Was this girl raped?

[Darius11 12]

This is so goddamn stupid but i didn't want to start another thread but for a poll i had to.

Quote

DEAR AMY: Recently I was shopping and ran into one of my older brother's friends. He is 19 years old. I am 16.

I was attracted to him. He invited me to his house and I went. He kissed me. I wanted to make out with him, but I did not want to go all the way and told him so.

We made out. I wanted to stop. I wanted only to kiss him. We ended up having sex.

I didn't say "stop" out loud. I kept thinking, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" But I didn't say it. I don't know why. I felt scared and shy. He didn't do anything to scare me. I just felt too scared to say stop. I felt stupid too.

My mom's friend said I was raped.

She said: "You told him you didn't want to go all the way. He's older than you. He should know better." She said a girl has to say "yes," and if a girl doesn't say yes and has sex, then she was raped.

Was I raped? I don't want to go to the police. I just want to know the answer. -- Super Sad

The answer

Quote

DEAR SAD: Your mother's friend is right. Though there are different legal definitions of rape in different states, you did not give your consent to have sex. And in some states, you are younger than the age of consent. In fact, you said -- out loud -- that you didn't want to, and you were raped. You were scared. You were in his house, he is older than you -- I'm assuming he is bigger than you, and I'm also assuming you have never had to deal with anything like this before.

I am so sorry this happened. Your confusion is common to people who have been through this, and is completely understandable.

Your mother's friend sounds kind, smart and supportive. Please let her help you now. You need STD and pregnancy testing. (Planned Parenthood can provide testing and counselling; check plannedparenthood.org for your local clinic.)

I urge you to go to the police to get their advice about what to do, legally and otherwise. I realize you don't want to do this, but this guy must not walk around thinking that what he's done is OK. He might have done it before, or he might do it in the future.

I am certain that your willingness to tell your story will help many people.

For more support and information, you can check the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network hotline at rainn.org (for Canadian agencies, see international resources under 'Get Help').

http://www.torontosun.com/2013/02/26/teen-victim-looks-for-answers


So does any one think she was Raped???

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[BIGUN 1,314]

After reading it several times, I'm left with the impression of post-coital regret.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[Lefty 0]

Well, sixteen might be younger than the age of consent...so that could come back to bite him, and rightly so depending on the laws. However, from the standpoint of a sexual encounter between a man and a woman, I can't see how this would possibly qualify as a rape. Actions speak louder than words, and saying "stop" sure as hell speaks louder than thinking it. We're only getting one side of the story here, unless you count her mom's "herp de derp a girl has to say yes" friend as a side, also. This girl could have grabbed her friend's dick and put it inside her herself after she got heated up, for all we know.

Nice of Amy to immediately pass judgement on the guy, though.

Provoking a reaction isn't the same thing as saying something meaningful.
-Calvin

[Darius11 12]

Yea you might have to have a notary with you at all times and have them stay for the event. Because right now it seems its rape any time a woman wants to say it is.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[normiss 801]

19 vs. 16 = statutory rape.
Yes, she was raped.

[Lefty 0]

normiss

19 vs. 16 = statutory rape.
Yes, she was raped.

I'm not sure that's always true. Amy's response and the reaction of the girl's mother's friend seem to indicate other reasons for defining the encounter as a rape, in any case, which makes for a much more intellectually challenging discussion.

Provoking a reaction isn't the same thing as saying something meaningful.
-Calvin

[Darius11 12]

normiss

19 vs. 16 = statutory rape.
Yes, she was raped.

Not sure if that is the law in her state? or is that a fed. law?

I always think if its rape and not rape because of a few months then its not rape.If thats the only thing your grasping at i don;t thinkthat enough to ruin a persons life.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[skypuppy 1]

normiss

19 vs. 16 = statutory rape.
Yes, she was raped.

In canada unless a position of trust or dependency is violate, age of consent is 14.




PRB 99-3E
Print Copy



CANADA'S LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT
TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY


Amendments to the Criminal Code in 1988 repealed the aforementioned unlawful intercourse and seduction offences. In their place, Bill C-15 created new offences called "sexual interference" and "invitation to sexual touching" that now prohibit adults from engaging in virtually any kind of sexual contact with either boys or girls under the age of 14, irrespective of consent. Introduced at the same time, the offence of "sexual exploitation" also makes it an offence for an adult to have any such contact with boys and girls over 14 but under 18, where a relationship of trust or authority exists between the adult and child.


In summary then, except for the offences of buggery and gross indecency, the age of consent for sexual activity has at no time been set higher than 14 in Canada, although prior laws did make men vulnerable to prosecution for sexual intercourse with a girl under 16, 18, or even 21 in certain qualified circumstances. As noted above, the 1988 amendments to the Criminal Code repealing those provisions were contained in Bill C-15, which was introduced by the then Justice Minister, Ramon Hnatyshyn.

CURRENT LAW


The Criminal Code does not now criminalize consensual sexual activity with or between persons 14 or over, unless it takes place in a relationship of trust or dependency, in which case sexual activity with persons over 14 but under 18 can constitute an offence, notwithstanding their consent. Even consensual activity with those under 14 but over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant. The exception, of course, is anal intercourse, to which unmarried persons under 18 cannot legally consent, although both the Ontario Court of Appeal(3) and the Quebec Court of Appeal(4) have struck down the relevant section of the Criminal Code.

If some old guy can do it then obviously it can't be very extreme. Otherwise he'd already be dead.
Bruce McConkey 'I thought we were gonna die, and I couldn't think of anyone

[normiss 801]

In FL, this would easily put the 19 year old young man in the sexual offender program. For life.
Just like the kids that get caught mooning in public - if kids are around, you're gonna register as a sex offender.

Personally, I see this as rape both ways.
She said no, and she was under the legal age to say yes anyway.

YMMV, depending on nationality, where you live, how many cousins you've kissed, etc.

[Glitch 0]

I can't help but think you 'mis-read' the article...

...this coming from a dad of a 15 yr old.

Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born...

[normiss 801]

Just throwing out the location specific clarification then.

Okay.


FYI - I have 3 daughters myself...as well as 3 sisters.

I know what no means, no matter when they say it.
At my age, 16 is NOT legal in any form, anywhere on the planet.

It's just...icky.

[Darius11 12]

Quote

She said no

Where did she say no?

She said she didn't say no and didn't ask him to stop.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[normiss 801]

Do you not read your own posts????

[Darius11 12]

no need for

i read it twice, you might have miss read it. She never said i said NO.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[Darius11 12]

Quote

I didn't say "stop" out loud. I kept thinking, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" But I didn't say it. I don't know why. I felt scared and shy. He didn't do anything to scare me. I just felt too scared to say stop. I felt stupid too.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[Bolas 5]

Darius11

Yea you might have to have a notary with you at all times and have them stay for the event. Because right now it seems its rape any time a woman wants to say it is.

Or get video.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[devildog 0]

normiss

In FL, this would easily put the 19 year old young man in the sexual offender program. For life.
Just like the kids that get caught mooning in public - if kids are around, you're gonna register as a sex offender.

Personally, I see this as rape both ways.
She said no, and she was under the legal age to say yes anyway.

YMMV, depending on nationality, where you live, how many cousins you've kissed, etc.

16 is the age of consent in FL as long as the person isn't older than 10 years IIRC

You stop breathing for a few minutes and everyone jumps to conclusions.

[Bolas 5]

Darius11

Quote

I didn't say "stop" out loud. I kept thinking, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" But I didn't say it. I don't know why. I felt scared and shy. He didn't do anything to scare me. I just felt too scared to say stop. I felt stupid too.

It's not mentioned but wonder if she acted scared, shy, resisted, or disinterested. A no doesn't always have to be verbal.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[devildog 0]

Bolas

***Yea you might have to have a notary with you at all times and have them stay for the event. Because right now it seems its rape any time a woman wants to say it is.

Or get video.
If she's under 18, even if you are too, it's child porn and you'll really be in trouble then.

You stop breathing for a few minutes and everyone jumps to conclusions.

[normiss 801]

Try a third.

"I wanted to make out with him, but I did not want to go all the way and told him so. "

[Nataly 38]

I don't like "Amy's" answer one bit.

At 16, it's hard for a girl to speak up for herself. She needs to learn this. At 19, it's hard for a boy to tell the difference between a girl changing her mind and a girl feeling too much pressure to speak up. He needs to learn this.

What needs to happen is she needs to have a CONVERSATION with the boy. Tell him how she felt. Tell him she is upset. He needs to listen and be sensitive to her feelings and tell him how he felt. That he did not *read* the situation the same way that she *felt* it. Both can learn something important - her to be more assertive; him to be extra careful about not being too pushy (especially with younger girls).

He IS older than her, but this is something that ADULTS struggle with. It's WRONG to automatically make the dude out to be a bad guy. It's EQUALLY WRONG to say she was "asking for it."

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[normiss 801]

"What needs to happen is she needs to have a CONVERSATION with the boy."


Is it about the nail???

[Darius11 12]

Bolas

***Yea you might have to have a notary with you at all times and have them stay for the event. Because right now it seems its rape any time a woman wants to say it is.

Or get video.

Thats always a good idea

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[Darius11 12]

Quote

I wanted to make out with him, but I did not want to go all the way and told him so. "

Thats your answer to she said No.

She said no makes it sound like she said it as they were in the act.

So if a girl says i don;t have sex on the first date and changes her mind hours later when your making out that counts as rape???

Reaching much?????

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[danornan 79]

The problem is the mixed message. She said that she did not want to go "all the way" but then proceeded to make out. When is no yes and yes no?

As Mark said though, she is under age and it could very likely be labeled statutory rape.

Dano