pilotdave 0 #26 January 7, 2004 I'm no TM, but I've seen some funny videos! When I was president of my college skydiving club, we had a group of frat boys come on one of our trips for tandems. One came down, talking shit to his buddies about how great everything went and all that. A while later he got his video and popped it in a VCR. Upon exiting, he made the standard "I can't breath" face and kept pointing at his mouth. When he realized the camera flyer wasn't going to help him breath, he started pointing upwards, as in "I changed my mind, put me back in the plane!" When that didn't work either, he just plain looked retarded the rest of the way down, holding his breathe the whole time, squirming. It really looked awful. Luckily his friends were able to appreciate how stupid he looked and made enough fun of him for everyone. I've seen at least a couple other similar videos too. Seems to be pretty common. Dave Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usedtajump 1 #27 January 7, 2004 Maybe not a stupid tandem student but a DZO who wasn't exactly forthcoming with alll the facts when he called and need two tandem masters to take six "exotic" dancers for tandem jumps. Well, when the day arrives we show up at his DZ and there were six male strippers from La Bare, the "Chippendales" type male strip joint in the local area. Yep, we were pissed but did the jumps anyway. Didn't do much for that guy after thatThe older I get the less I care who I piss off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phillbo 11 #28 January 7, 2004 QuoteMaybe not a stupid tandem student but a DZO who wasn't exactly forthcoming with alll the facts when he called and need two tandem masters to take six "exotic" dancers for tandem jumps. Well, when the day arrives we show up at his DZ and there were six male strippers from La Bare, the "Chippendales" type male strip joint in the local area. Yep, we were pissed but did the jumps anyway. Didn't do much for that guy after that Too funny Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
faulknerwn 38 #29 January 7, 2004 The story that follows was told to me by the tandem student in question, so quite probably he got some details wrong :-) I don't know who his instructor was. This guy and his wife went to the local dz to do tandems. His wife of course loved hers. Anyway they had been partying really hard the night before, and he admitted having a beer or two with lunch to work up his courage. So he's in the airplane and extremely scared. They get to the door of the Twin Bonanza and he is screaming no as he gets pushed out of the airplane. He's screaming on the video, and his body position is somewhat less than stellar ;-) (This guy is probably 6', 200+ lbs) On opening of course it hurt, and he had trouble with his legs going numb because of the harness straps. He doesn't feel good anyway, and can't get his feet up for landing. He pretty much was surfed through the peas on his face. He then promptly throws up. He's just laying there - can't really moving and they're wanting him to get out of the way because other people are coming in to land. So his friends end up carrying him off and back into the building. :-) (And he actually told this story on himself!) Other than a lovely hangover, there were no injuries... W Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SPY 0 #30 January 7, 2004 This thread is too funny! Had a passenger pretty scared al the way to altitude that, once in the air, became so stiff that he kept the star-like position once the canopy was open, and I mean stiff as a 2" X 4" wood beam... He stayed that way until I told him that he can relax, and had to insist it was OK. Another one ( kind of testosteronic-look guy with an attitude of no fear) had the same kind of reaction but probably realized he may look stupid so he told that he enjoy being in the air that way... S-P =========================== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elfanie 0 #31 January 7, 2004 There have been a couple of times that we've taken our babysitter to the DZ with us so that my husband and I can jump on the same load at the same time and there's someone watching out kids for us. She expressed an interest in jumping "some day". so while she was out there, I bought her a tandem without her knowing and just said to her, "Go get geared up...you're on the next load." She looked like she was going to mess her pants....but she went and got excited (a very nervous excited). This was a couple of months away from her 50th birthday. So she gets geared up...and I get on the load with them (husband stayed with the kids). She has the wide-eyed "what am I doing?" look on her face that I've seen tandems have before...I smiled at her on the plane and gave her a thumbs up. She cracked a terrified half-smile and nodded...like, "uh huh..sure..heh.." Jump time..I get in the door...wave bye..and out I go. I see her face as they are scooting towards the door (Twin Otter) and I can't help but laugh as I'm in freefall. She later tells me that as she got in the door...she yelled, "NOOO..." as they left the plane. TM said, "You did a great arch..." she said, "Umm, no, I was trying to get back into the plane but you were behind me.." hee hee. She tells me, "Stephanie...I about pee'd my pants!" I laugh and say, "you're funny"...she says, "No! I mean I felt 'spurt spurt' and I thought OH NO! " I just cracked up laughing and offered her a pad. Yet despite this..the first thing she said on the ground was how great it was and that she wanted to do it again someday. I'm glad all she did was "spurt spurt" and she didn't actually drain her bladder all over herself and her TM. -------------------------------------------- Elfanie My Skydiving Page Fly Safe - Soft Landings Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #32 January 7, 2004 This probably shouldn't go here, because this is a very funny thread, and has made me laugh a great deal. But I want to share an observation I did of a tandem landing. Or, well... So there we are, Perris. The day is brutally hot (over 100 degrees), and there's a nice warm breeze. I decide I am not going to jump, because this is perfect for dust devils, and with my canopy control, I don't trust myself in the air with them. There hadn't been many yet, but still. A load goes up, and we start seeing canopies open. Such a wonderful sight, you know? But then I see 1-2-3-4-5-6 dust devils. Skydivers are struggling to bring their canopies down safely, fighting, laying on top of them, whatever they could do. All planes are slapped on hold, and people in the packing area are starting to weight things down. And then I see a huge, brightly colored canopy. Just sitting there. Flying, but not descending. Flying. And flying. And not descending. Tandem. You could see the passenger's legs hanging limply down. And they are still up there. The TM turns, flies, and gets dropped. Turns back, and tries to descend. Starts to try to sink it. Working it as hard as he can, with a dangling passenger in front of him. 25 minutes later, and the entire staff of the entire dz (school, gear shop, manifest) as well as all the jumpers are watching. He's still up there, playing dodge the dust devils. Most have receded, but new ones have sprung up. And he's there, alone in the sky. He's made it down to about 300-250 feet, and is starting to get set up. Catchers run out, scattered all over the landing area. They will be there for him. And several trucks have come out and are idling. And then, as I watch, thinking he's heading into final, he'll be all right...the canopy collapses. Folds upwards and together. He and his passenger are accelerating towards the earth, and he frantically yanks the toggles down. A collective gasp goes up, and I turn away...I am not going to watch two people die. And then cheers erupt. Somehow, he has been able to get the canopy reinflated, and is landing. Maybe about 3 or 5 seconds after the canopy begins flying again, he lands, with an obviously passed out passenger. Both land safely, the trucks rush out and bring water, and everyone is all right. The bystanders cheer and clap for the TM, who saved not just his life, but his tandem passenger's life as well. The tandem passenger came to, and left. The TM went up on the next load they let go. With another tandem. Just thought I'd share that story. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
burbleflyer 0 #33 January 7, 2004 QuoteQuoteHad one woman who I'm 90% sure had an orgasm after opening. Shit, forgot about that one, I was so wrapped up in posting the "scary" tandem... Yup, thats happened to me too. It sounds like it, then when we got down she had the correct flushing around her face and chest (lower cut top) that I'm about 90% sure as well. Three times. Two told me, ones a for sure. A number of could be's. It DOES happen! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bch7773 0 #34 January 7, 2004 Quote John and his boyfriend Carlos came out to do tandems. I'm taking Carlos, who in addition to being slim, rather effeminate, and nervous, also speaks little English. All through training, gear-up, and the plane ride, Carlos is getting more and more nervous. We exit, Carlos screaming like the proverbial little girl. Freefall isn't too bad, but then we open the main...Carlos reaches back and firmly grasps the back of my legs just under my ass cheeks, and won't let go. I'm assuming he has spent a fair amount of time in this position before , but I'm frankly not diggin' it, and ask him to let go. All I get back is a whimpering "I'm scared, nuh-uh" every time I ask...by then, I'm laughing like hell anyway. I manage to get his legs up before we land (and get his hands off my ass at the same time), and I came in for a perfect standup and disconnected him REALLY fast... hahhhahaha oh jesus that was funny. i'm crying here lol. MB 3528, RB 1182 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unstable 9 #35 January 7, 2004 Two Words: " FAT TANDEM" Who here has seen that video??? That's Classic!!!=========Shaun ========== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChileRelleno 0 #36 January 7, 2004 Quote" FAT TANDEM" Who here has seen that video??? That's Classic!!! Are you talking about Fast Eddies fat tandem video where the chest strap comes up to her throat as they deploy and they slide it in upon landing and she does the splits, slides in on her chest and face with the poor TM riding on top of her? I call it the Spruce Goose, cause she looks like some grossly obese goose coming in with her feet out. LMAO when I saw it, LMAO every time I see it! ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414 Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChileRelleno 0 #37 January 7, 2004 As we all know there are "Orgasms" and there are "Airgasms". ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414 Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lowie 0 #38 January 7, 2004 QuoteQuoteHad one woman who I'm 90% sure had an orgasm after opening. Shit, forgot about that one, I was so wrapped up in posting the "scary" tandem... Yup, thats happened to me too. It sounds like it, then when we got down she had the correct flushing around her face and chest (lower cut top) that I'm about 90% sure as well. Damned if I'm going to let either of you 2 guys give my missus a tandem ride Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tandemking 0 #39 January 7, 2004 I've had 2 female students ask me on the ride up in the Cessna; "Do we get hooked up before or AFTER we leave the plane". DUH! I had a lady ralph on me and on the very next jump her mother, (5'3" 180 lbs) passed out on me. At least it was a 102 degree day with no wind for that landing. I had a 26 yr old MALE whimpering after opening; "Get me down, I just wanna be back on the ground". He had actual tears. As for orgasms? Maybe 4-5 women have confessed that to me in my 2500 tandems. Odd, huh? Thankfully, no GUYS have ever said that. D'oh! Bad breath, body odor, abject fear, indescribable student positions on exit, and even offers of sexual favors after the jump, (politely declined), are just some of the bizzare things that I've experienced in my Tandem career. Ya never know what the day will bring when you strap on the tandem rig! If Mother Nature hoses us with poor weather again this weekend it will make 12 weekends in a row we haven't had the DZ open here in Boise, ID. Damn, I'd rather be packing tandems on a 99 degree day than watchin it snow. . . . . Blue skies, have a safe 2004 kids! Larry Shumard Snake River Skydiving Star, ID 208-377-8111 www.tandem-skydive.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #40 January 7, 2004 If you ever get to deal with Egon Sussman at Relative Workshop, ask him about the time he got puked and peed on on the same day...probably one of his favorite memories Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McG 0 #41 January 7, 2004 I am a newbie here too, but I have to tell this one Petri taught me: Having a well-formed tandem passenger, after deployment hand over the steering toggles to her and yell:"Hold these or we both get killed"! So you have your hands free for wandering... I wouldn´t ever do it myself, no way... ***>If God meant for man to fly, He´d have given him much more money. McG, DZ EFVA dictator Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mfrese 0 #42 January 7, 2004 Man, I've only got about 450 tandems, can't imagine the stories I'll have after 2500...but in the meantime, here are my top 5 favorite tandem student quotes: 1) ooooooooOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (by my student during a sub-terminal cutaway) 2) "STOP THAT, RIGHT NOW"! (As I'm turning to line up for final...) 3) "You're gonna do WHAT"? (When I mention that we'll be disconnecting the laterals after opening) 4) "This chest strap feels a little loose". (by the 5'1" 90 lb. girl after I put her in the harness I just took off the 6'1" 200 lb. guy I just landed with) 5) "Are we gonna die"? (asked with a totally straight face by a very scared young woman on her 18th birthday. I replied "Well, I'm not, but you do whatever you feel is appropriate, OK"?)Doctor I ain't gonna die, Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 20 #43 January 7, 2004 >When I mention that we'll be disconnecting the laterals after opening You tell them? I've never told them I'm doing anything other then making them more comfortable. I've had a few "Is it over?" comments under canopy. One "I don't like this and can I make it stop" type comment under canopy. My favorite was the kid that I was taking out for a training Tandem. We go through the dive a few times. Exit at 13k. Do practice touches and altitude checks till 10k. Then practice turns and altitude checks with a wave off at 5500 and pull above 5k. I feel the bag lift off my back at 10k as he finished his last practice touch He got the dive flow mixed up Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #44 January 7, 2004 QuoteI feel the bag lift off my back at 10k as he finished his last practice touch On a Sigma? From what I've seen, if they "touch" the handle a bit too hard, once the drogue is out obviously, it'll pull the pin. I've actually taken to telling them to touch it, not grab it until its pull time. They still get their touches in, but they only touch it instead of grabbing then releasing.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jaybo 0 #45 January 7, 2004 Your Killin me, thats hilarious!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 20 #46 January 7, 2004 Nope... Vector2. He just went touch, touch, touch, pull. Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #47 January 7, 2004 Heh. That sucks, long canopy ride. Lots of time for him to think about all the sweet freefall he's missing.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usedtajump 1 #48 January 7, 2004 Hey Aggiedave, I had a passenger pull at 9500" on a day when the clouds were closley scattered and very tall. Thought we might as well have fun around the edges of a small towering cumulous which was quite beautiful. About 8000' a Beech 1900 commuter airliner bursts out the edge, flashed by us and missed us by about 100 yards horizontally. You could see the pilots in the cockpitThe older I get the less I care who I piss off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unstable 9 #49 January 7, 2004 QuoteAre you talking about Fast Eddies fat tandem video where the chest strap comes up to her throat as they deploy and they slide it in upon landing and she does the splits, slides in on her chest and face with the poor TM riding on top of her? I call it the Spruce Goose, cause she looks like some grossly obese goose coming in with her feet out. LMAO when I saw it, LMAO every time I see it! I asked Eddie about this at the WFFC - the poor bastard who won the pool to take that chic up was an otter pilot this year in Rantoul - He's on my People-to-meet list. =========Shaun ========== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FrogNog 1 #50 January 7, 2004 QuoteQuoteQuoteHad one woman who I'm 90% sure had an orgasm after opening. Shit, forgot about that one, I was so wrapped up in posting the "scary" tandem... Yup, thats happened to me too. It sounds like it, then when we got down she had the correct flushing around her face and chest (lower cut top) that I'm about 90% sure as well. Damned if I'm going to let either of you 2 guys give my missus a tandem ride Don't be all jealous and protective just because you can't give her the goods. -=-=-=-=- Pull. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
