miked10270 0 #1 August 4, 2004 Depending on the replies, maybe this should go in SC.... Anyway: CHIRAC EXPLODES THE MYTH French President Jacques Chirac has now come clean and says that France would have won both world wars without any British or American assistance. "If anything the Allies were more trouble than they were worth. Germany's invasion of France was nothing more or less than a French plan to encourage tourism during a slow period". Asked about the Germans raping women, looting, shooting defenceless citizens getting drunk and being sick everywhere, Chirac said that the journalist had obviously not visited Paris during an England away game. Or just before the Battle of Crecy, The Siege of Calais, etc... Chirac went on to say that he was sick and tired of hearing that the French had abandoned their posts and run away : "It was nothing like that. The Germans will confirm that it was a skilfully worked stampede with crying, begging and screaming thrown in to give it a touch of realism, but nothing more than that. Anyway, who stayed at Dunkerque while the British sailed away?" What about wholesale collaboration? "As I have said before it was not collaboration, it was tourism at it's finest. The Germans were so impressed they stayed for four years." What about "D" Day then? "Yes, well we're still annoyed about that. Just as the Germans were readying themselves for a long term stay what happens? You guessed it... Those verdamt schweinhunden (!??!) kids and hooligans come storming up the beaches. Do you think we have been able to entice one German onto the beach in the last 60 years? Non!" But if the Allies did not liberate France how would you have got rid of the Nazis? "One man's Nazi is another man's tourist. We were fully occupied, well, mostly occupied, it was a country's dream". Frenchmen did join with the Allies however. "Indeed there are those many many Frenchmen who felt duty bound to rid France of the Germans. All 4 of them joined the Allies." Do you think France avoided Iraq because the French are lovers and not fighters. "What nonsense Frenchmen are worriers to a man. There's not a man in uniform who doesn't have a hiatus hernia or ulcer. Indeed no greater sacrifice can be expected of any man." Mr President what if France leads the EU army? "If attacked we would simply turn Europe into one massive tourist trap." Mike. PS. Congratulations on an American's world beating win of the Tour de France. This famous event has it's origins in a French Army recruiting campaign in 1939 and showed potential volunteers of "Le Force du Reddite Des Bicyclettes" just how far they could retreat in less than a week. It's always nice to know that an American can beat the French at their own game! . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
towerrat 0 #2 August 4, 2004 uhhh speakers corner.Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #3 August 4, 2004 Like I said, perhaps SC. Unfortunately my periodic comments on the French tend to demonstrate the fine line between humor (humour?) and racist rants. Actually, I quite like the French. They're close, they're available, and their history is glorious (from a British point of view). They're our closest neighbours, so we're bound to them by envy, jealousy and hatred... Kind of like the US and Canada! Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jjiimmyyt 0 #4 August 4, 2004 Look, if it had been for the fat cakes and the slim prostitues in Paris can you imagine how many more fit troops would have been available for the fronts. "This isn't an iron lung, people. You can actually disconnect and not die." -Dave Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jakee 1,563 #5 August 4, 2004 QuotePS. Congratulations on an American's world beating win of the Tour de France. This famous event has it's origins in a French Army recruiting campaign in 1939 and showed potential volunteers of "Le Force du Reddite Des Bicyclettes" just how far they could retreat in less than a week. It's always nice to know that an American can beat the French at their own game! Um, actually the Tour de France has been going since 1903 and was dreamt up by a French journalist as a way to sell cycling magazines. His sadistic editor made it into a 2000 odd km race over 6 stages that he hoped only one man on the planet would be tough enough to finish. Have a go at that one Lance The rest is good though.Do you want to have an ideagasm? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jakee 1,563 #6 August 4, 2004 QuoteThey're our closest neighbours, so we're bound to them by envy, jealousy and hatred... Yeah, We spend 500 years kicking their arses and what happens? They take 3 hour lunch breaks basking in the sun on streetside tables with red wine and massive steaks and we get a soggy sandwich out of the vending machine. Somethings not right with that.Do you want to have an ideagasm? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jjiimmyyt 0 #7 August 4, 2004 QuoteQuoteThey're our closest neighbours, so we're bound to them by envy, jealousy and hatred... Yeah, We spend 500 years kicking their arses and what happens? They take 3 hour lunch breaks basking in the sun on streetside tables with red wine and massive steaks and we get a soggy sandwich out of the vending machine. Somethings not right with that. To give them thier due they were the last guys to invade England, like a THOUSAND years ago. "This isn't an iron lung, people. You can actually disconnect and not die." -Dave Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #8 August 4, 2004 In response to Jjiimmyyt: Oh yeah... the old "Fat Cakes and Silm Prostitutes; France won WW II argument". Just remember that the Germans got exceptionally fit just trying to keep up with the French retreat! In response to Jakee: Yeah, the "Tour de France" and the "Force du Reddite des Bicyclettes" were both formed in 1903. This was because France saw the way Germany was going. Hence the plans for the rapid 2,000km (1,275 REAL miles) retrait strategique (rout). (Historical note: Germans are mainly comprised of Vandals, Goths and Vikings, who emigrated South from Sweden about 500 bc. This was becaiuse these tribes realised the way Sweden was going. ie; Neutral. Until the 1890's Germany consisted of separate states who spent their time fighting each other. Then they got together and started fighting everyone else. In 1945 Germany got split up again and once again started fighting each other. In 1989, Germany got together again, and we can but wait!!!!!!). As for the 3 hour lunch breaks, it all comes down to national character. If you've just cycles 2,000km shouting "les Allemands viennent" (The Germans are coming) then you need a rest. If you're British and you know the Germans have just overrun France, then there's just time to grab a weapon and a sarnie and head for The White Cliffs. Mike. PS: Edited to add: Oh yeah... 1066. That wasn't actually an invasion. 10,000 French troops landing on The English south coast is actually a pretty normal French reaction to the news that 2 Germans, a herd of goats and an Alsation Dog have crossed their border heading west. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tinfoil 0 #9 August 5, 2004 Do you have a source? “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #10 August 5, 2004 QuoteDo you have a source? A source for what? Mike. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jjiimmyyt 0 #11 August 5, 2004 Note of irony, I'm writing this from Jersey, lol "This isn't an iron lung, people. You can actually disconnect and not die." -Dave Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #12 August 5, 2004 QuoteLike I said, perhaps SC. Unfortunately my periodic comments on the French tend to demonstrate the fine line between humor (humour?) and racist rants. Actually, I quite like the French. They're close, they're available, and their history is glorious (from a British point of view). They're our closest neighbours, so we're bound to them by envy, jealousy and hatred... Kind of like the US and Canada! Mike. . And I greatly doubt the US/Canada analogy would come close to the above. Very good point indeed as to the love/hate relationship. Besides, we keep punking your "lads" in football... "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jib 0 #13 August 5, 2004 QuoteThey take 3 hour lunch breaks basking in the sun on streetside tables with red wine and massive steaks... Massive steaks? That would be Paris... TEXAS! -------------------------------------------------- the depth of his depravity sickens me. -- Jerry Falwell, People v. Larry Flynt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
captain1 0 #14 August 5, 2004 I have never been to France but I have briefly known or met a few through the years and have always found them pleasant. However, it seems like everybody that has visited France has the opinion that French people do not think their shit stinks. Everybody's shit stinks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikkey 0 #15 August 5, 2004 QuoteI have never been to France but I have briefly known or met a few through the years and have always found them pleasant. However, it seems like everybody that has visited France has the opinion that French people do not think their shit stinks. Everybody's shit stinks. This comes from that most people visiting France only go to Paris. Parisians are quite rude. If you visits the rest of the country you find most French are nice people . It is a littel like visiting NY and judging the manners of all Americans on that.--------------------------------------------------------- When people look like ants - pull. When ants look like people - pray. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,073 #16 August 5, 2004 >However, it seems like everybody that has visited France has >the opinion that French people do not think their shit stinks. Cause most people go to the big cities. I've spent time in the countryside near the Belgian border and a few days in Aix, and the people there were awesome. I also spent a week in Cannes and people were pretty much like people in any tourist city; generally pleasant but sick of tourists. Especially tourists who didn't speak French, but they were quite tolerant of my high school level French when ordering things, asking for directions etc. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #19 August 5, 2004 Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #20 August 5, 2004 Quote Have a go at that one Lance I think it was dispicable to watch the french "citizens" spit on him as he rode by.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #21 August 5, 2004 QuoteQuote Have a go at that one Lance I think it was dispicable to watch the french "citizens" spit on him as he rode by. Totally agree. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #22 August 5, 2004 Yeah, the "Tour de France" and the "Force du Reddite des Bicyclettes" were both formed in 1903. This was because France saw the way Germany was going. Hence the plans for the rapid 2,000km (1,275 REAL miles) retrait strategique (rout)*** Very good point. Around the same time, in the same spirit, British authorities developped a policy promoting the teaching of rowing at universities, so as to enable future British soldiers to cross the Channel in record times while fleeing advancing German armies. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #23 August 5, 2004 QuoteI think it was dispicable to watch the french "citizens" spit on him as he rode by. There are assholes everywhere.Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,073 #24 August 5, 2004 >I think it was dispicable to watch the french "citizens" spit on him as he rode by. If they weren't citizens, who were they? But no argument that there are despicable people the world over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDekker 1,465 #25 August 5, 2004 QuoteI think it was dispicable to watch the french "citizens" spit on him as he rode by. I thought they were Germans? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
