funny, you say "nap" as if it's a joke. In fact that is exactly what my instructor did on my first tandem jump. It was kind of incomprehensible to me at the time, but now I can see how it would be possible if you were on, say, jump #12 of the day, like he probably was.
Joe
A-38502

[FreeflyPlaymate 0]

I am disappointed...giving the first time jumpers a strip show was high on my list of things to do...
actually a jumper who continued with AFF ont he ride to alt I was in right seat flying and he leaned over and said you were on my first jump...I'm like yeah great trying to seem as if I remembered, no offense but there are alot of faces at a DZ, and he goes yeah, you went naked...thanks!!! hahaha thank you thank you anything to help the sport grow!!
Another note, this is a branch off from the nakedness and the yelling for more alt....get naked and get more alt...two birds with one stone
**BLUE ONES**
BITE ME.... :P

[bluestar 0]

actually I was serious one of our cameramen/aff instructers naps regularly on the way to altitude. If I did not think he would try and pull in the plane I would blow in his face and set a beeper off in his ear.
see ya
kevin

[Viking 0]

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If I did not think he would try and pull in the plane I would blow in his face and set a beeper off in his ear.

remind me to never fall asleep around you!
Remember when Sex was safe and skydiving was Dangerous?

[Zennie 0]

Ask the person sitting next to you "It's 4 ExLax once a day, right?"
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Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Aviatrr 0]

After climbing outside, close the door behind you. Make the next group open it back up.
Mike

[Katzeye 0]

play "duck, duck, goose". Especially effective for those stuck on the floor... more fun in a skyvan
pet the rig in front of you and talk nice to it
Flash bunny ears at everyone before leaving!

[rainman 0]

Moon the air-traffic-controllers for complaining about taxiing with the door open......
Obviously, this is purely a figment of my imagination, no-one I know would ever do something like that!
Ramon

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[Shark 0]

Okay, so I wasn't on a jump plane, but rather a B737-300 bound for Seattle. Close to 1000' I almost took out my helmet to listen for the ProTrak, etc. We leveled off around 15 and I noticed something odd; nobody farted! As we over flew different areas I was constantly checkin out "the spot." It was also really weird to "land" in the plane as I would have preferred to "jump" even if it was a hop-n-pop.

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[Slappie 9]

Ok folks keep um coming I'm adding the ideas to the list and putting your nickname next to it :) <---- smiles don't seem to be working??
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[PhreeZone 20]

To get a smile to work you have to type [ smile] but leave the space out
Do I HAVE to do another raft dive???

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[Darkzone 0]

On jump run grab the JMs ankles and look up at him pleadingly and cry, 'Daddy, Daddy, please don't leave us, we need you, Mommy needs you, the twins need you, Bertie needs you!'
Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

[Jumperpaula 0]

Ask a Tandem Master in front of their student , "so, did you take your medicine today? You DO remember now, thats 2 every 6 hours, not 6 every two hours. We don't want an incident like last time."
or, tell the student "this is the Tandem Instructor's graduation jump, He get's to go by himself after this one"
Fly Your Slot !

[PalmettoTiger 1]

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Ask a Tandem Master in front of their student , "so, did you take your medicine today? You DO remember now, thats 2 every 6 hours, not 6 every two hours. We don't want an incident like last time."

I remember hearing this conversation in the plane last spring: "Hey Ken, when was your last seizure?"
"I haven't had one since I stopped taking my medicine... about three days!!"
"Well, you're not supposed to take that stuff when you're drinking, anyway!!"
Fortunately the passenger knew it was a joke or he might have asked to trade me TMs.
Blues, squares,
PTiger

[Slowfaller 0]

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Ask a Tandem Master in front of their student , "so, did you take your medicine today? You DO remember now, thats 2 every 6 hours, not 6 every two hours.

....or fill an old Rx bottle w/ altoids and start handing 'em out to experieced jumpers only. Its better if there is a label that says may cause drowsieness that is clearly visible
CHris
"..and your hands and knees felt cold and wet on the grass beneth." - modest mouse

[rainman 0]

What works particularly well on tandem video's is having the TM trying to hook up the passenger all wrong (two hooks to the same attachment etc.), and have one of the other jumpers correct them, shaking their heads and muttering about TM's all the time. It cracks me up every time this scene is played out in the plane.
Ramon

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[mccordia 74]

Check the gear of a first jump student, grab the back of his rig, and in disbelief say "What the?....who did this....aah..hm.....ah, wait..this 'might' work...never mind...."
Let the tandem in on the fact that you didn't know the pilot was allowed to fly again in this country..
Ask the tandem instructor if 'that' shouldn't be attached to him (while pointing to the back of the tandempassenger)
Man I'm bored :)

[Slappie 9]

I can see by the posts it's "jack" with the newbie day!! WhoooooooooHoooooooooooo
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[Zennie 0]

Quote

I can see by the posts it's "jack" with the newbie day

I was kind of wondering this on the way to work this morning: "Why do we mess with the first timers?"
I concluded it's because we're bored on the flight up so we need something to do to pass the time.
I particularly like the Altoids in the prescription drug bottle bit. Open it up, pop one (or two) and then hold it up and say "Tranquilizers anyone?". Course the more that accept, the funnier it would be.
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Blue Skies!
Zennie