IronMike

I work for a big railroad and I would say we have some moron kill themselves every 2 days or so. Everything from going around gates to bums falling off trains. My company has so much money they just pay most of these people (or their families) to go away...It pisses me off..

I just ask the pilot to do it every time.

Ummm...I don't remember ever seeing your boobs anywhere........

Brenda is like my sister, I love her to death. I get my daily hug from her and sometimes uncontrollaably start dry humping....Have you ever heard of anyone being TOO nice....Its Brenda....I would feel guilty all the time being my obnoxious self. Example: I shortened her cane a few times, prank call her in the middle of the night and scare the shit out of her....you get the idea.

Im single, funny, kids like me, and have never been in jail very long. I need a cute chick that can pack. Im a lazy bastard, 300 skydives this year and I packed once. Need a sugar daddy? I need a hot packer....Not that Kim, Laura, Rebecca etc aren't hot, they just aren't mine.

Duh! Go with the company that has the higest percentage of chicks with big boobs. Mike

Jack, I want to produce my next porn flick starring Ed White at the dropzone. Do you forsee any problems? We are paying big bucks and free jump tickets to all females willing to be involved; any takers? Mike

I admit to being at least partly to blame for your lodging difficulties. Doesnt matter where me and my idiot friends stay, we make extra work for the cleaning staff. Doesn't matter how nice the hotel either. I can remember the Intercontinental (5 star) in Buenos Aires where I mistook the ice bucket for the toilet in a drunken stupor or hiding beer cans between the matresses or peeing in the tub with the stopper in or never flushing or leaving psychotic notes in the Gideon Bible or calling room service and asking for "special service" or pulling the elevator emergency stop button "Im banned for life from the MGM Grand for that one" or sharing a room with Ed White or...well, I could go on forever but you can exact revenge in a few shot years and justify it by rationalizing that you are providing job security for the maintenance/cleaning staff. Do I need therapy?

A Cobalt will absoulutely be my next canopy. I am not sure whether it will be a 150, 135 or a 120. I am going to demo a 150 all day tomorrow. The main reason I want one is the added safety of a safe deployment head down at 200mph. I had a good friend bail out of his Sukhoi 29 after the elevator bellcrank bolt worked its way out. ( He was straight down at 280 knots). His round chute disinigrated. A leader in the emergency chute business, Manly Butler, has a chute equipped with what he calls the "sombrero slider". Basically it is an advanced slider that wont let the round fully deploy at too high an airspeed. This system would have saved my friend. (I still have one and no airplne if anyone need one)I have grabbed a wad of pilot chute as well as the hackey too many times to be sure I will never have a premature deployment. I am currently jumping a Sabre 2 150 at about 1.4. I can front riser it and get a great surf. I am thinking of lengthening the brake lines about 3" beacause the tail deflects at about 3" when I pull the risers to my chest. I think I am going to be a front riser advocate. I can get one hell of a surf on calm days already with my brakes too short and I cant imagine how good it will be if I lengthen my brake lines. It is so much easier to bail on front risers and it is almost as much fun with a fraction of the risk. Yes, Sabre 2 openings are unpredictable as hell, but after it is open, the canopy kicks ass. I just want the added safety of the Cobalt. Mike

People

You should see how cool they are in person. (except Frank).....They are all some of the best people I have ever met....From Tony and Kate on down....

I am completly convinced skydiving is as risky as you make it. As a former airshow pilot, I have seen 30 people I know on a first name basis die in an aerobatic aircraft. Only one of those was due to no fault of his own and Im only 32....I have been skydiving 6 months. I know people with 200 jumps that have been severly injured and people with 9500 that have never been injured and had only 2 cutaways. If you stay within your limits, Skydiving is safe as hell. If you don't, it is like the sea, terribly unforgiving....You make your own stats. Mike

Lisa, You and your fellows at Square 1,2,3 job is to sell equipment. I can honestly tell you Blue tries desperately to talk me into a 170 instead of the 150 I bought. I chose the 150, knowing she knows way more than I do. I luckily did not get hut, only because I attended the Team Extreme Canopy School. I do not consider myself stupid, nor do I want to get hurt. I just did not want to waste money on a canopy I wouldnt want in a couple months. People are responsible for themselves. They should know that everyone at Square 1 (except that Canadian Dipshit Tristin) has seen just about everything and If they decline their advice, they are morons. I know you care SOOOO much about people you don't even know but you aint their mama...... Ill spank you with my fly swatter if you aint careful.....RESPECT MY AUTHORATI!!!!! (inside joke) Mike

After what happened at Perris last weekend, I have made a promise to myself that I will never do night jumps. Todays smaller canopies make it far too risky as far as Im concerned. I will never accidentally jump at night so why do I need to practice? Either they take this requirement away or I will never have a D.

Robin, check your email and call me.

Just for inspiration....I have had cancer 3 times and Im only 32....I started flying airshows after cancer and got my low level wiver from the FAA and a commercial licence. I started skydiving last December. Cancer makes you appreciate life more than anyone else. I have been in remisssion for 8 years and I think it has made me value life more than if I never had it. Make it a blessing, not a curse. It really can be.

Lisa, The coolest thing you saw on the boat that day was ME even if I slept the whole time because I partied too hard the night before. Screw those dolphins! I like them on rye bread with some mayonase.

She was at the DZ all day. She didn't pay me to say this either.

If I am ever in a spinning line twist at ANY altitude, I'm chopping. Period the end. It is threads like this that made me decide this. Thanks for all the posts and I am a wiser skydiver because of them.

Damn...I knew it looked that bad.....How bad are his back and pelvis? By the way Kris, it's you know who's 21's birthday party Thursday night. Be there or be square. I bought her a 6ft tall black dildo for a present (I know you want one too)

18 layers of skin off my nose later, I'm fine. I went and bought some sunscreen yesterday as well as a big float for the pool at Perris complete with beer holders.

Some German guy broke his femur in 2 places today at Perris. He did a low 180 degree toggle turn and biffed in on his knees, bounced 10 feet and landed on his face. He also lost a tooth or two and might have broken an ankle. He had been warned the jump before by a big name skydiver that he was going to hurt himself if he kept doing low 180's. He apparently is a tandem master in Germany and should have had enough experience to know better. I saw it and knew from 100ft that he was not going to pull this one out of his ass.

I was one of the group at Perris that this guy flew through. My dumb ass, thinking I was in my Pitts, turned toward him to get his N number. By the time I figured out he was faster than me and turned back around, I was no way gonna make it back and landed off. He ALMOST hit that skinny RW guy with the cool Yellow Vette (can't remember his name for nothin). If you do get some a-holes N number that does something like this and he doesn't land so you can kick his (or her) ass, you can go here: http://www.landings.com/evird.acgi$pass*45945174!_h-www.landings.com/_landings/pages/search/search_nnr.html and type in the N number. It will most assuredly be some school. Ask for the chief pilot and embellish the story if need be to make it sound really bad if it isnt. Then mention your cousin that works for the FAA and your other cousin that is Grand Dragon for the Hells Angels. The poor student will never do it again. If the chief pilot is a dick, call the FAA.

I had my third problem within a month with excess brake lines today. Two ended in rear riser landings and one in a cutaway. The first was was because of excess that was improperly stowed on a demo rig by someone other than myself. The second was because I never stowed the excess at all and it ended up wrapped aound the tab on the slink. (I cut this one away because it was in full brakes on one side). Today pisses me off. I had the tabs on my slink tabs tacked to my risers and elastic installed on the back of them to stow the excess. I had a bit of excess caught between the loop in the brake line and the handle and it would not come out once I had unstowed it leaving me in half brakes on the left side. I still cant understand how in the hell this happened. Am I just unlucky or am I the village idiot?

Stereotypes exist for a reason. Hell, I grew up in Krum TX, Tuscaloosa AL, and Memphis. I have big ol' belt buckles, trophies with sheep on them and the blue courderoy FFA jacket. I have to say, my sister and my sheep both look pretty damn good. As for other races, them black sheep look good too.