Is there any hope for me?

[14000andfalling 0]

Hi to everyone, i'lll make this as short as I can...

2 years ago I made my first jump as a Tandem, loved it, then immediately signed up for a SL course.
No real fear or anxiety whatsoever on the first jump, but on the second of the day I was last out (Islander carrying 7) and while waiting for my turn to go and watching the others go I really started to get panicky.
Nonetheless, I still grudgingly dragged my ass to the door and got out, making a really unstable exit.
Luckily apart from one arm being a little sore from a riser jerk and some mean line twists all ended well.
Cut to one month later and i'm back in the Islander, determined to get to freefall.
The very second the door closed I was drenched in a horrible, leg-shaking dread that just didn't stop...Definately made worse by having to watch two accuracy ladies hopping and popping from 2500, climbing over me to get out.
Just when I thought I was either going to poo in my pants or die of fright I was called to the door.
All feelings vanished, and I made a great exit and landed like a butterfly.
Bottom line is this...I have never stopped thinking about skydiving and have been saving for the last few months to get my AFF and consols done, probably in Spain.
I long for the day that I can be tracking across the sky with a relaxed grin on my face, but if i'm honest i'm petrified of freezing up in the door or freaking out when the door closes.
I'm fine in the tunnel, i'm abseiling off a Hotel next week for charity, and out of 3 SL jumps I have a 100% Line-Twist record and so have faith in myself under pressure...But i'm still pretty nervy about getting out the door at altitude.

Is there any hope for me, or should I stick to the tunnel and admit that it's not gonna happen?

Feel free to PM, and thanks in advance.

JJ

[lolimfalling 0]

no its not going to happen. give up now.


lol jk. just stick with it. all your hard work will pay off
when you finally get there. i was extremely anxious in the plane for my 12 jumps then i got more comfortable with the experience as a whole and everything just came together. just be patient with yourself and as long as ur having fun who cares, the more you do it, the more comfortable youll get doing it and eventually you will have very little to no anxiety when moving towards to door.

although a little anxiety is probably a good thing lol.
just keep jumping and have fun, ull get there :)

[BIGUN 1,312]

I know a guy who would drive to the DZ. Stay far enough away to just watch and then drive home.
Today he is an AFF Instructor.
I know another guy who was on S/L for 31 jumps.
He later went on to make 104 jumps in 12 hours out of a C-182.
Stories like this abound.
But, in the end, no one can tell you anything that you can do that will take that feeling away or even tell you to press on.
Skydiving is a personal choice.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[bullin82 0]

No worries just keep it up you will eventully get comfy with it. the thing is be afraid in the plane but come go time all thoughts on what needs to be done. i am crazy afraid of flying but when im out and under canopy im golden cause its all me. i only have 15 aff jumps and 35 military jumps and every one of them my brain screams at me and says "dont do it you nut job" but being stubarn i will conqure that everytime and when im poised theres nothing on my mind but what needs to be done so everyone has a safe and fun jump. So keep it up youll do great.

[Andy0689 0]

Quote

The very second the door closed I was drenched in a horrible, leg-shaking dread that just didn't stop...

That doesn't sound like dread. It sounds like an adrenaline rush. Welcome and embrace it! I had the shakes all through AFF. Just focus on the dive flow and the tasks at hand. It might take your mind off the fact that your stepping off a plane 2.5 miles up.

Andy
I'll believe it when I see it on YouTube!

[D22369 0]

the huge adrenal hit is normal and will taper off the more you do it, I would recommend multiple jumps per day, you might find that the 2nd and 3rd jumps in the day you are much calmer.

If its what you want, then keep going - the dread will fade leaving you with anticipation and excitement

Roy

They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

[14000andfalling 0]

Thanks for the response guys, I guess we'll see how I get on...

[humbled1 0]

My first 10 jumps I almost rode the plane down each and everytime. I was so scared I wanted to cry.

I only jumped in the beginning cuz I had talked so much about "learning to skydive" to my family and friends I could not face the idea of telling everyone I backed out. (a couple of months prior I had done my first tandem, and I was hooked before we opened the main) Plus I had already spend a grip of cash on an Alti-track, helmet, gloves, etc.. all before my FJC. Looking back it was not to wise but since it helped me keep going I am glad I did.

It will get better, then it will get worse, then better, etc.....at least for me the only time I get scared is when I deploy, (its super-scary if I packed it!!)

good luck and just keep jumping!

"Tell ya the truth, I don't think this is a brains kind of operation."

[mellow 0]

no one was more scared than i was.....

i really struggled with aff in the beginning, and then had a really frightening level 4 jump when my instructor let me go (and never got back) and i spun violently like a propeller for the entire freefall- the fear of jumping again after that was extremely intense- but i did it- and then aff got fun, and i was ok.

then there were my first few solos- whose going to babysit me up there? what's the dive flow? how do i exit? i'm alone now.....more fear..... and then that passed. i made a few coach jumps, worked through the fears, and then my solos got really fun. in fact i started enjoying myself so much that finishing the A card became second priority. i just wanted to dive out, barrel roll about 9 or 10 times on my way out of the plane and just have fun out there for the sake of having fun.

and now, at 40 jumps, i'm just about done with the A card, and ready to meet new challenges. and i can tell you, from my perspective, each time i face and overcome a fear, i feel better and stronger and more alive.

you can do it! just take a deep breath, relax, and get acclimated to one of the best places around- the beautiful, vast, open space of the sky.

Jennifer

don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. and then go do that, because what the world needs is people that come alive.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

Let me see if I understand correctly.

Scared silly, unstable exit and line twists on your first jump.

But you kept at it.

Scared silly in the plane, made worse by watching the H&Ps go before you, but all the scared thoughts went away when you stood in the door.

You don't give details about the 3rd jump, but let me guess...
Scared silly in the plane, but jumped anyway. Line twists but you dealt with them.

And you can't stop thinking about the sky.
You "long for the day I can be tracking across the sky..."


Nope, no hope whatsoever.

You're totally screwed.

Just like the rest of us

If you haven't frozen up yet, you proabably won't. The fear will diminish, but it hasn't gone all the way away for me yet, and I hope it never does. That fear keeps me on my toes and helps keep complacency away.

FWIW, I was going to get to freefall (S/L progression) if it killed me.
I was scared shitless in the plane, even on the ground gearing up.
But I did it.

It was SOOOOO worth it.

Tracking across the sky with a big goofy grin on my face is mostly what I think about too.

And there ain't no hope for me anymore either.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[pinkfairy 0]

You sound completely normal.

It will help to do more jumps in one day, if you go home between jumps when you only have very little experience, then you'll start thinking too much about all the things that could go wrong, and that will only make you more nerveous.

It's normal that the second and third jumps are scarier than the first one, as you know what you're going to do. The first one is like "I'm going to jump out of an airplane, Wow, I'm crazy, haha!", the next ones are more like "OMG, I actually DID jump out of an airplane for real and survived, now I'm gonna do it again, what if I'm not so lucky this time?"

If you're worried that you might be unsafe, talk to your instructors.

The "door monster" takes some time to get rid of, it certainly did for me.

Relax, you can die if you mess up, but it will probably not be by bullet.

I'm a BIG, TOUGH BIGWAY FORMATION SKYDIVER! What are you?

[drewcarp 0]

These posts are encouraging, please keep them coming. I am in kinda the same boat but i wasn't really that scared for the first 5 jumps then I ran out of money and took some time off and found the incidents forum and read way too many of those (damn you DZ.com)....now I can't seem to get back into the air even though I want to more than anything else. Compounding the problem is the "hurry hurry hurry up and gear up I have 46 more AFFI jumps to do today, no time for a gear check i already did it for you..." DZ that is the only close one to me. Now i'm putting it off by making plans to train out of state.

Anyone have any stories about coming back later after just a few jumps and being more freaked out than ever before and getting over it?

To the OP, take the advice I should and just go do it, maybe we can work it out and jump together someday
Thanks all.

[bullin82 0]

I have been on and off now since 2005. i made my first jump in 05 when i was home on leave thn i paid for the entire class. got home thenext year made 14 jumps until season was over hurt my back in late 06-07 and couldnt jump 07 and 08. now im in Iraq again and will be home in 10 and nervous as all shit, but i love it and n matter what wil finish and do my best to learn everything possible.

As far as your DZ goes i would say any place that is more concerned about numbers needs to be left alone, thats just bad news. its required at my DZ to do 3 gear checks bfore the jump, 1 when you get the rig, 1 before you enter the plane, and one before the doors open. i love the system cause then you know your gear is good and you reasure yourself so.

[Rhallifax 0]

Any hope?

You bet!

Most good skydivers started just like you.

Good luck.

[Rhallifax 0]

[Anyone have any stories about coming back later after just a few jumps and being more freaked out than ever before and getting over it?]

Dan BC was just featured a month ago in Parachutist for a profile. If you don't know, he is one of the very best skydivers ever in 4 way and 8 way formation skydiving. And, he's had some personal challanges along the way.

In his profile, Dan said he was more impressed with the courage of a first jump student than anything he had done in skydiving in years.

For someone as accomplished as him, that really impressed me. He is, after all, correct. When you make your first jump, or even your first hundred jumps, it takes an amount of courage to enter an unknown sky in which everyone had told you for your whole life that it's completely unsafe.

What you are overcoming is what almost all skydivers have overcome. And, that you want to overcome that, makes you somewhat unique among people, in general.

If you want it badly enough, then you will attain it. And, perhaps, someday you will smile and say to yourself, "I may screw up this skydive, but, my-o-my, am I lucky to be a skydiver."

Few others in this world know that joy.

[14000andfalling 0]

Again i'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone that's taken the time out to reply or PM me.
Rest assured i've taken everything onboard and am looking to spend 2 weeks(ish) doing AFF and consols in November, either in Spain or Florida.
In the meantime i'll be tunneling away, but hopefully i'll have some good new to report soon.

JJ

[ScottyE 0]

If you want it badly enough, then you will attain it. And, perhaps, someday you will smile and say to yourself, "I may screw up this skydive, but, my-o-my, am I lucky to be a skydiver."

Few others in this world know that joy.

[thrillstalker 0]

i got so nervous on my second aff jump i almost didnt go out. one of the instructors had already climbed out, he yelled back in are you ready and i told him hell no. my other instructor just started saying right hand, right foot, left hand, left foot. these are the steps to exit stable with instructors. she said it over and over and i finally just let it take over and jumped out. i get nervous every time i jump. im good till the ride to altitude, but around 11000 i get really nervous, you are fixing to fall 2.5 miles and the only thing that is going to save you are your wits and i piece of nylon. i think only a dumbass wouldnt be afraid. i call it the door shakes cause i get it every time, it does get easier with every jump because you get more confident, and you can react a little faster.

good luck and blue skies

"Never grow a wishbone, where your backbone ought to be."