Beverly 1 #1 September 17, 2006 I have normally been fine when dealing with guys hitting on me, both students and other skydivers. This weekend however, I was thrown a curve ball with a MUCH younger foreign AFF student making serious advances. Hectically so. I managed to maintain for the majority of the weekend and be polite and resist his advances. But eventually the day took it's toll and I did not know how to handle it. I ended up removing myself from alot of the jokes and advances and got the other instructor (Also a young, blonde, female) to brief and debrief him. Like I said, I normally handle guys with a joke, or putting them in their place, but he threw me completely. I know we covered this in the course, but it was so much harder than I thought it would be. Have you had experience like this and what advice can you offer. Thanks in advance I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sockpuppet 0 #2 September 17, 2006 Just carry a big stick to beat them off with..thats what I do. No seriously. When I've had people dick around on me (not a AFFI/TM) but when I instruct weapons handling / dems courses I find it best to take them to one side jokingly then when out of earshot of others bring them down in one fell swoop. I.e. "come over here ya donkey"....followed by "f**k around on my time again and...." Works best and they dont do it again. ------ Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
206doorman 0 #3 September 17, 2006 Quote I have normally been fine when dealing with guys hitting on me, both students and other skydivers. This weekend however, I was thrown a curve ball with a MUCH younger foreign AFF student making serious advances. Hectically so. I managed to maintain for the majority of the weekend and be polite and resist his advances. But eventually the day took it's toll and I did not know how to handle it. I ended up removing myself from alot of the jokes and advances and got the other instructor (Also a young, blonde, female) to brief and debrief him. Like I said, I normally handle guys with a joke, or putting them in their place, but he threw me completely. I know we covered this in the course, but it was so much harder than I thought it would be. Have you had experience like this and what advice can you offer. Thanks in advance Hi Bev, Perhaps you could refer his-good-self to your 'surrogate weekend sex provider' in the form of the most attractive guy on the dz? Who knows what his reaction might have been!!!!! Luv yer madly...n. Oops, sorry, that was a serious question... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brentcair 0 #4 September 17, 2006 may be a little different for you as a female, but with almost 6000 instructor jumps I have found that what has success is getting tough with them on training and letting them know you have a job to do and you are damn serious about. When I have a girl coming onto me I will intentionally give them something austere at malfunction junction, cutting them down to size. You are the INST. AND TAKE CHARGE, NO BULLSHITTING AROUND AND MAKE THEM FOCUS ON LIFE SAVING SKILLS YOU ARE GIVING THEM. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #5 September 17, 2006 Definately, you have to maintain an instructor/student relationship in that manner while acting in that manner. Stop him dead in his tracks and tell him that if he isn't serious about learning how to skydive and focusing on his learning, then maybe he shouldn't continue, that this is VERY serious and his life depends on your instruction. If that doesn't solve the problem, then walk away from the student and pass him off to another instructor. Preferably a big, hairy, sweaty, ugly male instructor. See if he continues. If he does, good for him. If the student quits, then what was the student skydiving for in the first place?--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #6 September 18, 2006 Quote If that doesn't solve the problem, then walk away from the student and pass him off to another instructor. Preferably a big, hairy, sweaty, ugly male instructor. We don't have any!! Our most active instructors are 3 blonde women and the fabulous Tonto! Oh wait there is the tall skinny Simba and the technical Mace and maybe Groschie if he is not too busy with tandems... But, yeah, it is easier to palm them off. The thing is when we did get serious about the sequence (when I managed to stop him from checking MY chest strap), he did well and we did a full release on L3. Perfect! I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mattaman 0 #7 September 18, 2006 Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you liked him a bit, somehwere, cause if you didn't, I'm not sure it would've been a problem setting limits and boundries. He would have seen I'm not interested probably quickly. Watch out for the vibe you send off. I could be very wrong, if I am, my bad, matt ps, if an student I wasn't into was flirtily touching my chestrap, they'd definetly get a don't fuck with me vibe quicklyThose stuck in maya, seek to be seen. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #8 September 18, 2006 Quote Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you liked him a bit No not at all. He was cute but far too young anyway... I am very casual with the environment and they were on holiday, so we were socialising with them all weekend. A bit of Golf on Sat - bad weather and late lunches. Bev's South African beer tasting. But we were not alone, we were with a group of people. I have trained lots of cute guys before and turned down lots of dinner and drinks invites while they are all still students. This was different though. He never took no for an answer. I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #9 September 18, 2006 I'd flirt with you anytime... Then I'd have to run quick scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meatbomb 0 #10 September 18, 2006 Quote pass him off to another instructor. Preferably a big, hairy, sweaty, ugly male instructor. Damn! I wondered why I ended up training all the good looking women on my DZ! No complaints here! Seriously though, as others have suggested, if you throw them a few curveballs, and critique them honestly on that, most seem to respect the instructor / student divide. Failing that, you always have the option to ask other instructors to take over, and this often works well.--- Swoopert, CS-Aiiiiiii! Piccies Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TALONSKY 0 #11 September 18, 2006 It sounds to me as if you never gave him a "No, I am not interested". I think the very direct approach works best. If you just do not answer on an advance some guys will just keep going. My advice is next time pull him off to the side and say" Hey bud, I am not interested in you, lets get back to the material at hand do you want to learn how to skydive? " or something along that line Kirk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZigZagMarquis 9 #12 September 19, 2006 Just currious... how did it all turn out? The way I took it... the bloke was there on holiday (vacation)... so, if I got that right... at some point... he'd be leaving... thus, did you just wait for it to blow over? ... anyway, just currious to see how it really turned out... or is it still an on-going "as the prop turns" scenario? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #13 September 19, 2006 I've not instructed in skydiving, but in other fields my response would be to take the offender aside and say "You are in class. You are here to learn to save your life. Flirting is not appropriate or acceptable. Now, lets get back to the important stuff, okay?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #14 September 19, 2006 Yeah he is here on holiday, they are off to the game parks, Mozambique and then a tour of the East coast and they are back to finish the course, as bad weather only got them upto L3. I did get it to blow over, and I won't have to deal with it until he comes back in a few weeks time. I did manage to not get caught up in everything, but it was uncomfortable. I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #15 September 19, 2006 Yeah, normally in a SL class you can get away with that, but with these AFF guys, most of the instruction was done in a casual environment and over the course of the weekend. Also, we had bad weather, so we were socialising with them as a group anyway. So there was not really a time to say that. I did get serious when we needed to, and I got a comment from him, saying " Arn't you enjoying yourself? you are not smiling?" My reply was that this is serious and I have your life in my hands. Sort of helped, but not much. I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meatbomb 0 #16 September 19, 2006 Quote Damn! I wondered why I ended up training all the good looking women on my DZ! Of course...I meant men... But still no complaints! --- Swoopert, CS-Aiiiiiii! Piccies Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #17 September 19, 2006 Quote My reply was that this is serious and I have your life in my hands.some men like to have women take their lives in their hands... Specially if said woman is : -older -good looking -friendly Seriously. Tell him next time you'll have to send him to Deon for some additionnal training.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZigZagMarquis 9 #18 September 19, 2006 Interesting tale. Not that I'm totally innocent... ... but the "walking hormone" on a DZ is usually some male instructor or "skygod-ish" up jumper that will hit on any female that sets foot on the DZ... teenager to grandma... never heard told of a student that rolled in so hot on his female instructor... but there you have it. Anyway, I take it you don't have an S.O. or good male friend that you could have feined it with to kinda give this guy the brush off? I mean if he saw you holding hands, sitting close, embrasing another guy or what-not, you'd think he'd figure you were taken or something? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #19 September 19, 2006 Quote Anyway, I take it you don't have an S.O. or good male friend that you could have feined it with to kinda give this guy the brush off? I mean if he saw you holding hands, sitting close, embrasing another guy or what-not, you'd think he'd figure you were taken or something? No, I don't have a SO. But most of the guys on the DZ give me hugs and kisses, but it was too late for that. The guy that brought him to the DZ told him I was not involved... I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #20 September 19, 2006 Quote The guy that brought him to the DZ told him I was not involved...things can change. Is the person who brought him a regular at the DZ ?? Have a talk with him too.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #21 September 19, 2006 Quote Anyway, I take it you don't have an S.O. or good male friend that you could have feined it with to kinda give this guy the brush off? I mean if he saw you holding hands, sitting close, embrasing another guy or what-not, you'd think he'd figure you were taken or something? I've been watching this with some interest, as I met both the students on Saturday while we were waiting out the weather and was part of that group for a time. I've done a bunch of AFF with Bev, and she's a 1st class AFF I that I've known for a decade. I think having to pretend that you're taken is certainly the wrong approach. My relationship status has nothing to do with my AFF students. Whether or not I'm in a relationship has no bearing on how I conduct myself as an AFF instructor. It also falls into the realm of lying to your student, and in the future is sure to result in a loss of trust which is something we are trying to build with our students in the early phases of AFF. In 14 years of doing AFF I've been hit on a lot. Mostly in a timid "make me special and look after me" kind of way, but sometimes in a "I'm hiring you so you'd better put out" way (although that is more common in Tandem.) Only once was the attraction mutual, and that student I handed off to other instructors. I love AFF. I smile almost all the time, regardless of what the student is doing or how unstable they are. I like the difficult, slow learning, hard to catch student and generally jump with them for free, cos those are the ones I learn from. Some students confuse my love for skydiving with them as something else. As most people on this site are aware, I can be dramatically blunt, and I certainly am when this type of situation arises. Of course, most women do not thrive on rejection. Men are somewhat more accustomed to being batted off. I think Bev's got the situation under control. Regardless of what she's said in this thread, there was no misunderstanding her on Saturday. tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZigZagMarquis 9 #22 September 19, 2006 Quote Tonto said: I think having to pretend that you're taken is certainly the wrong approach. Well... not to get philosophical... but "yes" and "no"... out of context of this instance, since I really don't know the specifics, so, generally speaking... if the guy's a decent enough sort, just a bit overly "enthusiastic", let us say, then playing a trick like that on him wouldn't be very nice nor right... on the other hand, if he's a jackass that just needs to go away, then what ever it takes, a kill is a kill, IMO. Quote Bev said: The guy that brought him to the DZ told him I was not involved... [jokeing]Reeeeaaallly... So, that means you're "available"? [/jokeing] ---- on topic ---- Anyway, sounds like all's well that ends well. Iteresting discussion and a good example of how best to handle such things. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #23 September 20, 2006 Quote I've done a bunch of AFF with Bev, and she's a 1st class AFF I that I've known for a decade. I think Bev's got the situation under control. Regardless of what she's said in this thread, there was no misunderstanding her on Saturday. t Have I told you lately that I love you?? I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #24 September 20, 2006 Quote I've done a bunch of AFF with Bev, and she's a 1st class AFF I that I've known for a decade. I think Bev's got the situation under control. Regardless of what she's said in this thread, there was no misunderstanding her on Saturday. t -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have I told you lately that I love you?? Lets start this discussion for poor Tonto... Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #25 September 20, 2006 no, poor Tonto. He has a fab SO! I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
