10 Bible questions for Christians

[funjumper101 15]

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can anyone clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you all have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

[MattM 0]

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

Footballs aren't made of pigskin anymore.... might wan't to change that around to something more modern.

Matt

[Amazon 7]

Anthing from Leviticus only applies when it is to your political advantage to point out Levitican Laws.... like when you need to justify your hatred of gays.

All that Old Testament law stuff.....which technically were supperceded by Christ in the New Testament anyways.


They are also really big on breaking the Ten Commandments these days too.... but they sort of gloss over that part.....you know...
Thou shalt not kill.....
Thou shalt not covent thy neighbors Oil.
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighber who has oil so you can grab it.

[Michele 1]

Funny questions....asked of Dr. Laura S. some time ago, with occasional author credit to Kent Ashcraft.

And, iirc, a repost.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[quade 4]

Several of these I remember from an episode of "The West Wing".

President Bartlet, a devote Catholic, confronts several Evangelicals and one radio talk show host (that is CLEARLY a take off on "Dr" Laura) and rips into her with these.

If Michele's recollection is correct, it would be interesting to know which preceded the other.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[BIGUN 1,323]

May 2000 to Dr. Laura. Not sure West Wing was on then.

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/laura.htm

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[TheAnvil 0]

Finish the book and perhaps you'll find your answers. You haven't gotten very far.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[quade 4]

Ah . . . HERE we go.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[namgrunt 0]

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1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can anyone clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
they drink too much beer

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
$3.59

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
ask her husband
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
yes
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
you do it

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
little sins and big sins

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?
as long as your glasses are made in USA

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
of old age
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
no

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
family reunion is ok

I know you all have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

you are welcome ..now pay your 10%




..

59 YEARS,OVERWEIGHT,BALDIND,X-GRUNT
LAST MIL. JUMP VIET-NAM(QUAN-TRI)
www.dzmemories.com

[StreetScooby 5]

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you are welcome ..now pay your 10%

Haven't you heard, inflation is up? More is appropriate

We are all engines of karma

[Guest]

As usual, all the quotations of law are from the Old Testament.

Your thread title should instead read "Bible Questions for Jews", since the post-Exodus chapters are based upon traditional Hebraic and Talmudic law (I'm no Rabbi, BTW, nor am I any kind of divinical scholar. However, I have actually studied and not just read or skimmed through the thing in its entirety as opposed to taking quotes out of context [in this case the Old Testament law sections (e.g., Leviticus, Dueteronomy)]) and using them to ridicule and bash people of faith.

You're missing an important point: Christians aren't subject to Jewish law.

You can find a couple of silly zingers in the New Testament too, if you look hard enough, but here's the deal: even the Jews themselves couldn't live with all those stupid laws. That's why it all changed beginning with Bethlehem.

Let's see you publish some quotes from the Koran now.

Mohammed said it was okay to kill people who wouldn't "submit", in fact, he encouraged it.

Then, kindly show me where in the New Testament (NOT the Old) that Jesus, the disciples, or others (especially Paul, aka Saul of Tarsus AFTER his conversion) ever said it's okay to brutalize others.

You won't.

mh

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[quade 4]

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You're missing an important point: Christians aren't subject to Jewish law.

Whew! Glad to read that! The Top Ten list was bumming me out, 'cause like, I'm pretty sure I've broke most of them.

Now, can you explain to me why certain "Christians" are so hot and bothered to have those in Government buildings?

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[Guest]

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You're missing an important point: Christians aren't subject to Jewish law.

Whew! Glad to read that! The Top Ten list was bumming me out, 'cause like, I'm pretty sure I've broke most of them.

Now, can you explain to me why certain "Christians" are so hot and bothered to have those in Government buildings?

Paul, what are you doing up at this hour?

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The Top Ten list was bumming me out, 'cause like, I'm pretty sure I've broke most of them.

I liked the anecdote I read once some time back: A man sighs and says, "Well, at least I haven't worshipped any graven images."

It has more to do with Judeo-Christian tradition and its underpinning of Western civilization than it does does with anyone trying to "shove their religion down other people's throats".

On the same topic, I'm sure that one day, jackboots with jackhammers will attack the wall of the CIA's main lobby in Langley, VA, because there is a quote there that is anathema to the bleeding-heart-liberal-pc-let's-stamp-out-god-at-all-costs types:

"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free". (John 8:32).

When that day comes, I hope I'm in a position to chain myself to that wall, because if that wall is defaced, it will represent the last straw for me: it will be a total repudiation of the history and tradition that built the nation in the first place, and without it, it is my firm belief that one day, said nation shall perish from the Earth.

When that day comes, I hope people will look back and say, "They really started going to hell when they utterly rejected their own culture and history."

Granted, civilizations must not be hidebound by "that's the way we've always done it"; one need look no further than the Middle East to see the grisly results of that kind of thinking.

But at the same time, we in the West must not forget where we came from. Just as it's okay for immigrants to take pride in their origins but not use them as a weapon to club others with, so must there be balance in society as a whole.

Defacing public monuments just because they make a couple of people "uncomfortable" is as excessive as "shoving one's religion down other people's throats".

Here is an egregious example of your philosophy run wild:

The school superintendent of my home town of Everett, WA is being sued for banning an instrumental version of "Ave Maria" at a high school graduation.

This is the face of "tolerance" today, and it is a DIRECT result of stamping out anything even remotely having to do with spirituality from public life. Persecution will not be far behind. It is, after all, foretold.

.

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[quade 4]

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On the same topic, I'm sure that one day, jackboots with jackhammers will attack the wall of the CIA's main lobby in Langley, VA, because there is a quote there that is anathema to the bleeding-heart-liberal-pc-let's-stamp-out-god-at-all-costs types:

"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free". (John 8:32).

Fear not for the historical; only the hysterical is being questioned. At least, that was the "official" word from the Supremes the last time they spoke about it.

Actual -historical- buildings with traditional messages already in place are to be preserved as is. It's only when somebody new is trying to make a statement with a several ton block monument for clearly obvious reasons of making a religious statement that they're going to say no.

Again, that is what -they- said.

I thought it was pretty reasonable. Preserve history, don't try to impose.

As for me being awake . . . it's "only" 00:25 local right now. A "little", but not terribly, late for me and I'm just about to hit the sack.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[Guest]

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I'm just about to hit the sack.

Isn't that going to hurt?

mh

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[AggieDave 6]

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Now, can you explain to me why certain "Christians" are so hot and bothered to have those in Government buildings?

Paul talked about that i Romans 7:15-17: "15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good."

Basically he's saying that the old Jewish law is good for a reference, but to follow what Jesus taught and try to live the example that Jesus gave.


There you have AggieDave's theology in a nutshell lesson for this year, I'll go back to talking about guns and swooping...or is it swooping with guns or the range swooping competitions. Well, something like that.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[kallend 2,027]

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On the same topic, I'm sure that one day, jackboots with jackhammers will attack the wall of the CIA's main lobby in Langley, VA, because there is a quote there that is anathema to the bleeding-heart-liberal-pc-let's-stamp-out-god-at-all-costs types:

"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free". (John 8:32).

.

Isn't that hard to reconcile with "Bad Intel"?

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[jakee 1,500]

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Fear not for the historical; only the hysterical is being questioned. At least, that was the "official" word from the Supremes the last time they spoke about it.

But can we really trust Diana Ross on these kinds of issues?

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[Guest]

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Basically he's saying that the old Jewish law is good for a reference, but to follow what Jesus taught and try to live the example that Jesus gave.

That's exactly it. Paul gave many examples of Jesus' philosophy in his letters to the churches, and explained why and how things had changed.

Jesus himself said that it isn't what goes into a man's mouth that makes him unclean: It's what comes out of his mouth (or his heart) that makes him unclean. In other words, discard the useless, outward rituals of silly Hebrew and Talmudic law, and bring the Word in.

Doesn't this sound like a true spiritual philosophy as opposed to rote hidebound ritual?

And yes, the Church became the biggest offender after a while; that's what gave rise to Protestantism.

The most obvious example of New Testament philosophy is Peter's vision in Acts Ch 10, where he was in contact with a Roman NCO who had "gone native", as soldiers have in all garrison situations in history. Concerning this Centurion, Peter was told, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean", meaning He wasn't talking about groceries, but rather, that the Word is for everyone, not just those who can somehow live in strict observance of Old Testament law (which is, and was then, pretty much an impossible standard to comply with. The Jews at the time had a very strict class-based, holier-than-thou society in which only the "select few" were considered to be "worthy". In fact, it was a lot like Communist states, where one has to essentially be a "disciple" and spout all kinds of clever Marxist/Leninist twaddle in order to be part of the clique). One need only look to the selected quotations from Leviticus and Deuteronomy in this thread to see that. It was all as ridiculous to the ancient Hebrews as it is to us now).

This New Testament philosophy is the basis of modern Western civilization. To throw it out with the trash is to throw our future as a civilized society out with the trash as well.

mh

edit for contextual elaboration and parsing

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[DaVinci 0]

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In Reply To
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Fear not for the historical; only the hysterical is being questioned. At least, that was the "official" word from the Supremes the last time they spoke about it.

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But can we really trust Diana Ross on these kinds of issues?

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That was great!

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[kallend 2,027]

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In Reply To
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Fear not for the historical; only the hysterical is being questioned. At least, that was the "official" word from the Supremes the last time they spoke about it.

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But can we really trust Diana Ross on these kinds of issues?

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That was great!

And at least 30 years old.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

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[Richards 0]

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A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can anyone clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

The question is why would you want to. Our workers are so heavily unionized that you would invariably end up with a slave union (International Brotherhood of Slave Labourers) who would lobby for a slave/owner colective agreement (medical, dental...etc) that would mitigate any gains brought on by owning slaves

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I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

What does she look like?

Quote

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

She is obliged to repeatedly scream "I am unclean, I am unclean" as you approach her

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4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Fuck em...Smite em

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I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

If he works on the sabbath call the police to immediately come and kill him. When they have done that you must kill them for working on the sabbath. See two birds with one stone

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6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

Shellfish eaters, sodomites, people who drive slow in the passing lane...etc. They will all burn!

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7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

Laser surgery! It is the only way to save your soul. Hurry....the end can come when you least expect it and then it is too late.

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8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

You should kill them slowly. If it happens to be on the sabbath please follow prior advice for sinners on the sabbath

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9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

Better check with someone else on that. I don't know everything

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Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

He must be killed. To entrap other sinners just put out the call for stoners to throw the stones on the sabbath and then kill them for working on the sabbath.

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I know you all have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters

Nah....just winging it.

Cheers,

Richards

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[hairyjuan 0]

You left out the most important one: Luke 19:27-Bring all the unbelievers before me, and slay them before me. This is a "god" who so loved the world?

How Ridiculus

we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively


wishers never choose, choosers never wish

[hairyjuan 0]

the spread of christanity IN THE WORLD can only be called THE HOLOCAUST.




www.jesusneverexisted.com

we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively


wishers never choose, choosers never wish

[BRIDGEWOOD 0]

So when does the Newer New Testament come out?
I'm looking forward to a newer revision of god's will and his thoughts on how I should conduct myself on the internet and while using my Ipod. I love how you can bend and manipulate religious text to meld with modern ideas. Do you actually believe what is written? If you do, why don't you follow it to the letter?