Men are from Deland, Women. . .

[Duck 0]

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by a moderator at Dropzone.com.
"Since DZ.com is a terrific avenue for creative writing, we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story (perfect for skydivers!). The process is simple. Each person will pair off with a person at random. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO private messages and anything you wish to say must be posted in the forum. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my favorite DZ.com'ers, Alienangel and Michele.
MICHELE
Michelle tried to sleep, but really couldn't. It was hot but the cats wanted to cuddle, and the clock kept ticking through time. Would she actually graduate tomorrow? As she dreamt of the clouds she would fly through, she was reminded of her and Jo and when, in happier Level I&II times, they flew free through the skies together like birds on a wing. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Jo. His possessiveness was suffocating and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. She had to focus on her first solo.
ALIENANGEL
Meanwhile, Total Sky God Alien Angel, organizer of the world record attempt at the night vision goggle assisted 128-way over the Grand Canyon, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Michele with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
He gave the leg he held a shake, signalling the beginning of the 6th point. All seemed going well as the ground, viewed through an eerie green light that inhibited his depth perception, rushed up to meet him. But he was not afraid. "What a rush!" he thought excitedly. "This what I was meant to do, all adrenaline, baby!"
But before he could complete his next dock, the formation funneled at 2,000 feet and Jo, the infamous Alien Angel, was sent tumbling down as he desperately fumbled to grasp his throw away.
MICHELE
In his panic, he finally threw his p/c just as his cypress fired. The resulting horseshoe wrapped him completely, and as he fell he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, USPA began intitiatives to force strict regulations on dropzones everywhere to limit the testerone levels of skydivers.
"Congress passes USPA-sponsored restrictions," Michele read in the latest copy of Parachutist someone left on board of her DZ's Otter. The news simultaneously gave her a sense of security and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no magazines to read, no Dropzone.com forums to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. She heard "Door!" and moved to the edge in preparation of her first solo. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully as she leapt into the sky and began her dance with gravity and her Goddess, Nature.
ALIENANGEL
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. A sense of tranquil peace enveloped her and numbed her already sloth-like reflexes. The dim-witted wimpy Mothers Against Skydiving who forced USPA to endorse the Neutered/Spayed Parachutist Law had left all but a few dropzones vulnerable to new programs, such as supplemental estrogen shots before any load left the ground.
With her already neglible sense of aggression thus hindered, her survival instincts failed to energize her to deploy her main. As all jump-related personnel were subject to the same law, her reserve failed as well because it had not been subjected to the intense scrutiny normally provided by expert riggers.
Skydivers everywhere began acting like whuffos. With jumpers no longer searching for new challenges, beer for first time achievements ceased and sobriety spread through every dropzone - with one exception.
Deland, home of the Skygods, was the last rebel base of renegade skydivers. "We can't take this shit! We'll show those mothers! Let's do a naked 80-way over the Capitol and swoop the Mall!"
MICHELE
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
ALIENANGEL
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh let us feel the serene embwace of the sky and gaze upon the wickle fwuffy cwouds. . . But I've only been pretending and they'll find out I really can't do this! Oh no I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."
MICHELE
Asshole.
ALIENANGEL
Bitch.

[Alienangel 0]

LMFAO!!
That's the best thing I've ever read on this forum. I assume you've chosen the name Duck as this is what you'll be doing when the shit hits the fan?
AA
(Btw, where the fuck is Deland?)

[ClayFowler 0]

Now thats a match made in heaven. Sounds like the pleasantries I exchange with my ex-wife. LMAO
"I want to fly like a silly angel, Lean for the sky, straight into the sun"-Fuel
Clay

[mouth 0]

Oh my God that was too funny.
Keep it coming Duck, you quack me up.
AA...Deland is in sunny FL... I'm all over it next weekend...can't wait to get there!! Is it Friday yet??

[skymama 37]

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(Btw, where the fuck is Deland?)

That would be Deland, as in Deland, FL, located about 45 minutes north of Orlando. Go to the website at skydivedeland.com. Many international skydiving teams train there, Scott Miller does canopy control classes there, and you never know who is going to show up. Yesterday, Norman Kent was there, sitting in between my legs in the airplane!
Also in the vicinity of the airport we have Performance Designs, The Relative Workshop, Jumpshack, Skydiving Magazine, Merlin Suits, and Jumpbubble suits to name a few.
Come to the dz.com mini-boogie this weekend and join us for $10 jumps and check it out!
Andrea
"Up high, I feel like I'm alive for the very first time"

[Duck 0]

AA, Deland is in FL, supposedly a major DZ, but I've never jumped there. It just popped first in my mind when I was trying to think of a radical DZ, but I suppose I could have put down any number of others. I can't claim credit for the writing, I took the 'inspiration' from an email that was forwarded around a few months back about 'Men are from Skylon 4, Women. . .' It was so funny I printed it out and pinned it to my work desk. When I saw the posts you and Michele had going, I thought to myself, 'hmm. . . this sounds familiar,' and started editing/changing some things around. As you can see, I keep myself busy at work. . . Right. Anyway, glad you took it in stride and hope that Michele does, too! At my first DZ (Gold Coast) Dukes went to Duke and somehow settled on Duck. I guess 'cause I landed like I had web feet! Quack

[ClayFowler 0]

Andrea: You didnt get Normans rig all gooey on the ride to altitude did ya? LMAO
"I want to fly like a silly angel, Lean for the sky, straight into the sun"-Fuel
Clay

[Michele 1]

Duck
Fairly accurate. However,

Quote

MICHELE
Asshole.

would have been more like
"MotherF*#*@g dissembling peice of overcooked dz shit in league with the vicous air-imp who wouldn't know truth if it leapt up and bit him on the tip of his wart encrusted nose."
(I never write just one word when 33 will do)
bleus to all but trolls-
Michele

[Michele 1]

Duck
Fairly accurate. However,

Quote

MICHELE
Asshole.

would have been more like
"MotherF*#*@g dissembling puddle of diarhetic dz shit in league with the vicous air-imp who wouldn't know truth if it leapt up and bit him on the tip of his wart encrusted nose."
(I never write just one word when 33 will do)
bleus to all but trolls-
Michele

[skymama 37]

Quote

You didnt get Normans rig all gooey on the ride to altitude did ya?

Clay, you naughty boy! Is your mind ALWAYS in the gutter?
Andrea
"Up high, I feel like I'm alive for the very first time"

[ClayFowler 0]

No, I think of Skydiving and beer the other 66.6% of the time. I can see it now though. Skydiver killed when his container failed to open. Malfunction apparently caused by a highly viscous liquid of unknown origin. Whooooopps!
"I want to fly like a silly angel, Lean for the sky, straight into the sun"-Fuel
Clay

[skymama 37]

LOL! Clay, I'll have you know that my liquids are NOT highly viscious! And, if you would have given me my doctor's note that I needed, you would know that!
Andrea
"Up high, I feel like I'm alive for the very first time"

[ClayFowler 0]

Sounds like I need a business trip to Florida.........My parents have a house about 45 minutes from Deland.....May have to "borrow" the place for a few days.
"I want to fly like a silly angel, Lean for the sky, straight into the sun"-Fuel
Clay

[skymama 37]

he he...aw shucks, Clay, I don't need the note anymore!
Andrea
"Up high, I feel like I'm alive for the very first time"

[ClayFowler 0]

Story of my life baby....Story of my life...LMAO
"I want to fly like a silly angel, Lean for the sky, straight into the sun"-Fuel
Clay

[freaksister 0]

WHEEEE!! That was funny ass shit!! I think there is some confusion about AA's gender but otherwise right on topic!
Sis

I'm not crazy because I take the right pills everyday.

[BenW 0]

Definately LOTS of confusion!
Pwetty Cwouds!!
B.

[Duck 0]

Yeah, the gender thing never occurred to me. Well hell, I figure, just roll with it. These are open-minded folk. AA's cool enough not give me a hard time. Sorry, AA, I was lost deep in the right side of the brain. . . Maybe if you posted a pic showing off your more feminine attributes, I would have made the connection. After reading Sis's observation, I almost went back to edit it with a spat-between-lesbians spin, but the visual image overpowered me so I took a pass. I'll let all the .com'ers use their own collective imagination. Quack

[Alienangel 0]

Quote

(I never write just one word when 33 will do)

No....really?

Quote

bleus to all but trolls-
Michele

Awwww.....shucks....
AA

[Duck 0]

Yes, apparently LOTS of confusion. After reviewing some other posts, I'm obviously missing something. So much gets lost through the electrons, it seems, even gender. Ok. . . *deep breath* would someone enlighten me?

[Alienangel 0]

FUCKSSAKE GUYS I'M NOT GAY!
My big, swinging dick is pretty apparent to those who know me. I'm saying no more.
Although it would be ok if I were gay......

[skymama 37]

AA, look at you, bragging about your big, swinging dick. Now you're just being a big tease to all the gay guys out there!
Andrea
"Up high, I feel like I'm alive for the very first time"

[Duck 0]

Alrighty, then. I guess that's cleared up, although the numerous references throughout this forum to AA's dick are more information than I actually needed. Don't know how all that digressed, but AA: Yes, it would alright if you were gay, there's no need to be defensive. Those petty biases have no business on a dropzone, right? So it's OK. The macho routine is not necessary. What did you do, anyway, give Sis the heisman during one night of drunken revelry when she wanted to check you out with a metal detector? Quack

[freaksister 0]

HUH? I am not sure if that was supposed to be rude or not...
I think AA's got you all fooled..."he" licked me one night and then I saw her (uh, I mean HIS) big swinging dick - - and it was really just a VERY lifelike plastic!!
Sis (Was that TMI? oops! well you know I love you all, get over it)

I'm not crazy because I take the right pills everyday.

[Alienangel 0]

Oh FUCKIN OK THEN. I am a hermaphrodite. Now can we just stop it. All this talk about mine and the Freakgrrrl's bits is getting me all aroused....WE NEED ALTITOOOOOOOD!!!!!