What do you get when you cross an atheist and a Jehovah's Witness?

[sweetmoose 0]

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Ah, but:
Where would Jesus have lunch?
(And what would he order?)

Jesus would run around the restraunt taking everyone elses meals (sins) and everyone else would go hungry

We die only once, but for such a very long time.

I'll believe in ghosts when I catch one in my teeth.

[Lindsey 0]

And what do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Hell's Angel?

Someone who knocks on your door on Saturday mornings and tells you to fuck off.

~~~~~~~~

Q. Why did Jesus die on the cross?

A. Because he forgot his safeword.

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[Lindsey 0]

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[mnealtx 0]

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Q. Why did Jesus die on the cross?

A. Because he forgot his safeword.

*groans*

Bad Lindsey....BAD!!!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[AFFI 0]

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you forgot the most important question:

"Where should we have lunch?"

Douglass Adams - Hitchhikers Guide...



Whoops, wrong thread!

[unformed 0]

The waiter approached. "Would you like to see the menu?" he said, "or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?" "Huh?" said Ford. "Huh?" said Arthur. "Huh?" said Trillian. "That's cool," said Zaphod, "we'll meet the meat."

This ad space for sale.

[unformed 0]

Q: Why did Jesus cross the road?
A: Somebody nailed him to a chicken.

This ad space for sale.

[JackC 0]

You believe in Jesus? Well, I believe in Thor. Your god died nailed to a cross. My god has a hammer. Any questions?





An atheist was walking through the woods. He said
to himself:
"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes
behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of
him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!!!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and
even credit creation to cosmic accident."
"Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as
a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me
to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make
the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his
head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through
Christ our Lord, Amen"

[livendive 8]

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I always wanted to come to the door wearing a long black hooded robe, pentagram necklace, and have a big bloody knife in my hand. Then ask them if they would like to come in for a moment.

No shopping is required to answer the door naked, and it works just as well. Bonus points for having an erection as you do so.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[akarunway 1]

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Quote

I always wanted to come to the door wearing a long black hooded robe, pentagram necklace, and have a big bloody knife in my hand. Then ask them if they would like to come in for a moment.

No shopping is required to answer the door naked, and it works just as well. Bonus points for having an erection as you do so.

Blues,
Dave

when i work nite shift and am living in hotels and THE FUCKIN MAIDS won't listen (well most don't speak english) and i'm trying to sleep during the day that approach works very well. til the hookers start showing up

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[rehmwa 2]

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Dave

when i work nite shift and am living in hotels and THE MAIDS won't listen (well most don't speak english) and i'm trying to sleep during the day that approach works very well. til the hookers start showing up

[MC208B 0]

What's the difference between LSD and LDS?

Ones a trip the others a mission.....he he he....DOH!

[Lindsey 0]

Maybe this one is more acceptable....

As the President is getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he has a baby pig under each arm.

The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says, “Nice pigs, sir!”

The President replies, “These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansan Razorback Hogs. I got one for VP Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld.”

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and replies, “Nice trade, sir!”

Sooooooooooooooooieeeee!

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[happythoughts 0]

The Jehovahs Witness Protection program.

They knock on the door and tell you that they are Catholics.

[rhys 0]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia?....

....there wasn't 3 wise men and a virgin!



that one is a bit rinsed out but still a classic.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will see peace." - 'Jimi' Hendrix