Tandem Master Jokes Or Lines For Students?

[Deuce 1]

Oh, yeah. With couples who have gotten video, open and turn the canopy so the passenger you have can see their partner in freefall. When the tandem begins to open and the camera flier is dropping away, scream "OH MY GOD!!! SHE BROKE LOOSE!!!"

Then say "Neener. Just kidding"

[agent_lead 0]

heres one i heard at the DZ this past weekend..

if the worst should happen..dont follow me..just walk towards the light..

i thought it was pretty funny...

--------------------------------------------
www.facebook.com/agentlead

[Mickochet 0]

After verifying that all 4 attachment point are connected I tell them not to try to leave the plane without me.

If you never fall down you aren't trying hard enough.

[Swoosh1 0]

I've used that one before.

[DanglesOZQld 0]

Some of these are repeated lines no doubt!

1) As we are falling if you see me out in front of you waving.......thats REALLY bad!!!

2) (To tm just as you are about to exit) "Hey (tm's name) - your passenger looks JUST LIKE your old boyfriend!!

3) To the male students - "Before we get close it's ok - I am a raving lesbian!"

4) One more of these and they will let me jump all by myself!

5) Hey is that passenger you jumped with last week out of hospital yet??

6) This working for the dole scheme is WAY BETTER than I thought it would be!!

7) (Asking another tm) "Was it this handle then that one again or what?? I am confused!!"

8) So they gave you your rating a few days ago?? Congrats!! Is this jump 3 or 4 for you now??

BSBD!! -Mark.

"A Scar is just a Tattoo with a story!!!"

[ernokaikkonen 0]

Cameraman poking at the back of the passenger harness while the TI is gearing up the student:
-"Hey, do you think that's ok?"
TI:
-"Yeah, it should be fine for one or two jumps more..."

The way some of the passengers twist trying to take a look at their back is just priceless...

[bianuan 0]

I overheard one of the tandem instructors at a DZ i jump at, wind up his male passenger by going to talk to the passengers nervous looking girlfriend - out of earshot. On returning to the pen he told the passenger that that lady over there had just offered him £5k to drop him! but he refused do it on the basis that he was a professional!

Ann

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

Not sure if any of mine are already mentioned ... We like to rouse our students periodically. With the "right" student it is fun and it breaks the ice. Plus, it gives us instructors a way to make our day even more entertaining.

Yes, it is somewhat bizarre but on take-off, located adjacent to our airport there is a cemetary right there full of tombstones. Sometimes I tell students to look out the window. I reference the graves and how those students forgot to arch on exit .

Awe, come on ... It is funny

When they ask what those "gripper" things are, we tell them we put them on there so it makes the trip to the hospital much easier, that way we can just throw you in the 'ole ambulance.

Sometimes we talk about our days in prison, how we were let out of the mental institution a little too soon, it is no big deal that our prescriptions for our wellness meds have run out, how we are kind of new at this, going through the probationary period and how they told me if I bring you back in one piece, they will let me go again ...

This is my second time

Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires."

Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say."

[Sweetness 0]

When I did my tandem, the other guys on the load were the ones joking to me about my tm. " had lots of alcohol last night and has been partying until 9 am !" ... to which I smiled, and than they said "No, we're joking, he hasn't been partying until 9 am ....... but he did have a lot of alcohol !" Also when the door opened, they all started looking out and then looking at me, saying "Ooow, that's pretty high", but then gave me a wink or a smile.

My tm -when the plane took off- said to me "Wake me up when we're at 13 000ft ... I usually forget" after which he closed his eyes and laid his head down. And when we were there and the door opened "Don't come telling me that you don't want to jump ! I jump anyway ... after 15 minutes in the plane, I don't want to return back in it !" (He was great
Jokes help to relax (take that from a students point of view) ... and I've read some pretty good ones here !

O, next to the dz was a cemetery as well, I expected they'd joke about it, but they didn't.

"Ha ! I laugh at danger and drop ice cubes down the vest of fear ..." (Blackadder)

[daniel_owen_uk 0]

A load I was on there was 1 person doing a 5k hopnpop out of an otter, just slid the door up, moved his feet out the door and kinda slipped out.

To which the TM shouted "HOLY SHIT HE GOT SUCKED OUT", maybe you had to be there but I was laughing.

__________________

BOOM Headshot

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

I have always wanted to get a large class of students in the first jump course (AFF). Start the class with the introductions and then give a short briefing in reference to the first jump course:

We go up, we jump out, we come down, we count to ten, we pull this little handle, the parachute comes out, we fly it down and we land.

Any questions? Alrighty then, who is ready to skydive?

It would be fun to play Fandango for a day and see the expressions on their faces

Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires."

Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say."

[koppel 4]

Anyone out there got a good copy of Fandango I can get my hands on please? Mine is an old VHS PAL that sorely needs replacing. LMAO everytime I watch it

I like my canopy...


...it lets me down.

[dragon2 2]

It's out on DVD now, NTSC only, amazon.com has it.

ciel bleu,
Saskia

[Silverchic 0]

Not even close to being a TM but I love the joke our TM plays on people.

When he gets one with a video and is connecting one of the top attachments he has a really puzzled look on his face and just clicks the hook - makes out like he can't get it connected - then hooks it in and has a relieved look on his face for the camera!

They don't notice it until they watch their video but it cracks me up every time!

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

[Liemberg 0]

I have even seen it as: "puzzled look / hooks passenger to reserveripcord / another puzzled look / finger of videot points out the mistake (waving!) / TI corrects it / sigh of relieve, brushes sweat of forehead"...

When I gave that scene a try myself last year several people told me I could give acting a shot, should I seek another career...

"Whoever in discussion adduces authority uses not intellect but memory." - Leonardo da Vinci
A thousand words...

[Akey 0]

Not a TM, but when i did my tandem, they talked about 'we are very proud to say that this dropzone has never lost anyone...we've always found the body'

Another TM said that 'I only came in today to clean the toilets'
Really lightened the mood alot!

[bigsteve 0]

To make sure my students pick there feet up on landing,
If your feet touch the ground before mine, we will fall over and I will land on top of you and surf you ( I am 6'6" 270 lbs). Then they have a look of fear.
As I video, I tell the student at the end of the in plane interview, "I am gonna hang on the outside of the plane and wait for you".
I got some really cool double takes for that.

[MikeTJumps 4]

I tell my student (in Karl Malden - The Streets of San Francisco series and the American Express Card Commercial Spokesman for many years)...

I am your skydiver express card. Don't leave the airplane without me!

Mike Turoff
Instructor Examiner, USPA
Co-author of Parachuting, The Skydiver's Handbook

[chronistin 0]

Not a TM joke either, but on a load with many tandems, the spotter approached the door reluctantly, clinging to the grips, pretended to stumble & "fell" out with a grimace of fear & screaming loud.

I laughed so hard (especially seeing the faces of the tandem passengers) that I completely messed up my exit when it was my turn.

Another nice show was when a jumper (well, the dzo in fact) asked the pilot on a tandem-heavy load: "Did you remember to fuel this time?"
Pilot: "Oh shit, I forgot!"
DZO: "So you want me go out on the wing with the jerry can - again?"
Pilot: "Just be ready when the engine starts to cough."

Chronistin
(Home @ http://www.fallschirmspringer.net/)

[RoryJ 0]

One tandem instructor I know asks the student to pick a number between one and ten. He then unhooks an attachment point and says "Try again."

Oh, the looks that one gets...

Not again!

[lug 4]

After we land:

You now have more takeoffs than landings in an airplane, for the rest of your life.

Memento Mori

[dontbounce 0]

TomBuch,

I know you... I read your book... Good stuff...

[yamtx73 0]

I was going up for my AFF 6 jump, the TM and his student were sitting behind me in the Caravan. I had done my tandem jump as well as first 2 AFF jumps with this same instructor. His student was to pull the ripcord on their jump and I heard him tell her that if she didn't pull it they'd have to come back up and do it again then he pointed at me and said he didn't pull his either that's why he has to go out by himself. I almost died laughing when I turned around and saw the expression on her face...

The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers...

[billeisele 130]

- don't worry that is just my a lighter in my pocket

- 2 more of these and I get to jump by myself

- 90% of the TM's go great, already did 9 good ones today

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.

[brettpobastad 0]

Try this one...

A horse walks into a bar...and sits down at the bar.

And the bartender says to him: "So why the long face?"

"It's only arrogance if you can't back it up"