Could you forgive somebody who murders your loved one?

[Bigwind 0]

Just been watching the news in England, saw a report about two white guys who murdered a black teenager for no reason at all apart from the colour of his skin, they stuck a climbers ice fork/pick in his head... the murdered teenagers mother said she forgave the two that did it, mainly so she could get closure and try and get through the rest of her life

could you forgive somebody who killed a child of yours? or your SO?

i couldn't, i'd want them dead, and i'd be happy to be executioner

[SudsyFist 0]

Without having been put in that specific situation, I'm pretty confident that I can say, "Yes, I could."

A big part of this has to do with separating a person from their actions, which is pretty intrinsic in me now as I had adopted that notion long, long ago. It really clears the way for empathy, as well as forgiveness.

EDIT: I'm anticipating misunderstandings in this thread over the definition of the word, "forgiveness." Perhaps it'd be good to clarify that one from the get-go, Bigwind.

[kallend 2,026]

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Just been watching the news in England, saw a report about two white guys who murdered a black teenager for no reason at all apart from the colour of his skin, they stuck a climbers ice fork/pick in his head... the murdered teenagers mother said she forgave the two that did it, mainly so she could get closure and try and get through the rest of her life

could you forgive somebody who killed a child of yours? or your SO?

i couldn't, i'd want them dead, and i'd be happy to be executioner

Two wrongs don't make a right.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[Bigwind 0]

yes, i can see that "forgiveness" can mean different things to different people

I suppose i mean "forgive" as in be at peace with yourself when you think about the people who did it, not to let it eat you up for the rest of your life

i don't think i could "forgive" unless i had revenge, and that would mean them in the same position as what they had put my loved one, dead !

[tigra 0]

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It doesn't mean you forget. It doesn't mean its OK. It means you set aside the anger and bitterness that's disrupting your life and move on, something much easier said than done. Could I do it? I hope I never have to find out.

[beowulf 1]

Once they are dead I would forgive them.

[beowulf 1]

Sure "Two wrongs don't make a right" but I would sure feel better.

[SudsyFist 0]

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Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It doesn't mean you forget. It doesn't mean its OK. It means you set aside the anger and bitterness that's disrupting your life and move on, something much easier said than done. Could I do it? I hope I never have to find out.

Good point. And I'd also like to add that it's not something that just happens once and is final. To forgive is to forgive every day; at times of weakness, you are at risk of retracting it, much like love. It takes a lot of strength to consistently forgive. And even more strength to consistently forgive such an personal atrocity.

EDIT: Stray indefinite article cleanup.

[sinker 0]

i'd like to think i'm "big" enough to forgive them, meaning humble and open enough to allow that kind of thing to occur in me, but honestly, I don't know...

all i can honestly say is i'd like to be able to forgive them, since i know that hating anyone just puts me in bondage and does nothing to harm the hated.

also, i've seen stories of people who have murdered others whose loved ones came to prison and established relationships with them, and forgave them... it did incredibly healing things for the criminal. rehabilitation really is possible. i truly believe that.

gotta say, much to everyone's surprise, i'm w/ kallend again here...

two wongs don't make a white.

-the artist formerly known as sinker

[sinker 0]

Good point. And I'd also like to add that it's not something that just happens once and is final. To forgive is to forgive every day; at times of weakness, you are at risk of retracting it, much like love. It takes a a lot of strength to consistently forgive. And an even more strength to consistently forgive such an personal atrocity.

that was simply beautiful.

-the artist formerly known as sinker

[sinker 0]

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Sure "Two wrongs don't make a right" but I would sure feel better.

for a while maybe.

-the artist formerly known as sinker

[christelsabine 1]

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Once they are dead I would forgive them.

Yep. Exactly that. As I have a good heart.

dudeist skydiver # 3105

[SudsyFist 0]

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that was simply beautiful.

Awww, honey... *smooches*

[lawrocket 3]

I'll man up and admit that I couldn't. As nice and touchy feely as people like to get about it, I still think that there is no way in hell that I could ever forgive a person totally for killing a loved one.

Could I get better? Yeah. Could my rage, hatred and avarice be reduced to mere anger, sadness, disdain and acceptance of the person's penal fate? Probably.

But every memory I have of that person who is gone will remain. The sadness of a person sticken down prematurely will never end. I'll get better, but never get over it. The only way I could bury the hatchet would probably be between the murderer's shoulder blades.

Let's say my son gets murdered tomorrow. How could I forgive the person who did it? Only my son's wife and kids could really forgive him. Oops. He's a little over a year old. He'll never have kids to bring in this world - making it a crime that truly implicates future beings never to be. He'll never be that source of love for another. He'll never know the great burdens, sorrows and happiness. He'll never succeed. He'll never fail. He'll never learn. He'll never smile. He'll never frown. He'll never cry. He'll never eat. He'll never grow. He'll never breathe. He'll never think.

He'll never move again. Never, never, never, never, never.

Never again. To deprive someone of that is unforgiveable. And the murderer did so with the intention of "never."

I may sound uncaring or unfeeling in saying that I could not forgive. My heart may seem in the wrong place for some. But my heart was with that person I love. When that person is gone, I expect a great deal of my heart to go with that person.

I've got balls enough to admit it.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Channman 2]

>He'll never know the great brudens, sorrows and happiness....

For a second there I thought I was reading Theodore Roosevelt,

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[Amazon 7]

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i'd like to think i'm "big" enough to forgive them, meaning humble and open enough to allow that kind of thing to occur in me, but honestly, I don't know...

That was a really good response.
I too would hope I could forgive them. Basically its not my role to judge them. That is Gods place and I will not usurp that authourity since I want my own judgement to go well.

[Richards 0]

Hard call.

I suppose in theory I would be a better person if I said yes, but if someone murdered my wife I would want to personally administer a little private justice.

I might feel differently if our justice system actually punished violent offenders rather than giving them the usual two weeks in prison.

In conclusion. No I could not forgive.

Richards

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[wmw999 2,444]

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Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It doesn't mean you forget. It doesn't mean its OK. It means you set aside the anger and bitterness that's disrupting your life and move on, something much easier said than done. Could I do it? I hope I never have to find out.

What she said. I hope I never find out, and if I do, I hope I'm strong enough to move on with my own life.

What's left of it.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[billvon 2,991]

>i'd like to think i'm "big" enough to forgive them, meaning humble
> and open enough to allow that kind of thing to occur in me, but
> honestly, I don't know...

Yeah, I'd like to think that I am, and that most people are. Because if they're not, the sort of revenge killings we see every day throughout the world may never end. And that's a perpetuating cycle.

[greybeard 0]

The human condition.

If I were 'King', everyone else would be decent and forgiving.

[Rebecca 0]

I'd want to forgive. I'd want it badly. But deep down, I'd want them dead and gone and unable to ever hurt anyone again.

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[namgrunt 0]

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Once they are dead I would forgive them.

same way with me

..

59 YEARS,OVERWEIGHT,BALDIND,X-GRUNT
LAST MIL. JUMP VIET-NAM(QUAN-TRI)
www.dzmemories.com

[rwieder 0]

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could you forgive somebody who killed a child of yours? or your SO?

Sure, right after i ended their life i'd be good with it. Someone fucks with me, no problem. They fuck with my wife, children, grandchildren or my dogs i'll kill them on the spot, no questions asked. It's actually quite simplistic if you think about it. If criminals don't want to get fucked off, they shouldn't be messing with others to begin with. I know this may make me seem like a vigilante and i have NO problem with that. But the good book lays it out concisely "Do unto other's as you would have them do unto you" Words to live by.

-Richard-
"You're Holding The Rope And I'm Taking The Fall"

[SudsyFist 0]

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But the good book lays it out concisely "Do unto other's as you would have them do unto you" Words to live by.

You're entitled to your opinion, but I think it's a bit of a reach (and, to some, an insult) for you to invoke scripture to support your macho bullshit.

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[billvon 2,991]

>But the good book lays it out concisely "Do unto other's as you would
>have them do unto you" Words to live by.

You would have people kill your family?