After spending every weekend for the past 6 years at a dropzone, I
have
accumulated a list of things that have turned out to be peeves of
mine
in
skydiving:
1. hearing the word "beer!"..it's getting old people!!!
2. watching hit and chugs
3. crazy-ass personalities
4. people who are so weird that you can't even have a normal
conversation
with them
5. people who, just before loading, interrogate EVERYONE (almost to
the
point of a full body cavity search) on the load, wondering if they
are
freeflying, belly flying etc....ALL I gotta say is just SHUT UP AND
GET
ON
cause everybody else is watching and will naturally board in the
proper
order...
6. control freaks....people who once are given some sort of power, don't know what the hell they are talking about,
they
try
to change everything.....and they try to tell you how to skydive......
7. people, who once on board, tell you how to do everything such as
how
to
put on a seatbelt, how to sit, without being asked....etc.....
8. people who just don't get it and shouldn't be skydiving.....
9. skydivers who open the door right when the red light goes on,
thus
freezing the entire load for a good 2-4 minutes.....HOW U DO IT:
look
through the door, when we get close to the spot, THEN open it just
when
the
green light goes on, climb your ass out....... it's called SITUATIONAL AWARENESS people!!!
10. Skydivers who wave their forearms like an axe counting to 5 or
so
before
they jump......THEN they climb out to get positioned for an exit,
wait another 5 seconds, thus screwing over the load and forcing the
plane to go around.....
11. Jumps who have like 10 cameraman on one dive...and they are
filming the same angle....one should be in an inverted carve,
another should be above, etc......
12. waiting around on a stormy weekend, ALL WEEKEND LONG, waiting
for
the
weather to clear....
13. People who are not humble...........
14. People who suck at jumping and think they are bad ass....I am
like,
"Get
a life."....(I am mediocre at best in the world of skydiving.)
15. Skydivers who land on the runway and take forever to get off
when it
is
my turn to fly and I am on short final. When I take over, if i do, I
am not going around for experienced jumpers.......Get the hell out
of the way!!
16. Skydivers who give us corrections in the cockpit while Homeboy
and I
are
positioning for jump run. WE have a GPS!!!....
17. Skydivers who, while landing their parachutes, flap their arms
like
a
bird, pumping their toggles.......
18. Being asked to get inside a hot tub with Jerry Korshak , two other naked dudes and one girl, who is not
single......(I was asked to do so last year.)
19. Skydivers who refuse to jump when there is a little cloud
directly underneath them. Ever heard of drift??
20. Female skydivers who were once all over you, you reject, then months later
they refuse to admit they ever wanted you.
21. Female skydivers who tell you things like,"Sex is all you ever think about isn't?", and they think you don't know that they have slept with a lot of guys on the dropzone. Of course sex is all I think about bitch cause you get it more than I do!!!
22. Skydivers who when loading, freak out and yell to the pilot, "The lights are on!!!!". Just shut up, buckle up and hold on. Who cares about the lights right now!!!
23. Skygods. Skydiving is only falling. What is there to get big headed about??
THINGS I DO LIKE:
1.) Stinking up the whole Otter with gas and watching everyone's
reaction. (IT WAS ME!!!)
2.) Hearing the "Pecker on a tree" song. You rock Luminous.
3.) Shouting the name "Eric Butts!!!" all day long.
4.) Playing the penis game with Bryan Moffet when he is here.
(whoever yells the word penis the loudest wins)
5.) Rubbing Russell Webb's belly for good luck just before a
jump...everybody should do that.
6.) Feeling the Flying Arab's rock hard ass.
7.) Sqweezing Troy Laird's nipples while he is editing and messing
him
up. (no I am not gay)
8.) Naked pool parties....I have yet to experience my first one.
9.) SCR ceremonies.
10.)Sex on the dropzone. It's been a while since I got laid at SDH,
but
I
still like it.
