When Loved Ones Aren't Thrilled with You Skydiving.

[Namowal 0]

Hi,
When I first started skydiving (I'm half way through AFF), my dad was supportive off my new hobby. Now that it's clear that this isn't a temporary phase, he's suggesting that I "slow down," that weekly AFF attempts are "too much, too soon," and has hinted I "try other new hobbies".
I've tried to tell him that frequent lessons are a good thing, but he doesn't believe me!
Since I'm in my forties and on my own, he can't keep me "grounded," but I feel like I'm being a rotten kid for worrying him.
Any suggestions as to how I should handle this?

My blog with the skydiving duck cartoons.

[Austintxflight 0]

sign him up for a tandem.

[guineapiggie101 0]

Have him come to the DZ and see what you are doing and what goes on there. Then see if he wants to do a tandem.

This past Sunday, I brought my husband and his friend to the DZ for the first time, and showed him around. I even got his best friend to come up on an observer ride with me while I did a tandem. Now they have an idea what skydiving is about

[Namowal 0]

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Have him come to the DZ and see what you are doing and what goes on there. Then see if he wants to do a tandem.

This past Sunday, I brought my husband and his friend to the DZ for the first time, and showed him around. I even got his best friend to come up on an observer ride with me while I did a tandem. Now they have an idea what skydiving is about

I've suggested a tandem a few times but he's not interested. Maybe I'll convince him to visit the DZ.

My blog with the skydiving duck cartoons.

[JohnMitchell 16]

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Maybe I'll convince him to visit the DZ.

That often helps. My in-laws had no idea what the skydiving my wife did was like. They finally visited the DZ and relaxed quite a bit. They said it looked much safer than they imagined.

Whuffos pretty much think we spend our weekends drag racing with death.

[almeister112 0]

I second the idea that bringing family members out to the DZ can do wonders. For me it wasn't bringing them to the DZ, it was showing them the gear, but if you're still a student those are one and the same.

Either you or an instructor should walk your dad through how a rig works: the main, the reserve, the cutaway and reserve handles, and especially the RSL and AAD. Once my family knew I had trained for emergencies A LOT, my reserve was packed by an FAA-certified rigger, AND I had 2 different backup devices in case I didn't pull my reserve after cutting away they felt a lot better about the whole enterprise. I'm assuming you've already explained that stuff, but seeing how well the gear is built really impressed my family. They still think swooping and BASE jumping are for people with death wishes, but they realize that skydiving isn't as dangerous as whuffos assume.

[format 1]

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Whuffos pretty much think we spend our weekends drag racing with death.

and we do. Death is havin' a bad time but what the hell.

If I'd have a kid in their forties and if they would convince me to visit a 'drag with death' track,
I would've stay convinced as did.

so, both are right
edit: "as was"?

What goes around, comes later.

[JackC1 0]

By mutual consent, they don't ask and I don't tell.

[nigel99 466]

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Maybe I'll convince him to visit the DZ.

That often helps. My in-laws had no idea what the skydiving my wife did was like. They finally visited the DZ and relaxed quite a bit. They said it looked much safer than they imagined.

Whuffos pretty much think we spend our weekends drag racing with death.

My parents don't approve but stay out of it. My daughter hates us jumping and is vocal about it. Personally I struggle to reconcile the risk and selfishness of jumping against the personal reward that it brings.

It was brought into very sharp focus for me when we were searching 100 foot tall forest for my wife on her AFF level 1 and had a plane up looking for her. I had to face the reality that she may not be alive (luckily she was fine thanks to some excellent ground schooling)

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[jonstark 8]

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By mutual consent, they don't ask and I don't tell.

For years this is the way I handled my parents. Finally, after winning the nationals and being on the first ever 100 way I called them with the news. They said "Oh... We thought you quit."

About 6 years ago I took my dad to a get-together where a lot of the people were skydivers. We had a great time. He said "If I had known how nice these skydivers were I probably would have made a jump!" He's 90 now and won't be jumping but we still have a good laugh.

jon

[Southern_Man 0]

I'm in my 40s too. I guess my relationship w/ my parents is different (not better or worse, just different). I have a good relationship w/ them but I didn't really seek or expect their approval over my fun time (nor their disapproval). I think if they had expressed disapproval I would have just stopped talking about skydiving with them.

My folks are okay with it, they have done white water rafting and my father was a licensed pilot (for gliders as well) and I have one a bunch of adventure sports previously.

I did sit down with them shortly after I started and had a long talk about the waiver and not suing anybody if something happened to me. Never any guarantees but I think they would respect my wishes on that front.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[DougH 270]

My dad isn't thrilled that I jump but he knows it makes me happy.

I made it clear from the beggining that I understood as a parent where he was coming from, but that it was an activity that made me happy in my life.

I don't try to convince him that he should be OK with me jumping, and he doesn' try to convince me that I should give it up.

A mutual understanding.

"The restraining order says you're only allowed to touch me in freefall"
=P

[mrubin 0]

My parents were not thrilled with me taking up skydiving. I invited them to the DZ to watch me jump and that helped a lot. They were able to talk to some of the instructors and get some questions answered and they watched me have two stand-up landings (probably the most pressure I've ever felt to stand one up). After they spent some time at the DZ, they told me that they were more comfortable with it because I knew what I was doing, I was surrounded by experienced instructors to give me advice, and they saw just how happy it made me. They still weren't excited about me jumping out of planes, but they were okay with it.

"I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

[mirage62 0]

Your 40....tell him you love him and never bring it up again. Don't listen when he does, just tell him you love him and change the subject

Kevin Keenan is my hero, a double FUP, he does so much with so little

[Southern_Man 0]

You could also incorporate it into a cartoon....


Seriously, when are you jumping again, I want more drawings.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[DarrellM5 0]

My wife wasn't too thrilled about my new hobby. As I finished AFF and got a few more jumps in she started to come around a bit. Then she visited the dropzone with me and that seemed to help a lot. However, I've been doing all my jumping in Mesquite and the tragedy this past weekend has cancelled out all of her confidence. I'm back to square one.

[Namowal 0]

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You could also incorporate it into a cartoon....

That's part of the problem. He knows about my blog.
Other than that I've been rather sneaky about when I'm jumping so he doesn't worry.

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Seriously, when are you jumping again, I want more drawings.

I jumped last Saturday (AFF 4) and am working on the drawings. I jump again this Saturday (weather permitting).

My blog with the skydiving duck cartoons.

[BIGUN 1,297]

If you're in your forties, my suspicion is your Dad is worried about you... but, he's also worried about him.
How much family support does he have as he gets older?
Is this concern something you should consider addressing with him?

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[Scrumpot 1]

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Once my family knew I had trained for emergencies A LOT, my reserve was packed by an FAA-certified rigger, AND I had 2 different backup devices in case I didn't pull my reserve after cutting away they felt a lot better about the whole enterprise.

So, apparently - you did not tell them (and maybe you do not accept/appreciate/acknowledge for yourself) that MOST serious injuries and deaths in this sport no longer take place as the result of an equipment malfunction in ANY way really at all - and that rather, they occur today in the greatest #'s and heavily weighted preponderance only even AFTER a perfectly good parachute has been deployed, is fully opened, and is flying above your head?

Think about that. Appreciate it. Understand it (even for yourself) and prepare yourself in THAT (and those) regard(s) as well, accordingly.

Trying to portray skydiving as "safe" is a fallacy, and does both the Whuffo - but more importantly, potentially even yourself (ourselves rather- not intended just strictly and personally at/to you almeister) here, a grave disservice.

Just FWIW to add/consider within the overall discussion as well.

coitus non circum - Moab Stone

[Scrumpot 1]

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My dad isn't thrilled that I jump but he knows it makes me happy.

I made it clear from the beggining that I understood as a parent where he was coming from, but that it was an activity that made me happy in my life.

I don't try to convince him that he should be OK with me jumping, and he doesn' try to convince me that I should give it up.

A mutual understanding.

+1.
Best answer in this thread. Trying to take the tack of attempting to convince others against their opinions, and that they should be either invalidated or diminished is a mistake. Instead rather, that you APPRECIATE them, recognize their concerns from THEIR PERSPECTIVE, and respect them - then further you also look for that commensurate regard as a mutually-respectful adult (unless you've not EARNED yet that capability in their eyes - which is an entirely different subject matter then in of itself, altogether!) is the MATURE (in every sense of the word) way to go.

coitus non circum - Moab Stone

[towerrat 0]

I'm just lucky I guess. My Dad gave me my first skydive as a christmas present, and has also put jump tickets on my account for birthdays and whatnot. That being said, he made a jump back in the 80's and decided it wasn't his cup of tea.
My Mother (divorced from dad since I was a toddler) didn't particularly care for it, but respected the fact that I'm a grown man. She preferred not to talk about it, but never made it uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure they were both just glad I wasn't doing any number of things I've been known to do in the past, and had something to keep my attention.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

[MikeJD 0]

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That's part of the problem. He knows about my blog.

Use that to your advantage. Next time you post, draw gigantic fluffy marshallows all over the landing area.

Edited to add: I don't think my mother's too keen either. She asks me about it now and again, but she refers to it as my 'hobby'. I always want to get on my high horse and say it's not a 'hobby'... but then I think if it helps her feel better to describe it as such, maybe I should leave well alone!

[ghost47 18]

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I've tried to tell him that frequent lessons are a good thing, but he doesn't believe me!

If your dad is the type to listen to reasoned argument, then find out WHY he doesn't think frequent lessons are a good thing, and explain to him the error of his thinking -- maybe he doesn't understand how frequent training makes you a safer skydiver, because you still need to make certain things a habit, and the only way to do that is to keep your skydives relatively frequent in time.

Alternatively, if he's just hoping you'll find something else, then maybe try explaining to him why you're learning to skydive, what it means to you, and what it makes you feel.

If your dad is not the type to listen to reasoned argument, then there's not much you can do but agree to disagree.

[shah269 0]

My mom hates it.
But she hates my bike more.
She thinks i'm going to go in.....eh....she could be right. Who knows.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[CMiller 1]

Just keep doing it. Eventually they will accept it. Be sure not to ask them for money though! Then they will definitely keep caring!

P.S. Welcome to Elsinore.