The difference between parties

[hwt 0]

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.*** If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.*** If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.*** If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.*** If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host,he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.*** If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)*** If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.*** If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended
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I did not write this by the way..

[RonD1120 62]

Simply stated and quite accurate.

Look for the shiny things of God revealed by the Holy Spirit. They only last for an instant but it is a Holy Instant. Let your soul absorb them.

[rushmc 23]

I like this one

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For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:



Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.



The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:



1. Liberals, and

2. Conservatives.



Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed...



Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.



Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.



Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.



Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass..



Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.



Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.



Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.



Here ends today's lesson in world history:



It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.



A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.



And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self!

"America will never be destroyed from the outside,
if we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

[quade 4]

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I did not write this by the way..

No shit? Really?

If a liberal wants to say something, he'll use biting sarcasm.
If a conservative wants to say something, he'll copy and paste it off the interwebs.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[pirana 0]

That's some good humor; and you hit a lot of high points in history, with the glaring exception of organized religion.

Do you think it was the conservatives or liberals that institutionalized spirituality?

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[rushmc 23]

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That's some good humor; and you hit a lot of high points in history, with the glaring exception of organized religion.

Do you think it was the conservatives or liberals that institutionalized spirituality?

Havent stopped laughing long enough to think about it

And now that you ask, in the true context of the post does it really matter?

"America will never be destroyed from the outside,
if we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

[pirana 0]

Oh yeah, I love humorous spins on nuggets of truth.

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[rushmc 23]

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Oh yeah, I love humorous spins on nuggets of truth.

It is fun

"America will never be destroyed from the outside,
if we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

[hwt 0]

No shit? Really?

If a liberal wants to say something, he'll use biting sarcasm.
If a conservative wants to say something, he'll copy and paste it off the interwebs.

you mad?? there is no need to rage, just delete it..

[pirana 0]

From Modern Manners:

<> It's not a real party if there is a guest list.
<> It's not a real party if there is a cute theme.
<> It's not a real party if the cops don't show up at least once.
<> It's not a real party if the music isn't loud enough to kill the bird and make the cat pee.

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[CygnusX-1 43]

You forgot a couple...

If a conservative is a pedophile, he becomes a catholic priest.
If a conservative doesn't believe in abortion, he wants to ban it for everyone.
If a conservative sees someone who doesn't believe in his god, he wants to convert that person, or kill them in the name of his god, in the name of security, or just good common practice...

[marks2065 0]

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You forgot a couple...

If a conservative is a pedophile, he becomes a catholic priest.
If a conservative doesn't believe in abortion, he wants to ban it for everyone.
If a conservative sees someone who doesn't believe in his god, he wants to convert that person, or kill them in the name of his god, in the name of security, or just good common practice...

sorry but I have to dissagree with the last one, but even so the list is far shorter than ANY liberal list I have ever seen.

[Andy9o8 2]

I'm curious. Not apropos to anyone in particular, are you trying to reinforce the stereotype of Red State conservatives as inbred, maturity-stunted, Neanderthal morons?

Just trying to understand the playing field here.

[billvon 2,998]

If a liberal isn't attracted to someone of the same sex, they date someone of the opposite sex. If a conservative isn't attracted to someone of the same sex, they want gay marriage, gay literature and gay military members banned.

If a liberal is attracted to someone of the same sex, they date someone of the same sex. If a conservative is attracted to someone of the same sex, they want gay marriage, gay literature and gay military members banned - but want to be able to have sex with guys in bathrooms.

If a poor liberal needs healthcare, he'll look for a government program that can help him. If a poor conservative needs heathcare, he'll just go the ER and then refuse to pay.

If a liberal wants a gun he'll buy one and not care much what people think about it. If a conservative wants a gun he'll buy one and justify it publicly by calling all unarmed people "sheep" and exclaiming how great it would be to shoot all those evil criminals.

If a liberal questions something he goes to school and learns about it. if a conservative questions something he will watch TV until he hears someone tell him what he wants to hear.

If a liberal is against abortion they will do what they can to make sure no one they know needs, or gets, an abortion. If a conservative is against abortion they will want everyone else's right to get one removed - but will also not want their own kids to know how to avoid getting pregnant. (And, of course, they want their own kids to be able to get one.)

If a liberal believes in a religion, he joins like-minded people in worshiping that religion. If a conservative believes in a religion, he demands that the government to mandate it, and demands his religious beliefs be taught in schools, put in the Pledge of Allegiance, and posted on the walls of courthouses.

If a liberal wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then lobby to increase taxes to pay for it. If a conservative wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then refuse to pay for what he has asked for.

If a liberal thinks another country is doing us wrong he will push for trade sanctions, dissolution of diplomatic relationships and annulment of treaties. If a conservative thinks another country is doing us wrong, he will advocate killing as many people as possible to rectify the problem.

If a liberal leader stands up and says something really stupid, liberals will think "wow, that was stupid." If a conservative leader stands up and says something really stupid, conservatives will defend her statements and her intelligence to the death, no matter how foolish or clueless the speaker is.

[CanuckInUSA 0]

I feel oppressed, I feel like a victim of the world for being left out of these comparisons. I know I am not a Liberal, but if being Conservatives means you have to be religious, then I am neither. Where is the "Libertarian" comparison? I call discrimination on Liberals and Conservatives. Oh who am I kidding. Carry on ...

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If a liberal isn't attracted to someone of the same sex, blah blah blah.
If a conservative isn't attracted to someone of the same sex, blah blah blah.

I could care less if someone is gay.
Gay people should NOT be discriminated against.
But it would be nice if gays would stop pushing their lifestyle as if it is the preferred way of life.

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If a poor liberal needs healthcare, he'll look for a government program that can help him. If a poor conservative needs heathcare, he'll just go the ER and then refuse to pay.

I don't see a difference.
Both groups are expecting the government to pay for their services.

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If a liberal wants a gun blah blah blah..
If a conservative wants a gun blah blah blah.

There is obviously a huge difference between Canadian Liberals and Liberals in the USA because I don't think gun ownership is in the Canadian Liberal's DNA. They are preprogrammed into thinking just looking at a gun will mean they will get shot and they want all guns banned. Yet Canadian Liberals are the first people to whine about a perceived "Police State". The most amusing part of their "Gun" and "Police State" fears are that they were the first people to disarmed themselves? Too funny ...

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If a liberal questions something he goes to school and learns about it.
if a conservative questions something he will watch TV until he hears someone tell him what he wants to hear.

When I want to learn something I pick up a book. If the book does not provide myself with enough information I pro-actively seek other forms of information which could mean sitting down and listening to what a more experience person has to say about the topic (ie: attending school). But if I am attending a school, I am there to learn the topic at hand. I am not there to be indoctrinated.

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If a liberal is against abortion blah blah blah.
If a conservative is against abortion blah blah blah

I think it is wrong the way Liberals cut down someone else's religious beliefs (just look we have Liberals here today starting threads saying someone is brain damaged if they are religious) just as much as it is wrong for Conservatives to try and convert some else into their own religious doctrines. To me a woman should have the right to choose her own destiny, she should be the one who decides if she does or does not want to have a baby in her body regardless of religious beliefs.

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If a liberal thinks another country is doing us wrong he will push for trade sanctions, dissolution of diplomatic relationships and annulment of treaties. If a conservative thinks another country is doing us wrong, he will advocate killing as many people as possible to rectify the problem.

Just like Neville Chamberlain did in the late 1930s.
It's a good thing Churchill was there to make up for Chamberlain's incompetence.

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If a liberal leader stands up and says something really stupid, liberals will think "wow, that was stupid." If a conservative leader stands up and says something really stupid, conservatives will defend her statements and her intelligence to the death, no matter how foolish or clueless the speaker is.

That's not what happened in our last election up here in Canada. Liberal leader Stephane Dion was given numerous opportunities to correct his bungled responses to an easy question in a taped TV interview. When he failed to respond on at least three attempts the media decided to show the entire unedited interview and the Liberal faithful here had an ape shit. How dare the media let the world know that their beloved Liberal leader Stephan Dion was a bumbling idiot. After all Liberals are the Nature Governing party here and only they should ever be allowed to govern. It think I am going to barf now. If you guys got to see some of our Liberals up here you might understand why some of us oppose them. Barack Obama is a right wing corporate capitalist compared to the whiny nanny state do nothing but steal money from the tax payer Liberals we have here.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[quade 4]

You seem to have failed at understanding this thread.

It's about making sweeping blanket statements based upon stereotypes. In other words, it's a fail thread from the original post.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[rushmc 23]

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You seem to have failed at understanding this thread.

It's about making sweeping blanket statements based upon stereotypes. In other words, it's a fail thread from the original post.

Dude, the op was not meant to be taken seriously

Lighten up or grow thicker skin

"America will never be destroyed from the outside,
if we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

[CanuckInUSA 0]

Sorry Quade, I just feel left out as a Libertarian. I feel like a victim.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[kallend 2,027]

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I did not write this by the way.

No need to tell us that; the spelling is good and the grammar is OK.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[quade 4]

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Lighten up or grow thicker skin

I'd make a joke here, but I'm afraid you wouldn't be able to take it in the spirit in which it was intended. Conservatives don't seem to be able to understand the concept of subtext.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[Nightingale 0]

NO, NO, NO!!!! You all have it wrong!!!!!


If a DEMOCRAT doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a REPUBLICAN wants a gun he'll buy one and justify it publicly by calling all unarmed people "sheep" and exclaiming how great it would be to shoot all those evil criminals. If a LIBERTARIAN doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If he wants one, he buys one.

If a DEMOCRAT wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then lobby to increase taxes to pay for it, while demanding that Republican sponsored programs be cut to pay for more Democrat sponsored programs. If a REPUBLICAN wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then refuse to pay for what he has asked for, and demand that Democrat sponsored programs be cut to pay for it. A LIBERTARIAN would prefer that the government not do anything that isn't specifically enumerated in the constitution, and knows they'll probably even manage to screw that up, and would prefer not to pay for messes caused by the Republicans and Democrats.

[CanuckInUSA 0]

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NO, NO, NO!!!! You all have it wrong!!!!!


If a DEMOCRAT doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a REPUBLICAN wants a gun he'll buy one and justify it publicly by calling all unarmed people "sheep" and exclaiming how great it would be to shoot all those evil criminals. If a LIBERTARIAN doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If he wants one, he buys one.

If a DEMOCRAT wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then lobby to increase taxes to pay for it, while demanding that Republican sponsored programs be cut to pay for more Democrat sponsored programs. If a REPUBLICAN wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then refuse to pay for what he has asked for, and demand that Democrat sponsored programs be cut to pay for it. A LIBERTARIAN would prefer that the government not do anything that isn't specifically enumerated in the constitution, and knows they'll probably even manage to screw that up, and would prefer not to pay for messes caused by the Republicans and Democrats.

Nightingale for President in 2012!!!

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[loumeinhart 0]

I remember a joke during the 08pres campaigns.. something about there was nobody showing up to McCain's campaign stops.. because they were all at work.

[rushmc 23]

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Lighten up or grow thicker skin

I'd make a joke here, but I'm afraid you wouldn't be able to take it in the spirit in which it was intended. Conservatives don't seem to be able to understand the concept of subtext.

Please, enlighten me. I also like a good joke or parody. You on the other hand appear to struggle with a parody if it seems targeted toward you?

"America will never be destroyed from the outside,
if we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

[rushmc 23]

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NO, NO, NO!!!! You all have it wrong!!!!!


If a DEMOCRAT doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a REPUBLICAN wants a gun he'll buy one and justify it publicly by calling all unarmed people "sheep" and exclaiming how great it would be to shoot all those evil criminals. If a LIBERTARIAN doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If he wants one, he buys one.

If a DEMOCRAT wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then lobby to increase taxes to pay for it, while demanding that Republican sponsored programs be cut to pay for more Democrat sponsored programs. If a REPUBLICAN wants government to do something, he will lobby for it and then refuse to pay for what he has asked for, and demand that Democrat sponsored programs be cut to pay for it. A LIBERTARIAN would prefer that the government not do anything that isn't specifically enumerated in the constitution, and knows they'll probably even manage to screw that up, and would prefer not to pay for messes caused by the Republicans and Democrats.

Nightingale for President in 2012!!!

I second the nomination!

(as long as there are no skeletons in her closet)

"America will never be destroyed from the outside,
if we falter and lose our freedoms,
it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln