Divadiver

WTF, now I have to take back that fuzzy green sweater that I got yesterday! I guess looking like a neon green sheep, I'd stand out in the crowd now wouldn't I?! Diva

More points allotted to Hackey!! Diva

Ask for advise on women and all the guys gravitate towards a subject they know more about . . . barnyard animals. It's sooooooooo sad! BAAAAHHHHHHAAAAA Diva

EEEWWWWWeeeeeee! Diva

Like this? Diva

See, Clay knows! Skreamer - there's sheep in your future! Diva (WTF, I'm not that damn old!)

It's unanimous, Skreamer gets my vote! Diva

Hmmm, let's do a little math here boys . . . (I'm 22) (she's 15 years older) 22 + 15 = 37 (in 5 years I like to have kids) 37 = 5 = 42 SHE NOT A DINOSAUR!! My ex-sister-in-law didn't start her new family until she was 40 something, she had three in 4 years. It's not something I'd want to do. It sounds like it may even be a little early the the relationship to have this conversation, but have you two brought up the topic? You know what they say about older, wiser, more mature women . . . I dated a guy who didn't want children, but just the same had an eye for those younger women, he's got a new nickname these days . . . they call him daddy! Diva

Clay: Are you a Sag? Me too! Happy B-day man!! May there be many, many Boobies for you!! (Jumps too!) Diva

You know how it goes, work slows down, there's no planes flying during the week, so you either find a game to play, post to DZ.com or send porn letters to friends. Personally, after three days of being a posting ho and still not having an old hand, I don't know how you people do it!! (snip)(snip) . . . Her lips meet yours and the two of you kiss passionately while your hands start to explore the soft feel of her body as it leans in to you (snip)(snip) Woops! Wrong post!! Diva

Ann: Your friend the lawyer did a tandummy? Did she actually read and sign that stack of 10 pages of "I will not sue"? She IS keewl! Diva

Ann: Here's one that you can send to her. I got a good laugh out of it. The Legal Night Before Christmas Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.) Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.) The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect. Diva

Christmas with Louise As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled on 'Lovable Louise". She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law, who was in on the plan, and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone. I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What in tarnation is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, slid up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

Marc: You guys keep this up and you'll have to start some exclusive club for landing in the median strip. Kingie landed in the median strip his first jump, only from what I remember reading he didn't have quite the problems you had. To top that off I think he was laughing his ass off. Like everyone else said you have to get back in the saddle. If nothing else, go to the DZ and hang out, you'll be back up in no time.

ROFLMAO!!!! BAAAHHHHAAAAAAAWWWWWW!! Make sure when you put your sports bra on in a cold gym that they're pointing in the same direction!! Diva

Oh, don't forget Jessica has been itching to pick a fight with someone, lot's of pics from the Spaceland/DZ.com record breaking event (see hotties), I've been a posting ho for the past three days just trying to stay awake - yawn . . . ZZzzzzz Diva

Is it just me, or is one of those an innie and one an outie? Diva

That's just sick! But the kid in the cube is a nice touch! I know a few restaurants that could use some of those, not to mention movie theaters (cuts down on all the noise). Diva

There was a young man driving his car, when suddenly he saw a little frog sitting beside him. The frog began saying to the man "Kiss me, kiss me"! But the man didn't want to kiss a frog.. The little creature kept saying to the man "Kiss me, kiss me" So at last, he accepted and kissed the frog. And guess what the frog turned into?? A very beautiful lady. Now, the man began saying to the lady "Kiss me, kiss me"... but the lady didn't want to kiss the man. At last she accepted and kissed the man...And guess what the man turned into?? The next motel!!!! Diva

Humphrey (hump free) Diva - running ducking eggs

There's a clue. Diva (I can hear the groaning starting)

For some reason I would think Phreezone would be able to get this. Diva

Daddy camel has two humps Mommy camel has one hump What's the baby camel's name? Diva

Skreamer: No sorry, this butthead only works 6 months out of the year for NSF (whirlybird mechanic) and then plays the rest of the year. It sounds good for him because he doesn't seem to mind the freezing cold, but it would be sheer hell for me - give me warm sunshine all year round! Diva

69'er: Congrats! Hope PT goes well and you're landin standin in no time! Diva