Marriage or relationship question..

[ladyskydiver 0]

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jealousy is a total waste of energy dude

It isn't about that.. It is my belief.. My standard.. Who I am... I don't believe it is right. I stand up for what I believe in.. That's why I became a Marine. That's why the only brawls I've been in have been defending women in the last 10 years..

I stand by my belief.. It's mine..

And your standard is not what your wife's standard is nor is it what Joe Blow's standard is nor is it what Jane Doe's standard is nor.... get the picture?

You can handle this one of two ways...continuing to be a *#$&)#$&)($ and lose your wife and then pay child support, etc. OR you can CALMLY sit down and talk with your wife and even if you don't agree with her standards, realize that she obviously loves you or she wouldn't be married to you nor have given you a child(ren).

So...it all comes down to 1) trust as you don't trust her, and 2) are you willing to accept the fact that sometimes things are not the way you want them to be and that is just the way it is.

If you love her and trust her, you'll be ok with it knowing that you're the one that lights her fire. If you don't trust her, you won't be loving her for long 'cause she'll leave. Lack of trust/unwillingness to see things through someone else's eyes will lose the person you love.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[pajarito 0]

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Assumptions are like assholes.. We all have them and they smell like shit...

True...true...

[ladyskydiver 0]

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I'm in IT and know quite well that what you're saying is that you got into her email WITHOUT HER PERMISSION.

Assumptions are like assholes.. We all have them and they smell like shit...

Don't assume...

Bravo, Rhino!!! Bravo!!!! You FINALLY got it. You're ASSUMING something about your wife and not listening to her on it or you wouldn't have asked her permission to post this online and see what others say.

You don't like people assuming things of you...don't assume them of your wife.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[pajarito 0]

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You can handle this one of two ways...continuing to be a *#$&)#$&)($ and lose your wife and then pay child support, etc. OR you can CALMLY sit down and talk with your wife and even if you don't agree with her standards, realize that she obviously loves you or she wouldn't be married to you nor have given you a child(ren).

Or how about sit down with her, tell her that this thing (however simple and innocent it may seem to her) bothers you, and ask her not to do it. If she loves and respects him, she'll listen and come to some compromise. That's what marriage is all about.

[ladyskydiver 0]

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Or how about sit down with her, tell her that this thing (however simple and innocent it may seem to her) bothers you, and ask her not to do it. If she loves and respects him, she'll listen and come to some compromise. That's what marriage is all about.

Agreed...that is something that should have been done and hopefully he will do it if he really loves his wife. And between the two of them, hopefully, they can come to an agreement on the subject.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[dropoutdave 0]

Dude, in my opinion I seriously think your overreacting, based on the information you've given us.

Firstly, have you ever met someone a long time ago and thought you might be attracted to them, attempted a relationship and realised that it just isn't going to happen and became just friends with that person? I know I have, no feelings towards them since except just really good friends.

Secondly, do you have female friends that you are close to and say i love you too just as a friendly gesture? I do. By saying that your not saying your in love with that person, just that you love them for who they are, as a friend.

Now imagine that your in the same senario as your wife, you send an email to you old friend that you love, the fact you might have tried a relationship with them is no longer a factor as it was so long ago and none of those feelings exist and you realised back then that it was just not gonna happen. You get to the end of the email and write Lova Ya, does that mean that you feel any less about your partner at all or are you just being the same way to friends as you always have been?

At the end of the day if you trust her then it won't be an issue. My girlfriend dances the night away with her best friend (i'm not much of a dancer ) tells him that she loves him, I trust her completely so I have no issues with that at all. If that's the way she was with him before I met her then who am I to walk into her life and expect her to change the way she behaves with her friends, male or female? I'm a firm believer in that people should never have to change who they are to be in a relationship, if they do then they are perhaps in the wrong relationship.

Obviously I am basing this on the info you've posted, there maybe more to it than meets the eye.

Remember this is your marriage your dealing with here and things always seem worse in the heat of the moment. I hope it all works out for the best for you dude.

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May Contain Nut traces......

[Nightingale 0]

so you're saying she's the one who has to change the way she interacts with people she's been friends with since toddlerhood because it makes him mad?? He should accept her for who she is. She's been friends with this guy longer than she's been married to Rhino, so this is obviously not a new interaction.

Good heavens, if my boyfriend ever tried to tell me how I could and could not communicate with my friends, well, let's just say I would not react well. I wouldn't tell him what he could or could not do or say, and he wouldn't do that to me either. If you trust each other, then stuff that's said to friends is not at all threatening.

[pajarito 0]

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so you're saying she's the one who has to change the way she interacts with people she's been friends with since toddlerhood because it makes him mad??

Good heavens, if my boyfriend ever tried to tell me how I could and could not communicate with my friends, well, let's just say I would not react well. I wouldn't tell him what he could or could not do or say, and he wouldn't do that to me either. If you trust each other, then stuff that's said to friends is not at all threatening.

Marriage makes things a bit more serious (or at least, it should) than boyfriend/girlfriend. I also don't want to seem chauvinistic. If the roles were reversed, I'd expect the same standard. I trust my wife wholeheartedly and she trusts me. It still wouldn't be a good idea for me to hang out with my old girlfriends on a regular basis (even if I thought it was all completely innocent). I'm committed to my wife but I still try and keep myself out of compromising situations. It's just not a good idea once you’re married.

[rhino 0]

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Or how about sit down with her, tell her that this thing (however simple and innocent it may seem to her) bothers you, and ask her not to do it. If she loves and respects him, she'll listen and come to some compromise. That's what marriage is all about.

Bingo..

[mcarchangel 0]

Truthfully I think there are three things. Fists, from personal experiance, ultimatems are bad, they quicky get to be the preferred way of doing things once introduced into a relationship. Second, do you trust her or not? If you do, what's the big deal? If you don't then why are you married? And third, I think it's pretty acceptable to say that you love your friends and sign off that way. I'm too cold hearted to do it, but I have had female frieds do it to me, and I was never intended to be more then a sign of friendship.

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"These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choice left, and I'm ready for war."

[gmanpilot 0]

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I stand by my belief.. It's mine..

I have absolute respect for anyone who stands up for what they believe in. I would, however, ask you to consider the following:

One of my very best friends and best man at my wedding is married to another old friend of mine. I have known both of them for 25 years or so, we all went to high-school together. I know I had at least one date with her way back when. Now, whenever I see them, she is prone to kiss me on the lips and give me a big ol hug. I guess the fact of the matter is that I really do love her, and I love her husband like a brother. They are literally like family to me. I do not want to fuck her.....and she is smokin' hot too. That would be like incest or something, yuck. So my point is that when she says "love ya", it is not being disrespectful to her husband (my friend), I guess it's just exercising the privilege of a lifelong friendship.

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-There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.

[Nightingale 0]

I think it would depend on your relationship with the ex girlfriend. My best friend in the whole world happens to be an ex boyfriend. We were best friends since grade school, dated a bit in high school and college, realized it wasn't right for us, and have been best friends ever since. He's like my big brother. If whoever I happen to marry expects me to give up that friendship, I think divorce papers would be drawn up fairly quickly. Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I should abandon my friends.

My boyfriend's best friend is an ex girlfriend. There's no way in hell he'd ever stop being her friend, and I don't think he'd ever date a woman who expected him to give up such a close friend. Anyone who asked that of someone they claim to "love" would be way out of line, IMHO.

[rhino 0]

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Bravo, Rhino!!! Bravo!!!! You FINALLY got it. You're ASSUMING something about your wife and not listening to her on it or you wouldn't have asked her permission to post this online and see what others say.

You don't like people assuming things of you...don't assume them of your wife.

Who screwed you over?

[Nightingale 0]

are you making an assumption that ladyskydiver has been screwed over?

[pajarito 0]

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I think it would depend on your relationship with the ex girlfriend. My best friend in the whole world happens to be an ex boyfriend. We were best friends since grade school, dated a bit in high school and college, realized it wasn't right for us, and have been best friends ever since. He's like my big brother. If whoever I happen to marry expects me to give up that friendship, I think divorce papers would be drawn up fairly quickly. Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I should abandon my friends.

Who said to stop being friends with that person? I'm just saying that, when you get married, things should change a bit in the way that you associate with others. Even with boyfriends, girlfriends, or life-long friends. You're not as free to express yourself the way you used to. You're now committed to one person in that way. It's your choice. (well, not yours right now....you know what I mean. )

[br0k3n 0]

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Marriage makes things a bit more serious (or at least, it should) than boyfriend/girlfriend. .

Sorry just to play devils advocate, I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, and I don’t see how getting married will make our relationship any more serious…….

Marriage is just a contract at the end of the day; it is tied to the Christian belief system and in mho a very dated concept……

I can’t see how my relationship would be any different if I was to get married… do I really need to sign a certificate to show my partner that I am in love with her and committed… no I don’t……

Yes the whole getting married, wedding day, drunken speeches, fat bridesmaids in pink dresses etc seems like it would be fun, but ultimately unnecessary….

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--+ There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.. --+

[skydyvr 0]

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Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I should abandon my friends.

My boyfriend's best friend is an ex girlfriend. There's no way in hell he'd ever stop being her friend, and I don't think he'd ever date a woman who expected him to give up such a close friend.

This thread gets creepier every minute . . .

There's a TON of difference between "giving up friends", and signing "Love You" to emails written to some past fucko across the country.

Rhino . . . does your wife run around saying "Love You" to everyone else, or is it just the one guy? In other words, is this incident out of character for her usual personality?

Disregard the liberal shit you're being fed in this thread and stick to your guns.

. . =(_8^(1)

[br0k3n 0]

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Who said to stop being friends with that person? I'm just saying that, when you get married, things should change a bit in the way that you associate with others. Even with boyfriends, girlfriends, or life-long friends. You're not as free to express yourself the way you used to. You're now committed to one person in that way. It's your choice. (well, not yours right now....you know what I mean. )

Sorry dude, I have to completely disagree there, that is a very sheltered attitude to relationships, why should anything chance one you have a certificate that says your married.....that’s just rubbish, I’m sorry but it is…….

You are the same people with the same friends that you care about in the same why, with the same attitudes to life…

That’s why as I said in my previous post, the concept of marriage is now prehistoric…… and only a matter of time before it becomes extinct…

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--+ There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.. --+

[Nightingale 0]

The way I read your post was that you feel that hanging out with/emailing/whatever someone you were romantically involved with in the past would be a bad idea. I don't think that's always the case. It depends on the individual circumstances.

[hungarianchick 0]

I don't normally post in SC but reading your post my jaw dropped to the floor. It's hard to believe you live in this century. First, you don't trust your wife, the mother of your children to the point of reading her e-mails. Second you call one of her best friends a fucknut. He is YOUR WIFE's best friend, so where is the R.E.S.P.E.C.T. from your part? Third, you threaten to leave her (or in your words, become a bachelor) over the fact that she signs her e-mails in a certain way.
Somebody has issues here and it's not your wife!

"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."

[pajarito 0]

Even aside from the religious meaning, like you said, it has a contractual meaning. When you enter into a business deal with someone, do you prefer something in writing (e.g. contract)? I do. It makes the whole deal a bit more serious and there are consequences for not following through. I'm sure you are very committed and I'm not trying to discount anything with your relationship. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who aren't married and are more committed than others who are. I dare say that in most cases, however, marriage does in fact strengthen that relationship and add a bit more cement to it.

[rhino 0]

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There's no way in hell he'd ever stop being her friend

I didn't tell her she can't be his friend. I wouldn't do that.. I asked her to consider my feelings in this matter and make a change..

I'm worth that... And I would do the same for her... In other ways.. I have...

[Nightingale 0]

it doesn't sound like you "asked". It sounds, from your post, like you "demanded" or maybe "threatened". No woman is going to react well to that.

[pajarito 0]

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Sorry dude, I have to completely disagree there, that is a very sheltered attitude to relationships, why should anything chance one you have a certificate that says your married.....that’s just rubbish, I’m sorry but it is…….

Well...I can't speak for all but I've been married for 10 years (happily) and I have three children (8, 6, and 3). I've been through my share of fights, disagreements, and hard times. I wouldn't describe myself as sheltered and nobody I'm friends with would either. I'm just one case but proof positive that what I'm saying might make a bit of sense.

[rhino 0]

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Rhino . . . does your wife run around saying "Love You" to everyone else, or is it just the one guy? In other words, is this incident out of character for her usual personality?

This is an isolated incident.. She tells her girlfriends that..