Jumping after fatality

[jclalor 12]

I will be making my first jump today after the death of a jumper I had sat next to on the pac before her fatal jump. I never have had this much anxiety before a jump and I am hoping it goes away once i'm out the door. I have alweays accepted the risk with this sport but I never realized that the death of someone else could affect me so much.
Just curious if anyone else has had this problem and how they deal with it.

[hcsvader 1]

Give a wave and a smile to your lost friend as you leave the plane. They are there flying with you.

Have you seen my pants?
it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream
>:)

[kimemerson 7]

Being affected by someone's death is good. You're a human with sensitivity toward others. Thank you for that. But may I offer that what we do is, among other things, celebratory. We celebrate being alive, life itself, the pleasure of living, the joys living provides. There's a good chance your friend was after no less.
Maybe your next jump could celebrate her life. Give her a good jump. Kiss the sky for her. Kiss her goodbye. I wonder if she would feel any better knowing her death kept you grounded. Go. Take her along and make it a two-way.
Also, as you likely already know, skydiving can be therapeutic. I know it got me through a lot of shit in 20 years. It is highly likely you now need this jump more than you have needed any jump. It may, in fact, be one of the only times a jump is needed.
Don't lose your feelings for her, for the living, and for death and life. Theses are vital to keep. But allow these to help you carry on in the way you know.
And good for you that you came here to talk it over. This shows you're willing and able to find your way with and through us, your family.
Skydive!

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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I will be making my first jump today after the death of a jumper I had sat next to on the pac before her fatal jump. I never have had this much anxiety before a jump and I am hoping it goes away once i'm out the door. I have alweays accepted the risk with this sport but I never realized that the death of someone else could affect me so much.
Just curious if anyone else has had this problem and how they deal with it.

I went through this recently. A friend of mine went in at Sebastian and I was devastated. He was the first friend I've lost skydiving and it was one of the biggest mind-fucks ever.

I questioned myself a lot. "Why am I doing this?" (Because I love it and it makes my mind and heart feel good.), "If I leave the sport I can protect my heart from losing someone else" (But what about the friends I've already made and love like my "real" family. I could never leave them.), "It can happen to me" (It sure can, but I accept the risk and will do my best to be the safest skydiver I can be), "Are these leg straps okay?" (Yep, they were fine, but it was a big mind fuck as I was deploying...).

The day after Dan's funeral I went down to Z-Hills to jump with instructors from CK. These people taught Dan and knew him well. We talked a lot before we jumped, I cried, we hugged, I tried to make sense of somethng that never had to happen. I gear checked like a motherfucker (even more than usual).

I seriously thought about packing it in and saying "fuck it, I'm out". I had to get back in the air right away or I may have left the sport, at least for a while. I;m so happy I stayed.

And they will be flying with you, I promise. Maybe you'll get a sign like I did... In freefall I was having fun with with my friend, but I "felt" Dan there. I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, but then when it came time to pull (and in my mind the scariest part of this jump), and the beautiful canopy opened above my head, I laughed and then had a few tears because the canopy on this rental gear I was using was the same exact same canopy my friend had. I knew then I wasn't alone. That was my sign he was flying with me. AndI talked to him the whole way down.... it was very therapeutic.

If I ever go in, I would never want my friends to say "I'm out". No way. This sport brings so mcuh fun and joy into our lives... we just need to keep it going.

Maybe you should do what you have to do. When you get to the DZ, don't rush to get on a load. Take your time, sit and watch the landing zone for a while. FInd a quiet spot to just take it all in. There's so much love and life at the DZ, you'll see it if you can step back and just watch. And know that the person you knew was a part of that energy, you're a part of that energy and your friends are a part of that energy, too.

Its a very personal decision and I hope you can find a way to reconcile it in your mind and find peace about it. Once you do, its a new feeling and appreciation for this beautiful sport.
Hugs!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[zoom1 0]

i went sking yesterday at stratton (vt) at the end of the day i went to the bar for a drink (or ten) . i was talking to the guy next to me who seemed real upset ,he told me he is a race instructor for the stratton school and one of his favorate students had died in a sking accident,it was sad he was telling me she was only 15 years old and was on vacation in maine with her family when it happened.we talked not only about the risk of sking and skydiving but the risk of life itself. most of us know someone who died in a car or motorcycle accident and we still drive i lost a close friend in a construction accident and i still go to work .you will die someday ,you can wrap yourself in bubble wrap and wait for it or you can go out and have some fun while you wait. well thats my 2 cents worth have fun

[fmmobley 0]

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...you can wrap yourself in bubble wrap and wait for it or you can go out and have some fun while you wait. well thats my 2 cents worth have fun...

Very well said !

... Marion

[ZigZagMarquis 9]

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I have alweays accepted the risk with this sport but I never realized that the death of someone else could affect me so much.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and I hope you come to be able to deal with it as best you can.

However, Black Death is real. People really do die or get seriously injured doing this thing; sometimes even when they do everything right.

I've know people who have quit skydiving after seeing or knowing someone who went in.

You don't have to skydive.
Skydiving isn't for everyone.

[airtwardo 7]

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I have alweays accepted the risk with this sport but I never realized that the death of someone else could affect me so much.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and I hope you come to be able to deal with it as best you can.

However, Black Death is real. People really do die or get seriously injured doing this thing; sometimes even when they do everything right.

I've know people who have quit skydiving after seeing or knowing someone who went in.

You don't have to skydive.
Skydiving isn't for everyone.

Perfect!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[DescensionX 0]

I actually quit the sport for several years after going through this. After the third time it happened.

But I am back now. I feel the celebration of life (as others so nicely put it) is so great with skydiving, that it is worth the inevitable loss we will all experience eventually. Great reward usually requires great risk. Either way it sure is great.

[happythoughts 0]

If you stay in the sports for 5 years, you will personally
know someone who has died.
Also, among your friends who has been in the sport
for 5 years, half of them have broken/fractured something.

Someone goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, it hurts
when I do this."
The doctor replies, "Don't do that."

Learn from fatalities and don't do that.

[jakee 1,489]

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Also, among your friends who has been in the sport
for 5 years, half of them have broken/fractured something.

Not mine

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[CarloC 0]

You know Chris, i lost my best friend in a canopy colision 7 months ago. Still hurts a lot.

I had no emotional conditions to jump on his ash dive, so i gave my spot to another friend.
But i knew i had to jump, so i did, 4 weeks later and i have to keep on jumping because i love skydiving. And i will keep on doing it as long as i love it.

He left a 2 year old son and his wife.

3 friends of mine quit skydiving because they have little kids, and they felt that skydiving was a aditional risk that could leave their sons without a father to take care of them.

Life is a gift, but it will end someday, you can`t blame skydiving, you have to blame life it self.

[tbrown 26]

However, Black Death is real. People really do die or get seriously injured doing this thing; sometimes even when they do everything right.

I've know people who have quit skydiving after seeing or knowing someone who went in.

You don't have to skydive.
Skydiving isn't for everyone.

When we lose a friend to the sport it causes us the worst kind of pain, and it's a pain that only gets worse every time. It's like opening an old wound with a piece of jagged glass. Last year we had an incredibly bad year in So Cal, where we lost four friends in the space of six months. Three of them had 2500 - 5500 jumps apiece and one had somewhere between 500 - 1000 jumps, so none of them were protected by their experience.

What you're feeling is something everyone else in the plane is thinking as well, though some are not as open about it. Most of us feel a lot better after a few jumps and we choose to accept it as the price of a cruel but beautiful sport. To be completely honest, what you're feeling finally got to me back in 1980 after too many fatalities and near misses among my friends. I hung it up for the next 22 years. After coming back six years ago, I was fortunate nothing happened for a while, but in the last few years it has happened again. And again. And again. But so far I love it too much and still feel that it's safe enough not to quit. It comes down to your personal decision, the only choice that matters is your own.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[kmills0705 0]

Celebrate the life that person had and their impact on others.

As Dr. Seuss said "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Kim Mills
USPA D21696
Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I

[mnskydiver688 0]

I wrote this shortly after my club lost a friend.

"What do you do when your therapy is the very thing causing you pain? What do you do when doing what they would have wanted is the hardest thing to do? Smile in the face of a sun that has set and will not rise again. Let those who have passed guide you. Bring his memory with you. See him in the beauty we witness in this sport. He will be there. Behind the sparkling white of a cloud. Just over the seamless horizon. Sitting atop the glow of the setting sun. Talking to us through the flutter of the canopy. Making us laugh in the stories of the past. We will not be living with him, but we won’t be living without him."

Sky Canyon Wingsuiters

[sealing 0]

I haven't lost anyone in skydiving, but I know what it's like to bury a comrade....many of them. I've recently returned from my third tour in Iraq and I've laid many of my friends to rest. Just like in skydiving, they understood the risk they took on joiing the army.....to quit on them after they pass brings them no honor. They took on that risk because they believed it was the right thing for them to do. Carry on, my friend.

Blue Skies

"I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived. "

Willa Cather

[tbrown 26]

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Celebrate the life that person had and their impact on others.

As Dr. Seuss said "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

Oh sure, by all means. Just 4 months ago I went to two celebrations for a friend who went in. One was with his pilot friends, the other was at the dropzone, with an ash dive. He was a hell of a guy and to be sure we celebrated.

But he's still gone. Another guy at the next dropzone over the hill left a wife and two young kids behind. I won't criticize people for saying things like, "Fly free forever" or that sort of thing. But I don't believe it. They're gone, friends of ours who died like bugs on a windshield. Friends who leave behind spouses, children, parents, and all kinds of friends. It's nice to think of them flitting around in some cosmic 1000 Way bigway formation that never has to break off or open, but it's as much of a myth as heaven or hell. And it still leaves us with the knowledge in our gut that it could have been us, that our number could come up anytime we jump and WHY exactly do we feel the need to be doing this at all ?

Those are the really tough questions. Most of us get over it and are able to rationalize our fears. Then once we get a few more jumps under the belt, we're okay. But every time I've ever seen somebody go in, I've also known somebody else who decided enough was enough and hung it up.

If believing we all "fly free forever" helps us to get over it, then by all means go on believing it. I won't criticize it. I'm just saying it's not enough to answer the bigger questions. They're hard questions and the answers are deeply personal for every one of us.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[seadream91 0]

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I wrote this shortly after my club lost a friend.

"What do you do when your therapy is the very thing causing you pain? What do you do when doing what they would have wanted is the hardest thing to do? Smile in the face of a sun that has set and will not rise again. Let those who have passed guide you. Bring his memory with you. See him in the beauty we witness in this sport. He will be there. Behind the sparkling white of a cloud. Just over the seamless horizon. Sitting atop the glow of the setting sun. Talking to us through the flutter of the canopy. Making us laugh in the stories of the past. We will not be living with him, but we won’t be living without him."

THAT is beautiful; thank you for posting it!

[shaark 0]

Out of all the humans that ever lived, for the last few generations a large % of people can have a good life overall. However, while most everyone can experience some highs occasionally, skydivers can regularly experience being intensely alive for the $ price of a jump.
Got to love that.

The other price is the unforgiving nature of the sport.

We mostly 'accept' that in a theoretical way, but stay jumping long enough and it becomes absolutely real. And that hurts. And for sure it can cause anxiety.

Emotionally/mentally, if one needs to stop jumping, go for it.
If you continue, then practical soul searching is maybe really useful.

Human error in skydiving is ultimately the cause of fatalities. And there are very many humans involved: the designers, engineers, builders, maintainers and operators of aircraft, fuel systems, ATC, DZs, skydiving equipment, etc.; DZO's, S&TAs, instructors, other jumpers and you yourself. The more knowledge you have of everything involved when you skydive, and applying this knowledge in decision making, the less risk there will be. While it might not be practical to learn everything about, say, maintenance on a Twin Otter, and the many errors that can occur, overall the more you know, the better.
What is absolutely possible, though, is to know your gear, know your procedures, know the people you jump with, know your experience limitations, etc. And work at learning more. That's basic.

Just as important is to recognize that as a human you can screw up, no matter your experience level. . . . So know yourself. (I'm plagiarizing what's below from flight training.)

>>>> Are you complacent? Sure, I've done this hundreds/thousands of times, everything will be fine.

>>>> Are you impulsive? Sure, it's really gusty, but I've got to jump.

>>>> Are you macho? Sure, this parachute doubles my wing loading . I'll show everyone I can handle it.

>>>> Are you bulletproof? Sure, isn't the equipment state of the art? and I had great training, and I'm really competent. It will never happen to me.

>>>> Are you resigned? Sure, everything will be fine, but if shit happens, well, shit happens. Nothing I can do.

The trick is to recognize any of the above attitudes. Then one can apply corrective measures. Attitudes can change over time, for better or worse, so current awareness is vital.

What about are you tired, hungover, distracted, etc?
It's obviously best to be on your A game when you jump, but if you are not, at least recognize that, and build in more margins.

Put it all together, make good decisions, and you minimize the risk of becoming a statistic.

Hope I wasn't preaching too much.

tanstaafl

[wildfan75 1]

Six months ago today I lost my fiance to a skydiving fatality. I started jumping before Todd and I were "Todd and I". I jumped the day after he died. It was one of the more difficult things I've ever had to do, but I knew that it was going to be hard, and it would get harder the longer I waited. I knew Todd would be pissed if I would have thrown the towel in. I did a lot of compromising with him the first month. "Ok Todd, I'll go on the 8 way formation load, but I'm going base".

My first jump back was a solo. Todd died at a dz about 45 miles west of our home dz. After a few seconds in the door building up the nerve to actually let go and go through with it, I left, said to myself "I did it". I turned and faced west and cried the entire time. Its challenging reading an altimeter through tears. But I did it.

Skydiving isn't for everyone, but its for me. It hurts like hell but being at the dz, skydiving and being with my skydiving family is the only time were there seems to be some sort of rhyme or reason to my life right now.

Sorry for your loss. Deal with it whatever way is best for you and take every situation, thought, or whatever that helps you for granted.

[ladydyver 0]

We were in Sebastian when the fatality occurred there during the invasion. After it happened, I told my hubby I just wasn't up to jumping and we left for the day and went to a bar and drank to the lost jumper (even though we did not know him); The next day, it was tough to get back in the air, but very therapeutic as well; My hubby actually did his first wingsuit jump the day after that happened. I wouldn't have gotten in the plane if I wasn't mentally ready to fly and to perform EPs if I needed to.
I do think about the risks of this sport; but I also think about all of the rewards of it as well and the people I have met because of this. I am closer to my skydiving family than most of my blood relatives.

DPH # 2
"I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~
I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc!

[airtwardo 7]

I am closer to my skydiving family than most of my blood relatives.

[BHawks 0]

Today was my first jump since that tragic day last Saturday. I was also on that plane and felt very apprehensive about jumping. Today we went out at 2500 feet ish on a hop and pop out of the PAC before it headed back to Reno.

I also learned a valuable lesson today. I didn't think the slip stream from the prop could affect your pilot chute that much. It makes perfect sense to me after the fact, wait a few seconds than pull. I pulled as I left the plane and the slipstream blew the pilot cute down and around so I ended up with a pilot chute in tow malfunction. So I ended having to pull my reserve, which was the first one I had packed as a new rigger...

[Cashmanimal 0]

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I didn't think the slip stream from the prop could affect your pilot chute that much. It makes perfect sense to me after the fact, wait a few seconds than pull. I pulled as I left the plane and the slipstream blew the pilot cute down and around so I ended up with a pilot chute in tow malfunction. So I ended having to pull my reserve, which was the first one I had packed as a new rigger...

And I got it alllllll on video Then I had a PCIT as well Then I was kind enough to follow your freebag then I used too many smiley faces in my post. Glad you got in the air today, buddy!

It's all fun and until someone loses an eye... then it's just a game to find the eye

[fincher 0]

you know this thread might as well be locked because all the points that can be made about this have already been made. I believe this page of post has covered it pretty well. Seems to be some people with a semi firm grip on reality posting here and some others well..........not so much!

Lets get real. we all know we can die skydiving but when it happens close to home it always makes you think all kinds of crap. Its really a disrupter of our false sense of security and control. I suggest making a skydive or two then see how you feel. Dont listen to this sentimental crap about having your love one skydiving with you in spirit, or doing it because they would want you too. The truth is they might would tell you to stay your dumb ass on the ground. Who knows????

What you are feeling is totally normal and is a big part of people leaving this sport. Suddenly thier false sense of security is snapped into reality. You will work out whether you want to jump or not, but dont listen to this banter about care bears, angels whispering in your ear, or your friends spirit riding next to you on a unicorn. Thats just a way for those people to slip back into thier cozy little state of denial about thier own mortality. The fact is that the sport is fun. yes you can die doing it. and finally......Do you want to live your life in fear of dying? Nobody gets out alive buddy

See you in hell bitches!!!!!

i'll huff and I'll puff and I'll burn your packing tent down