What's the difference between flirting and finding someone genuinely interesting?

[Deuce 1]

Occasionally you meet someone that you find fascinating. Not cause you were shopping, but just incidentally.

And you say "Wow. You are a fascinating person"

No interest in breaking the bonds of the person's commitments, just frankly admitting to fascination.

Flirting?

[pajarito 0]

Yes.

[lewmonst 0]

No.

http://www.exitshot.com

[jceman 1]

Maybe

Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money.

Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them?

[skydyvr 0]

Dream on cowboy. ;-)

. . =(_8^(1)

[AggieDave 6]

It depends on the nature of the coversation (spoken and unspoken). It also depends on the comfort level of your wife, what she thinks is what ultimately matters in this question, right?

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[nightjumps 1]

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"Wow. You are a fascinating person"

Flip the circumstance as if it were directed to you with the same variables. You decide.

[Keith 0]

Nope.

Keith

Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville

[diablopilot 2]

As stated, flip the situation both for you, and as if your SO were in your situation. Still feel ok about it, and think they do?

Then yes.


If there is guilt involved, well you need to do some more work.

----------------------------------------------
You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[lewmonst 0]

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As stated, flip the situation both for you, and as if your SO were in your situation. Still feel ok about it, and think they do?

Then yes.

just making sure we're answering the same question, which I think was is that considered "flirting"? I said no. I still find some people fascinating and would tell them without any other underlying meaning. I mean what I say, that's it.

Duece, I think you're fascinating.
peace
lew

http://www.exitshot.com

[nacmacfeegle 0]

"No interest in breaking the bonds of the person's commitments, just frankly admitting to fascination."

Not flirting, IMHO. What happens next, depending on how your relationship with the fascination developed, could be.

If in doubt, ask your SO.

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[lawrocket 3]

HEy, Deuce. I met you once, and found you to be a fascinating person. Trust me, I wasn't flirting with you.

It definitely does not have to be flirting. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[rehmwa 2]

this is speaker's corner material?

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[freeflybella 0]

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this is speaker's corner material?

Here, let me help.

I think a huge side effect of technology/modern life is that it is rendering human contact obsolete. We don't talk to strangers (face to face), we don't know our neighbors, we can exist in little bubbles and think we're social because we have news from around the world on our TVs and computers - we have chat rooms.

If human contact were more valued and appreciated - not just within our little circles but across the board, finding other people fascinating would be so much less suspicious - and far more common.


edited: we should surround ourselves with fascinating people!

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[kallend 2,027]

Why not just use Dylan Thomas's approach?

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[AndyMan 7]

Flirting in itself is essentially a verb. It's an action that you do, presumably to "get-sum".

Finding someone interesting or fascinating is not this same action. I happen to find Nietzche fascinating, yet I assure you that should I ever meet him (afterlife?) Getting-Some will be the last thing on my mind.

Finding someone interesting is a motivation.

Flirting is an action.

There is no commonality.

_Am

__

You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead.

[pajarito 0]

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Finding someone interesting is a motivation.
Flirting is an action.
There is no commonality.

True...if the personal motivation of finding someone "interesting" is kept personal. However, if you're expressing that motivation to a married woman, as stated in the example, I'd still say that fit the criteria for flirting. However innocent it may have been at first, it now has the possibility of progressing into a more compromising situation. I've seen it happen. Although, as AggieDave said before, it would have everything to do with the nature of the conversation. I just get the feeling, because it was posted here, that there's probably more to it than just professional admiration. Especially coming from a guy.

[freeflybella 0]

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However innocent it may have been at first, it now has the possibility of progressing into a more compromising situation.

So you would condemn any situation that has the possibility of going 'wrong'?

And if you're busy assessing everything for it's potential to go wrong, how do you have any fun?

And don't you like to hear when you're appreciated by your friends? And wouldn't it feel great to have someone you just met tell you they found you fascinating? Or sweet. Or thoughtful.

Why so guarded?

edited: cuz damn I ask alot of questions!

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[pajarito 0]

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So you would condemn any situation that has the possibility of going 'wrong'?

I’m sticking to the specific situation of what type of conversation would be appropriate with a married woman. Not “any situation that has the possibility of going ‘wrong’” as you put it.

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And if you're busy assessing everything for it's potential to go wrong, how do you have any fun?

It’s good to continually assess situations for their potential to go wrong. I try as much as I can to evaluate the consequences before I take action. I don’t always, mind you, but I think it’s a good idea. I still manage to have a lot of fun.

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And don't you like to hear when you're appreciated by your friends? And wouldn't it feel great to have someone you just met tell you they found you fascinating? Or sweet. Or thoughtful.

I do like to hear that I’m appreciated. There’s a difference, however, in you telling me that you appreciate something I did or that you thought what I had to say was interesting and my telling a married woman "Wow. You are a fascinating person.” Again, however, it would depend completely on the context of the conversation.

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Why so guarded?

I believe that people have the tendency to give in to their own personal selfish desires. I think it’s much easier to do that than to stick to the commitment of marriage. I’m not saying that they always will. I’m just saying that the tendency and temptation is ever-present. I’m also saying that if you play around too much and allow yourself to be put in compromising situations, there is the possibility of disaster. I’m committed to my wife and don’t want to take that chance.

[freeflybella 0]

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what type of conversation would be appropriate with a married woman

You're right. I generalized. But, as a future wife, I hope that if someone finds me fascinating - he'll tell me. If I don't know him very well, I will take it with a grain of salt. If I know him to be a flirt or have less than admirable intentions, I'll let it go. But if I know him as a friend, he'll make my day!

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It’s good to continually assess situations for their potential to go wrong.

Yes! To look at things from all perspectives is very healthy. But tell someone to limit openness and expression for the possibilty or the potential without really knowing the intention behind it, is a bit rash, don't you think?

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There’s a difference, however, in you telling me that you appreciate something I did or that you thought what I had to say was interesting and my telling a married woman "Wow. You are a fascinating person.”

Interesting. I can tell you that things you do or say are interesting but you can't tell a married woman she's fascinating? I think that says more about your potential feelings in that scenario.

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I’m committed to my wife and don’t want to take that chance.

Hey! I was right!

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[pajarito 0]

Ok. I agree that context is everything. However, I believe you get my point. I'm just saying, "be careful!"

[wmw999 2,446]

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Flirting?

Only if you intend it as such, or if you think there's any chance that either the other person or your spouse will take it as such.

You could preface it with "I'm really married, so I mean this in the nicest possible way -- you're really fascinating"

That way you're setting the boundary right in there. And it might be the nicest thing the other person heard all day.

But I'll bet you knew that.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[freeflybella 0]

Yes, I get your point.

You're saying be careful. I'm saying be sensitive.

In some wierd way - we could be saying the same thing.



So, based on his stated intention from the original post, our mutually agreed upon answer to Deuce would be...

No.

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[flyangel2 2]

JP, I have meet and hung out with you. You are a very fascinating person who is very much in love with his wife. Now, if the gal that you are talking about takes it as flirting, then she has misunderstood your intentions. You are one of the most honest people I have meet, and would never take any of your kind comments as flirting. This is just from my perspective.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[skybytch 273]

Of course it's flirting. Men and women are incapable of being friends without it eventually leading to sex.

Kinda like dancing.