Looking for advice on depression

[wmw999 2,514]

No, not for me. For a younger relative who trusts me.
Has a good circle of friends who are trying to help. Has tried therapy (but has prejudice against therapy from parental opinions). Doesn't want to take drugs. Does have financial resources (fortunately), but would rather not use all of them. Currently unemployed because of company, not performance, issues.
Given my (yes, not specified for privacy reasons) relationship, I suggested that they
A. Get more regular exercise
B. Find either a job or volunteer gig that they believe in, that needs them, and that preferably keeps physically busy.

I'd welcome any and all inputs. Really. I have an amazing family, both immediate and extended, and want to keep it. I don't think suicide is a short-term concern simply because an acquaintance recently took that path, and the resulting pain made an impression.

Thanks for any and all inputs, either on the forum or PM's.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[NewGuy2005 53]

Sounds like you are giving good advice.

[raff 4]

You are right on with the regular exercise suggestion. I would also suggest lots of sun and in the absence of same, a light box. I tend toward SAD and it certainly helps me.

Good of you to be sensitive to this person's needs.

If you leave the plane without a parachute, you will be fine for the rest of your life.

[yoink 321]

Talking is the big one, I've heard.

Being able to talk issues through in a non-judgemental and even non-problem solving way can be a big help. Just being able to listen well can be a real bonus.

[obelixtim 150]

How about travel/a holiday. Sometimes people get bogged down by their surroundings.....seeing the same people and locations can trigger reminders or memories of negative occurrences.

Going somewhere new removes those immediate influences, and doing new things and meeting new people can give a different focus. Preferably with a trusted friend or relative to accompany them.

Not saying any of this will work, but it might be worth a try.

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[Phil1111 1,149]

Good advice. Only in America are drugs deemed to be the best response to a medical issue. Having said that severe depression may need medications.

Your suggestions cover the bases, employment, combined with support and exercise may offer a complete solution.

While she is unemployed volunteering somewhere may help. Anything to get out, get active and get the mind thinking. To help her keep a level perspective on her situation.

[Moosie 0]

I'd also recommend a hobby. Perhaps combining the hobby with the volunteer gig. I have a friend who spends her down time knitting hats for new babies. It's something she can do to keep her busy, gives her purpose, and allows her to still do it on days where she just can't get out to be social (her depression is the type where she's not a danger to herself to spend time by herself, and she gets out often when she can).
Having some sort of regular meeting/obligation helps, too. Like a weekly coffee date with a friend. Or a routine appointment to walk the dogs at a local shelter. Something where someone with any sense of obligation will make the effort to attend, as someone or something is counting on them.
I wish you and your loved one all the best. Depression isn't easy. You're a great friend and relative to help out.

[riggerrob 643]

Wendy and raff offer good advice.
My favourite form of exercise is hiking on steep, forested trails. Steep trails get my lungs breathing hard for half an hour. Rough trails force me to lift my eyes and pay attention to my surroundings. Forests and trees and moss and eagle all encourage mindfulness. All of which help lift me out of my own mental rut.
Since I struggle to get my ass off the couch some days, I leave the decision to God. If God provides a bright, sunny day - and I have no errands planned after work - then the decision has been made. I have no choice. I have to hop off the bus halfway home and hike up the side Burnaby Mountain.
Similarly, if Sunday afternoon is sunny, then God has decided that I should go for a hike after church. Again, I is God's decision and God's decision trumps my procrastination or excuses.
That logic got me climbing the Grouse Grind on my 60th birthday. I had been procrastinating for the last decade, but three months of regular afternoon hikes and mild weather took the decision out of my hands. I was committed to hiking up the Grouse Grind.

Try to think of walks in the park as short vacations.

[DJL 235]

A quick caution about telling someone with depression that they need to get out more, exercise more, or get out in the sun. That's putting the cart before the horse, people do those things because they're happy, not necessarily because those things make them happy.

What many people don't realize about depression is that it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, it's still there. People with depression do an amazing job at making other people think they're OK because it's a human habit to exude certain emotions. The root of it could be a million things and many times it really does take a counselor to work through them.

The idea of rejecting professional therapy or drugs is absolute BS. There are many instances in which treatment is learning to work through an issue without your normal response to that issue. If it takes a pill to do it then there's nothing wrong with doing that through the course of that specific treatment. That's way different than giving someone a lifetime prescription of Xanax, a 100% holistic approach can be as equally pointless.

And that is the end of my absolutely uninformed opinion.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[DrewEckhardt 0]

***No, not for me. For a younger relative who trusts me.
Has a good circle of friends who are trying to help. Has tried therapy (but has prejudice against therapy from parental opinions). Doesn't want to take drugs. Does have financial resources (fortunately), but would rather not use all of them. Currently unemployed because of company, not performance, issues.
Given my (yes, not specified for privacy reasons) relationship, I suggested that they
A. Get more regular exercise
[/QUOTE]

That helps.

Your relative should also get their vitamin D level checked - mine's at half the minimum even when I spend 1-2 hours a day in the sun. Eating 1 5000 iu pill a day gets my blood levels up to normal and really improves my mood.

Guys should get their testosterone levels checked, looking at totals and what's bio-available. Fixing that made a big difference for one of my friends.

Regardless, this calls for professional help.

[QUOTE]
B. Find either a job or volunteer gig that they believe in, that needs them, and that preferably keeps physically busy.
[/QUOTE]

That's not going to do anything to fix biochemistry that's off.

[Phil1111 1,149]

DrewEckhardt

***No, not for me. For a younger relative who trusts me.
Has a good circle of friends who are trying to help. Has tried therapy (but has prejudice against therapy from parental opinions). Doesn't want to take drugs. Does have financial resources (fortunately), but would rather not use all of them. Currently unemployed because of company, not performance, issues.
Given my (yes, not specified for privacy reasons) relationship, I suggested that they
A. Get more regular exercise
[/QUOTE]

That helps.

Your relative should also get their vitamin D level checked - mine's at half the minimum even when I spend 1-2 hours a day in the sun. Eating 1 5000 iu pill a day gets my blood levels up to normal and really improves my mood.

Guys should get their testosterone levels checked, looking at totals and what's bio-available. Fixing that made a big difference for one of my friends.

Regardless, this calls for professional help.

[QUOTE]
B. Find either a job or volunteer gig that they believe in, that needs them, and that preferably keeps physically busy.
[/QUOTE]

That's not going to do anything to fix biochemistry that's off.

This article discusses SAD and the overall interactions of exercise and drugs re depression:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression

[jumpwally 0]

It turns out nutrition plays a much bigger role than ever thought before...

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[wmw999 2,514]

I just wanted to say thanks for information, thoughts, and advice. It's been passed on as appropriate (i.e. too much advice is too much advice). Fortunately, a minor life crisis that actually had to be dealt with came up, and that helped to push some of the miasma of depression away for a little while; this is a person who finds themself seeking the "comfort zone," and then getting less and less active inside it. But they have a couple more tools now, and still have all those friends as well.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[brenthutch 444]

+1 on the vitamin D. I used to get mild depression during the winter months, not a problem in the last few years since I started taking a supplement. Although exercise and social engagement are even more important IMHO.
A dog might help as well. Dog walking is good exercise and it never hurts to have buckets of unconditional love.

[jclalor 12]

DJL

A quick caution about telling someone with depression that they need to get out more, exercise more, or get out in the sun. That's putting the cart before the horse, people do those things because they're happy, not necessarily because those things make them happy.

What many people don't realize about depression is that it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, it's still there. People with depression do an amazing job at making other people think they're OK because it's a human habit to exude certain emotions. The root of it could be a million things and many times it really does take a counselor to work through them.

The idea of rejecting professional therapy or drugs is absolute BS. There are many instances in which treatment is learning to work through an issue without your normal response to that issue. If it takes a pill to do it then there's nothing wrong with doing that through the course of that specific treatment. That's way different than giving someone a lifetime prescription of Xanax, a 100% holistic approach can be as equally pointless.

And that is the end of my absolutely uninformed opinion.

Xanax is not prescribed for depression, but for severe anxiety and panic attacks. And at the age of 55, I’ve been lucky enough to acquire all three.

[conderleez 0]

Hey ALL,

if you are interested in more assistance with depression I've found some phenomenal tools for myself.

Asking the question. "Who Does This Belong To?"

And getting my bars run

bars.accessconsciousness.com

[gowlerk 2,244]

conderleez

Hey ALL,

if you are interested in more assistance with depression I've found some phenomenal tools for myself.

Asking the question. "Who Does This Belong To?"

And getting my bars run

bars.accessconsciousness.com

Or snake oil. I've heard on the interwebs that it works great as well. I can sell you some if you like. PM me.

Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

[conderleez 0]

Thanks gowlerk

I've personally watched friends go from thinking they can only make it through the day with meds and marijauna and heavy drinking and never actually feeling like they could ever be them. I've also had several friends on the verge of suicide, that now are some of the happiest people you'll meet.

They get their bars run and ask this question, and now they can take the meds if they want but they don't need them and they are happier than they have been in their lives and they get happier every day.

So if you know anyone in that position and you'd like to send your friend a helping hand you can find someone near them hear. The practitioner may even accept your snake oil as payment
http://bars.accessconsciousness.com

[jumpboyian 0]

Hi Wendy,
I can understand how your younger relative is feeling mental health and depression can be a bit of a taboo subject. I can tell you what and did not
work for me.

Medication did not work for me in fact made me feel more depressed and
Increased my anxiety.
What did work was exercise and eating a good balanced diet, I am under the guidance of a naturopath for my symptoms.

Talking therapies did not work for me but I have found seeking the help of
Someone professional trained in psychotherapy can help.

Ian [reply

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

conderleez

Thanks gowlerk

I've personally watched friends go from thinking they can only make it through the day with meds and marijauna and heavy drinking and never actually feeling like they could ever be them. I've also had several friends on the verge of suicide, that now are some of the happiest people you'll meet.

They get their bars run and ask this question, and now they can take the meds if they want but they don't need them and they are happier than they have been in their lives and they get happier every day.

So if you know anyone in that position and you'd like to send your friend a helping hand you can find someone near them hear. The practitioner may even accept your snake oil as payment
http://bars.accessconsciousness.com

If it helped you, great.

However, simply searching it shows a lot of questionable info.

Anyone who charges for that shit should be ashamed of themselves.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[gowlerk 2,244]

Quote

The practitioner may even accept your snake oil as payment

Bullshit. Like all scam artists and faith healers they want money.

Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

[husslr187 24]

I have been a trigger pull away due to depression. mine was more of a self hate sort of thing, not a this world sucks and there's no point to live thing. Im not going to say anything towards what works and helps because everyone is different and what works for me may not work for your them. I will tell you things I have experienced that makes it worse though.

1)Lack of sleep. After a few days of no sleep your not thinking straight at all which makes it easier for your mind to justify things like suicide. Don't confuse this with having a task to work on and running with it. If they are constantly working on something without sleep it may be that they are doing it to keep their mind busy. Still not healthy but better than letting your mind wander.

2)doing nothing. letting your mind wander remembering all the bad things that happen in your life and how much happier you would have been if you did this instead of that. (My case was how things would have turned out better for others) winter does make things like this worse since there is less activities out of the house.

3) not eating much. depression can kill your appetite which also makes your depression worse. I had to force myself to eat, not because I was hungry but because I knew I wasn't getting enough. With that said you have to want to be better to do this.

4) the environment your in. At the time I had stress at work and where I lived. I could get out of the the house for a little bit but everything around me I found boring so it was kinda pointless but I did try.

All of these combined is what put me at the edge. The first thing I did was get out of the environment. I joined a gym and went 3 times a week. I didn't really enjoy it but it did a least make me tired so I would sleep more. It also made me hungry so I was eating more as well. I understand that a lot of people would say exercise is the answer but in my opinion its not. Like a pill it is treating the symptoms not the cause. It is however a very good temporary fix until you get your life sorted out and if it does eventually become your hobby, good for you. I just found it boring but kept at until I improved myself. I changed positions at my job, I changed where I lived, I got into woodworking for a few years to keep my mind busy since I can't change my past. (If you think skydiving is expensive try pricing out good woodworking tools/equipment) my disposition toward others is not as friendly as it use to be though. Well more the general public but with skydivers it's different

All of that above was before I took the first leap. while I would say skydiving has helped me the most, not everyone wants to do that or has that option.