Belgian_Draft 0 #1 January 22, 2011 God and the Devil discuss an Engineer Although locked in fierce competition for what seems like forever, God and the Devil meet once every week for coffee just to catch up with each other. One week they're in heaven and the next they're in hell. When it was God's turn to host last week, the Devil was whistling a happy tune as he walked through the gates and wore a huge smile as he plopped down in the golden chair. As he poured a cup, God said, "You look pretty pleased with yourself." "Yeah," said the Devil, "Things are really looking up since I got that engineer last week. He's put in escalators and flush toilets, and he even found a way to control the heat in those old furnaces. I've been meaning to thank you for turning him away up here." God looked stunned, and almost spilled coffee into the saucer. "You know that you're not supposed to get any engineers," God said. "Peter was breaking in some new help at the gates last week, and they must have made a mistake. Just send him back up and we'll straighten it out." But the Devil just chuckled and said, "No. I think I'll keep him. He was talking about looking into better ventilation this week. I can see why you keep them all for yourself." "Send him back," demanded God "No," smirked the Devil. God thundered, "Send him back, or..." "Or what?" the Devil asked. "Or I'll sue," finished God. The Devil chuckled again. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
winsor 236 #2 January 22, 2011 A guy walks into a bar and says "all lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the end of the bar says "hey, I resent that!" "What, are you a lawyer?" "No, I'm an asshole." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,991 #3 January 22, 2011 A priest, a rabbi and a hooker walk into a bar. Bartender says "what is this, a joke?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Belgian_Draft 0 #4 January 22, 2011 Quote A priest, a rabbi and a hooker walk into a bar. Bartender says "what is this, a joke?" HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #5 January 22, 2011 One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." Adam looks puzzled at God, "Lord, what is a kiss?". God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." Puzzled again he asks, "Lord, what is caress?" God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." Puzzled yet again, "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?""...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jclalor 12 #6 January 23, 2011 What type of meat do priest eat on Friday? Nun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 220 #7 January 24, 2011 QuoteWhat type of meat do priest eat on Friday? Nun That would be fish wouldn't it?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frequentfaller 0 #8 January 25, 2011 guy dies and is sent to hell. He's met by a devil who explains the rules: "We have three rooms. If you don't like the first room, you can go look at the other two, but you can't go back to the first." The devil takes the guy to the first room. Inside people are standing upside down on hot coals. The guy wipes his brow to clear the sweat and says "Nope... Not for me!" The devil then takes him to the second room and warns him before he opens the door, says, "If you don't like it here, you must take the third and final room." The devil opens the door and inside people are standing on their heads in molten lava. Again the guy wipes his brow and says, "Nope... Not for me, either." Finally, the devil brings him to the third and last room. Inside people are standing knee-deep in shit, drinking coffee. "Hey I lucked out," the guy says. "These people seem nice. I like coffee and I can probably get used to the smell. I'll take this one." Five minutes later, the same devil returns and shouts out, "Coffee break's over! Everybody back on your heads!"Born ok 1st time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
