glorious_alien

I completed my AFF yesterday! Got over that "door monster" and onto coach jumps now! It did take a lot of work on the fear, though, some unorthodox techniques...

Not that it matters at this point, but I conquered that fear and got through 3 tandems and 3 AFF jumps. Got injured landing after my Cat C, but as soon as the break has healed, I am coming back. Thank you, everyone, for supporting me!

You put into words what i feel. I want to be that too. I want it so bad it hurts both mentally and physically > GOOD LUCK I hope you become what you want YOU CAN DO THIS! Thank you, Amyr! Will report on Sunday about progress. Let's hope it will be a good news...

Exactly. I am on the manifest for Sunday. I am not giving up, there is still plenty of fight left in me. Thanks for sharing your story, it really is inspiring.

Do you mean on the way up? You could probably sit at the door! Just explain to them that you're terribly afraid of the door monster and want to get to know it better! At altitude you could probably also get them to go around for you. They did that for me in a King Air once. I'd had trouble on a previous jump getting all the way out the door with my rig, so they held me to last, circled around for another run and gave me plenty of time to climb out. I didn't need it that time around, as it turns out, but I did appreciate it nonetheless. It took a lot of pressure off on that jump. I am going to try to ask them to do that, they probably won't do it considering what a disgraced andpathetic fool I am now in their eyes. Oh well. What I TEMPORARILY lack in balls, I make up for in shamelessness.

This is definitely the most intense emotion of my ENTIRE life, no kidding. It took my by surprise. I did not know I had something like that in me. I do wonder if they would let me stand in the doorway just a little. I already rode a car on a highway at 120 miles an hour while hanging halfway out of it, but it's not the same... But very fun nonetheless...

Hmmm. Porn v. skydiving videos. Not even a contest! (And not because I am a chick, I dig porn too!) But this is an excellent suggestion. Although not entirely possible since I just can't stay away from the dz... I want to be there even if I am not jumping... And when I see people landing with parachutes, i am nearly in tears of joy... Watching skydiving videos makes me long for the sky so much, I can barely breath when I watch them: they are that breathtaking and awe-inspiring to me. And I want to be that!

What he said. They aren't solutions. If you really think you need to take a pill to skydive, find some other hobby. Of course you are right, and this is a chance to grow. And for some reason I don't think that skydiving is really a hobby. It's a state of being, a way to transform into another person, a stronger and more capable one, it's an altered state of mind, it's completely spiritual. No?

Very common reaction.

I did that, many times, millions of visualizations, but the sudden appearance of physical fear took me by surprise. I was perfectly fine all the way up until the door opened.

That's an interesting thought, thank you so very much!

Yeah, can't wait for that one...

the cartoon was funny! thank you!

I have convinced myself that I will pull at any time that I feel uncomfortable freefalling, even if it means that I fail to pass the jump.

I was looking into Atenolol, and only for a couple of jumps, to just get over this, and not for the long run at all! It is just so bizzare - to be hit with this pure physiological fear. I have NEVER experienced this in my entire life! The whole skydiving adventure has turned into a major self-discovery, and that's another reason why I can't just give it up.

What are my reasons for jumping? To me, not enjoying skydiving is like disliking sex. What am I doing wrong? And no, I am not doing this for a romantic anything. And at this point this is a battle with myself. I am repulsed at my ridiculous behavior. And my lovely AFF instructor thought that I was a promising student after my cat. A jump... I guess she was just being kind. it IS weird to be feeling like a loser after a life of being an overachiever...

Crikey, it's like there are two of me: one that is in my mind - all cool and ready for anything, and the other one that is taking up the neck-down portion and is ridiculously afraid. I don't have any anxiety in other areas of life, I am a buddhist, for Pete's sake! :-) This is pure physiology that I need to squash. I am thinking about beta blockers. They turn down the fight-or-flight response and are often used to combat stage fright.

weird huh wondering did i just do that get in that same zone on the plane make yourself jump despite your fear or desire on AFF with two instructors is when you will find out if you can do it >>>YOU CAN good luck Funky suggestion, but I really dig it! It would be nice to try...

well, the "ripped out of the plane" scenario seemed laughable the next day. If anything, altitude is a friend. Arch, relax, pull, if you have to. That's how I dealt with that. But this pure physical terror is something completely new to me. And now I am thinking that I can overcome that by remembering that I can pull at any time, should I feel the need. As I typed this, my BP is 135 over 110 (and normally it is 90 over 60). There is definitely something going on physically. It sucks living in a chick's body!

Well, that's just how I usually process most things in my emotional life: "Repression is all the rave these days. What you don't face can't crush you". (House, M.D.) The jumps were uneventful probably because my mind was ruling the ball. And after I realized that, I felt enormous joy at the thought of being in the sky again. Only to be smashed by my body's strange response. I've never had that sort of fear in my entire life.Quote

Dear Friends, Off the bat, I am a problematic AFF student who needs some advice. Please forgive my low number of jumps and high level of anxiety, but I really need some feedback... OK, here is the story: I did a tandem jump and for some reason it did not give me any high whatsoever. There was initial terror since I was deathly afraid of heights. But after we dove into the sky, it was rather uneventful. So for several days after I don't give it much thought, and on day 5 I purchase 7 jumps and a ground school class. And all this is like an episode of "the Outer Limits": I see myself dialing the number, inquiring about the school, giving my credit card info over the phone. And then I return into my body thinking: what the hell did I just do? Anyway, exactly 1 week after the tandem jump, I am in ground school class. I pass it fine, then have to wait until 7 pm to do my cat. A. I get to 14,000ft and I freak at the thought that I will be ripped out of the plane, and I am not ready for that scenario. Idiotic, I know. I land with the plane. Three days pass, I am on the manifest. Second ride of the day, I am on it, cool as a cucumber, the jump goes really well. I can't do the next one because the manifest is bursting with tandem jumpers. Again, no feelings at all about the jump itself. And no, I am not on beta blockers. Two days later, as I am getting into the plane, I start wondering why the heck I want to jump - I don't get anything out of it. I should have stayed on the ground instead of wasting my jump. But I go up in hopes that I will be ok, but at 14K ft I decide that I don't dig it and land with the plane. At this point I am completely disgusted with myself, resolve to work through this. OK, emotionally I am ready, happy to jump, can't wait. Get on the manifest, ready as can be. The door opens at 14K ft and I get hit with this massive panic attack. All the while my brain is fine and ready, but my body is frantic. I land with the plane. OK, 3 wasted jumps, plenty of desire to skydive, can anybody please tell me what the hell is happening to me? I am thinking about taking a xanax or a beta blocker before the jump. I realize that this is an ill-timed fight-or-flight crap my body is tossing my way, but I don't need it. I am dying to jump!!! Thoughts???