Lastchance 0 #26 August 12, 2006 Holding your farts is bad for your heart, but letting them rip on the way up is bad for the nose. But no matter what, farts are still funny. I may be getting old but I got to see all the cool bands. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #27 August 12, 2006 QuoteI was told that women don't fart, they fluff. Yep and we heard their shit don't stink either. On a seriouse noteBabes in the airplane are great, and they smell nice when their not farting. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lekstrom10k 0 #28 August 14, 2006 It is ibvious you clowns have never tried to run a DZ. If you hear a tandem asked about their first jump and they say We didnt even taxi away from the loading area and they started farting. How was your jump ? They started farting so bad they opened the door . How was your jump ?Then my tandem master fell asaleep drooling on my shoulder, and his breath could melt paint, I was ready to puke again.How was your jump ? AS soon as he tightened the harness, he started farting again I could feel the puke coming up my throat. How did you like the jump? Be proud guys they are going to bring all their friends back to make more jumps so you can jump at the rates they paid for you .Consider you are only jumping that cheap because of them so fart on the golden goose ,then bitch when the DZ goes out of business. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #29 August 14, 2006 Quote It is ibvious you clowns have never tried to run a DZ. If you hear a tandem asked about their first jump and they say We didnt even taxi away from the loading area and they started farting. How was your jump ? They started farting so bad they opened the door . How was your jump ?Then my tandem master fell asaleep drooling on my shoulder, and his breath could melt paint, I was ready to puke again.How was your jump ? AS soon as he tightened the harness, he started farting again I could feel the puke coming up my throat. How did you like the jump? Be proud guys they are going to bring all their friends back to make more jumps so you can jump at the rates they paid for you .Consider you are only jumping that cheap because of them so fart on the golden goose ,then bitch when the DZ goes out of business. *** Grumpy ole fart! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GrabGrass 0 #30 August 14, 2006 QuoteQuote It is ibvious you clowns have never tried to run a DZ. If you hear a tandem asked about their first jump and they say We didnt even taxi away from the loading area and they started farting. How was your jump ? They started farting so bad they opened the door . How was your jump ?Then my tandem master fell asaleep drooling on my shoulder, and his breath could melt paint, I was ready to puke again.How was your jump ? AS soon as he tightened the harness, he started farting again I could feel the puke coming up my throat. How did you like the jump? Be proud guys they are going to bring all their friends back to make more jumps so you can jump at the rates they paid for you .Consider you are only jumping that cheap because of them so fart on the golden goose ,then bitch when the DZ goes out of business. *** Grumpy ole fart! Quote OTHER than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? ~ "Pack Fast, Pull Low... and Date Your Riggers WIFE!" ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mjosparky 4 #31 August 14, 2006 QuoteConsider you are only jumping that cheap because of them so fart on the golden goose ,then bitch when the DZ goes out of business. From your profile: Occupation: skydive bum Interests: jumping flying partying having a good time Now you are going to try and tell us you have never farted in the plane with tandems on board. Yea, right.My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #32 August 14, 2006 Hi LeKstrom 10K. If your a DZO who has "TM's drooling on their passengers while falling asleep, and the package says the TM's breath could melt paint". Than you have a lot more problems at your Dz than people cutting gas on the climb to altitude I sure hope you can remember when you did your 10K formation jumps that you didn't have tandems passengers. What do you do at your DZ If the the tandem passenger cuts some gas on the ride to alt? Make them exit at 7K tell them that shit isn't permited at your DZ and tell them and their friends to never come back. If this is yourattempt at a troll it was kind of shitty but really funny and provided some excelent entertainmant. BTW if Jack Gregory your chief pilot is the same guy who started jumping in columbia Missouri can you direct him to this thread, I'm guesing he's got some very farting stories from his international load orgainizing days. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites udder 0 #33 August 14, 2006 I have been inspired. For my re-currency jump im going to guzzle down the milk, egg mayo, curry and cheesy pasta. With lots of chilli. Maybe a tin of sardines in oil and a half dozen prunes."In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites niu 0 #34 August 14, 2006 Quote half dozen prunes. Planning on using a diaper? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites piisfish 140 #35 August 14, 2006 QuoteI have been inspired. For my re-currency jump im going to guzzle down the milk, egg mayo, curry and cheesy pasta. With lots of chilli. Maybe a tin of sardines in oil and a half dozen prunes.find a swiss guy who can help you with a cheese fondue.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites udder 0 #36 August 14, 2006 hey im using their jumpsuits, i dont need no daiper. And on the subject of fondue. I am an expert skilled in the art. Probably help take the tandem students minds off of being scared. Well at least scared of jumping, Im going to make them fear for their lives. It's gonna smell like "BIG FOOTS DICK.""In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #37 August 14, 2006 QuoteQuote half dozen prunes. Planning on using a diaper? Warning!!!! Beware of Butt Juice. Stinky "butt" wet. Go for it guy's and gals, ladies you can sit this one out. R.I.P. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airtwardo 7 #38 August 14, 2006 It is ibvious you clowns have never tried to run a DZ. *** OBVIOUSLY that's some GREAT advise 10k. I'm always open to new business ventures...All I gotta do is find Tandem Instructors that don't eat and know how to brush their teeth! I can already see TONS of business rolling in!! Why hasn't anyone thought of this BEFORE??? There are 'No Smoking' restaurants....I'll have the First ever 'No Farting' D.Z.!!!Instead of those pansy ass kids calling with questions about an on site massage therapist...I can offer FREE enemas in the parking lot. We can add another "F" to the sign in Rantoul and call it the "World Free From Farting Convention" Gosh...thinking about it, the opportunities are UNLIMITED! I'm with ya on this 10k...these damn kids today shouldn't be talking with humorous anecdotes about the horrible social injustice that farting is...much less actually DOING IT! They are supposed to be SKYDIVERS..not Bikers! I remember 'back in the day'... Back when we jumped ROCKS for gear, it was a sign of machismo to be able to control your farts until a more SUITABLE place could be found to 'vent'. I knew guys that would hold a Sunday fart in ALL WEEK until the next Saturday Night's bath....just so they could play 'Submarine' for an hour...holding their periscope with one hand and lighting the Bubbles with the other! No Respect for they way it 'were'! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SwampThing 0 #39 August 14, 2006 QuoteGosh...thinking about it, the opportunities are UNLIMITED! *** Sorry Twardo, but that's not exactly a FRESH idea! Along with making a stink about Farts on the Internet, "10k" must have had one dropped in the confessional by the guy in front of him. The Pessimist says: "It can't possibly get any worse!" The Optimist says: "Sure it can!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jbrasher 1 #40 August 15, 2006 You forgot the pickled eggs, ummmmm! Red, White and Blue Skies, John T. Brasher D-5166 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mjosparky 4 #41 August 15, 2006 QuoteYou forgot the pickled eggs, ummmmm! You're a sick bastard.My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jbrasher 1 #42 August 15, 2006 No, just experienced Red, White and Blue Skies, John T. Brasher D-5166 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airtwardo 7 #43 August 15, 2006 It's just GOTTA be a Skydiver! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #44 August 15, 2006 Quote It's just GOTTA be a Skydiver! But will it kill the smell Excuse me mask the objectionable odor Warning do not try this in the nude If you do we want pics while your recovering being treated in the hospital. Dr asks: How did this happen? sit on the stove? R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Joellercoaster 6 #45 August 15, 2006 I know a guy who does run a DZ... a jumper of the old school in many ways, though he isn't really that old. Our DZO not only farts in the plane, he'll sit up a little and waft it at us with both hands. For some reason, the tandems find this hilarious -- "I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan "You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites winsor 236 #46 August 15, 2006 QuoteWe seem to be losing a lot of the old time honored traditions of skydiving What ever happened to trying to see who could cut the nastiest fart on the climb to altitude? Ah, "building the perfect beast." Memorable occasions.... I stopped off at United Parachute Club on the way back from work many moons ago. It turned out that there was a pilot and a couple of other jumpers there, so we put together a two-way. On takeoff roll, Squirrel cracked a 16 oz. Bud and proceeded to drink. I asked the pilot if he was cool with that, and he responded "it is not for intoxication; it is to give his farts strength." I did not give it much thought until we got to 8 grand or so, when HOLYMOTHEROFGOD!, it was everything I could do to keep from retching. Needless to say, Squirrel was in the back with a satisfied grin, chuckling at the horror he had inflicted upon us. I have no idea what the hell he had eaten to achieve such revolting flatulence, but it pinned the meter in a manner I have seen neither before nor since. I am proud of myself for having been able to endure his emissions without vomiting. Needless to say, the jump went well thereafter. Then you have some classics at Mullins' place. Mike hates farts in his airplane. There is a good chance that the load will not get full altitude if someone unleashes a particularly ripe one. Ricco was a fool for an all-you-can-eat buffet, and he had apparently gone wild the night before a particular boogie. Shooting camera, he wound up on nearly every other load, so he caused Mike great discomfort. After most of a day of this, Ricco got detailed to shoot a 12-way with a no-show exit. Ready, set, go, and away Ricco flew, only to realize that he was doing a solo. The 12-way got out some time later, and we turned a few points. About 20 minutes after we landed, Ricco came sailing in for a landing. Apparently he realized that the spot was less than optimal in a timely manner, opened at like 12 grand, and hung on the rear risers all the way back to the DZ. It was an impressive demonstration of canopy navigation, but he was not as blatant about farting in the airplane thereafter. Blue skies, Winsor Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites itsokrelax 0 #47 August 15, 2006 QuoteA few years ago the team mates and I happened to be in a 182 climbing to 10K (that was the goal at least). Well at around 4K (dead of winter mind you so 35ish degrees F) a god awefull smell fills the plane. The pilot starts gagging and we start weaving all over the sky. The pilot opens the window and starts to yell at us that who ever did it better get out now! We aren't going another foot higher till then. No one is moving or taking any credit and all of us are looking a bit sheepish. The pilot opens the door and says "he who delt it, better get out, NOW!". It is cold, noisy and we all are trying to avoid jumping and landing out (we happened to be a bit off the DZ). We orbit a little and the smell doesn't seem to be going away, it maybe even getting stronger! The pilot tells us again his ultimatum and finally a few heads fill the door "for Air". The pilot says "last time or I am quiting for the day and your not jumping". One of the Team says "hey dudes take one for the team and get out". The pilot states "no! the one who did get out". I tell him ok make a pass close enough he can at least land on the airport then he will get out. So I step in as the Team Leader and tell the other three I would jump with the person who did it, but he will jump, final. I climb out as we aproach the DZ and look back to see all three of the others packed along the strut and step, grinning from ear to ear, one of them yells "it was nickle night and free nachos at the lodge last night, we all went". OK, ready, set, go! I missed the exit count and left last and saw the face of the most pissed off Pilot I have ever seen in my life! Buy the time we walked in the other half of the team had made 3 loads and the pilot had complained to the DZO so much he pulled us aside to "admonish" us for a few minutes. I didn't feel so guilty about farting after the other three admitted it too. OMG!! Funniest thing I have ever heard....HAHAHA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #48 August 15, 2006 Funny thing about pilotsThey fart just like everyone else. But their pros and sometimes try and blame it on the poor jumpers Next time the pilot bitch's have everyone point the finger of shame at them. Sniff sniff damn that smell is coming from the left seat. Majority vote wins R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites AggieDave 6 #49 August 16, 2006 Quote Aggie Dave, in Texas, is trying to keep this old tradition alive! He and the DZO are some of the best I've smelled in over 30 years...... You should have been around for the pickled garlic month. Todd had bought a large jar of pickled garlic that we ate like cheap candy. Man that stuff tastes good, but holy mother of god...I still get tears in my eyes thinking about those jump days. As was said in the plane, "I taste garlic...OHHHHH, EWWWWW...damnit Todd!"--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ahegeman 0 #50 August 16, 2006 Ya'll just keep that shit put away from now on. I'm coming to AOT.--------------------------------------------------------------- There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. --Dave Barry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 2 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. 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mjosparky 4 #31 August 14, 2006 QuoteConsider you are only jumping that cheap because of them so fart on the golden goose ,then bitch when the DZ goes out of business. From your profile: Occupation: skydive bum Interests: jumping flying partying having a good time Now you are going to try and tell us you have never farted in the plane with tandems on board. Yea, right.My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #32 August 14, 2006 Hi LeKstrom 10K. If your a DZO who has "TM's drooling on their passengers while falling asleep, and the package says the TM's breath could melt paint". Than you have a lot more problems at your Dz than people cutting gas on the climb to altitude I sure hope you can remember when you did your 10K formation jumps that you didn't have tandems passengers. What do you do at your DZ If the the tandem passenger cuts some gas on the ride to alt? Make them exit at 7K tell them that shit isn't permited at your DZ and tell them and their friends to never come back. If this is yourattempt at a troll it was kind of shitty but really funny and provided some excelent entertainmant. BTW if Jack Gregory your chief pilot is the same guy who started jumping in columbia Missouri can you direct him to this thread, I'm guesing he's got some very farting stories from his international load orgainizing days. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
udder 0 #33 August 14, 2006 I have been inspired. For my re-currency jump im going to guzzle down the milk, egg mayo, curry and cheesy pasta. With lots of chilli. Maybe a tin of sardines in oil and a half dozen prunes."In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
niu 0 #34 August 14, 2006 Quote half dozen prunes. Planning on using a diaper? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites piisfish 140 #35 August 14, 2006 QuoteI have been inspired. For my re-currency jump im going to guzzle down the milk, egg mayo, curry and cheesy pasta. With lots of chilli. Maybe a tin of sardines in oil and a half dozen prunes.find a swiss guy who can help you with a cheese fondue.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites udder 0 #36 August 14, 2006 hey im using their jumpsuits, i dont need no daiper. And on the subject of fondue. I am an expert skilled in the art. Probably help take the tandem students minds off of being scared. Well at least scared of jumping, Im going to make them fear for their lives. It's gonna smell like "BIG FOOTS DICK.""In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #37 August 14, 2006 QuoteQuote half dozen prunes. Planning on using a diaper? Warning!!!! Beware of Butt Juice. Stinky "butt" wet. Go for it guy's and gals, ladies you can sit this one out. R.I.P. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airtwardo 7 #38 August 14, 2006 It is ibvious you clowns have never tried to run a DZ. *** OBVIOUSLY that's some GREAT advise 10k. I'm always open to new business ventures...All I gotta do is find Tandem Instructors that don't eat and know how to brush their teeth! I can already see TONS of business rolling in!! Why hasn't anyone thought of this BEFORE??? There are 'No Smoking' restaurants....I'll have the First ever 'No Farting' D.Z.!!!Instead of those pansy ass kids calling with questions about an on site massage therapist...I can offer FREE enemas in the parking lot. We can add another "F" to the sign in Rantoul and call it the "World Free From Farting Convention" Gosh...thinking about it, the opportunities are UNLIMITED! I'm with ya on this 10k...these damn kids today shouldn't be talking with humorous anecdotes about the horrible social injustice that farting is...much less actually DOING IT! They are supposed to be SKYDIVERS..not Bikers! I remember 'back in the day'... Back when we jumped ROCKS for gear, it was a sign of machismo to be able to control your farts until a more SUITABLE place could be found to 'vent'. I knew guys that would hold a Sunday fart in ALL WEEK until the next Saturday Night's bath....just so they could play 'Submarine' for an hour...holding their periscope with one hand and lighting the Bubbles with the other! No Respect for they way it 'were'! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SwampThing 0 #39 August 14, 2006 QuoteGosh...thinking about it, the opportunities are UNLIMITED! *** Sorry Twardo, but that's not exactly a FRESH idea! Along with making a stink about Farts on the Internet, "10k" must have had one dropped in the confessional by the guy in front of him. The Pessimist says: "It can't possibly get any worse!" The Optimist says: "Sure it can!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jbrasher 1 #40 August 15, 2006 You forgot the pickled eggs, ummmmm! Red, White and Blue Skies, John T. Brasher D-5166 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mjosparky 4 #41 August 15, 2006 QuoteYou forgot the pickled eggs, ummmmm! You're a sick bastard.My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jbrasher 1 #42 August 15, 2006 No, just experienced Red, White and Blue Skies, John T. Brasher D-5166 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airtwardo 7 #43 August 15, 2006 It's just GOTTA be a Skydiver! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #44 August 15, 2006 Quote It's just GOTTA be a Skydiver! But will it kill the smell Excuse me mask the objectionable odor Warning do not try this in the nude If you do we want pics while your recovering being treated in the hospital. Dr asks: How did this happen? sit on the stove? R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Joellercoaster 6 #45 August 15, 2006 I know a guy who does run a DZ... a jumper of the old school in many ways, though he isn't really that old. Our DZO not only farts in the plane, he'll sit up a little and waft it at us with both hands. For some reason, the tandems find this hilarious -- "I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan "You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites winsor 236 #46 August 15, 2006 QuoteWe seem to be losing a lot of the old time honored traditions of skydiving What ever happened to trying to see who could cut the nastiest fart on the climb to altitude? Ah, "building the perfect beast." Memorable occasions.... I stopped off at United Parachute Club on the way back from work many moons ago. It turned out that there was a pilot and a couple of other jumpers there, so we put together a two-way. On takeoff roll, Squirrel cracked a 16 oz. Bud and proceeded to drink. I asked the pilot if he was cool with that, and he responded "it is not for intoxication; it is to give his farts strength." I did not give it much thought until we got to 8 grand or so, when HOLYMOTHEROFGOD!, it was everything I could do to keep from retching. Needless to say, Squirrel was in the back with a satisfied grin, chuckling at the horror he had inflicted upon us. I have no idea what the hell he had eaten to achieve such revolting flatulence, but it pinned the meter in a manner I have seen neither before nor since. I am proud of myself for having been able to endure his emissions without vomiting. Needless to say, the jump went well thereafter. Then you have some classics at Mullins' place. Mike hates farts in his airplane. There is a good chance that the load will not get full altitude if someone unleashes a particularly ripe one. Ricco was a fool for an all-you-can-eat buffet, and he had apparently gone wild the night before a particular boogie. Shooting camera, he wound up on nearly every other load, so he caused Mike great discomfort. After most of a day of this, Ricco got detailed to shoot a 12-way with a no-show exit. Ready, set, go, and away Ricco flew, only to realize that he was doing a solo. The 12-way got out some time later, and we turned a few points. About 20 minutes after we landed, Ricco came sailing in for a landing. Apparently he realized that the spot was less than optimal in a timely manner, opened at like 12 grand, and hung on the rear risers all the way back to the DZ. It was an impressive demonstration of canopy navigation, but he was not as blatant about farting in the airplane thereafter. Blue skies, Winsor Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites itsokrelax 0 #47 August 15, 2006 QuoteA few years ago the team mates and I happened to be in a 182 climbing to 10K (that was the goal at least). Well at around 4K (dead of winter mind you so 35ish degrees F) a god awefull smell fills the plane. The pilot starts gagging and we start weaving all over the sky. The pilot opens the window and starts to yell at us that who ever did it better get out now! We aren't going another foot higher till then. No one is moving or taking any credit and all of us are looking a bit sheepish. The pilot opens the door and says "he who delt it, better get out, NOW!". It is cold, noisy and we all are trying to avoid jumping and landing out (we happened to be a bit off the DZ). We orbit a little and the smell doesn't seem to be going away, it maybe even getting stronger! The pilot tells us again his ultimatum and finally a few heads fill the door "for Air". The pilot says "last time or I am quiting for the day and your not jumping". One of the Team says "hey dudes take one for the team and get out". The pilot states "no! the one who did get out". I tell him ok make a pass close enough he can at least land on the airport then he will get out. So I step in as the Team Leader and tell the other three I would jump with the person who did it, but he will jump, final. I climb out as we aproach the DZ and look back to see all three of the others packed along the strut and step, grinning from ear to ear, one of them yells "it was nickle night and free nachos at the lodge last night, we all went". OK, ready, set, go! I missed the exit count and left last and saw the face of the most pissed off Pilot I have ever seen in my life! Buy the time we walked in the other half of the team had made 3 loads and the pilot had complained to the DZO so much he pulled us aside to "admonish" us for a few minutes. I didn't feel so guilty about farting after the other three admitted it too. OMG!! Funniest thing I have ever heard....HAHAHA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites slug 1 #48 August 15, 2006 Funny thing about pilotsThey fart just like everyone else. But their pros and sometimes try and blame it on the poor jumpers Next time the pilot bitch's have everyone point the finger of shame at them. Sniff sniff damn that smell is coming from the left seat. Majority vote wins R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites AggieDave 6 #49 August 16, 2006 Quote Aggie Dave, in Texas, is trying to keep this old tradition alive! He and the DZO are some of the best I've smelled in over 30 years...... You should have been around for the pickled garlic month. Todd had bought a large jar of pickled garlic that we ate like cheap candy. Man that stuff tastes good, but holy mother of god...I still get tears in my eyes thinking about those jump days. As was said in the plane, "I taste garlic...OHHHHH, EWWWWW...damnit Todd!"--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ahegeman 0 #50 August 16, 2006 Ya'll just keep that shit put away from now on. I'm coming to AOT.--------------------------------------------------------------- There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. --Dave Barry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 2 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
piisfish 140 #35 August 14, 2006 QuoteI have been inspired. For my re-currency jump im going to guzzle down the milk, egg mayo, curry and cheesy pasta. With lots of chilli. Maybe a tin of sardines in oil and a half dozen prunes.find a swiss guy who can help you with a cheese fondue.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
udder 0 #36 August 14, 2006 hey im using their jumpsuits, i dont need no daiper. And on the subject of fondue. I am an expert skilled in the art. Probably help take the tandem students minds off of being scared. Well at least scared of jumping, Im going to make them fear for their lives. It's gonna smell like "BIG FOOTS DICK.""In one way or the other, I'm a bad brother. Word to the motherf**ker." Eazy-E Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #37 August 14, 2006 QuoteQuote half dozen prunes. Planning on using a diaper? Warning!!!! Beware of Butt Juice. Stinky "butt" wet. Go for it guy's and gals, ladies you can sit this one out. R.I.P. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #38 August 14, 2006 It is ibvious you clowns have never tried to run a DZ. *** OBVIOUSLY that's some GREAT advise 10k. I'm always open to new business ventures...All I gotta do is find Tandem Instructors that don't eat and know how to brush their teeth! I can already see TONS of business rolling in!! Why hasn't anyone thought of this BEFORE??? There are 'No Smoking' restaurants....I'll have the First ever 'No Farting' D.Z.!!!Instead of those pansy ass kids calling with questions about an on site massage therapist...I can offer FREE enemas in the parking lot. We can add another "F" to the sign in Rantoul and call it the "World Free From Farting Convention" Gosh...thinking about it, the opportunities are UNLIMITED! I'm with ya on this 10k...these damn kids today shouldn't be talking with humorous anecdotes about the horrible social injustice that farting is...much less actually DOING IT! They are supposed to be SKYDIVERS..not Bikers! I remember 'back in the day'... Back when we jumped ROCKS for gear, it was a sign of machismo to be able to control your farts until a more SUITABLE place could be found to 'vent'. I knew guys that would hold a Sunday fart in ALL WEEK until the next Saturday Night's bath....just so they could play 'Submarine' for an hour...holding their periscope with one hand and lighting the Bubbles with the other! No Respect for they way it 'were'! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SwampThing 0 #39 August 14, 2006 QuoteGosh...thinking about it, the opportunities are UNLIMITED! *** Sorry Twardo, but that's not exactly a FRESH idea! Along with making a stink about Farts on the Internet, "10k" must have had one dropped in the confessional by the guy in front of him. The Pessimist says: "It can't possibly get any worse!" The Optimist says: "Sure it can!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jbrasher 1 #40 August 15, 2006 You forgot the pickled eggs, ummmmm! Red, White and Blue Skies, John T. Brasher D-5166 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mjosparky 4 #41 August 15, 2006 QuoteYou forgot the pickled eggs, ummmmm! You're a sick bastard.My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jbrasher 1 #42 August 15, 2006 No, just experienced Red, White and Blue Skies, John T. Brasher D-5166 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #43 August 15, 2006 It's just GOTTA be a Skydiver! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #44 August 15, 2006 Quote It's just GOTTA be a Skydiver! But will it kill the smell Excuse me mask the objectionable odor Warning do not try this in the nude If you do we want pics while your recovering being treated in the hospital. Dr asks: How did this happen? sit on the stove? R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joellercoaster 6 #45 August 15, 2006 I know a guy who does run a DZ... a jumper of the old school in many ways, though he isn't really that old. Our DZO not only farts in the plane, he'll sit up a little and waft it at us with both hands. For some reason, the tandems find this hilarious -- "I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan "You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
winsor 236 #46 August 15, 2006 QuoteWe seem to be losing a lot of the old time honored traditions of skydiving What ever happened to trying to see who could cut the nastiest fart on the climb to altitude? Ah, "building the perfect beast." Memorable occasions.... I stopped off at United Parachute Club on the way back from work many moons ago. It turned out that there was a pilot and a couple of other jumpers there, so we put together a two-way. On takeoff roll, Squirrel cracked a 16 oz. Bud and proceeded to drink. I asked the pilot if he was cool with that, and he responded "it is not for intoxication; it is to give his farts strength." I did not give it much thought until we got to 8 grand or so, when HOLYMOTHEROFGOD!, it was everything I could do to keep from retching. Needless to say, Squirrel was in the back with a satisfied grin, chuckling at the horror he had inflicted upon us. I have no idea what the hell he had eaten to achieve such revolting flatulence, but it pinned the meter in a manner I have seen neither before nor since. I am proud of myself for having been able to endure his emissions without vomiting. Needless to say, the jump went well thereafter. Then you have some classics at Mullins' place. Mike hates farts in his airplane. There is a good chance that the load will not get full altitude if someone unleashes a particularly ripe one. Ricco was a fool for an all-you-can-eat buffet, and he had apparently gone wild the night before a particular boogie. Shooting camera, he wound up on nearly every other load, so he caused Mike great discomfort. After most of a day of this, Ricco got detailed to shoot a 12-way with a no-show exit. Ready, set, go, and away Ricco flew, only to realize that he was doing a solo. The 12-way got out some time later, and we turned a few points. About 20 minutes after we landed, Ricco came sailing in for a landing. Apparently he realized that the spot was less than optimal in a timely manner, opened at like 12 grand, and hung on the rear risers all the way back to the DZ. It was an impressive demonstration of canopy navigation, but he was not as blatant about farting in the airplane thereafter. Blue skies, Winsor Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
itsokrelax 0 #47 August 15, 2006 QuoteA few years ago the team mates and I happened to be in a 182 climbing to 10K (that was the goal at least). Well at around 4K (dead of winter mind you so 35ish degrees F) a god awefull smell fills the plane. The pilot starts gagging and we start weaving all over the sky. The pilot opens the window and starts to yell at us that who ever did it better get out now! We aren't going another foot higher till then. No one is moving or taking any credit and all of us are looking a bit sheepish. The pilot opens the door and says "he who delt it, better get out, NOW!". It is cold, noisy and we all are trying to avoid jumping and landing out (we happened to be a bit off the DZ). We orbit a little and the smell doesn't seem to be going away, it maybe even getting stronger! The pilot tells us again his ultimatum and finally a few heads fill the door "for Air". The pilot says "last time or I am quiting for the day and your not jumping". One of the Team says "hey dudes take one for the team and get out". The pilot states "no! the one who did get out". I tell him ok make a pass close enough he can at least land on the airport then he will get out. So I step in as the Team Leader and tell the other three I would jump with the person who did it, but he will jump, final. I climb out as we aproach the DZ and look back to see all three of the others packed along the strut and step, grinning from ear to ear, one of them yells "it was nickle night and free nachos at the lodge last night, we all went". OK, ready, set, go! I missed the exit count and left last and saw the face of the most pissed off Pilot I have ever seen in my life! Buy the time we walked in the other half of the team had made 3 loads and the pilot had complained to the DZO so much he pulled us aside to "admonish" us for a few minutes. I didn't feel so guilty about farting after the other three admitted it too. OMG!! Funniest thing I have ever heard....HAHAHA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #48 August 15, 2006 Funny thing about pilotsThey fart just like everyone else. But their pros and sometimes try and blame it on the poor jumpers Next time the pilot bitch's have everyone point the finger of shame at them. Sniff sniff damn that smell is coming from the left seat. Majority vote wins R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #49 August 16, 2006 Quote Aggie Dave, in Texas, is trying to keep this old tradition alive! He and the DZO are some of the best I've smelled in over 30 years...... You should have been around for the pickled garlic month. Todd had bought a large jar of pickled garlic that we ate like cheap candy. Man that stuff tastes good, but holy mother of god...I still get tears in my eyes thinking about those jump days. As was said in the plane, "I taste garlic...OHHHHH, EWWWWW...damnit Todd!"--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ahegeman 0 #50 August 16, 2006 Ya'll just keep that shit put away from now on. I'm coming to AOT.--------------------------------------------------------------- There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'. --Dave Barry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
