Hey Chris, here it is, best I can remember...now it's deep.
I would like to start by saying “God Bless 2-eyed Phil”. He was only doing what he thought he should have been doing…
I was on a business trip to Kingsville, MO sometime in Feb or March of 1997 (I think) and wanted to get a jump in somewhere in the state before I left. I went by the DZ that was closest to Kingsville, I believe Skydive Kansas City then, but I am unsure about that. I tried 3 days in a row (it was a 1 hour drive) to get there in time to catch a load, but to no avail. On my last day there, (I was flying out that night) I left the office a little earlier, called and let them know I was on the way so I could catch the plane for the last load of the day, and rushed to the DZ. Most of the people there already knew me and my jump numbers and I had already handled the paperwork so it was a load and go type deal.
I got to the DZ and changed in the parking lot into my jumpsuit, a skin-tight Tony suit, comp model, solid white no less with purple grips. I turned on my cypres and put on my rig, a little Javelin with a 135 reserve and a Stiletto 107 main. Grabbed my alti and started running for the plane that was running on the taxiway waiting for me. That is where I first met “2-Eyed Phil” (I have no idea, that’s just what he told me his name was). As I was trying to climb into the plane he introduced himself, I returned the introduction and asked if he wanted to do a 2-way. He said sure and asked me how many jumps I had and I said 26 or 27…and before I could say hundred, he stopped the bus. Now the fun begins.
2-Eyed Phil told Chris to stop taxing and grabbed me by my arm and said “Wally, the first thing you need to learn is that when you only have 26 or 27 jumps, you don’t dirt dive in the plane. I have nearly 200 jumps and it is the experienced people such as myself that keeps rookies like you alive.” I realized that Phil had no idea, and I immediately became that 27-jump wonder he was talking to. To make a long story short, after a brief but complete review of all procedures, (yes Emergency procedures too) and a quick check to make sure I was current, I convinced Phil that I wanted to work on diving exits and docking on people. He reluctantly agreed to let me dive out after him, but I had to do it on his count and take my time making a slow and steady approach on him. Everyone in the plane knew that I had over 2600 jumps so they were laughing hysterically at Phil training me, I mean come on, the suit, the rig, something should have clued him in. We got our dive worked out boarded the plane and started our ride to altitude. I threw out a couple of obvious hints on the way to altitude, but 2-Eyed Phil didn’t put it together. At one point he even put his arm around me and said, “Wally you look nervous and I want you to know it is ok. When ever I jump somewhere for the first time I get nervous too. You just need to remember that no matter where you go, there will always be some one like me to jump with.” I don’t remember who all of us were, I just remember people wiping tears from their eyes when the laughter subsided. And Phil still hasn’t caught on. Chris brought us around on jump run and I tried one last time to clue Phil in by immediately opening the door and started spotting, to include a correction and a cut. He never even looked down. He climbed out, gave our count and left. I turned around and looked at everyone still in the plane and said “this is gonna be fun!” I then, dove out after 2-eyed Phil who was well below me. I went into a no lift dive and went after him. When I came to a stop in front of him, he was already in the process of trying to turn and run. He had already envisioned me running into him going mach 9 with my hair on fire. He tried to get away, but I grabbed him, turned him around, planted a huge, ugly, wet, kiss on him and then back looped him across the sky. I went after him again and as I approached he was frantically signally that our break off was approaching (4500’ if I remember). I turned to track away and then as he turned his back on me, I went back-for one more “fly-by”. As he was throwing his pilot chute I went by him in a full track, while waving between my legs. I finished out my track, waved and pulled sitting in at about 2100’. I looked up and found Phil above me and headed back to the DZ. I landed in front of the row of hangers with a nice Stiletto swoop and looked back to see 2-Eyed Phil landing in an open field just off the airport. I have no idea why he didn’t make it back except he was slightly flustered by the way his “student” performed and just didn’t quite head over that way. I headed on into the packing area and as the group gathered I told the story of the jump. We all knew that when 2-Eyed Phil got back, he would know that he had been played and we would all have a good laugh. I started packing my 107 and Phil arrived in the back of a pick-up. He walked directly up to me and said, “We need to talk about that dive”. I said “sure” as everyone again burst into laughter, let me finish my pack job. He at that point in time looked at my main and said, “you can’t pack like that!” and I asked why not, it’s worked “26 or 27 times before” and the laughter roared. I think it was Chris who then said, “2-Eyed Phil, look at what he’s jumping.” He looked for a moment and then asked what is that and I told him a Stiletto 107 to which he replied, “You can’t jump a Stiletto 107!” People were now holding their sides and I had to let “2-Eyed Phil” off the hook. We let him know what the deal was and that he had just been played. He stood there for a moment and then reached in his pocket and threw a $20 on the ground and said, “That’s for the beer, cause this is the first time anyone has ever gotten me like this!”
I gave him his money back and bought beer for the DZ. I will end the same way I started, “God Bless 2-eyed Phil”. He was only doing what he thought he should have been doing…”
