The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

[bfilarsky 0]

WASHINGTON , DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which
will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans with No
Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi
and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the
U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great
record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
"middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and
promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even
the most unremarkable employees.

The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that
promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into
middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled--banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or
experience which relate to this job?" "As a Non-abled person, I can't
be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"
said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the
GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job
skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator with No Abilities, I believe
the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended
to every American with no abilities." It is our duty as lawmakers to
provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her
adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."



Shamelessly stolen from another forum

• Quote

[ryoder 1,590]

Having worked for several major Fortune 500 companies, I assure you they are already doing everything they can to fill middle and upper mgt with such people.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Amazon 7]

Long live the Idiocracy

[skippyjumps 0]

We can thank Lyndon Johnson for starting the revolution with his New Society programs.

"whatcha doin with that lawn mower blade?"

[ryoder 1,590]

Quote

We can thank Lyndon Johnson for starting the revolution with his New Society programs.

That would be Great Society.
I'd rather thank him for digging us into Vietnam, then not having the guts to fix the mess he made, but instead leaving it for another president to clean up.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[flipper 0]

Brilliant ...

[labrys 0]

Quote

Shamelessly stolen from another forum

Who shamelessly stole it from The Onion

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28982

Owned by Remi #?

[lawrocket 3]

Update:

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a startling move, yesterday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Barbara Boxer announced the withdrawal of their bill to assist some less fortunate Americans. Titled the "Americans With No Abilities Act," the bill was intended to prevent discrimination against those persons with no abilities or motivation, and in fact, pay them more.

Pelosi stated from her jet, "We had some unexpected and frankly severe backlash from every single union. The unions were in fact preparing a lawsuit against the US government for unlawful appropriaion of a trade secret. It turns out that due to an obscure legal protection given to unions, they were allowed to patent this very process."

Boxer, teleconferencing from Napa, added, "We told the unions that this law benefitted their memberships more than anyone. The unions said, 'We know. That's the problem - it benefits our members, meaning we'll be ruined. What's in it for us?' We just hadn't realized that we are totally moving in on unions territory."

Boxer finally added, "We forgot that the unions were already doing this. Not only do they fulfill the purpose of the AWNAA, but they succeed in actually taxing those with no abilities in the form of dues. We thought that taxing the unmotivated was too far, and there'd be no way we could get away with it. The unons do it, though. We just can't compete with that."

Hillary Clinton, speaking from Scranton, PA, commented, "BArack Obama is a black man with a Muslim name. Do you really think we can trust him to protect those without abilities? He's got no experience in it, while I've devoted my life to it."

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[skippyjumps 0]

Thanks for the correction. I was thinking the new deal from FDR and crossed my social programs.. Funny how we can look back and see our countries Fuck ups by the administrations. Generations of beggars have been spawned from someones great idea.

"whatcha doin with that lawn mower blade?"