€uro English

[miked10270 0]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".


In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.


The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.


There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.


Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.


By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be drop from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.


Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.



Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[NelKel 0]

That is fucking awesom, dude can you duez zat again?

I going to print this out, and post it on the board at work for laughs, amazing!

_________________________________________

Someone dies, someone says how stupid, someone says it was avoidable, someone says how to avoid it, someone calls them an idiot, someone proposes rule chan

[Dolph 0]

It was funny when I read it the first time about 4 years ago.

Hell, it's still funny. I'm working on my €uro English but am somewhat hampered by the CIA flights that keep buzzing my place with their black UN helicopters.

[SpeedRacer 1]

I hav an enormus schvanshtukhur.

Speed Racer
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[rehmwa 2]

Euros are delicious, that folded bread, with the spicy sauce, meat, maybe some feta cheese, romaine lettuce, thinly sliced tomatoes...... We had some at a place called Gyropolis yesterday, not bad at all.

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[chuteless 1]

English is the Universal language of the world...the language of business, the language of aviation, and the language of both the old world and the new world.

Bill Cole

[miked10270 0]

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I hav an EIN enormus schvanshtukhur.

Aber... Es gibt mehr zum Mundgeschlecht als über es nur, sprechend sueß!

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[SpeedRacer 1]

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English is the Universal language of the world...the language of business, the language of aviation, and the language of both the old world and the new world.

except in France

Speed Racer
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[rehmwa 2]

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English is the Universal language of the world...the language of business, the language of aviation, and the language of both the old world and the new world.

except in France

and Japan

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[chuteless 1]

If an aircraft from a country that doesnt speak English, (i.e. Germany, Italy, france, etc) flies into Japan, they must contact the control tower in ENGLISH. No exceptions. The same for any Japanese, German, Russian aircraft entering France or any other no english country.

Bill Cole

[jaaska 0]

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English is the Universal language of the world...the language of business, the language of aviation, and the language of both the old world and the new world.

Bill Cole

Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum,
þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.
Oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,
5
monegum mægþum, meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorlas. Syððan ærest wearð
feasceaft funden, he þæs frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum, weorðmyndum þah,
oðþæt him æghwylc þara ymbsittendra
10
ofer hronrade hyran scolde,
gomban gyldan. þæt wæs god cyning!
Ðæm eafera wæs æfter cenned,
geong in geardum, þone god sende
folce to frofre; fyrenðearfe ongeat
15
þe hie ær drugon aldorlease
lange hwile. Him þæs liffrea,
wuldres wealdend, woroldare forgeaf;
Beowulf wæs breme (blæd wide sprang),
Scyldes eafera Scedelandum in.
20
Swa sceal geong guma gode gewyrcean,
fromum feohgiftum on fæder bearme,
þæt hine on ylde eft gewunigen
wilgesiþas, þonne wig cume,
leode gelæsten; lofdædum sceal
25
in mægþa gehwære man geþeon.
Him ða Scyld gewat to gescæphwile
felahror feran on frean wære.
Hi hyne þa ætbæron to brimes faroðe,
swæse gesiþas, swa he selfa bæd,
30
þenden wordum weold wine Scyldinga;
leof landfruma lange ahte.
þær æt hyðe stod hringedstefna,
isig ond utfus, æþelinges fær.
Aledon þa leofne þeoden,
35
beaga bryttan, on bearm scipes,
mærne be mæste. þær wæs madma fela
of feorwegum, frætwa, gelæded;
ne hyrde ic cymlicor ceol gegyrwan
hildewæpnum ond heaðowædum,
40
billum ond byrnum; him on bearme læg
madma mænigo, þa him mid scoldon
on flodes æht feor gewitan.
Nalæs hi hine læssan lacum teodan,
þeodgestreonum, þon þa dydon
45
þe hine æt frumsceafte forð onsendon
ænne ofer yðe umborwesende.
þa gyt hie him asetton segen geldenne
heah ofer heafod, leton holm beran,
geafon on garsecg; him wæs geomor sefa,
50
murnende mod. Men ne cunnon
secgan to soðe, selerædende,
hæleð under heofenum, hwa þæm hlæste onfeng.

----

Oh... You did not mean English above, did you? Which one did you mean? When did it become "real" English? Before or after the great vowel shift? When did it become universal? What about in the future, when English as we know it now, will no longer exist except in old manuscripts....

[SpeedRacer 1]

for aviation, maybe. But walk into a restaurant in Paris & try to order in English, & see how you get treated.

Speed Racer
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[shropshire 0]

<>.... worse yet.... do it with a North American accent

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[juanesky 0]

Better yet, try a Quebecois French accent...

"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

[chuteless 1]

Thats correct...the same in Monteal.

But its still recognized as the Universal language.

Look at any manufactured goods...even made in France, for that is what is stamped into any product in the world MADE IN ______, and stamped inEnglish only.

Bill Cole

[EricTheRed 0]

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Thats correct...the same in Monteal.

But its still recognized as the Universal language.

Look at any manufactured goods...even made in France, for that is what is stamped into any product in the world MADE IN ______, and stamped inEnglish only.

Bill Cole

Um Bill, I'm looking at something and it says "hecho en mexico"

I suppose there are exceptions to everything...

illegible usually

[rehmwa 2]

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If an aircraft from a country that doesnt speak English, (i.e. Germany, Italy, france, etc) flies into Japan, they must contact the control tower in ENGLISH. No exceptions. The same for any Japanese, German, Russian aircraft entering France or any other no english country.

As you will, I'm still giddy over the turn of phrase "Universal language of the world" though.

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[juanesky 0]

Ok, lets look at computer language then.
ie:all commands I have seen in basic programming have been in English.

I am currently imagining the constant issues in air traffic control with broken english...and think it is funny.

"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

[jaaska 0]

  Quote

Thats correct...the same in Monteal.

But its still recognized as the Universal language.

Look at any manufactured goods...even made in France, for that is what is stamped into any product in the world MADE IN ______, and stamped inEnglish only.

Bill Cole

Hmm... Have you ever tried to buy any manufactured goods elsewhere (outside US/Canada/GB)? In Finland, it is required by the law to have such information stamped in FINNISH - that must mean that Finnish is the universal language... Or maybe my world view is just very narrowed...

[wmw999 2,485]

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I'm still giddy over the turn of phrase "Universal language of the world" though.

Just read up on why the King James Version of the Bible is the only real Bible, and London is the center of the world. It'll all make sense then.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[ernokaikkonen 0]

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In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

I've seen this years ago myself. The thing that caught my attention was that all the changes in the "first two years" would be kompletely possible without really changing anything. You can't go further than that sinse double letters are pronounsed different from singles in many kases.

The spelling of English is the most komplikated of any language that I've studied, with the exception of Hebrew. I think you English speaking people should start fixing it. To start with, do those three changes. Then, you kan re-introduse eth and thorn to get rid of ðe french influensed "th" kombination. (ðese letters were in use in Old English, but ðeir use was gradually dropped after ðe Norman konquest of England. Oh, damn, ðe "qu"-kombination must go as well. ...Norman konkwest.)

So, ðis message would read:

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In ðe first year, "s" will replase ðe soft "c". Sertainly, ðis will make ðe sivil servants jump wið joy.

ðe hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". ðis should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

ðere will be growing publik enthusiasm in ðe sekond year when ðe troublesome "ph" will be replaced wið "f". ðis will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

I've seen ðis years ago myself. ðe þing ðat caught my attention was ðat all ðhe changes in ðe "first two years" would be kompletely possible wiðout really changing anyþing. You can't go furðer ðan ðat sinse double letters are pronounsed different from singles in many kases.

ðe spelling of English is ðe most komplikated of any language ðat I've studied, wið ðe exception of Hebrew. I þink you English speaking people should start fixing it. To start wið, do ðose þree changes. ðhen, you kan re-introduse eð and þorn to get rid of ðe french influensed "th" kombination. (ðese letters were in use in Old English, but ðeir use was gradually dropped after ðe Norman konquest of England. Oh, damn, ðe "qu"-kombination must go as well. ...Norman konkwest.)

Ok, I'll give an extra couple of years for the new(old) letters... but the c's and ph's must go. You had better start practicing, for when I am the Evil Overlord of the world I'll make the new spelling mandatory.
--
"Fase down in the mud!"

[christelsabine 1]

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I hav an enormus schvanshtukhur.

Bwahahaha...
took a minute but, the quarter of jew in my head helped me out

dudeist skydiver # 3105

[christelsabine 1]

Aber... Es gibt mehr zum Mundgeschlecht als über es nur, sprechend sueß!

[Zep 0]

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English is the Universal language of the world...the language of business, the language of aviation, and the language of both the old world and the new world.

except in France

and Japan

and Coventry

Gone fishing

[ExAFO 0]

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English is the Universal language of the world...the language of business, the language of aviation, and the language of both the old world and the new world.

Bill Cole

...and this is said solely to bolster your KJV 1611-only case, right?

Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW.