MakeItHappen 15 #1 April 11, 2005 Johnny Carson had a bit on the Tonight Show called Karnak the Magnificent. Karnak would hold a sealed envelope up to his head to divine the answer. Karnak would state the answer and then open the sealed envelope and read the question. In the spirit of the late Johnny Carson, I give you Paranak the Magnificent! Answer: an RSL and an AAD Question: Name two safety features that will pull for you. Answer: the 100-jump wonder Question: Who is the all-knowing and all-seeing jumper? Answer: Wait until the AAD fires. Question: What do you do if you go unstable when trying to pull the reserve? Answer: I can clear it. Question: What do you think when looking at a malfunction? Answer: 4500 feet Question: What altitude can you pull above and not have to worry about running out of altitude? Answer: a tourist Question: What do you call a jumper that has been jumping less than 10 years? Answer: Wait until the AAD fires. Question: What do you do if you cannot pull the main? Answer: Give an extra $10 to the rigger. Question: How do you hook up your main? Answer: You owe me a repack. Question: What do you say to your packer after you have a malfunction? Answer: I always jump like that. Question: What do you say when someone says your chest strap is mis-routed? Answer: Because the passenger really likes it. Question: Why do you swoop tandems in your bird-suit? Answer: 100 feet Question: When do you start your 270 degree turn for a swoop landing? Answer: the tetrahedron Question: What target do you use for accuracy landings? Answer: Pull a toggle all the way down. Question: What do you do to avoid an obstacle on landing? Answer: Try to stand up the landing. Question: What do you do when you land downwind in 25 mph winds? Answer: Wait until the AAD fires. Question: What do you do after a cutaway? Answer: Same ole - same ole Question: What do you do for high performance landings at 5000 feet density altitude? Answer: I thought I could make it back. Question: What is your reason for crashing into MY BMW? Answer: The canopy turns faster in high winds. Question: Why did you turn so low? Answer: My instructor. Question: Who will pull for me as a student if I don't? .. Make It Happen Parachute History DiveMaker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spizzzarko 0 #2 April 11, 2005 Answer: a tourist Question: What do you call a jumper that has been jumping less than 10 years Really, There are dudes and chicks out there that have a lot of experience in less than 10 years. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mjosparky 4 #3 April 11, 2005 QuoteThere are dudes and chicks out there that have a lot of experience in less than 10 years. They may have a lot of jumps but they still have less then 10 years experience. Have them call back when/if they survive 25 years. SparkyMy idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spizzzarko 0 #4 April 11, 2005 You do have a point. What's our thoughts on those who get 500 jumps in a year, and try for their tandem rating with less than 3 years in the sport. I know what the rules say "500 jumps 3 years in the sport before you can apply fo r the RWS tandem rating" Personally I feel that the tandem rating should have a lot more jumps to it. I got my Tandem at 900 jumps, and I felt innadequate for it. I also thought that I was a good flyer. I did tandems untill my 2000th jump, and then I let my rating lapse. I never hurt anybody, but I was getting quite a few aches and paines from doing tandems. I just didn't want to continue with that line of work. i felt the risks outwayed the rewards. Grant Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MakeItHappen 15 #5 April 11, 2005 QuoteThere are dudes and chicks out there that have a lot of experience in less than 10 years. Answer: A shooting star. Question: What do you call folks that cram in a bunch of jumps in a short time span and then leave the sport (dead or alive)? .. Make It Happen Parachute History DiveMaker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spizzzarko 0 #6 April 11, 2005 Maybe, they have figured out that the sport wasn't fo them. I have gotten 2,500 jumps in 6 years. Most of that was from the Military. The Military really burnned me out on jumping, and I'm just coming back off that burn out experience. So I'm kind of cynacle on the whole deal, if you know what I mean. I would have to say, It really doesn't matter where you came from, or what your experience is, as long as you are inherently safe in the sky. On the oposite thought spectrum, I wouldn't mind if the AFF, and the Tandem, I experience requirements were raised a little bit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kingbunky 3 #7 April 11, 2005 QuoteQuoteThere are dudes and chicks out there that have a lot of experience in less than 10 years. They may have a lot of jumps but they still have less then 10 years experience. Have them call back when/if they survive 25 years. Sparky who would you trust more, the one with 1000 jumps in 5 years, or the one with 1000 jumps in 25 years? who would be more current? i'm goin' with the 'tourist' on this one."Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart." MB4252 TDS699 killing threads since 2001 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #8 April 11, 2005 dude... after all those Q&A's you pick that one to take issue with!? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #9 April 11, 2005 Tourists arent bad people (be it the people in funny shirts and speedos on beaches, or skydivers lol). Its meant as someone who hasnt been around that long and who'll probably leave the sport at some point.Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #10 April 11, 2005 Quote who would you trust more, the one with 1000 jumps in 5 years, or the one with 1000 jumps in 25 years? who would be more current? i'm goin' with the 'tourist' on this one. Trust in what way? If it's a rigger, I'll take the 25 year guy. Ditto with an instructor teaching a FJC to a friend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #11 April 11, 2005 QuoteDitto with an instructor teaching a FJC to a friend. I'm just curious as to why you would choose someone with more years rather than more current in teaching a FJC.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #12 April 11, 2005 QuoteQuoteDitto with an instructor teaching a FJC to a friend. I'm just curious as to why you would choose someone with more years rather than more current in teaching a FJC. A person with more years will have seen more at the DZs, seen more changes go through the DZs and have a longer view context of things. A person with more jumps in a shorter time will have more skill, but I don't see where that is as important for a low end student because you're just teaching basic skills. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #13 April 11, 2005 QuoteQuote who would you trust more, the one with 1000 jumps in 5 years, or the one with 1000 jumps in 25 years? who would be more current? i'm goin' with the 'tourist' on this one. Trust in what way? If it's a rigger, I'll take the 25 year guy. Ditto with an instructor teaching a FJC to a friend. Quote Ditto... 'Old Guys" tend to be more conservative in their decision making. And more aware of their limitations. I got my Tandem Rating in '86, and I remember 1 guy being asked to leave before things even really got started in the course because of his well know rep for 'pushing the limits'. He could jump circles around most of us there, but had been in the sport 5 years and having never jumped anywhere but Fla. had a limited frame of reference... He also needed to re-learn a lot of the lessons about safety the 'ole dudes' knew first hand. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #14 April 11, 2005 QuoteA person with more jumps in a shorter time will have more skill, but I don't see where that is as important for a low end student because you're just teaching basic skills. I can see what you're saying, but you could give the argument that a student needs more coaching than anyone else. For example, it's very difficult (and very crucial) for someone with 10 jumps to learn to track. Staying "one step ahead" of the student isn't always the best method.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #15 April 11, 2005 QuoteQuoteA person with more jumps in a shorter time will have more skill, but I don't see where that is as important for a low end student because you're just teaching basic skills. I can see what you're saying, but you could give the argument that a student needs more coaching than anyone else. For example, it's very difficult (and very crucial) for someone with 10 jumps to learn to track. Staying "one step ahead" of the student isn't always the best method. Well let's take a real world example. You know Bo and Paula from Goshen, right? When I was their student in 2000 they were doing static line jump mastering. Today they're doing AFF and tandems. Now in Florida I'm sure I could find someone who has been doing AFFI for only a couple of years and had done more of that than Bo has, but I'd still feel Bo would be a better instructor. He may not be teaching how to jump rounds(some of the containers had round reserves then) or putting students out on ropes today but it's life experience he brings with him. And for a general instructor I think life experience matters more. If they reach a point in more advanced training where they are just one step ahead, odds are they'll be on a first name basis with people who are very skilled in that area and they can introduce you to them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #16 April 11, 2005 QuoteAnd for a general instructor I think life experience matters more. Yeah, I think we can all agree that the best instructor may not always be the best skydiver (and vice versa.) Being an instructor takes a completely different skill set.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrumpot 1 #17 April 11, 2005 Answer: ...as ALL witnessed within just the last WEEK (or weekend) at a dropzone near you! -Grantcoitus non circum - Moab Stone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mjosparky 4 #18 April 11, 2005 Quotewho would you trust more, the one with 1000 jumps in 5 years, or the one with 1000 jumps in 25 years? who would be more current? i'm goin' with the 'tourist' on this one As I said before, have him call back when he has survived 25 years. I have seen far more jumpers with 1000 jumps in under ten years quit or go in than I have jumpers quit or go in with 1000 jumps in 25 years. 1000 jumps is about 16 hours of FF time so they are about even there. 10 years is about 87.600 hours of learning time. 25 years is about 219,000 hours of learning time. How do you think has learned more? SparkyMy idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelpdiver 2 #19 April 11, 2005 This seems to be in the wrong forum - shouldn't it be in bonfire? This subtle sarcastic dig at the 'new generation' might confuse the students. Isn't the mantra to tell students what to do, instead of what NOT to do, because in the heat of it all they'll just remember the action, not the YES/NO flag attached to it? --Tourist, soon graduating to all-knowing and all-seeing. PS: I can see the experience debate for over/under 3 years. Fighting over 10 seems like generational snobbery. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MakeItHappen 15 #20 April 12, 2005 QuoteThis seems to be in the wrong forum - shouldn't it be in bonfire? This subtle sarcastic dig at the 'new generation' might confuse the students. Isn't the mantra to tell students what to do, instead of what NOT to do, because in the heat of it all they'll just remember the action, not the YES/NO flag attached to it? --Tourist, soon graduating to all-knowing and all-seeing. PS: I can see the experience debate for over/under 3 years. Fighting over 10 seems like generational snobbery. I debated with my alter egos about where to post this. Yes, it does have Black-Death humor and a 'What NOT to do' in the content. I figured that a jumper would not 'get' the joke if a jumper did not know the 'right' answer. If a jumper did not 'get' the joke they would reply saying so. But most of the 'answers' did come from posts already made here. Then again I thought that the Karnak model might be lost on younger souls too. I posted it in S&T because it is more of an S&T issue. I knew that it would get more views in Bonfire. I realize that Black Death humor does not completely cross the jumper generations. I am amazed that the 'tourist' bit has provoked the most response. I did not make that one up, but stole it from someone. I will not give out the credit now because it is controversial. The person can claim credit. The person is reading this forum and an active jumper. I look at 'Paranak the Magnificent' and laugh out loud and at the same time cry out loud because so many of my friends and jumpers I never knew have died thinking erroneous thoughts. It is a trade off. How do you reach jumpers? With carefully planned articles or with humorous quips about skydiving? Both ways can work. This is not the first time I've written a sarcastic blurp. To be clear -- ALL of the ANSWERS are a JOKE. .. Make It Happen Parachute History DiveMaker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #21 April 12, 2005 QuoteI can see the experience debate for over/under 3 years. Fighting over 10 seems like generational snobbery. Agreed. It's condescending in the same manner as is calling non-jumpers 'wuffos'. Edited for grammar. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scrumpot 1 #22 April 12, 2005 You know though Jan, as a "joke" unfortunately it seems, so much of it really is just not "funny" at all. As you note, most of it is actually identifiable within these very incidents forum(s) Personally, the tetrehedron one hit home with me, and I did find myself actually LAUGHING over that one, as just this past weekend I was surveying just off the landing area at my home dropzone, the brand-spanking new windsock & pole recently installed after a jumper had decided out of all places in a WIDE OPEN landing area that right ON TOP OF IT was THE place for him to land. ...even "BETTER" accuracy than a tetrehedron if you ask me! But then after you have laughed, you find yourself still shaking your head, and seriously (re)-thinking about it. Good post. BSBD, -Grantcoitus non circum - Moab Stone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #23 April 12, 2005 Have you ever noticed how sometimes people can't just read a joke-post and laugh, even if it appears to be about them? What is up with that? Why not just laugh? One of my good friends was doing his 60th b/d jump a few years back. He loves whackers. We told him we were going to do a "60". A round with a tail, and a round. He docks last on the tail of the six. No problem. Then, after he left the dirt dive, we re-did the jump as a 15-way whacker. 3 tails. In the landing area, he said, "Bill, you weren't supposed to be on the end of the tail. You were in the wrong slot." "Let's look at the video." After he saw the video and saw that we had played a joke on him, he laughed harder than any of the rest of us. Part of what makes him a cool person. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mjosparky 4 #24 April 12, 2005 QuotePersonally, the tetrehedron one hit home with me, Grant, She is alluding to the tetrahedron at Perris. A visiting jumper just took out the big end of it and broke some of his body. You have seen it, that thing is huge and the only one in 600 acres. SparkyMy idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 2,027 #25 April 12, 2005 QuoteQuotewho would you trust more, the one with 1000 jumps in 5 years, or the one with 1000 jumps in 25 years? who would be more current? i'm goin' with the 'tourist' on this one As I said before, have him call back when he has survived 25 years. I have seen far more jumpers with 1000 jumps in under ten years quit or go in than I have jumpers quit or go in with 1000 jumps in 25 years. 1000 jumps is about 16 hours of FF time so they are about even there. 10 years is about 87.600 hours of learning time. 25 years is about 219,000 hours of learning time. How do you think has learned more? Sparky No way of telling. Some people learn MUCH more quickly than others, and some never learn much at all.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
