Non-skydiver friends

[Hayfield 0]

How many of you all still have nonskydiver friends? it seems to me that a lot of the people I've met at the DZ do not have their old friends that don't skydive anymore. I think that is sad. However, after my first year, I can't help but notice the derisive manner in which my non-jumper friends talk about my warm weather plans-kinda jealous, kinda bitter that you're not there on weekends...
How did you other jumpers deal with your non-skydiver friends? How long did they put up with your bullshit? Do you still see them ever? Whatever your viewpoint, I'm interested in what your experiences have been, so let em fly. No pun intended.
BSBD

"Remember the First Commandment: Don't Fuck Up!"
-Crusty Old Pete

[Lindsey 0]

I do.

I have at least as many non-skydiving friends as skydiving friends. But I spend a lot of time doing things besides skydivng. I will say, though, that my friends are pretty much doctors, skydivers, or parents of my son's friends. Then there are my *old friends* who are none of those but who go waaaay back. I still treasure them the best.

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[Michele 1]

Like Linz, I have friends outside the skydiving world...and right now, they make up the majority of my social circle. School friends, neighbors, and old friends are the rest of them, and I'm fine with that.

Do I spend time here, thinking/dreaming/wishing I could jump right now? Sure...but then, I usually just go back to the books and learn something new, like autoclaving temps or the procreational activities of bacteria or how to build a bomb (well, that was last term...Chemistry, don'tcha know...) or how to read an EKG.

This is my life right now...

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[PeterB 0]

I have a few.

The deal is pretty simple. Most of the ones you lost weren't really friends. More like people you liked to hang out with who you shared some common interest that naturally brought you together. Could be studies, work, nitting. The high maintenance relationships kind of got lost naturally too.

A time intensive sport like skydiving acts as a clear filter in a way. Still got my real non skydiving friends but the not so deep connections have been replaced by other people who jump. Some times the way the filter works is pretty surprising.

Had a pretty interesting discussion with a teammate about this. You can hang out with someone for every weekend for a year but if that someone stops jumping you kinda lose contact unless there's something in there other than skydiving.

Core friends are core friends. I don't want to talk dismissively about people outside that cicrcle as they're important too and worthy of consideration and time. Skydiving can help sort out what group your 'friends and acquaintances' fall in but it isn't exclusively a skydive thing.

--
Peter

[DrewEckhardt 0]

  Quote

How many of you all still have nonskydiver friends?

Lots. While arguably a big time sink, I spend more time working, watching movies, listening to music, and doing things other than skydiving. Plenty of room for other common ground.

  Quote

However, after my first year, I can't help but notice the derisive manner in which my non-jumper friends talk about my warm weather plans-kinda jealous, kinda bitter that you're not there on weekends...

I don't want to hear much about my friends latest crocheting project or the color of their babies' poop and can safely assume that the ones who do not skydive don't have much interest in that; so I don't share unless asked.

  Quote

How did you other jumpers deal with your non-skydiver friends?

The same as I did before skydiving, although I spend more weekends at the dropzone. Marriage is similar in that regard although its a seven-days-a-week activity.

  Quote

How long did they put up with your bullshit?

11+ years.

  Quote

Do you still see them ever?

Frequently until I moved out of state. That makes things really messy.

[Douva 0]

If you're jumping every weekend, it's difficult to hang onto friends who aren't. But, at the same time, I think it's worth making the effort, even if that means taking a weekend off from skydiving every now and then. I think it's important for jumpers to hang onto those connections to the outside world.

Try to remember that most people, unlike skydivers, don't have the same commitment every weekend. It's difficult for most people to comprehend a skydiver's desire to spend every weekend at the drop zone, so don't read too much into it if they seem annoyed that you're never available. The best you can do is try to compromise and meet them half-way.

I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

[skysmurf2 0]

My non-skydiver friends are for the most part my closest friends. Skydiving is a part of me and its a pretty big part - which is great and I share that with other skydivers. But my non-skydiver friends knew me before I started skydiving and they know me now. My seeing them isn't based on a common interest/passion or the weather... hee! its based on waaayyy more that one single thing. And I love them all the more for that... its even better because while they don't necessarily understand my skydiving they respect and support it and listen to me go on about it with a fresh and non cynical/experienced ear. (and they've had 2 years of it - i'd say i have pretty good friends!)

Basically I wouldn't trade the mates I've made skydiving for anything BUT i wouldn't lose my non-skydiver friends for skydiving either. Am definitely still in touch with them and happy to make the effort to ensure it stays that way!

• Quote

[Andy9o8 2]

  Quote

How long did they put up with your bullshit?

Depends on what you mean by "your bullshit". I don't consider my skydiving to be bullshit; and I don't care if non-skydivers do. If it's talking about skydiving, I long ago learned that they don't want to hear it (and I don't want to hear the whuffo comments), so I never talk about it with non-skydivers. If anyone happens to know or learn about my skydiving, I don't have a lot of patience for derisive or ignorant remarks about it. Those who are truly my friends will respect that. If they want to speak intelligently about it out of a genuine interest (and not just as a way to validate their negative pre-conceived notions), I will be polite, and as brief as possible, and preferably without other people in the "audience".

Edit: I actually have plenty of non-skydiver friends, since I'm married to a life-long whuffo, so there's friends I know through Wife, friends we know through our 2 kids' activities (most of which are school-related), and friends who are our neighbors in our development. So, I really don't have trouble weaving back & forth pretty seamlessly between my skydiver and non-skydiver world.

[steveorino 7]

My closest friends are my Harley riding buds. I manage to squeak a ride in every now and then. We still go out to eat or play cards most every week. We even take trips to Cancun with them.

steveOrino

[L.O. 0]

I had non-skydiver friends for many years. Mostly pilots. Now I am down to pilots who fly skydivers and skydivers. I find talking to normal people irritating. I am sure they feel the same about me. Hell many pilots and skydivers feel that way about me.

I have been without a real non-skydiver friend for about ten years now. I miss having normal friends about as much as I miss a hole in the head. I am happy, I am satisfied, I love my skydiving life. Pity me.

HPDBs, I hate those guys.
AFB, charter member.

[Fast 0]

I don't hang out with my non-skydiving friends much anymore.

I think that has to do with literally spending every weekend at the DZ. It has to do with how much time you sink into the sport. I do things other than skydive with the skydiving people I know. Getting 1200 jumps in 3.5 years takes a large time investment.

Some of the people saying they still have a lot of outside friends have taken a much more realistic approach to skydiving.

~D
Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me.
Swooping is taking one last poke at the bear before escaping it's cave - davelepka

[CanuckInUSA 0]

I have what I would refer to as “activity” related friends. When I am skydiving, I am chilling with my jumping friends. When I am playing some other sport or doing some other activity, I am chilling with those friends. I still have a few “old-time” friends, but that doesn’t mean that I chill with them very often. Three years ago I was a busy camper in Colorado and I was living a very enjoyable existence. Friday through Sunday I was predominately chilling with my jumping friends. Monday nights was volleyball and hung with those friends. Tuesday nights was hockey, Wednesday nights was a different volleyball league and a different set of friends. But none of these “activity” friends interacted with each other (ie: the jumping friends never knew the volleyball and/or hockey friends) and if they had met, universes would collide (aka a specific Seinfeld episode).

Now I am up in the frozen north with all of the DZs still closed for the season and I am very busy doing some large ambitious home renovation projects. So I am not interacting with very many “activity” friends. But that’s fine, soon the DZs will reopen and I will either renew some old friendships or make new ones (I assume mainly make new ones since I am kind of new to the area) and in the meantime there is no shortage of work that I need to do on my house.

But I will say that most whuffos have a hard time understanding why we jump. They just don’t get it. My family is nothing but whuffos, I doubt anyone of them will ever jump and sometimes that causes more tensions than anything else. They just don’t understand that I am NOT interested in the way they lead their whuffo lives where their children and their artsy-fartsy Hollywood/Reality TV worshipping ways dominate their everyday existence. It’s just not for me.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[Douva 0]

  Quote

But I will say that most whuffos have a hard time understanding why we jump. They just don’t get it. My family is nothing but whuffos, I doubt anyone of them will ever jump and sometimes that causes more tensions than anything else. They just don’t understand that I am NOT interested in the way they lead their whuffo lives where their children and their artsy-fartsy Hollywood/Reality TV worshipping ways dominate their everyday existence. It’s just not for me.

Don't be so hard on the whuffos. As much as most skydivers would like to think they've found a superior way of life; they've really just traded one set of pros and cons for another. The whuffos don't understand the skydivers' priorities, and the skydivers don't understand the whuffos' priorities.

I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

[downwardspiral 0]

If you dump your "friends" because they don't share the same hobby as you do, then they never were your friends to begin with. Or should I say, you never were their friend.

I can count on one hand how many true friends I have. The rest are all expendable by their own volition.

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[Hayfield 0]

Thanks for the information all. Seems like a lot of different experiences. But overall it seems that if the DZ is your destination every weekend when the sky is blue, you will see your "whuffo" friends less. So hang out with them as much as you can in the winter, then they'll be sick of you and will await spring as eagerly as you do.
On a side note (self hijack of thread)
I think the only thing that makes the skydivers lifestyle superior to others is that it actually makes us happy. Most of us probably look forward to weekends now the way we used to look forward to goin to the amusement park when you were 7 years old. So I don't think skydiving makes a superior lifestyle, but the joy and passion we feel as a result. I get it from skydiving, some might get it climbing rocks, playing soccer, or a million other ways, but as long as it makes you happy and you're passionate about it the result seems to me the same. I guess skydiving has made me considerably more tolerant of others' "odd" habits and or hobbys.

"Remember the First Commandment: Don't Fuck Up!"
-Crusty Old Pete

[grasshoppergirl 0]

  Quote

So I don't think skydiving makes a superior lifestyle, but the joy and passion we feel as a result.

And aren't you friends with people because you want to share that joy and passion for life?

I searched for a 'non-skydiver friend' thread because I'm struggling a bit lately with some things that have caused me to reevaluate some of my friendships. I think there's several factors in my case -- people who don't like detail should skip over the part in parens -- (made a major move 3 years ago, have been adjusting to a serious of sad life-changing events which caused a serious of epiphanies, which led to the skydiving) but the end result is that many of my friendships just seem much different.

It's like my friends are pissed at me for going after what I really want and it pisses me off. What I struggle with specifically is the lack of support and/or interest in general from people who I considered to be close friends. I'm very independent and live strong (vs. fall apart in pity mode) because I don't require support, but, I give it to them regardless of what I might think about what they are doing in their lives. My situation might not apply to the majority here on dz.com, but I'm sure some of you started skydiving and it changed your life. I've gotta believe your friends supported that and celebrated that with you. If my friends aren't doing that, that should tell me something wouldn't you say?

[RonD1120 62]

The number one sadness in my life regarding sport parachutists is this. I always thought it was a band of brothers based on military tradition. Brothers would stick together and be counted on whether on the DZ or not. When I hit the rough downhill slide in 1972-73, I found out I was on my own.

Skydivers are not the only ones guilty of this rejection. It is a sign of the times. The warning is not to put too much faith in your new found jumping friends.

There is an old saying, if you want a strong, faithful wife don't look for her in a bar. The same goes for lasting friendships. DZ's and bars are both places of congregation for the self-centered, fickle and decadent. IMO

Look for the shiny things of God revealed by the Holy Spirit. They only last for an instant but it is a Holy Instant. Let your soul absorb them.

[davjohns 1]

It doesn't come up much. Just another of my crazy hobbies.

I do find it interesting when I explain to people the calm I feel when I hit the sky, I often mention that I like it because I am in complete control of my destiny right then. Every move I make effects what happens to me. They always lock in on the word 'control' and tell me I'm a control freak. No matter how much I direct their attention to the calm and centered feeling I get, they jump to something negative. I've learned to ignore it...and not talk about my hobbies.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[crunchycracker 0]

There is an old saying, if you want a strong, faithful wife don't look for her in a bar. The same goes for lasting friendships. DZ's and bars are both places of congregation for the self-centered, fickle and decadent. IMO

[Andy9o8 2]

  Quote

It doesn't come up much. Just another of my crazy hobbies.

I do find it interesting when I explain to people the calm I feel when I hit the sky, I often mention that I like it because I am in complete control of my destiny right then. Every move I make effects what happens to me. They always lock in on the word 'control' and tell me I'm a control freak. No matter how much I direct their attention to the calm and centered feeling I get, they jump to something negative. I've learned to ignore it...and not talk about my hobbies.

Yep. It's been over 5 years since I wrote my post #8, and my feelings haven't changed much: I almost never discuss skydiving with whuffos, even if they're friends or relatives. I don't bring the subject up, and I don't mention it when asked about myself by people who don't know me well. We all know the standard pattern of what whuffos say & ask about skydiving, and I really don't have the patience for it.

[airtwardo 7]

  Quote

It doesn't come up much. Just another of my crazy hobbies.

Same here...I have lots of friends and many don't know that I Skydive.

I just something I do, it doesn't define who I am ALL the time.
That would describe a pretty one dimensional existence....BORING!

I use to think it weird that my wife would never tell people what she does or talk about her career much with friends...she'd only say she works for the airlines to new acquaintances or yes she been busy flying to close friends.

It's what I do not who I am she would tell me...HOW I do it is who I am and most people have no idea so why bother.

(She is a 767 Captain with 30,000 hrs and the safest /smartest pilot I ever met...and I know quite a few)

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[RonD1120 62]

  Quote

(She is a 767 Captain with 30,000 hrs and the safest /smartest pilot I ever met...and I know quite a few)

Look for the shiny things of God revealed by the Holy Spirit. They only last for an instant but it is a Holy Instant. Let your soul absorb them.