Jayruss

make sure you're eating all day long, skydiving takes a lot of energy and of course drink a lot of water!!! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Yeah I've noticed how you cock your head to the side or position yourself when someone is talking. As you know from PT one must improvise, thus the reason I’ve given up running those long distance ultra-marathons I was so fond of

I hope your DZO, DZ manager or the coach with the student talks with the offender. This is totally not cool! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

The First Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!". The Second Affair There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!" The Third Affair A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!" The Fourth Affair A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender replied. "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business." The Fifth Affair Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered. "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,"everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!" "I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you." __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I hear you, I had a sucky day. But my brother came by and spent some time with me, but still a down day. Hang in there! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Give up walking and I'll talk Melanie into giving you one __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

More like caring about your jumpers, there wouldn't be a lawsuit, that's why we sign wavers __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Keith is a skydiver who broke his neck a little over a year ago on a night jump at perris. He's now an incomplete quad. But thankfully he’s done one tandem since his accident and is looking forward to tunnel time. __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I'll tell you why I’m loyal, because Melanie drove an hour each way to visit me in the hospital after a minor skydiving accident. She also took the time to chug a starbucks frappucciuno, then hold the empty bottle in the exhaust stream of an otter so I could have the smell of jet fuel in my hospital room. I'm loyal because Skydive Perris has extended the offer of unlimited free tandems and tunnel time to our fellow skydiving brother Keith Meller. Families aren’t this nice to each other . . . that’s why I’m loyal! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

shuuuuuuu Jayruss wispers: Humm I read that it has a high sodium content __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

sounds like any locksmith could get in . . . __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Ah poor mechanic boy, he’s going to need smaller shoes __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

something tells me the cream filling is a little fattening __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

humm looks like there is a rust hole in the rear of the chastity belt, how could that have happened? __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Brian, Blue doesn't drink, and he likes it rough, so you’ll need whips and chains __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

VIBES __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Hey you took that the wrong way, I love my Jav-o-pack!! And mine backpack is larger than my rig __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Actually he’s allergic to MUFFins __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I'm going for Billvon, he saves lives

when you attach a hacky to your backpack just to give you something to do while walking to class or hell when your backpack looks exactly like your rig __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Vibes Chris, you are right even though skydiving is the greatest thing one can do, health is far more important. __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

when you yell "DOOR" at a red light __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

takes more boobies than I've got __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I was thinking more like sad . . . but Keith was right you need a Boyfriend. Just don't borrow a canopy from Keith __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes