Hook Turns: Proverbs; verse 4:32:1

[mountainman 0]

that was AWESOME!!
I laughed outloud at the college computer lab. Damn near scared everyone here! anyway, thought it was funny!
Thanks...you defeinetley have humor
NEW AND IMPROVED!!!
http://home.woh.rr.com/brandonandlaura/

[Greg 0]

Ok, one more before I get some work done:
Two Sister's
Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

[mountainman 0]

haha.....MORE MORE MORE!!! maybe after you get some work done. damn dude...i gotta quit reading these in the lab!!lataz
NEW AND IMPROVED!!!
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[cdunham 0]

Another nun joke:
Four nuns are waiting in line for confession. The first goes in.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I looked at a man's, well, you know."
"Well Sister, that is bad. For your penance, you will wash your eyes in holy water, and say 50 Hail Marys."
The next nun goes in.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I touched a man's, thing."
"Oh my, Sister, that is a terrible sin! For your penance you are to wash your hand in holy water and say 100 Hail Marys."
Suddenly, the fourth nun pushes the third out of the way and heads for the confessional.
"What are you doing?", the third nun asks.
"Are you kidding? I'm going to drink that holy water before you sit in it!"

[decorous 0]

Got one
Small family lives out in the country. One morning the mother and son have an argument. The mother tells the child before breakfest he has to finish his chors. He walks outside slamming the door. while he walks to the barn a chicken crosses his path and he kicks the chicken. As he strolls near a pig the kid throws a rock at the pig. When he enters the barn he slaps the cow. 1/2 hour later he walks inside and finds a dry bowl of cereal waiting. he says what is this. The morther says I say you kick the chicken so you get no eggs, I saw what you did to the pig so no bacon, and I saw you slap the cow so you get no milk in your cereal. That evening the two are sitting on the porch when the father comes home from a hard day in the field, as he walks up the stairs their cat runs in front of him so he kicks the cat across the porch. The little boy looks at his mom and says, "should I tell him or do you want to"

[Greg 0]

Kepping with the Religous theme:
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being
told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to
purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local
auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up
buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he
might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his
surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local
paper carried this headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it
in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he
ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to
get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun
in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
Next day the headline read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy
back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild
and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.

[Greg 0]

Actual Church Announcements:
1. The Scouts are saving aluminum
cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.
2. Ladies Bible Study will be held
Thursday morning at 10. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship
Hall after the B.S. is done.
3. The pastor would appreciate it
if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
morning.
4. Low Self Esteem Support Group
will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.
5. The pastor will preach his farewell
message, after which the choir
will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist
church Wednesday.
7. Remember in prayer the many
who are sick of our church and
community.
8. The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The Congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
9. Thursday night Potluck Supper.
Prayer and medication to follow.
10. The rosebud on the altar this
morning is to announce the birth of
David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.
11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an
ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.
12. A bean supper will be held on
Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
13. At the evening service tonight,
the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to
our choir practice.
14. Weight Watchers will meet at
7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double
door at the side entrance.
15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering
the hospital this week for testes.
16. Please join us as we show our
support for Amy and Alan who are
preparing for the girth of their first child.
17. The Lutheran Men's group will
meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed
potatoes, green beans, bread and
dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
18. The Associate Minister unveiled
the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped
My Pledge - Up Yours."
19. Our next song is "Angels
We Have Heard Get High."
20. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
21. For those of you who have
children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
22. This being Easter Sunday, we will
ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
and lay an egg on the altar.
23. The service will close with Little
Drops of Water. One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest
of the congregation will join in.
24. Eight new choir robes are
currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
25. The senior choir invites any
member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

[lazerq3 0]

Glad to see this post finally went in the right directionjason

[Greg 0]

OK, Im good for one more, then its time to get this weekend STARTED!!!
Top 20 Sayings We'd Like To See On Those Office Inspirational Posters:
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13. We waste time so you don't have to.
14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19. Succeed in spite of management.
20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

[lazerq3 0]

If you BASE jump off the empire state building
and your chute doesnt open, go limp.
then you'll look like a dummy and someone will try to catch you because hey.......free dummy!!
jason

[decorous 0]

If you BASE jump off the empire state building
and your chute doesnt open, go limp.
then you'll look like a dummy and someone will try to catch you because hey.......free dummy!!
Where have I heard this before. Was it a deep thought by Jack Handy???

[lazerq3 0]

HEY HEY !!!!!! you win the christmas turkey!!!

• Quote

[SpeedRacer 1]

A research group at Harvard conducted a study to determine why the head of a penis is larger than the shaft. After spending $750,000 and five months of research, they concluded that the head of a penis is larger than the shaft in order to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Scientists at Rice University questioned the findings and proceeded with their own study. After spending $900,000 and six months of research, they concluded that the head of a penis is larger than the shaft in order to give the man more pleasure during sex.
The research staff at Clemson University thought both studies were incorrect. After spending $19.95 on a case of Old Milwaukee Tall Boys and a rented porno video, they determined that the reason the head of a penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent the man's hand from flying off and smacking him in the forehead.
Speed Racer
"Bluez, brewz & screwz"

[lazerq3 0]

Dont you know it!!!!!!
jason