School Bullies: What to do about them?

[airtwardo 7]

Go figure, if he decided to pick on you you better be good in athletism.

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Or good with a brick!~


Okay just kidding, group hug?

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[shropshire 0]

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Wrong forum?

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Richards 0]

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Wow...

Okay, here IS a macho statement:

I've never lost a fight in my life, (outside of the ring) because MY father impressed upon me two things~

Here is my macho statement. I may not have been the best boxer but every time I stepped into the ring I managed to make second place

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NEVER start a fight.

Best advice

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The fight isn't over until you win.

Smply not always realistic

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and they don't think it's 'okay' to lose at anything.

Again, everbody loses sooner or later. If some bigger kid from a tough background with some boxing experience goes and attacks a smaller kid with no experience then that smaller kid is likely going to get his ass kicked regardless of his fathers orders. Should he then go hang himself because he has dishonoured his father?

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Edited to add: Harden the fuck up!

As a general rule our society needs to follow this advice but the fact of the matter is, bullies exist and will usually win because they make sure they have singled out someone they have all the advantages over before they start the bullying.

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[akarunway 1]

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Not a macho statement,
It better be damn well important that he got in a fight, hence winning.

"Winning isn't everthing. It's how you play the game." That's what I was taught many moons ago.

"Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing."

-Vince Lombardi

I didn't expect any other answer from a lawyer. What's worse than having 3 lawyers in in the room? 4

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[Esquilax 0]

Harris and Kliebold had probably the best solution to stopping bullies.

Ostriches and rheas are the only birds that urinate and defecate separately. They read Parachutist while doing #2.

[nanook 1]

I sometimes wonder if their motivation was trully caused by bullying or perceived bullying.
Were they really bullied, or were they were so off the wall annoying that others use whatever mechanism to get those two to quit annoying them. There were many that described them both as very creepy kids who made people feel slimy and uncomfortable. I have met a few people like this when I was younger and sometimes you can't help but be aggressive with them. They usually stop being weird around you when you do that. Later, I just learned to stop feeding the provervial "troll" and ignore them.

Creepy defective people flying of the deep end and shooting people will not stop bullying. It will only rise suspicion against the World of Warcraft dragon shirt crowds.

_____________________________

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

[mnealtx 0]

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You're right (it's a general statement) but it's stems from where the root cuase of the problem lies... At Home with Respect & Discipline - Get those bit's right first and maybe, just maybe thre end-to-end problem can be tackled. As it stands, we've got NO Chance.

Well said!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[Richards 0]

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Harris and Kliebold had probably the best solution to stopping bullies.

No. They killed a whole lot of innocent students too.

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[skydivermom 0]

In some Texas schools (and maybe in other states as well) a program called "stamp out bullies" is being implemented. The idea is to encourage a large group of kids to intervene when someone is being bullied. It sounds good in theory, but I don't know if it's had any success or not. The premise is that the kids standing around watching the bullying (and doing nothing) are just as guilty as the one(s) doing the bullying.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try as a parent, peer pressure at school will win out anyway. It's unfair to ALWAYS assume that the parents are at fault.

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[rehmwa 2]

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The idea is to encourage a large group of kids to intervene when someone is being bullied. It sounds good in theory,

depends on what they intend by "intervene"

if we can teach the kids to use numbers to stop the fight, hold down the bully and go get an authority figure - cool - what a great concept - what great kids

if there's no fight yet, then the group forms a line and tells the bully in no uncertain terms that they will stop him if he doesn't cut it out and he better leave - cool - what a great concept - what great kids

This could be a great character builder for kids and teach them about what it means to be leaders and to stick up for each other



if we are just encouraging kids to be vigilantes that'll beat up the bully en masse, then we are doing a disservice to those kids and teaching them to be bullies themselves

the title "stamp out" is a bit disturbing

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[Richards 0]

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In some Texas schools (and maybe in other states as well) a program called "stamp out bullies" is being implemented. The idea is to encourage a large group of kids to intervene when someone is being bullied. It sounds good in theory, but I don't know if it's had any success or not. The premise is that the kids standing around watching the bullying (and doing nothing) are just as guilty as the one(s) doing the bullying.

Standing there watching is fine if they are doing so to be a witness while someone else runs to get a teacher. I do not wish to force kids to get physically involved if they do not wish (although we should encourage it). It's the sideliners (you know the kind...they never get into a fight themselves but they are on the sidleines every time there is one and their yelling fight, fight, fight) that are encouraging it that should be held partially responsible.

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Sometimes no matter how hard you try as a parent, peer pressure at school will win out anyway. It's unfair to ALWAYS assume that the parents are at fault.

Agreed. In many cases the parents are not doing thire job but I did know someone who was a complete fuck-up who had great parents and two siblings who were well adjusted and successfull. There are all kinds of direction you can point the finger but often it is some function of the parents and/or the rules/constraints that schools and parents face when tring to discipline a kid. If I and a couple of friends ganged up on a smaller kid and my father found out I would get spanked and decide not to do that again. If a parent did that today they would probably get reported to child services (the clowns who think it takes a village to raise a puppy). Thus kids feel untouchable.

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[skydivermom 0]

if we are just encouraging kids to be vigilantes that'll beat up the bully en masse, then we are doing a disservice to those kids and teaching them to be bullies themselves

the title "stamp out" is a bit disturbing

[skydivermom 0]

From what I saw of the "stamp out" program (I'm not fond of that term either), it was not advocating kids to put themselves in danger, but to surround the kid being bullied and make sure the bully knows he/she will be taking on a lot more than just one kid. Since bullies are usually cowards anyway, that in and of itself would discourage him/her from continuing. Of course while the "group" was "taking up" for the kid being bullied, someone would be seeking the involvement of an adult.

Obviously, if a fight is already in progress, the smart thing to do would be get help. I remember too many fights where the person who went and got help was chastised for doing so. Kind of like they ruined the fun. That is absolutely unacceptable, and those kinds of people need to be punished right along with the bully/bullies.

As far as parent's being held responsible. Oftentimes they are.....but sometimes it goes the other way as well. I grew up with an alcoholic father who often took a whiz in a potted plant in the hallway because he thought he was in the bathroom. You would think my sister and I would have been screwed up big time, but we both pulled a 4.0 in high school and did well in college.

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[airtwardo 7]

The fight isn't over until you win.

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Simply not always realistic

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Allow me to clarify, a week a month or a year...it's ain't over till it's over!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Esquilax 0]

a 9mm slug in the shitbag Bully's head usually does the trick. Payback is a motherfucker.

Ostriches and rheas are the only birds that urinate and defecate separately. They read Parachutist while doing #2.

[Richards 0]

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Allow me to clarify, a week a month or a year...it's ain't over till it's over!

Ahh..tit for tat retalliation. Can tend to escalate but I can see the deterrence value. I was once being bullied by a couple of characters who always came at me in numbers. They never actually attacked me it was more mocking and intimidation but if I ever lipped back I would have gotten boot-fucked since they were bigger and outnumbered me, so I silently took the abuse while they laughed. They never did it when it was one on one. Being pre-conditioned to beleive that it was wrong to be the one starting a fight I found myself wishing they would just try that once one on one so I would be in the right to defend myself while also being in a position where I actually could. . They never did. Every time I saw one of them alone he would ignore me. I finally woke the fuck up, stopped playing by the rules and caught one of them alone and impressed upon him that if I needed to worry about them when they were in a group then none of them should ever risk letting me find them alone. They found someone else to start in on.

My only concern with advising a kid to do that is while I knew I could handle any of these guys one on one (or was reasonably sure I could) what if your kid can't? What if the other guy is actually tougher by a wide margin? Should he sucker punch him? Use a weapon? Could get real ugly.

Not only that but I often find that the parents of bullies are often the first ones to sue if anything happens to their precious little thug and the way the courts appear to be these days...?

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[Richards 0]

Well, hope it works out. Good on you for turning out OK with that family life you described.

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[skydivermom 0]

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Well, hope it works out. Good on you for turning out OK with that family life you described.

Thanks. I often wonder if I would have ever become a skydiver had I not been through a traumatic childhood. Sometimes good things come from bad situations.

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[Richards 0]

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I often wonder if I would have ever become a skydiver had I not been through a traumatic childhood.

I believe that maladjustment is a pre-requisite to taking up this sport.

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[skydivermom 0]

I believe that maladjustment is a pre-requisite to taking up this sport.

Well, that certainly explains why WaltAppel skydives!

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[lisamariewillbe 1]

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Pretty general kind of statement. I'm looking for concrete means and methods.

Not really, you can help control your own children and the parents of a bully should as well. Bullies will not stop existing, but how your child handles it can change.

My oldest son is often bullied, we have used many different stragities, from teachers, to parents, to me literally following Kyle around school all day. Only me following him worked but I work so that in itself was just a small break. So I changed how I approached it and explained that maybe we cant make it completely go away but we can change how you handle it.

Its worked and one of the mean kids is actually his best friend now, but this is grade school age not highschool.

It also depends on why they are bullied, Kyle is wicked smart and thats why he is picked on. So it was rather easy to help him percieve the taunts different.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[Zipp0 1]

One I punched right in the face - problem solved and never bothered again. Another case a huge bully (he played football and I was scrawny at the time) was picking on a friend of mine. I asked him if it made him feel important to pick on people smaller than him. Then I told him that if it continued that I would kill him (back in those days saying that was not taken literally) and that I would not back down, no matter what. He left my friend alone after that and seemed to respect me, and even fear me a little. He picked on the wrong (small) guy a year later and was spin kicked in the face and dropped like a sack of potatoes.

So, in short, don't take shit from anyone, and teach your kids the same. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.....

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Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the Earth down.