mfrese 0 #1 March 16, 2004 (Apologies in advance to every Canadian posting on DZ.com...hoping I get the accent parts right!) So my first tandem student Sunday morning is a Canadian truck driver named Ian. He did a couple static line jumps back in the day, just happened to stop at the airport cafe for breakfast, sees the DZ office right next door, decides he wants to see what freefall feels like. Signs up for an 18K tandem, and we start getting him dressed for the jump. I get him harnessed up, give him the briefing, explain how he's going to be attached, etc. As we finish, one of my buddies decides he's got to give him a little more stress, so he says "Hey Mike, did you remember to take your Prozac today?" Not missing a beat, Ian comes back with: "Hey, I doon't care if he's takin' Prozac, I just hope he skipped the Viagra, eh?" It took me about 5 minutes to regain control after that one...and of course, he had a great time on the skydive, and left a happy (and uninvaded) man. Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveMonkey 0 #2 March 16, 2004 So he didn't fancy the 5th attachment point from you then? ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #3 March 16, 2004 Thats funny man On my first tandem every one was talking to my tandem master as if he just got out of prison. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jarcie 0 #4 March 16, 2004 And for anyone who's ever actually felt that the TM was.. you know.. while he was hooking her up, this is a little less funny. You think, "Is that? Yup, it is. It's none of my business. It has nothing to do with me. He doesn't realize I can feel it. It's his physiological reaction to getting ready to jump. I can't get him mad at me now. I can't say anything." And then you head toward the door, and you wouldn't notice it anymore, anyway. Too many other overwhelming things are happening. In the grander scheme of things, it's not that important, especially if the skydive rocks. But I wouldn't say that it's a good thing. Glad you had a good laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
USPA 0 #5 March 16, 2004 Hahahaha That would be quite embarrising for the TM.. you know we can't do a think about it... "Ok door? " "No!" "Why not?" "My passenger isn't hooked up" "So hook her up" "Not possible" "Why not? " "Well it's kinda complicated...." The trouble with skydiving; If you stink at it and continue to jump, you'll die. If you're good at it and continue to jump, you'll see a lot of friends die... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkySlut 0 #6 March 16, 2004 I was on the plane and I heard a TM say "Is this the closest you have ever been to another man?"...only to have the passenger say "no". Really funny. That joke backfired pretty good on the TM or the student had an even funnier joke on him. Either way, the look on both of their faces was priceless. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #7 March 16, 2004 QuoteIt's his physiological reaction to getting ready to jump. Uh yeah sure, it was the jump that caused the reaction. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gavmaniac 0 #8 March 16, 2004 Hey Iceman, were you jumping at the coastal deezee or the inland deezee ??? No matter I S'pose... I tell all my male tandem victims that I've just been paroled from San Quentin... you try & hook up a person sitting 2ft in front of you !!! Get your butt back here boy !!! And stop that screaming !!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #9 March 16, 2004 Well, shit...my funny story is going to turn into a serious thread. Jennifer, that sucks. It's weird, it's totally inappropriate, and totally unprofessional. I spend a lot of time joking with people about this topic for the very reason that safety absolutely requires me to get as physically close to my student as possible. If you ever listen to one of my tandem briefings, I usually include a line like "and then we'll tighten the lateral straps, at which point you'll probably be thinking 'back up, buster, I don't know you well enough to get that close'". Most people laugh at that, and it seems to break the ice a little bit for a subject that's probably a little uncomfortable for some of them (and instructors, too). I can try to reassure them that there's not going to be any funny business, but it's still a touchy subject, and one that we struggle with all the time. Back when I had about 50 tandems and was still struggling with the protocol of how this all worked, I took a woman who was married, about 45, and had a great sense of humor. As I was trying to explain the whole "I'm gonna be too close for comfort" thing, she turned around and said "Don't worry...I understand you have a penis...but it better not be having any fun, OK?" I cracked up, agreed that it wouldn't, and we had a great skydive. So, you're never sure how people are going to react to the whole subject. The bottom line is, it's incumbent on tandem instructors to make sure that they treat people with respect and professionalism, and that's not what happened to you. I'm sorry it happened, and I would assume that any TMs with any self-respect would feel the same way. Frankly, I can't think of anything less sexy than taking someone on a tandem, because I have just too goddamn many things to think about...works way better as a mood killer than thinking about baseball .Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #10 March 16, 2004 I'm a full-time H-town TM now, bru...seems there's some pussy South African who can't decide if he wants to come back to the states or not who's mucking up the works, so I'm helping them out for now. Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
USPA 0 #11 March 16, 2004 Maybe it's an USA sexual frustration thing... Simply the more you make in an issue the more it becommes an issue. You're making a tandem skydive, who is talking about sexual intentions anyway?The trouble with skydiving; If you stink at it and continue to jump, you'll die. If you're good at it and continue to jump, you'll see a lot of friends die... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stuffit 0 #12 March 16, 2004 How about AFF instead? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #13 March 16, 2004 It's not so much a sexual issue as it is worrying about whether or not something you HAVE to do as part of the job is misinterpreted, and having someone call a freakin' lawyer. Everyone should read Bill Booth's letter about underage tandem students to understand...basically, one thing he mentions is that taking underage girls on tandems will probably lead to a "show me on the dolly where the bad man touched you" lawsuit at some point, and I don't think that's all that far-fetched. I generally just don't make a big deal about it, and I've never had any problems. As for not being sexual...well, I've had the following happen in my 491 tandem jumps: - Two women who (by their own admission) had orgasms - Two women who basically rubbed against me, on purpose, during the entire canopy ride. - One gay man who, upon opening, reached behind me and grabbed onto the backs of my upper thighs right at my ass cheeks, and didn't let go until I told him he'd scrape his hands when we landed. - One woman who referred to me as her "strap-on" during the entire plane ride. - Two men who rubbed their butts against my crotch for most of the canopy ride. So, sexual intentions? I have no idea (and probably don't want to know). They say what happens in the air stays in the air for a reason...but for my part, I can only guarantee that I don't let that shit interfere with getting my student safely to the ground.Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flymysky 0 #14 March 16, 2004 Quote- One gay man who, upon opening, reached behind me and grabbed onto the backs of my upper thighs right at my ass cheeks, and didn't let go until I told him he'd scrape his hands when we landed. Bwahahaha! Mike I'll never forget you and Lynn demonstrating that one for me. I laughed about it long after you were gone. Your calm reaction to that one is commendable. My candle burns at both ends It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - It gives a lovely light. http://www.galaxygear.com.au/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
USPA 0 #15 March 16, 2004 QuoteIt's not so much a sexual issue as it is worrying about whether or not something you HAVE to do as part of the job is misinterpreted, and having someone call a freakin' lawyer. Now this is not a problem, in the Netherlands the lawyer would probably just laugh. If not, and you did nothing you shouldn't have done, it wouldn't even make it to court.The trouble with skydiving; If you stink at it and continue to jump, you'll die. If you're good at it and continue to jump, you'll see a lot of friends die... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluelip 0 #16 March 17, 2004 On my first jump, the tandem masters were trying to bust my chops. The normal type of stuff. For the most part, my tm was keeping quite. The other tm's then began to ask my to inquire about about what my tm did before he started jumping. The story was that he was a gay porn star. I just blew it off. They continued on the topic. Then they said "He's even got his willy pierced.". I came back w/ "You too?". They quieted up quickly. I do thank them for keeping me from getting overly nervous. The chit-chat worked well. /* Mike Coles 'bluelip' */ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #17 March 17, 2004 Man, all that stuff in under 500 tandems! You must be one good lookin' dude. none of that ever happened to me, but I'm pretty average looking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #18 March 17, 2004 QuoteYou must be one good lookin' dude. Oh yeah...I'm fat. bald, and 47 years old...that's one of the reasons this shit is such a mystery to me, I am totally surprised at people's reactions to skydiving for the first time. At least my wife thinks I'm cute...Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyjunior 0 #19 March 17, 2004 A couple of years ago I was training a group of students for their tandem jumps and one of the more experinced tandem instructors was watching my briefing. I got to the part about them having to put their arms in the boxman position, and picked a student to dememonstrate on. The woman was about 40 and had her immediate and extended family with her, husband, kids, parents, siblings and in-laws, about 20 folks total. I placed the woman in front of me and had her demonstrate the hands on the harness position and gave her the signal to go to the boxman position.Well she did not put her hands up so I reached around to get her hands, but her hands were not there, she had dropped her hands to her side. Well I did get two solid handfulls of her chest. I was very embarassed and immediately apoligized, but her and her family thought it was very funny indeed. I finished the briefing and proceeded to the gear-up area and to my dismay the woman in question was to be my student. I again apoligized profusely and mentioned to her that I would get another instructor to take her the on jump. As I started to move towords manifest, she grabbed my arm and said she wanted to go with me, that after the tandem breifing she felt like she knew me and did not want to go with anyone else. She also mentioned that her sister saw the tandem briefing and she wanted to be my student also. All in all it turned out to be a great jump. I was very thankfull that she was not upset and took my mistake in good humor. Needless to say when I train students now I pay close attention to where their hands are. PLEASE REMEMB Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zoter 0 #20 March 17, 2004 err...Tandem Masters ...if its an issue...why dont you just carry a hockey cup in ya kitbag and then if its a problem ...you can just slip it on under ya jumpsuit ....problem solved Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #21 March 17, 2004 Older women who are comfortable with themselves are generally the most fun, as they pretty much just feel it's no biggie and act accordingly. At the opposite end of the spectrum, my least favorites are the family who comes out, usually with Dad and daughter who just turned 18, and the two of them are skydiving. It's really fun having a guy about your age watching like a hawk while you're trying to harness up his daughter...Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #22 March 17, 2004 Quote- Two women who (by their own admission) had orgasms - Two women who basically rubbed against me, on purpose, during the entire canopy ride. - One gay man who, upon opening, reached behind me and grabbed onto the backs of my upper thighs right at my ass cheeks, and didn't let go until I told him he'd scrape his hands when we landed. - One woman who referred to me as her "strap-on" during the entire plane ride. - Two men who rubbed their butts against my crotch for most of the canopy ride. you sex symbol you scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usedtajump 1 #23 March 17, 2004 Immediately after door opened "Is you sho' de pa'chute been packed good?". Immediately after canopy opened "Thank ya Jesus, thank ya Jesus, ohhhhhh thank ya' Jesus!!!!". Edited to insert another "thank ya Jesus"The older I get the less I care who I piss off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #24 March 17, 2004 One day I was sitting next to Billy (known for his crazy sense of humor), and his tandem student; A 19-year old kid named Johnny. The following exchange took place: Billy: "Johnny, Do you like gladiator films?" Johnny: "Not really." [Odd question, I thought.] Billy: "Johnny, have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?" Johnny: "No." [Oh, no! He isn't...] Billy: "Ever seen a grown man naked, Johnny?" Of course I was ROTFLMAO at this point! I don't think Johnny had ever seen "Airplane", so to this day he probably thinks Billy is one weird perv."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #25 March 18, 2004 We've used those so much, I hardly ever try aymore. Now we just ask them if they've ever seen "Airplane" and go from there... My favorite lately if I have a nervous male student is to lean forward right before I tighten the laterals and say "Hey, you're not homophobic, are you?". They usually say no, then I say "Good!" and crank down hard on both laterals at once...Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
