Crime and the Single Parent

[Amazon 7]

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That may be the case in your experience, but mine is the opposite. I know many guys who want to be responsible and our financially with out the need for a court or a fight. The understand they have a responsibility and want to full fill it. Yet when it comes to them having any influence in how the child should be raised they have no say, and no respect. Unfortunately unless the mother is a crackhead who is not recovering right now (true story I'll tell you about if you want) she wins the kids and sets the rules.

Its like they tell the dads you can be a parent but only the bad parts that hurt can be yours, The joy full stuff will if the mom wants to share them with you she will. It's ridicules.

If more people thought of the consequences of that cool little hook up... and realize that... the fun can lead to a 20 year commitment of time and energy to raise the result of that hookup... perhaps. The flip side is.. just because a couple of you hooked up does not give YOU the right to ownership of her life for the next 20 years.

That is why I am a VERY staunch supporter of REAL sexual education in the schools.. becuase way too many families treat it as something that is a sin... and if you do it you will be punished. Sorry but a child is NOT a punishment.. it is something to be loved and cherished.. and if that will not be the outcome then its better to not be fertile in the first place.

I support a womans right to choose when and how she is going to have a child... or not.. but I also support her right to have effective birth avoidance... and I would love to see men's birth control as well. That would be a far more effective alternative to abortions... if no one is able to have children till they are in a stable.. loving relationship and are adult enough to raise a child.... those who are just out to have fun can do so without all that fucking religious guilt

[wmw999 2,452]

Won't someone please think of the children


Maybe then they'd be less concerned about "molding" them, or showing how much better a parent they can be than the other party, or how much they can soak the other party for, or how much they can fuck over the other party.

Single parenthood is not the overwhelming fault of any single party. A friend who was a juvenile cop said that about 80% of bad kids came from bad families, and about 80% of kids from bad families turned out with problems. Nothing about single parents.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Amazon 7]

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Won't someone please think of the children

I do.... but at least he has not foisted being a grandmother on me.......YET.

I guess some of what I taught him sank in after all.

[sandi 0]

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I may be ranting a bit, but it just annoys me that people seem to think that just because a woman isn’t married, she isn’t capable of raising a child on her own. I realize that I may be an exception, but I think there are many women out there working hard to give their children a good life.

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I think the biggest problem for me is this society assumes that the reason a woman can raise their child alone is because the man is an insignificant part and the woman knows best. I don't believe that to be true. I believe both mom and dad teach kids different things neither one is more or less important in a child's (who will be an adult someday) life. I am not talking about just survival but to learn things that will make them a more complete humane being.

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Thats great... but the reality is that in this society its the women who have to be the adults and raise the children when the father decides to move on to someone else... FAR TOO OFTEN. The lack of responsibilitity is staqggereing.

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That may be the case in your experience, but mine is the opposite. I know many guys who want to be responsible and our financially with out the need for a court or a fight. The understand they have a responsibility and want to full fill it. Yet when it comes to them having any influence in how the child should be raised they have no say, and no respect. Unfortunately unless the mother is a crackhead who is not recovering right now (true story I'll tell you about if you want) she wins the kids and sets the rules.

Its like they tell the dads you can be a parent but only the bad parts that hurt can be yours, The joy full stuff will if the mom wants to share them with you she will. It's ridicules.

I agree that fathers play an important role in a child's life. I don't think fathers are insignificant at all. I wish my daughter had a dad, I've done my best to provide her with everything, but that is the one thing I can't give her. There are many great dad's out there and I do get your point that sometimes the dad gets pushed out through no fault of his own.

Unfortunately, sometimes the dad is not so great or doesn't want to be a dad. Sometimes the woman has to go it alone. My point is that it is entirely possible to raise a happy, healthy, responsible child in a single-parent home. That goes for single moms and single dads.

It's hard not to get a little defensive when I read things about single moms being the downfall of our society after I've taken on all of the parenting responsibility and worked really hard to create a good life for myself and my daughter. Good parents are good parents regardless of marital status. There are good and bad parents in both the single and married categories.

[BaronVonBoll 0]

If more people thought of the consequences of that cool little hook up... and realize that... the fun can lead to a 20 year commitment of time and energy to raise the result of that hookup... perhaps. The flip side is.. just because a couple of you hooked up does not give YOU the right to ownership of her life for the next 20 years


I dont know about you but my responsibility as a parent ends when I'm dead. Not just twenty years. I thank God I still have the love and support of my parents now. I'm Always asking for advise.

As for children themselve. A parent who teaches them to be independant and responsible give them the greatest tools for life that is possible. To many people either ignore their kids as inconvieniant or smother them with everything they can peovide. Let them earn the extras in life Cell phones Ipods etc. Birthdays and Christmas not withstanding. If they learn to expect things later in life when nobody gives them anything they will decide to take them! Its a matter of perception that "I deserve to have this" that makes someone act criminally. Especially if there is no sense of RESPONSIBILITY!

anyone can be a parent it takes Love and commitment to be a good one!

[Amazon 7]

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I dont know about you but my responsibility as a parent ends when I'm dead. Not just twenty years. I thank God I still have the love and support of my parents now. I'm Always asking for advise.

Sorry but I think differently.. I gave birth.. I raise them and prepare them for life... at some point I expected them to be responsible for themselves... and that means me stepping out of being responsible for them.. and letting them live their lives and being responsible for their own actions. If they need my help.. fine.. but I know when it's time to back the hell out and let them be adults.

[nerdgirl 0]

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So what you're saying is that all parents should go sniff some LEAD based paint and their kids wont commit to a life of crime?

Uh … no, not sure how you got that out of what was posted. What I stated was the opposite:

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There’s been observed a link (correlation … possible causation) between increase in violent crime and lead poisoning in US cities in the late 1970s & 1980s and with the accompanying decrease in crime in the 1990s as exposure to lead has decreased (via elimination of lead in gasoline & paint). Lead … not gun availability or gun control. Lead not parents, tv, cable, the internet, etc.

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Where DO you get your facts?

That was also in my original post:

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Popular press accounts and links to primary data here.

Cut-n-pasted:

Crime rates linked to lead poisoning
Popular press write-ups:
- http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/07/AR2007070701073.html
- “Research Links Childhood Lead Exposure to Changes in Violent Crime ...” http://www.icfi.com/Markets/Community_Development/doc_files/LeadExposureStudy.pdf

Primary data (i.e., technical refs):
- “Understanding international crime trends: The legacy of preschool lead exposure”
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WDS-4NJP3V8-2&_user=10&_coverDate=07%2F31%2F2007&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=80ef8fc0a8ed65512174764240fb5e62
- “Validation of a 20-year forecast of US childhood lead poisoning: Updated prospects for 2010” http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WDS-4JCCG5B-2&_user=10&_coverDate=11%2F30%2F2006&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=3acbaeda7170a137704fad84224b3adf
- “How Lead Exposure Relates to Temporal Changes in IQ, Violent Crime, and Unwed Pregnancy” http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/ap/er/2000/00000083/00000001/art04045;jsessionid=bys0qugsrh85.henrietta
- “Trends in environmental lead exposure and troubled youth, 1960–1995: an age-period-cohort-characteristic analysis” http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WX8-4B6CP1M-1&_user=10&_coverDate=06%2F30%2F2004&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=3e5bf01abebefa86189f946844d614f9


I’d be willing to explain the causation aspect if you have a genuine interest.

/Marg

Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters.
Tibetan Buddhist saying

[mnealtx 0]

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Thats great... but the reality is that in this society its the women who have to be the adults and raise the children when the father decides to move on to someone else... FAR TOO OFTEN. The lack of responsibilitity is staqggereing.

The women do their share of "moving on to someone else" as well.

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[mnealtx 0]

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The flip side is.. just because a couple of you hooked up does not give YOU the right to ownership of her life for the next 20 years.

Why does it give her ownership of HIS life for the next 20 years in so many cases? Where is the equality in that?

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I support a womans right to choose when and how she is going to have a child... or not.. but I also support her right to have effective birth avoidance... and I would love to see men's birth control as well. That would be a far more effective alternative to abortions... if no one is able to have children till they are in a stable.. loving relationship and are adult enough to raise a child.... those who are just out to have fun can do so without all that fucking religious guilt

Agreed

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[Amazon 7]

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The women do their share of "moving on to someone else" as well.

Gee I don’t know... I guess getting busted in the mouth might be a good reason to be "moving on" . I would think more men would prefer to treat their significant others a tad better if they want them to stay.

I know there are many women who stay and put up with it because they were trained to do so... luckily my mother was not one of those she got the hell out, although it did take my step father bashing me over the head with a wine bottle and being unconscious in the hospital for 4 days to get her to leave.


Relationships are a two way street and it takes both people to make better decisions to treat each other well.

[happythoughts 0]

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The women do their share of "moving on to someone else" as well.

That is a different discussion. That was the relationship with another human being.
That is gone.

At some point, she made a committment to her lifestyle and needs. The checkbook/credit card relationship is long-term.

Always remember the phrase "...but that's different." When logic does not seem to function, that phrase
will appear. Everything will become lmmediately clear.

[Amazon 7]

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The women do their share of "moving on to someone else" as well.

That is a different discussion. That was the relationship with another human being.
That is gone.

At some point, she made a committment to her lifestyle and needs. The checkbook/credit card relationship is long-term.

Always remember the phrase "...but that's different." When logic does not seem to function, that phrase
will appear. Everything will become lmmediately clear.

Ohhh quit yet bitchin

It seems to me most men want dependent women not those of us who are independent. Independent women scare you guys to death. You are the victims of your own need to control a womans life.

You guys set up the rules... you have to live with the results. You are the ones who make on average 35 to 40% more in the workplace.. forcing many women to rely on men economically. Many women are trained to ...at all costs.. find a man that will support them.

If you do run across some of the women so trained.. is there little doubt that if you are not providing as well as they expect.. that they will still be looking for a man who can support them the way they wish to be???

Perhaps if more men actually supported equal opportunities for women in careers and were more financially independent and could earn their own living you would find less of the type of women you guys seem to want and get.

[happythoughts 0]

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The women do their share of "moving on to someone else" as well.

That is a different discussion. That was the relationship with another human being.
That is gone.

At some point, she made a committment to her lifestyle and needs. The checkbook/credit card relationship is long-term.

Always remember the phrase "...but that's different." When logic does not seem to function, that phrase
will appear. Everything will become lmmediately clear.

Ohhh quit yet bitchin

It seems to me most men want dependent women not those of us who are independent. Independent women scare you guys to death. You are the victims of your own need to control a womans life.

You guys set up the rules... you have to live with the results. You are the ones who make on average 35 to 40% more in the workplace.. forcing many women to rely on men economically. Many women are trained to ...at all costs.. find a man that will support them.

If you do run across some of the women so trained.. is there little doubt that if you are not providing as well as they expect.. that they will still be looking for a man who can support them the way they wish to be???

Perhaps if more men actually supported equal opportunities for women in careers and were more financially independent and could earn their own living you would find less of the type of women you guys seem to want and get.

Unfortunately, all women are the same, so men have
just learned to live with the disappointment.

[Butters 0]

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It seems to me most men want dependent women not those of us who are independent.

I know men who want dependent women and I know women who want to depend on men. As for myself, I want an independent woman ... so keep training those girls to be independent women!

"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch

[BaronVonBoll 0]

You guys set up the rules... you have to live with the results. You are the ones who make on average 35 to 40% more in the workplace.. forcing many women to rely on men economically. Many women are trained to ...at all costs.. find a man that will support them.

If you do run across some of the women so trained.. is there little doubt that if you are not providing as well as they expect.. that they will still be looking for a man who can support them the way they wish to be???

Perhaps if more men actually supported equal opportunities for women in careers and were more financially independent and could earn their own living you would find less of the type of women you guys seem to want and get.