To leapdog...and all of Johnny's friends
I am Johnny's little sister, Beth. I am not sure how to thank all of you for changing my brother's life as much as you have. I am overwhelmed at all of your posts, and this poem in this post as well. I am broken, and can never be repaired by his loss. I even had a dream that he died one week prior to the day he died. Of course, it was not the exact circumstances that actually killed him, but it was the most vivid and the most "to the point" dream that I have ever had. The day I received the phone call here in Florida (yes, I live near Zephyrhills); I knew that morning when they called to say he had pneumonia, that he would die that day. I don't know how, but there are forces at work that will always be a mystery. I do think the dream was to prepare me somehow, even though I didn't know it then.
I published a novel in June of 06, and the brother character in the book was modeled after him, (Johnny used to tell me that the Big Green Tomato was coming to get me when I was little, so I dedicated the book to all those big green tomatoes hiding in the woods, but it was actually dedicated to him). Anyway, I was glad that I got that book out before he died; he was an inspiration for a lot of it. We were very close and I miss him horribly. I am having a very difficult time accepting this loss, in fact, I had no appetite for a while, and had a seizure about two weeks after, they say was brought on by grief.
I am doing better physically now, but I feel as if I have had my heart ripped out. It does warm my soul to see there are so many others who miss him as well. I guess that sharing these stories are the only way that his family and friends will get through this somehow. I hope that someday, his son, my dear nephew, will have the strength to hear them as well. I have dedicated my newest book to both Johnny and Parker. I know that Father’s day is going to be a hard one for the Parkman.
I feel as if I am an intruder in your forum, as I have never actually jumped, but I have been with Johnny several times when he did, and watched him in awe.
I would like to share this poem with all of you, which was read at the funeral:
For Johnny
From his little sister
April 5, 2007
Twins; although not by birth
We are connected, and made quite a pair.
The big Brother, and the little sister,
O’ Captain, My Captain….I followed you everywhere.
Cereal, pancakes, Saturday morning cartoons
Sledding down an icy hill and waiting for Santa’s sleigh,
Spending summer days at the river, climbing trees that were too tall
These are a few of a thousand memories that cruel fate can’t take away.
The forts we built deep in the field
Shined bright of Carolina red clay,
And weren’t we a sight, later that night…
Before we washed all the mud away!
Endless days spent on top of the playhouse,
Eating little green apples without a care.
And even though those days will never come again,
I can close my eyes, smile…and clearly see you there.
Our playhouse is long gone now,
Gleaming white paint chipped; wood rotten.
But the fun times that we had there,
Will never be forgotten.
When you turned into a teenager,
As children tend to do,
I was now just a pest and an aggravation…
But you kept me around, and let me be a little sister too.
And as I grew into my own teen years,
I found no place to fit in.
So you took me along with you into your world;
And shared your knowledge, your life and your friends.
And when we came upon mischief,
Of one kind or another…
You kept me out of harm’s way:
The world’s greatest big brother.
I know you are with Daddy now,
And I’m sure he missed you so.
But I still wish, my brother, and dearest friend,
That you didn’t have to go.
Besides your music and feats of bravery,
You leave a legacy larger than life.
Your marvelous gift to us my brother,
Is a fine son, two beautiful daughters, a grandchild and a loving wife.
Your life affected so many.
They are all here asking… “God, why did he have to go?”
We will try to remember that there is a reason…
It is just not for us to know.
Your little magician’s assistant,
I will always be.
And you will live on forever in my heart,
No matter how far you may seem.
You are my big brother, my Nonnie, my hero…
And that will never change.
A large chunk of me went with you;
But a big piece of you, inside me, still remains.
Goodbye Johnny….I will always love you.
Beth.
