religious joke of the day

[motionscribe 0]

winsor

Yeah, I guess I'd have a real hard time coming up with examples of large numbers of people performing ghastly atrocities in the name of their 'peaceful' religion

Right, given that the 3+ billion religious people in this world don't want to perform any type of ghastly atrocities whatsoever in the name of their peaceful religion. . .

You'd probably have better luck finding full bottles of beer lying around campus after a tailgate. . .

winsor

You sure put me in my place.

Probably not, you just reminded me of "that guy." (snicker)

[winsor 236]

Perusal of History of Religion shows that a primary function of religion is the projection of power.

Afghanistan, the Graveyard of Empires, was never (and likely never will be) defeated militarily, but fell to Islam. Similarly, Ireland succumbed to Catholicism (and whiskey).

Adherents to a particular ideology need not actively participate in active violence to be complicit. Boston Irish who funded the IRA for generations or Pakistanis who tolerate the insane excesses of Islam are prime examples.

It is a software glitch in the human psyche that makes most people susceptible to the mental malware that is religion. Like many trojans, worms and viruses, religious conviction can lie dormant and apparently harmless, but be catastrophic when activated.

[SethInMI 174]

"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here, this is the War Room"

We are in Speakers Corner, so taking shots at the other side is to be expected and encouraged, but this is a JOKE THREAD, so try to keep it funny, at least to one side if not both.

Thank you.

It's flare not flair, brakes not breaks, bridle not bridal, "could NOT care less" not "could care less".

[gowlerk 2,190]

motionscribe

Didn't you already forfeit your right to post in this thread?

Just because the moderators erased your classless behavior doesn't mean that it's gone unnoticed. . .

Fortunately class is not graded in this forum and you don't make the rules.

Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

[winsor 236]

A Lawyer, a Doctor and a Priest wound up sharing a stateroom on an ocean liner.

The ship shook mightily, and the Lawyer ran into the room. "We've hit an iceberg and we're sinking! Head to the lifeboats!"

"What about the women and ?" asked the Doctor.

"Fuck them!" said the Lawyer.

"Think there's time?" asked the Priest?

[motionscribe 0]

gowlerk

***Didn't you already forfeit your right to post in this thread?

Just because the moderators erased your classless behavior doesn't mean that it's gone unnoticed. . .

Fortunately class is not graded in this forum and you don't make the rules.

Right, the rule was against jokes about pedophilia, which is why they deleted his "classy" comment. . .

Must be nice to just pop back in here and continue posting as if it never happened. . .especially coming from someone that bitches so much about what other people say to the point that he apparently feels the need for multiple self bannings. . .

[normiss 798]

It was an unintentional posting, never even considered it pedophilia related. I saw it as making a joke about the history f catholic priests, which is accurate. Current even.

Maybe you can't handle jokes about your beliefs?

The self righteous stance of believers pushes a metric shit ton of people away.

Man who farts in church must sit in his own pew.

[motionscribe 0]

normiss

It was an unintentional posting, never even considered it pedophilia related.

Wow. If anyone wants to know, I'll PM them the "joke" and they can decided how the fuck you never considered it related to pedophilia.

Lame excuse, dude. . .

Either you knew it, or bigotry has blinded you that much. . .

[normiss 798]

Wrong on both counts.

[SethInMI 174]

winsor

Jesus Fucking Christ, y'all are going to get this thread locked.

(it was funny though)

It's flare not flair, brakes not breaks, bridle not bridal, "could NOT care less" not "could care less".

[billvon 2,990]

>The ship shook mightily, and the Lawyer ran into the room. "We've hit an iceberg
>and we're sinking! Head to the lifeboats!"

And the swedish doctor said "you are . . . sinking? Uh - what are you sinking about?"

[Niki1 1]

You maybe should talk to Ron. I don't agree with most of what he says but he expresses himself clearly and intelligently without the foul language. Ask him what he thinks of your posts. I'm not sure but he may say that they're counter-productive.

Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossilbe before they were done.
Louis D Brandeis

Where are we going and why are we in this basket?

[winsor 236]

During the Troubles, an American visited Belfast.

As he was sipping a pint in the local pub, one of the regulars asked him what church he attended.

"I don't go to church, I'm an Atheist!"

"Would that be a Protestant Atheist or a Catholic Atheist?"

[GeorgiaDon 362]

motionscribe

Holy Christ, what a load of pretentious bullshit. I bet the people here just let you ramble on like some once respected college professor that now scours the campus for empty bottles. . .

For 25 years Dr. Ted Danner, a well respected University of British Columbia geology professor, would pick up cans and bottles as he walked to and from campus. In Canada there is a deposit paid on soft drink cans and bottles, and he used the funds raised by redeeming them for a scholarship that supported geology graduate students. When he died he left $1.2 million dollars to the geology department to support grad students, and a significant part of that endowment was funded by picking up empty bottles.

Given a choice between Dr. Danner's "rambling" and your pretentious bullshit, I know who I prefer to support.

Don

_____________________________________
Tolerance is the cost we must pay for our adventure in liberty. (Dworkin, 1996)
“Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire.” (Yeats)

[gowlerk 2,190]

Quote

Holy Christ, what a load of pretentious bullshit.

Yes, as others have said in different ways, there is a delicious irony in having you first use quotations of scripture in an attempt to prove scripture is truth, then accusing them of pretentiousness.

Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

[tonyhays 86]

"scripture"...indeed.

Not really a joke but still funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB3g6mXLEKk

“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

[RMK 3]

winsor

Perusal of History of Religion shows that a primary function of religion is the projection of power.

Afghanistan, the Graveyard of Empires, was never (and likely never will be) defeated militarily, but fell to Islam. Similarly, Ireland succumbed to Catholicism (and whiskey).

Adherents to a particular ideology need not actively participate in active violence to be complicit. Boston Irish who funded the IRA for generations or Pakistanis who tolerate the insane excesses of Islam are prime examples.

It is a software glitch in the human psyche that makes most people susceptible to the mental malware that is religion. Like many trojans, worms and viruses, religious conviction can lie dormant and apparently harmless, but be catastrophic when activated.

^^^
If there was a "like" button, I would click it.

"Pain is the best instructor, but no one wants to attend his classes"

[RMK 3]

lippy

A man has a home that's under evacuation order due to an approaching hurricane. He says "I don't have to evacuate, God will protect me"

A few hours later with 4 inches of water on the ground, somebody pulls up in a car and offers him a ride. He declines, saying "It's OK, I will stay here, God will take care of me"

A few more hours pass and as the flood waters rise he's sitting on top of his car when somebody pulls up in a boat offering to take him to safety. He says "keep the space in your boat for others, God will look after me"

Several hours later he's on top of his roof as the waters continue to rise when a helicopter approaches trying to rescue him. Again, the man says "I need no rescue, I have faith that God will save me".

Ultimately the waters continue to rise until the man drowns. He arrives at the Pearly Gates and sees God and asks "My Lord, why didn't you save me???"

God responds "What are you talking about, I sent a car, I sent a boat, I sent a helicopter....."

The recent missionary story is like the three attempts in this joke above:

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/11/27/asia/india-body-us-missionary-intl/index.html

They stopped a little less than half a mile away and waited in the dark. At some point in the morning, Chau "used a canoe to reach the shore of the island," Pathak said.
He returned later that day with arrow injuries, police said.
But that did not discourage him.
He returned to the island the following day. It's unclear what happened but "the (tribespeople) broke his canoe" and he had no other option than to swim back to the boat.
On the third attempt of his mission, he didn't come back.

Looks like his Jesus also goes with "three strikes and you're out"

"Pain is the best instructor, but no one wants to attend his classes"

[BIGUN 1,297]

For the love of God

SC has degenerated so much that even the same (and possibly last) ten active people on here cannot take even exchange jokes without trying to shred the skin off of each other.

We used to talk WITH each other - Not AT each other.

Course we used to see each other at boogies. Sit around the bonfire and discuss things. Now we just launch insults and petty attacks from hundreds or thousands of miles away.

Would the last one to leave SC; please turn out the lights.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[normiss 798]

There are no lights remaining, darkness is the new standard.

[SethInMI 174]

normiss

There are no lights remaining, darkness is the new standard.

Listen you grumpy motherfuckers, get back to the joke telling and leave the doom and gloom to other threads.

For example:
Giphy says Jesus Saves!

It's flare not flair, brakes not breaks, bridle not bridal, "could NOT care less" not "could care less".

[jakee 1,489]

SethInMI

For example:
Giphy says Jesus Saves!

Mohammed gathers the rebound, crosses to Buddha, Vishnu scores!!!!

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[normiss 798]

What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

[normiss 798]

If God really made everything…

He’s Chinese, right?

[winsor 236]

Jesus saves.

Moses invests.