My first off landing-long but you will laugh

[LittleOne 0]

I had my first off landing a few weeks ago. I handled the situation very well and am fine but the whole story is too funny not to share (I learned very early in my training that I have to be able to laugh at myself since everyone else will be laughing).

It was the final jump of Scott Miller's course. On the sunset load, we got an intentional long spot. Newbie that I am, I failed to recognize that the spot was longer than intended. I was the last of four to exit at 6000. Pull at 5000, looks like a good canopy...oh no, it turns around about 180, putting me into severe line twists that took forever to work out.

After finally getting out of the twists, I am well behind guy #3 and at least as low as guy #2. I'm not gonna make it (sung to the tune of that old song that goes We're not gonna take it...)! I tried the accuracy trick but the word DELAND was not moving. Is that exactly where I will land? Impossible. It is so far away that I am not using the trick correctly.

Can I make it to the baseball field? Maybe, maybe not but there is a good chance I will not clear all the trees between here and there. Better not try. Should I land in the field directly below me or the one I just passed? The one below is marshy looking and completely surrounded by trees (being in a forest at night by myself is one of my greatest fears in life, I grew up in Brooklyn). The one just behind me is long, grassy, level, has no obstacles, is bordered by the roads and it looks just like my home dropzone. At 2500 with no winds, I picked this field and headed back.

As I approach the field, I hear the voices of so many instructors in my head: Altitude is your friend, Check for winds and hidden obstacles, Don't get too close to the trees, Be polite and don't stomp across the flowers, Finish. On my approach, I see a car with a bunch of people approaching me. Great, I have an audience. I was not sure what downwind was but the winds were light when I left and there was no indication that they had picked up.

After I landed, the car came up to me. I then saw that it was a family of four and their four dogs. The little dog jumped out and started barking at me and my big green canopy. I launched into the apologies and they exclaimed, "We never saw a parachutist before!". They offered to let me use their phone but since I did not even know the number, I did not accept their offer. I figured that someone would pick me up soon.

I gathered up my canopy and stood by the road waiting for someone from the dz. Thank goodness for the good citizens of DeLand that it was not a major road. Apparently, the sight of a 5'2" Asian American female in a fluorescent green trimmed jumpsuit holding a lime green canopy was worthy of major rubbernecking. Had I been on a major road, I might have caused an accident. I wonder how many dinner conversations started with "Honey, you'll never guess what I saw on the way home tonight...".

It is nearly dark now and getting pretty damn cold. Five minutes pass, ten minutes, no dz staff in sight. Should I go to the house of the people who watched me land and use their phone? Then, a really creepy looking guy in a beat up truck stops and offers to drive me wherever I want to go. All of a sudden, I am not hearing any instructor's voice. I am hearing Mommy's voice saying "Do not get into trucks with strange, creepy looking men". I turned down his offer while trying not to show any surging panic. A few minutes later, another creepy looking guy in a truck pulls over and offers to drive me wherever I want to go. Again, I try to act like there is nothing wrong and he goes away.

That does it: I am going to the house to call the dz even though the house is set so far back from the road. Just then, a very nice looking couple pulls over and offers to drive me back to the dropzone. He explains that he is a volunteer fireman, knows where the dz is and has driven a few skydivers back before. Unlike the other two guys, this one is with his wife and he has apparently been introduced to soap. Cold, hungry, tired and preferring to be in the South Bronx at 3 am alone, I accept their offer.

As we are driving, he opens the window to let me know he is going extra slowly so that my canopy does not blow away. I suspect that the ten cars behind us do not appreciate this very much but at least the car directly behind us is getting an eyeful. I finally made it back to the dz and was greeted by a lot of people laughing very hard.

Sorry for the long post but I hope you found it funny enough to warrant your time. Does anyone have a funnier story?

[mnealtx 0]

Great story!! Way to keep your wits about you, too - both during and AFTER the jump! Congrats!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[ccowden 0]

Good story.

I landed out on a night jump one time. When I was under canopy and knew I wasn't going to make it back, I spotted what looked to be a bonfire and a little party going on, so I decided to land semi close to that, figuring why not right, beer, people, bonfire, phone. So I landed a little ways away from the place with the bonfire, far enough away that no one saw me land. I bundle up all my gear in my arms and walk towards the fire. As I come into the light of the fire, I see that there are about 20 hillbillys standing around the fire all drinking Bud in the can and listening to Journey on the stereo. As I get closer one of them notices me and actually turns off the stereo. It was like when the needle scratches across the record and everyone turns to look. So 20 down home country folk are staring at me with mouths hanging open and no one is saying a word. Then I realize..........

What must these people be thinking? A guy walks out of the field into the middle of their party and he is wearing a bright colored jumpsuit, Protec helmet with glowsticks all over it, parachute gear and a canopy all bundled up in his arms. I swear to God they must have thought I was from space!

No one said a word, they all just stood there staring with nothing but the sound of crackling wood in the air. So I just waved, nodded, and walked out to the road. As I got a few hundred feet away, I turned to look back and they were all still silent and staring toward me. I kept walking, hearing sounds of "Duelling Banjos" in my head. I finally got out of sight and kept walking towards the DZ. Then somewhere in the distance Journey again echoes into the night.

[marks 0]

thats freakin awesome!... i wold have a HUGE smile on my face as i walked by them! hahahaha

[katzurki 0]

Good story :)

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What must these people be thinking? A guy walks out of the field into the middle of their party and he is wearing a bright colored jumpsuit, Protec helmet with glowsticks all over it, parachute gear and a canopy all bundled up in his arms. I swear to God they must have thought I was from space!

You should have asked if this was Earth, or what year it was...

[cmchristian 0]

LittleOne,

Nice story. I think everyone out there has a rather humorous off the DZ landing. While it is not considered a good thing to land off and sometimes down right dangerous, they can be rather humorous.

Any of the jumpers at my DZ can attest to the story I am about to tell. My jump started with a sunset CRW. The wind was almost 0 so myself and a buddy were looking to take the spot a little long so as to avoid having to make a bunch of turns over the DZ. Well we make our jump and deploy at around 13k. Unbeknownst to us we had a wind change so as we are attempting to make our first dock we notice that it is a little more brisk so we decide to abort our CRW and make for the DZ. Well me and my wing loading of 1.0 at the time was not getting any drive and I was actually side slipping a little as well. The wind continued to pick up and the proceeded to blow me off course (later I measured and determined I was off the DZ by 3 miles).
Realizing I am not going to make it I set up for an open field. By this time the wind is getting a little more choppy so I prepare for a PLF. I do just that. I performed not just 1 dynamic PLF but 2! After thanking the powers that be for not being hurt I begin gathering up my things.

After the 2 PLFs I got up rather disoriented but arrogantly figured, I'm in the Army and have excellent land navigation skills. So off I begin walking with parachute in hand. I jumped fence after fence and crossed creek after creek. After about an hour of walking, the sun went down and I'm thinking maybe I should rethink my route so I stop, take a short halt and listen, and low and behold, I can hear the interstate. Hallelujah I am saved. I continue walking. As I walk, I begin seeing scenes out of "Deliverance" as I walked passed shady looking farm after shady looking farm. Part of me wanted to call out for my mommy, but part of me was scared of getting a reply :-)

Now about 3 hours into my journey I finally reach the access road (by now at the DZ the police have been notified for over an hour). Yes, I am almost home, but then I realize I am at the rest stop nearly 2 miles away. You should have seen the look of all those people in the rest stop when I walked out of the interstate woodline, sweating and carrying a parachute. Well I begin my 2 mile journey down the road. By the time I walk into the DZ after journiying for 3 1/2 hours, I see the acting DZO worrying sick that I was out dead somewhere or some backwoods farmer thinks I have a "purty mouth."

Boy did I get a nice talking to that night, however it was nice to laugh about my journey in the backwoods of Salado. After it was all said and done with, we retraced my steps and determined that I had walked over 6 miles to get back to the DZ.

That is my story...does anyone else have anything out there. Oh and if you ever want a tour of the Salado, TX woodlands, I am your man.

Chris
--------
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body; but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy s#$* what a ride!'"

[pilotdave 0]

My favorite off landing was in a field right near our DZ. I realized early that there was no way I was making it back, so I found an alternative field. It was very narrow, but pretty long and pointed into the wind (which was pretty strong). At 1000 feet, I made my decision to turn around and go for the alternate. On final, I noticed some people at the far end of the field. When I got really low, I realized I had a huge crowd of kids running right toward me. Luckily I touched down before they got too close. They surrounded me and actually applauded. One just kept yelling out "you're cool!" And I heard a lot of comments about my general awesomeness. They asked a few questions, and I showed them a little bit about how the parachute works, etc. Finally a woman came over and offered me a ride back to the DZ. As we were walking to her car, I asked what was going on. "Tractor races" she said. I wasn't quite sure what that meant until we were pulling out of the parking space and I saw a few guys on lawn mowers driving by, and then I saw the race course in a field. Who woulda thunk there was lawnmower racing right next to the DZ. I'm still a little frightened by it.

Dave

[goose491 0]

Great Story! My favorite out landing was my beer night-jump. I landed in a field on the other side of a bunch of trees as my DZ (it was a loooong walk)... As I was walking, a red van pulled up and the local elderly couple inside just had to stop. It wasn't until I saw them coming and slowing down that I realised how my apperance must have been a little shocking. The glowsticks taped to every extremity is the kicker yeah? lol. I too thought they must have thought me to be from Space.

They pulled up beside me and asked: "You from that skydiving place?"

I answered: "Skydiving? What on earth is skydiving?" lol

I got a ride back... and then I got made fun of.

Nick

Oh, a couple things?:

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They offered to let me use their phone but since I did not even know the number, I did not accept their offer.

tsk tsk... get that number memorised hun.

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I figured that someone would pick me up soon...I gathered up my canopy and stood by the road waiting for someone from the dz.

tsk tsk... make effort to get in contact and make effort to get back if you can. They are worried about you.


Nick

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!

[ccowden 0]

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Good story :)

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What must these people be thinking? A guy walks out of the field into the middle of their party and he is wearing a bright colored jumpsuit, Protec helmet with glowsticks all over it, parachute gear and a canopy all bundled up in his arms. I swear to God they must have thought I was from space!

You should have asked if this was Earth, or what year it was...

After a quick assessment of the situation, I found it best to just keep my mouth shut and keep walking.

[SkiD_PL8 0]

Mine was only funny because of the irony. We were on a weather hold and I was talking to one of the girls at the DZ and she asked me what jump I was on, I said it was my 8th. She then told me it was about her eigth jump that she landed in the cornfield on the other side of the runway. We then discussed proper corn landing technique until the weather cleared and we all got on the load. I jumped out did my two way with my coach and deployed in a cloud.

I was still on radio at that point and I start hearing directions to turn, shortly followed by "oh shit that is louie not travis!" They then told me to fly toward the sun if I could see it and I did so until I cleared the cloud. I ended up way to far out to make it back but guess where I landed... that's right that 6 and a half foot tall corn we had been discussing for 30 minutes prior to the jump. Turns out that discussion helped me immensely, I flared when my feet hit the corn and stood it up somehow. Then got to walk back through like a mile of corn with lines getting tangled every couple steps the whole time hoping I was headed in the right direction.

Greenie in training.

[footbagman 0]

One dreary day out at Eustis, Fl., a few of us decide to do a hop & pop & do a down wind run for the airport. The spot was a bit to long & we were about to land A couple of fields short. On approach there was a bull in the field & he spotted us. Well he took off & started running, came up to a barbed wire fence & thried to jump it. Well guess what got caught. The last guy landing said he heard the bull at a 1000'. That had to hurt. OUCH

Life's a Beach, Not a Mountain.

[bodypilot1 0]

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Does anyone have a funnier story?

Yep.
For some reason my spots were always long on the sunset loads, thus causing me to land at the end of the runway were the golf course is.

The 7th tee was always groomed for me for some reason, as my swoops were always down wind because I just couldn't see that damn little flag that stands up out of that little hole were the little balls go, but they were always long and sweet swoops too.

I too had a long wait before the truck from the DZ came to pick me up, having to refuse MANY people trying to give me free beer and a ride back to the DZ in one of those little dangerous carts with those funny sticks hanging out the back, so, not thinking the beer would be as unsafe as the ride, I always excepted a few.

And can you believe it always took the DZ almost 2 beers and a pack job, in the nicely groomed grass, before they picked me up!

Truely the skydive isn't over until you are back in the hanger, but sometime getting from where you land and back to the hanger is something to write about.

Glad yours was safe.


Ed

www.WestCoastWingsuits.com
www.PrecisionSkydiving.com

[piisfish 140]

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Apparently, the sight of a 5'2" Asian American female in a fluorescent green trimmed jumpsuit holding a lime green canopy was worthy of major rubbernecking

Am I the first one to ask for pics ??

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[peregrinerose 0]

Keep these stories coming, I've been laughing my ass off at some of them! I could use that today.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[dqpacker 7]

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Apparently, the sight of a 5'2" Asian American female in a fluorescent green trimmed jumpsuit holding a lime green canopy was worthy of major rubbernecking

Am I the first one to ask for pics ??

I second that

[LittleOne 0]

I can't post pics. I am between jobs and consequently between computers (but I have lots of time!). I am sitting at an internet cafe now planning a trip to Perris/Elsinore. Too bad you missed my jump at ZHills a few days later when my top flew out of my pants and nearly over my chest strap while I was under canopy (note to self: rethink sitfly clothes). another LOL moment...

[Amanduh 0]

Ok, I'll join in the fun here...ALL have been hilarious so far! Mine might not be that great but it's worth a shot (And I found it amusing once I realized I was an idiot)

Okay, it was Solo Jump #8 or so. I had yet to really do the 'spotting', and my instructor didn't hesitate at the door, so neither did I... (bad move #1..)

We exit and have an uneventful skydive. I pitch a little below 5000 and get under canopy. I look up..good canopy..let's go home guys!! All the sudden, I look down and NOTHING looks familiar..WHERE THE HELL IS THE DROP ZONE?!?! I do a couple head turns and finally spot it way off in the distance. OH CRAP! I turn around and see my instructor landing off in a field behind me (He had sunk it down lower than me). I get tunnel vision...I will make it back..I will make it back..HELLO!?!?!? WHY THE CRAP IS NO ONE TALKING TO ME ON THE RADIO!?!??!?!?! NOTHING! No one..I was so scared! I had never had a stand up landing much less without the help of an instructor OR landing OFF the DZ! (Yes, I can stand them up now..)

But back to the story... I finally realize at about 1500 feet I'm not going to make it back...and I'm still a good 2-3 miles away from the DZ (yeah..tell me again how long does it take to realize you're not gonna make it back?) So I look and see the tetrohedron and which direction it's pointing because it is HUGE and you cannot miss it. I set myself up to land facing the right direction, and then realize..ok..now what? I am at about 800 feet and coming in for landing whether I like it or not! I am right above a public street...To my right are big trees with a clear field on the other side of them...and on my left is either A) A trailer park B) an asphalt road or C) A small 1/2 acre field surrounded by power lines and filled with brush! Uhh...... Yeah, I decide to go right over the trees..NO! NOT GONNA MAKE IT! So I steer left towards the field..POWER LINES!!!! NO!!!! Asphalt! No!!! Trailers! NO people live in them!!! So at the last second I decided to aim for over the power lines at a couple hundred feet. yeah yeah, BAD MISTAKE..but I made it in the field. There was a 18wheeler trailer in the field too LOL...

So needless to say..I start picking my canopy up and the next thing you know this little girl comes running out from the trailer park..Here I am thinking this little girl is going to come make sure I'm okay
"HEY LADY!! IS IT TRUE IF I FIND A PARACHUTE THAT I GET $20 BUCKS?!"

WTF!??!!?!

At this time I've seen the light and death right in front of my face..and am not in the mood...so I screamed back at her "NOT WHEN IT'S ATTACHED TO MY FREAKN BACK!" ...........Damn kids!

What did she do after that? Went back to her trailer..yeah..nooooooo asking if I was okay considering I had just face planted myself in the soil!

Next, a nasty perv comes cruising down the asphalt road trying to pick me up! I 'politely' tell him to kiss my ass and that there were people on there way AND THEY WOULD BE HERE AT ANYYYYY TIME!!!!!!!! *While on the inside praying for someone to just get me out of the freaking ghetto*

So finally I get my canopy together and then see Hooper pulling up to get me! *THANK GOODNESS!!! HE LOOKED LIKE AN ANGEL!!* He looked at me...looked at the field..and goes "there is no way".... I kind of just looked at him with that 'innocent' look..*WHOOPS*

Next, my instructor comes cruising up the road in this beat up old truck w/ a drunk hispanic farmer driving him!!! HAHAHA So he gets out of the truck w/ that guy and we all get into Hoopers truck and head back to the DZ...


So there's my story LOL..

[squirrel 0]

as a suggestion to all...

touring the country and jumping at about 30 different DZs with my wife, we jumped with cell phones(turned off during jump), zipped up tight in a pocket. only have had a few off landings, and actually never had to call, but its like a reserve, there if you need it. and you can order a pizza to be delivered to the DZ, to go with the beer your going to buy. and, we carry pull up cords, to do a quick pack in the field if neccessary...makes walking back ALOT easier.

and, maybe track away from ghetto's !

so an "off" story,

skydive cross keys...jenni (wife) is gonna come up short, so she heads for this clear "dark looking" field. comes in fast, a bit downwind to try to land with the fresh plowed rows. since its a fast landing she PLFs, kind of like sliding into second base. we'll, what do you think the fertalize with there in NJ? yeap....moooooooooo....but after quickly removing her shirt now covered with poop, she is left weariing a sports bra. well, in less then 30 seconds a truck locks up the tires, and gives here a ride back to the DZ. i bet that would not have work for me, mister flat chest.

________________________________
Where is Darwin when you need him?

[faulknerwn 38]

I normally carry a cell phone in the US :-) I've landed off at people's barbecues, been picked up by a father and his son (different jumps) at the same day. Been given lunch, free beer, landed at a rodeo. Been as far as 18 miles off the airport on more than one occasion :-) But my all time favorite was on the beach at Empuriabrava on my birthday.

I spend a week and a half in October at a CRW boogie in Empuriabrava Spain. I'd already had a wrap and a cutaway earlier in the day - my birthday (my Lightning is still in the Spanish jungle) but I got lent a rig so that I could make the sunset jump. In Empuriabrava, we were exiting over the sea and flying back towards town.here is nowhere to land in town so if you don't make the airport you land on the beach. Well the girl exiting after me had a pilot-chute-in-tow and chopped and pulled her reserve at 12k. Her main came out after her reserve so its floating around. Most people continue with the skydive not realizing, but Chris and I start chasing gear. The rig is a teardrop and those pilot chutes fall like bricks and I lost sight of it and couldn't catch it. Chris has better vision than me and watched it all the way down. We both tried to stay with the main but it was floating above us.


So we have nowhere else to go so we both land on the beach. Right after Chris lands, he spots the main floating out in the water. And Chris is one of those hard-core athletic types, so he immediately strips down to his underwear and instructs me to watch the gear and he's going to go get it. Staying with the gear sounds a lot better to me than swimming
out in the cold Mediterranean so I agree to this plan... I watch Chris go running down the beach 4 trashcan distances (they were lined up on the beach) and dive into the sea. This is right at sunset so I quickly lose sight of him.

I daisy chain up the lines and gather up the gear and wait for someone from the dz to show up. No one does.. I look for Chris. No sign of him. About 45 minutes later when it was completely dark, I start trying to use my poor Spanish to try and get someone to call the dz. (Turns out they were closed so that wouldn't have helped anyway.) And let me tell you - trying to explain in a foreign language about lost canopies,
and friends swimming out to sea (to have drowned for all I knew - I was definitely worried about Chris by this point) and having them call a centro de paracadismo to which I didn't know the number was challenging! Eventually I found someone who said they would go back and have their
hotel call.. Its very interesting being stuck on a beach in a foreign country with no money and no phone and 2 full sets of gear while your buddy is lost at sea! It was really ridiculously funny..


About this time Chris arrives back - VERY happy to see me.. In the meantime, what had happened to him was when he swam out, he couldn't see the canopy cuz of the waves. So he swam back to shore. He then saw a boat, so he tried to swim out to the boat but they didn't see him. So he swam back to shore, then saw a jet ski a bit down the beach. He ran down there, but it was broken. Then he saw a boat rental place down the beach, and ran there. But it was closed... So at this point he starts walking back. At this point he can't remember exactly where he left me, but I'm a lot farther away than he thought. So he's thinking he's stranded on a beach in a foreign country, with no money, no phone but he's in his underwear! He's worried that the dz already picked me up
and that he'll never get anyone to talk to him dressed like he is! So needless to say, he was VERY happy to see me...

The story goes on but we eventually get picked up and it was a hilarious evening. Definitely my favorite off-landing!

W

[Designer 0]

Your right,It is sorta sad funny.(sorry)(lol)My first off landing was the first skyvan boogie at my home dz.We were first out on 1 long pass.Opened up after my first 60 second delay under a round canopy and said "Oh Shit".No way making it back.Nothing under me but woods.Humm,ok there a few paths back here.Lucky I managed to do a nice PLF on the small path while my round chute just landed in a small tree.Never panic,use what you know,land safe.rob

[squirrel 0]

dude, that is funny!

________________________________
Where is Darwin when you need him?

[skiskyrock 0]

Setting: the Ranch, 1996. I was in the last two-way out of the otter. We were Lewis-and-Clark long by the time we got out. The last two groups pulled at about 4500, sensing trouble. My partner and one half of the two way ahead of us decided to try to make it back.
I did the accuracy trick and the point seemed to be just barely on the DZ side of the tree line, so I opted to land in the two fields below me... the only question was cows or no cows. In deference to my rental rig, I opted for no cows. I had plenty of altitude so I circle the field checking for hazards. Except for a hay rake in one corner it was clear, so I landed.
The other half of the other two way also decided to use the same field, so after I landed I daisychained my lines and waked over to him. He hand laneded directly infront of the hay rake and and his main was draped over it. I said hi, and as he turned to face me I realized that the right side of his face was a mass of cuts and blood, and he was missing a couple of teeth. Evidently he had gone into the rake headfirst on landing, and come out pretty well, considering.
He was coherent and knew where he was, and was able to discuss the jump and landing out, so I figured he needed a trip to the emergency room, but probably not an ambulance ride.
I got out of my rig and got him untangled and we started to walk back. He seemed to be slighly confused, leading me to think he might have had a concussion, but we were headed back anyway. After walking in silence for a while, he started to shoot me sideways glances. Finally he came out with it ... "Uh... who are you and how did I get here?" All I could come up with was "Well, at some point you took up skydiving...."
The last thing he could remember was the night before.

[squirrel 0]

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. Finally he came out with it ... "Uh... who are you and how did I get here?" All I could come up with was "Well, at some point you took up skydiving...."

i have had a couple of these days...but usually do to high alcohol intake!

________________________________
Where is Darwin when you need him?

[christelsabine 1]

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. Finally he came out with it ... "Uh... who are you and how did I get here?" All I could come up with was "Well, at some point you took up skydiving...."

i have had a couple of these days...but usually do to high alcohol intake!

And that's a normal side effect of everyone who's foolish enough to jump. One w/o the other simply is not working.

OK. Just what I saw.

dudeist skydiver # 3105

[weegegirl 2]

Chris... I just laughed soooooooooo hard reading your story. That's hillarious! I love it!