mnealtx 0 #1 June 25, 2009 ...it was announced that Pres. Obama will throw the first pitch at the All-Star game. The White House *did* announce a few rule changes, though... Quote1: The umpires will all be lawyers who don’t know very much about baseball but think they do. 2: A pitcher who strikes out a batter will stop throwing so hard or face ejection from the baseball community and/or possible charges of racism. 3. If a pitcher charges the mound in anger, the violence will be condemned but not stopped, since it’s a matter for the pitcher and batter to resolve. If the fight should last for hundreds of years, Jimmy Carter will be called in to mediate. 4: At the end of the game, the players must give half the money they made for playing in the game to the umpires, and the rest of it to the worst player. 5: A team that falls behind by several runs can apply for a “run stimulus,” which will be provided by taking away runs from other teams in future games. 6: In order to make the game more in tune with liberal economic theory, “zero sum game” rules will apply. For example, if the score is 4-4 and one team scores a run, the other team must lose a run, making the score 5-3. If the first team scores another run, the score would be 6-2. The good news for the team with 2 is that by applying “zero-sum game,” even though they’re down by 4, they’ll only have to score 2 runs to tie the game, and if they are unable they can apply to receive a run bailout (see #5). 7: In order to secure a future endorsement from the Earth Liberation Front, no wooden bats will be used, and it is recommended that players bat using biodegradable, reusable shopping bags filled with hope. 8: The outfield positions will be referred to as “Progressive,” “Moderate,” and “Extreme Right.” 9: The teleprompter will be considered to be a part of the field. 10: The “7th inning stretch” will last three hours and feature a re-airing of ABC’s special on Obama’s plan for national health care running on the jumbo-tron, along with the presentation of a license to perform heart and brain surgery to Doc Halladay, pending passage of a national health care plan. 11. Members of the media will be allowed to towel off the president twice per inning. Reporters awarded this honor will be chosen via lottery (the president has granted an MSNBC request for Chris Matthews to take home all used towels in lieu of one year’s salary). 12: If one team gets down by more than five runs, the government will take the team over, hire a manager who doesn’t know anything about baseball, regulate the players’ pay, cancel the game and use the ballpark for an ACORN pep rally.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rickjump1 0 #2 June 25, 2009 Bet he throws like a first grader.Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #3 June 25, 2009 14) Ownership the AL All-Star team shall be owned by the NL and the NL team shall be owned by the AL, with the team from the winning league receiving the money and paying its parent organization. Thus, if the NL team wins, the NL shall receive the money. "There shall be no threat of tanking by either side" the president assured. 15) The President will hold a press conference after the game, averring the the stistics will demonstrate that his replief-pitcher packepage resulted in 1.5 million games saved. Sabermetric analysis reveals that as a lefty, he has held his opponents to a low OBS. 16) He will wear the uniform of the Reds. 17) The Home Plate will be called Chappaquiddick and Teddy Kennedy will slide into it. 18). Senator Ensign will have a foul tip. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,990 #4 June 25, 2009 >Bet he throws like a first grader. He probably throws about as well as he bowls. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #5 June 25, 2009 Quote>Bet he throws like a first grader. He probably throws about as well as he bowls. Sweet - then he can go back on the Tonight Show and make another joke about handicapped kids - or maybe he'll do Letterman this time.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #6 June 25, 2009 QuoteBet he throws like a first grader. Baba Booey!!! My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
makeithappen40 0 #7 June 25, 2009 Red Herring. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,990 #8 June 25, 2009 >then he can go back on the Tonight Show and make another joke >about handicapped kids . . . "Hey Mrs. Smith, can Jimmy come out and play baseball with us?" "Now, that's nice of you boys, but you know Jimmy has no arms or legs." "Yeah, we just need second base." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #9 July 16, 2009 Barely made the plate... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #10 August 3, 2009 First pitch analysis and comparison....Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #11 August 3, 2009 Quote First pitch analysis and comparison.... Fair enough, but I bet Obama can play basketball better (and probably wouldn't fall off the Segway). Of course, Cheney beats them both are shooting people in the face.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #12 August 3, 2009 Maybe so... I've heard those Segways can be tricky.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #13 August 3, 2009 Look at this guy - he throws like a girl! Pitchin' Ah, but he dirty-dances like a champ! Dancin' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 26 #14 August 3, 2009 My thought was actually; Geez, and we know the guy is athletic. Couldn't they have at least given him a pitching coach for a couple hours before hand?-- Tom Aiello Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #15 August 3, 2009 QuoteGeez, and we know the guy is athletic. Couldn't they have at least given him a pitching coach for a couple hours before hand? Some Presidents do get a coach ahead of time, or at least practice. Personally, I'd like to think they all have better things to do with their time.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,026 #16 August 3, 2009 QuoteQuoteGeez, and we know the guy is athletic. Couldn't they have at least given him a pitching coach for a couple hours before hand? Some Presidents do get a coach ahead of time, or at least practice. Personally, I'd like to think they all have better things to do with their time. What? What? You mean ability to throw a ball is not relevant to someone's abiility to be President of the USA?... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 26 #17 August 3, 2009 QuoteQuoteGeez, and we know the guy is athletic. Couldn't they have at least given him a pitching coach for a couple hours before hand? Some Presidents do get a coach ahead of time, or at least practice. Hopefully Bush got the practice back when he was the GM of a professional baseball team, rather than while he was president. Honestly, I've got no issues with the president taking time out to play baseball (or basketball) or whatever else he wants to do to relax. The dude's got one of the highest pressure jobs in the world. He ought to take some time off and relax every now and then.-- Tom Aiello Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TomAiello 26 #18 August 3, 2009 Quote You mean ability to throw a ball is not relevant to someone's abiility to be President of the USA? It is however, an important requirement for becoming dictator of Cuba. -- Tom Aiello Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com SnakeRiverBASE.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
