Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude...

[jrouse 0]

Quote

I was being a practice student for someone working on their rating. The whole otter was full of tandems and for some reason we were going out first. Well as a joke i grabbed onto the bar and starting screaming "nooo" and screamed the whole time as the TM in training grabbed my arms and jumped out. I was told later that i really freaked out some of the tandem students.

I know this one is many years old, but that is fucking hilarious!!

Lovin every second of it!

[Feeblemind 1]

After the in plane interviews were completed a 50-60 Y/O female passenger looked to her TM and said "I don't care what happens when we leave this plane, I just want to get to the ground!" I turned to her and replied "Maam, I personally guarantee that after you exit this airplane you will get to the ground, one way or another!"

Fire Safety Tip: Don't fry bacon while naked

[fencebuster 7]

They pay for the ride up. If they choose not to jump, the dz still collects the fee and does not pay for a pack-job. I cannot understand why ANY dz would force a tandem passenger to leave the plane. The TI still gets paid. The video guy still gets paid. Why force a non-consenting student to jump? stupid, IMO.

Charlie Gittins, 540-327-2208
AFF-I, Sigma TI, IAD-I
MEI, CFI-I, Senior Rigger
Former DZO, Blue Ridge Skydiving Adventures

[Rover 11]

If everything goes wrong, the last thing up yor arse is going to be me.....

2 wrongs don't make a right - but 3 lefts do.

[ShcShc11 0]

Look to your left, look to your right.
One of your aren't going to make it tonight

[normiss 798]

Shoulder strap falls loose off of student...instructor across the isle says to the instructor "DUDE! What size harness did you get her??? Instructor looks at tag. S = Super size, XS = extra super size, L=Little.........om man, that's not gonna stay on on opening. Put your arms out straight over your head or you're gonna shoot out like a champagne cork!"


Or the "What's the difference between a Harley and a hard-on? I don't have a Harley!"

The tight end for the NY Jets that I took...when I got all the straps tight...."Now I know why they call you a tight end!"
He laughed his ass off.


I've seen plenty of funny ones, offensive ones, and downright rude and wrong. WE MUST be a good judge of the student when playing around like this.
To me, the most important ones, are the ones that are actually scared. I've had to walk away from jumpers being silly, told them to STOP in the boarding area and/or in the aircraft. Some students will not understand nor appreciate it.

[TangBu 1]

Sometimes the unintentional ones are the funniest. I once saw a heavy set guy standing before his jump with a concerned look on his face, when his buddy asked him what was wrong. He replied that they were going back for a stronger rig!

...Blair.

[npng 0]

If there's a "garbage" or "hop and pop" on the plane. Everyone just scream and yell;
"No no NO NOT YET NOOOOOOO!!!" As the guy jumps out.

Usually puts a priceless look on the first time jumper's face while he's waiting to get to the right altitude.

[i29alphaa 0]

If I do good on this one, I get to go by myself on the next one.

[normiss 798]

Right up there with calling out the next student .....
"I just wanted to meet you and say hello, if I don't screw this up, you're next!"

[raff 4]

Very worked up 14 year old asks me, as I am gearing up her mom: "What are the chances my Mom will die?" "100%", I told her. I let the horror sink in, and then said, "It just won't be today."

If you leave the plane without a parachute, you will be fine for the rest of your life.

[Bignugget 0]

Hahahah, great thread.

I am a serious noobie, 15 jumps. But, since I have been hanging at the DZ every possible open moment since I took my AFF class, I get to hear the tandems gearing up every time (its just a small 182 dz).

Man it makes me laugh.

Some of my favorites are

"Did we patch all the holes in that one?"

"Yea but we are out of duct tape now."

hahahah

or

"Let me see if I can find one thats still working."

rofl.

Now I agree that good judgement must be used and I can say from my limited exp. it is at my DZ.

From the TMs to the regular fun jumpers everyone has fun with the tandems that are having fun, and helps to reassure the nervous ones....one girl was in tears even before getting geared up.....she cried the entire time it was kinda funny, but no one was making jokes at her.

I have mentioned that it seems awfully cruel to tease the noobies like that but it really seems to be lighthearted and meant to help relax the tandems.

Personally I still tell others in the plane to relax and stuff, "Skydiving is fun!" its 99% for me though, to tell MYSELF to relax and have fun, just feels better to direct it at the guy with 500 jumps.

Anyways great thread I loved reading it.

[BigMark 1]

Quote

Very worked up 14 year old asks me, as I am gearing up her mom: "What are the chances my Mom will die?" "100%", I told her. I let the horror sink in, and then said, "It just won't be today."

Awesome!

[gilead1 0]

Personally, I don't like to freak out my students, I like them relaxed :)
but I like this one:
"I have to warn you: every student I had till now wants to marry my after the jump, That's include my mother... My dad does not talk to me since..."