SkydiveMonkey

Had a user complain cos a JetDirect wasn't working - going through the normal procedures with it, it was only after about 15 minutes they mentioned that a bottle of water had been spilt over it. THey ordered a new one and it's now in their office covered in THICK plastic ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

I quite like the ones I get where "I meant to turn the monitor off, only I turned the processor off instead. What do I do?" Ermm.... turn it back on? ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Had a pc in today (one that resides off site ie not networked). Customer was wondering why it was slow. There was only 5 different viruses on there. "How did that happen, I always have NAV running". Last time it was updated was Nov 2002. ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours. 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here. 3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords. 4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all. 5. When IT support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing. 6. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve. 7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. 8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here. 10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors. 11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle. 12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument. 13. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us. 14.When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. 15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work. 16. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up". 17. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps. 18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them. 19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them. 20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you? 21. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway. 22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap. 23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics. 24. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT support. 25. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT support. We love to hack. 26. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem. 27. When you receive a 30 MB (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server. 28. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue. 29. When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end. 30. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on. 31. When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends. 32. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature. 33. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere. 34. We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful twits. It hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible. ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

did you log in with the caps lock on? Log out, and log back in with only the a captial letter at the start of your name ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Now THERE'S the definition of bravery ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

that's what most of my users say, until I point out the PEBKAC error ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Reposting your own post within 18 minutes. Good job ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Or maybe just something like the watched thread option in everyone's favorite newsreader (OE) ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

If it is, I think there's a bit a of a clue for them as to the new id ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Same with my Superfly / Tempo that a friend took to DeLand and jumped. No seal on it. ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Yeah - Freeflyers ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Life of Brian was more so than that. ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Blazing Saddles ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Fucked up UK laws mate. The family didn't clean the glass away quick enough probably ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

And I'll call photoshop before it's posted ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

It applies to all your previous posts, so just check on of the others

If you had to move the swatter it'd be more interesting ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

It's almost as bad as the man who broke into someone's house, cut himself on the window HE broke, then sued the family - AND WON ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

At least you didn't have the speakers on full, right? ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

dude, you not even going to point out the fact I've posted this before? I thought you were good as well ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

clicky The last one is great !! ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Page 2 ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Nothing wrong with having 6 risers Anyone got pics of that triangular russian canopy with only the centre 3 cells having an open nose? ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages

Somewhere in the middle ____________________ Say no to subliminal messages