anonymous100

Absolutely fabulous idea!

I can't thank everyone enough for the kind posts and PMs. After lots of reading what everyone said and lots of self reflection, I finally decided to just tell my SO basically exactly what I have said on here. I do regret some of my actions in the past, but in no way will I ever regret being honest with the man I love. After all, if he can't accept me for all of my flaws, then he's not the man for me anyway, right? Some men may not want to hear the truth, but that's not the kind of man I want to be with. As for not respecting myself, the truth is that around the time this happened (which 7 years ago...when I was really young) I had absolutely no respect for myself at all. BUT that's not why I had a threesome. This suggests that anyone who ever has some crazy sex adventure doesn't have any self-respect...and, well, that's just quite frankly ignorant. I had a threesome because I thought it would be a lot of fun. I wasn't pressured into it, in fact it was my idea. I don't feel like something I did 7 years ago should have a bearing on my current relationship...just as I wouldn't hold something he did 7 years ago against him. The truth is that people do change. Some pretty major things have happened in my life over the past several years that have completely changed who I am (especially sexually). As a very wise person once told me...that was then, this is now.

But that's the thing...this isn't something I did for someone previously that I won't do for him. I've never had a threesome with another girl, and that's what he's asking for. He would never want to have a threesome with me and another man...and that IS what I did in the past. It's not like I'm denying him something I did for someone else. And it's not like my threesome was a repeated action as your "doing romantic things" example is. I made one mistake and I hate that I did it. Why should I have to do something else I hate just so he can feel like he hasn't been outdone? I don't expect him to do things with me that he may have done and regretted in the past. That's why I'm having trouble justifying doing this for him.

Stoneycase completely hit the nail on the head. He feels one-upped, outdone. He's made it clear that it's not the actual threesome that's a big deal, it's exactly as you said, he just doesn't see it as being "fair" that I've done this outlandish thing that he never has. And, as you said, I did tell him once that I didn't think I could handle it and he very politely told me that was ok and that he would never want to hurt me...but, also like you said, the underlying issue remained and reared its ugly head later: he is still jealous of my prior experience. Thank you all so much for your responses. Several of you have made good suggestions. Stoneycase, you're right that coming up with something "creative" that is new to both of us may be a good way to get past this. Maybe another outlandish but different experience is just what we need. That's a great idea and may be just the solution. Goose, you bring up a good point too. The truth is I don't completely understand my issues about it beyond "the idea of him with another girl". I'm actually not afraid at all that he'll leave me for whoever we bring home together. He's made it clear that he doesn't even care if it’s one of my really unattractive friends...he just wants the experience so he doesn't feel one-upped anymore. But for some reason the thought of seeing him kiss, touch, do ANYTHING with another girl just turns my stomach in knots and makes me feel like I want to throw up and cry at the same time. So why do I have such a problem with it? I don't know. I think about having a threesome with him and another man and I can’t bear the thought of touching another man, let alone in front of my SO. I guess I just want him to feel the same way. I want what I can’t have…a man that wants me…just me…only me, and doesn’t even want to touch other women.

I'm a regular poster but have to be anonymous because this is a matter I'm embarrassed to be dealing with, so I apologize for the anonymity. Here's the situation: My SO wants to have a threesome (as if that's different from any other guy). His obsession with it though comes from the fact that I previously had a threesome with 2 men (over 7 years ago...long before I met my current SO). I even intensely regret doing it, but for some reason it weighs heavily on my current SO. I want to do it to make him happy but due to jealousy issues I just don't know if I can handle it. I keep thinking "he wouldn't do this for me with another guy, so why should I do this for him with another girl?" Any and all thoughts would be appreciated. Have you done it? If so, was it for you or for someone else? Or if you have advice on overcoming jealousy issues, that would also be appreciated.