Cepheus 0 #1 May 31, 2003 I performed my last skydive to date on 12-15-02. That's 167 days go, today. This is miserable. I dream about skydiving -- actually, I dream about not being able to skydive, and it's worse because I'm at the dropzone, watching everyone else have fun, and I can't. I still get the Parachutist magazine from the USPA -- and I can't even look at it. It sucks, because skydiving was more than just 'jumping out of a plane' to me. To me, it was... It was a spiritual experience for me. Or as close to one as I'll ever come. I don't even know what to say. No words, I have no words. I still get a rush just thinking about even boarding a jump plane. Thinking about the experiences I had brings them all back to me, as if I had just lived them yesterday, and yet it feels so distant, so much a part of my past, that I'm afraid I'll never get it back. Skydiving changed me. I went up, that first time, as one person, and I came back down someone wholly different. It was a profound change -- I am much bolder, more outgoing than I was. I've found a happiness inside myself that I never knew was there, and it took jumping out of a plane to bring it out. And for 167 days, it's all I've been able to think about. That's not true. I think of other things. I have the Game I work on. I'm learning VB.NET, recently, and it's keeping me occupied. I have Alli, who most of all has been a great distraction (hehe). But sometimes, when I think it's passed out of my mind altogether, something happens to bring it right back in focus, and I relive the experiences I had for those short months. I don't always appreciate those memories as much as I probably should (this post is part of that), but... I don't know how else to react. The worst part about all of this is the fact that it wasn't my choice to stop. I simply don't have the money for it. No job (how in the HELL can a person with vast experience in building computers, programming, and networking be without a job??). which means no money. No money means no skydiving. It's that simple. *sigh*. I know I'll jump again, some day. But damnit, I don't want it to be years down the line. Every weekend that goes by, I feel like I'm wasting something. It's been like this now for 23 weeks. Just another day... I don't know what I'm going to do.-- Skydive -- testing gravity, one jump at a time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #2 May 31, 2003 QuoteJust another day... I don't know what I'm going to do. What you're going to do, my friend, is stay wanting, stay hungry. Look to the sky, and know it will not go anywhere soon, and know - really know - that you will return one day to it's soft blue arms, and you will fly again. And then, you just keep hunting for a job - something that will allow you to come home again, be satiated again, come back to yourself again ...and you will find it. And you will post more! miss you! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blahr 0 #3 May 31, 2003 Quote I performed my last skydive to date on 12-15-02. That's 167 days go, today. Dude, I TOTALLY feel your pain. I stopped jumping 8 years ago for the exact same reason. I was terminally broke, divorced, a piss poor job, and child support. I had to sell my rig to pay bills. Man did I hurt but I just pushed it down deep and dealt with it. Now IM BACK!!! I've almost saved enough cash to buy a rig and I plan to start jumping again in August or Sept. Now that I know I'm coming back each day is an eternity. Hang in there brother, your day will come. Until then you might be better calling your jump on 12-15-02 your "most recent" rather than your "last". It just feels better that way :-) You probably wont have to wait 8 years either Cheers, Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cepheus 0 #4 May 31, 2003 Hey you! Miss you at hollylisle.com too -- we didn't scare you off, did we? :)-- Skydive -- testing gravity, one jump at a time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #5 May 31, 2003 QuoteMiss you at hollylisle.com too -- we didn't scare you off, did we? :) Nope, you didn't...just haven't had the time recently. That will have to change, won't it?? LOL! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cepheus 0 #6 May 31, 2003 Quote Nope, you didn't...just haven't had the time recently. That will have to change, won't it?? LOL! Well, I only think it fair that if I'm gonna start hanging out here more again, you'll just have to start hanging out there more again too I know Alli'll appreciate it -- By the way, you don't know about us, do you? :) AlliKat, her name is -- she and I have hooked up. :) I'll have to post some pictures. She lives in California, and I of course live in South Carolina. LOL -- can't get much further apart and live in the same country (well there is Alaska, but I won't go there). Recently this year I spent 9 days with her and her family, and had the time of my life. We met in HollyLisle.com chat, and that was the first time we'd seen eachother in person. :) And I've got tickets to get back out there again, next month! -- Skydive -- testing gravity, one jump at a time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #7 May 31, 2003 With the feelings you have, you will be jumping again. How can you not know that? As soon as you find another job, get back on your feet, then before you know it, you will be back in the sky!!!! The sky isn't going anywhere, it will be waiting for you. I find it utterly amazing how jumping out of a plane can change us so much! It still baffles me. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cepheus 0 #8 May 31, 2003 Quote Hang in there brother, your day will come. Until then you might be better calling your jump on 12-15-02 your "most recent" rather than your "last". It just feels better that way :-) Yeah... You're right -- it is rather pessimistic to say it's my 'last' jump... Cause, if I have my way about it, it better damned well not be I know my post probably came across as whiny, or whatnot, and if so, I certainly didn't intend for that. I just... needed to get that off my chest, and who better to tell it to than fellow skydivers.-- Skydive -- testing gravity, one jump at a time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
moodyskydiver 0 #9 May 31, 2003 I know how you feel. My last jump was 12-20-02. I'm not sure I'll ever get back in the air...no $,lots of personal probs etc.Never even jumped the new gear I bought or finished my training to get my A.Good luck.I hope you get back in the air again soon. "...just an earthbound misfit, I." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aneblett 0 #10 May 31, 2003 I soo feel your pain. I am hanging on by a thread. I could very easily be you. I have a degree in computer engineering. The profession that will always be hiring they said when I started. Guess what ? They lied. I live paycheck to Paycheck... wait scratch that. EI check to EI check and that will only last till August. But I need to be in the sky. With the crap I feel in my life. I think I would just stop breathing and die if I couldn't do a jump. I complain lots about not being able to jump more and I thank you for reminding me to be more humble. You will jump again. I can feel the desire in your words. Stick around here and post now and again and tell us how you are doing. And continue to look heavenwards. Keep the faith my friend AgeS.E.X. party #2 ..It is far worse to live with fear, than to die confronting it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cepheus 0 #11 May 31, 2003 QuoteI have a degree in computer engineering. The profession that will always be hiring they said when I started. Guess what ? They lied. Ugh, even those with the papers are getting crapped on lately... *sigh* I do have a plan... I'm planning on starting college next year, so I'll be set for at least 4 years. Maybe by then the economy will have straightened itself out. If not, well, I'll deal with it then. I've always been a firm believer that if I'm ever going to make it, I'll have to do it myself. That'll probably never change.-- Skydive -- testing gravity, one jump at a time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #12 May 31, 2003 QuoteNo job (how in the HELL can a person with vast experience in building computers, programming, and networking be without a job?? I know how you're feelling, I got recently laid off, and what is kinda messed up, I purchased a rig which is due to arrive in a few weeks, so I'll have to pay the balance, but you know what?, I'm gonna use that as MOTIVATION and don't get depressed, skydiving for me (even though I'm new in the sport) is more than jumping out of an airplane, so hang in there man and turn all the negativity into positive energy, you'll feel better, trust me, I have a PhD in stress and depression, and guess what? I always reach my goals, DON'T GIVE UP!!!__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nightjumps 1 #13 May 31, 2003 QuoteI simply don't have the money for it. No job (how in the HELL can a person with vast experience in building computers, programming, and networking be without a job??). which means no money. No money means no skydiving. It's that simple. Erik, I too, was laid off last year with a symphony of computer & Telecom certifications (Networking, GIS Applications programming & SysAdmin) and haven't been able to get back into the field. But, where there's a will, there's a way. I've been through a couple of recessions now and for those who find the spirituality in skydiving, you can find the money for at least one skydive per month. It would appear that you are still on student status which pretty much puts you at the bottom of the pole for earning money at the DZ. But, I can't help but think that someone with a level of intellect and ability to learn VB.NET can't earn enough in one month to pay for one jump per month to stay current. If you have enough time to write on dz.com, study, etc. then you've got enough time to earn some cash. Mow a couple of yards, dig some ditches, wash some cars, paint a house, offer to mow the DZ's landing area in exchange for a jump, etc. You can either get creative or snivel. If you came here for sympathy and to whine.... you're not going to get it here. If you want it bad enough, get off your butt and go do something about it - anything to make enough for that one blast a month. It ain't going to come to you, you have to go after it. Now get after it and the next post you put on here better be about your latest skydive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
andy2 0 #14 May 31, 2003 if you really get down just go to talkback and ask for ((((HUGS))))). I hear thats a big self confidence booster, otherwise, get up off your ass, get a mcdonalds coffee cup and stand on the corner asking for money. Yeeeeaah. --------------------------------------------- let my inspiration flow, in token rhyme suggesting rhythm... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowbird 0 #15 June 1, 2003 I know I've got a few lines/words of this wrong, but when my mindspace starts going where yours is, I recite this to myself. It's a quote from the motivational speaker Les Brown. "If you want a thing bad enough to go out and fight for it Work day and night for it Give up your time, your sleep and your peace for it If all that you dream and scheme is about it And life seems useless and worthless without it If neither cold poverty Hardship or Gall, Sickness or Pain or Body or Brain Can keep you away from the thing that you want If dogged and grim you beseige and beset it With the help of God you'll get it." If you really want it, you will find a way. It may not happen the way you think it should, but stay open to possibilities and somehow it will happen. Most of all, though, you've got to be willing to work and sacrifice for it. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EvilSteve 0 #16 June 1, 2003 You can 1. Sell plasma 2. Be a packer. That's what I do, since I don't have a "real" job. You can make enough if you are aggressive in packing a lot, and if you do both regularly, you should be able to make enough $$ for skydiving. So if you want to skydive badly enough, you can do it. I wouldn't suggest trying to live off of that money though, unless you REALLY like ramen. I'm starting to hate ramen myself.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #17 June 1, 2003 QuoteYou can make enough if you are aggressive in packing a lot I'm still learning, I wish I could pack like the packers do and make some $$$ QuoteI'm starting to hate ramen myself.... I puke everytime I look at them...same thing for Cup O' Noodles __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DirtMonkey 0 #18 June 1, 2003 Well, Theres always drastic options you can take. lol Hows your credit, take a 20k loan and do nothing but jump on it and live in the hanger then file for bankruptcy lol. Actually thats probably the worst advice anyone can ever give to a person. Work hard and keep looking im sure it will come soon and remember a penny saved is a penny earned. Sean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cepheus 0 #19 June 1, 2003 QuoteI'm still learning, I wish I could pack like the packers do and make some $$$ Same here. I have very rudimentary packing knowledge -- 12 jumps to my name, btw. Did I forget to mention that? And as for taking out a 20k loan and blowing it all on jumps... Wow, that's horrid advice! Although.....-- Skydive -- testing gravity, one jump at a time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joellercoaster 6 #20 June 2, 2003 I feel your pain, brother. Being still a student (you have four more jumps than I do), it's somehow even worse. You still have the full-throttle joy of discovering something new and wild to do with your life, but when the break comes, you don't have the hundreds of jumps' worth of memories to tide you over until the time you can jump again. The dreams are maybe the worst. Some of mine are freefall or canopy, but the majority seem to be shuffling backwards on my knees to the door of the Caravan, smelling the cold air coming through the door and that sudden drop in the stomach when the four-way behind me exits and the plane is suddenly lighter... that feeling of uncontrollable anticipation knowing that there are no more jumpers and I'm next out. Arrr... Still. At least you know you're motivated now and it's not some flash-in-the-pan thing. The break has given your imagination time to go to work, and skydiving to really sink its hooks (sorry) into you. We'll get there mate. Just probably not tomorrow.-- "I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan "You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
