Farflung

Hard to imagine it was just last week when many Cooperologists could not make heads or tails out of an article that mentioned a suspect that had NOT been investigated before. Could it be Duane, Kenny, McCoy or any other person discussed to the point of ad nausea? How could anyone know with a nebulous clue like never investigated before? Could have been Christiansen because the FBI, agent of record had not ‘Officially’ excluded him and DNA was sent to Virginia in a secret pouch with several ‘dead drops’ near bridges and bars. You don’t have to read back that many pages to smell the desperation as CPR is being performed on some theory’s ‘maggot riddled corpse’. Why does the mere suggestion of looking at someone else spark a jealous rage that burns hotter than that shown by a Mou Mou clad, middle-aged, spawn of Lucifer locked in a state sponsored union to a ‘man’ innocently giving a lovely waitress second glance? The whole thing seems a little unfair. It’s not like either has a choice in the first place. I don’t see what’s wrong with the FBI investigating another lead without all the narcissism and megalomania rising like Godzilla out of the ocean and doing a smack down on some electrical substation then stomping cars. Same if I show the Hooters waitress a little extra appreciation for her talents. I just don’t get it.

Point of order georger: The fact that a Dan Cooper comic could have been on Shemya was never a bone of contention from what I recall of the story. It was that with living witnesses’ which were certified and verified, then skillfully interviewed; that the Dan Cooper comic was seen in the Shemya day room years (4 perhaps) before it was even published. Upon this discovery, the comic became inconsequential and just a silly joke. In fact the same comic was used as a joke on some TV program about Cooper to illustrate what a colossal Cooper ‘tar pit’ that product of snowmman had become. I think after that the part of the book where Captain Scott talked to Cooper became another angst laced issue which went unresolved. I can’t remember, damn syphilis. PS: Congratulations on the ‘promotion’ 377!

I generously scribed the ingredients required to become a Certified and Verified (note: these words have no practical meaning) Cooper investigator/expert. (Ingredients can be substituted with larger amounts of others but will induce nausea within the consumer) 1. Men in Black or a ‘relative’ will mysteriously arrive at your door. You are powerless to resist their demands for your talents. 2. Gather the ‘evidence’ and have it Certified, Verified and Confirmed. Never disclose this part of your recipe as this must remain secret. Just say those words because it makes people feel good. 3. Mix until you no longer recognize the constituent parts or where they came from. 4. Begin cooking. 5. Should this concoction begin to produce toxic smoke, make fizzing sounds or create a stench; simply deny, deflect and minimize. Repeat as needed. 6. After a few weeks, months or years remove and serve. Gather round on Thanksgiving Eve and enjoy the biggest turkey ever! The leftovers will last for decades and requires no refrigeration and can be recycled indefinitely (like the Dan Cooper comic).

I’m always shocked to read how someone manages to eliminate their DNA from the gene pool by getting hit by a train. Of all the vehicles I fear least it is in fact the one that has to travel on a pair of steel rails that I can fall far enough from in a flat foot stance to escape. That’s not to mention the additional handicap the train has with retina scorching lights which modulate and air horns which exceed 125 decibels as fair warning. What on earth is going on? Apparently there is a condition that people develop called a scotoma which is a sort of blind spot. You pull up to the tracks that have been empty for the last few years, look, then pull into the path of a speeding locomotive. Weird I know. Sure is lucky that Cooper research doesn’t have any trains which a scotoma might isolate and eliminate. Yep, I know soooooo much about this case that you can’t pass any bum data around me. Yeah, I’m that good.

I read a little article today from a person who was a PAX on Flight 305 and it reminded me of the Tricloptic viewpoint I have on things. Yes, I realize this condition is unique to me thus making me a freak. The first vision existing in my mind’s eye and what I expect when it comes to air travel priced in the mid two digit range. Being greeted by a pair of smartly dressed aircrew would be nice before ‘Indonesian Tina’ guides me to my Business Class Jacuzzi. This is still a Part 135 operation so I would have to endure the usual FAA required safety briefing. The Flight Attendant demonstrating how to remove her uniform in case of fire, where to attach the nitrous mask, use restraint equipment and of course a reminder of the available punishments for various activities in the lavatory. I know, we’ve all been there a thousand times so let’s move on. Next is the Hollywood treatment or media saturation that comes from a lifetime of photosynthesizing commercial broadcasts in my living room. Say something enough and it becomes fact at some point. Cooper wanting that gear down as proof he knew aircraft. Well all the photos I’ve seen of DC-9s and 727s with Cooper minions diving out the back have the gear up. Same for military and skydiving operations except for those who fly things made by Shorts or Cessna. For some reason we want to believe there is high drama in situations where there may be very little, if any. Well it looks like I picked a bad week to stop mainlining heroin and reading about DB Cooper. Here’s that article that represents the ‘third view’: http://livermore.patch.com/articles/livermore-man-recaps-encounter-with-db-cooper

Vicki asks: “Farf....Can I exit the game before the last round? I will take my $200,000 in twenty dollar bills, wrapped in rubber-bands and placed in a white canvas bank bag please.” Sorry to see you leave Vicki, you’ve been a great contestant as well as an answer on Coopardy. You will also be receiving some lovely parting gifts as a special reminder (scar) of your time here. Contestants of Coopardy stay at the beautiful Motel Puyallup at the prestigious intersection of Highway 512 and Meridan. Breakfasts were provided by ‘Jason’s- Home of the DZ Special’, just like skydivers they won’t stay down long.

Vicki’s answer, “Who......is..............Jo Weber; aka Mrs. Cooper????” Is correct and Vicki jumps into the lead with $200,000. Make another selection as you are still in control of the bored.

“Farf.....I....will.......take........Denial for $200,000 please.” Vicki hesitantly selects Denial for $200,000. And the Coopardy answer is…. An Audio ‘DB’ Double!! As you know, this answer is in the form of an audio clip. Take your time and don’t forget phrasing. Here is your ‘DB’ Double, good luck: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwGVDmEsi8A

ExBlue betrays a creative attribute that is always welcome…. ummm… make that needed on this thread. DB Gump… good one. 377, Anything involving your fridge door will involve Hot Nuns. Just learn to live with the burden, I have and am a better person for it. Robert99 buzzed in with his answer: "Dan Cooper Comics - What is a famous publication, previously unknown in the Western Hemisphere, that has generated more profits for paper manufacturers than its entire initial editions combined?" That answer will keep you in the lead with an additional $800. Also acceptable was…. “What is the single most quoted piece of improbable evidence used by fledgling authors which was conjured by a former DZ.com member that continues to grow legs and walk like the un-dead demographic known as Zombies to be killed yet again only to return and join the legions of investigators who slowly gather and skirmish in a greater and greater frenzy until the 40th anniversary arrives and concludes with a shuddering Coopergasm?” Make your next selection….

Robert99 responds: “Attics - What are inaccessible spaces above the living area in some houses that are needed to help explain improbable theories?” Well played again, you’ve added $1200 to your total. Some truly skilled players with Vicki selecting WTF for $800 and your Coopardy answer is….

Ohhhh, that was close Vicki. But the category is ‘Denial’. A subject presented as fact sans verification. Smokin99 is correct. Also acceptable was, Who is Sasquatch? … Sasquatch also of some related fame. Either of you can select your next Coopardy subject. Good Luck!

Joining Robert99 will be smokin99, The contestant with the devastating Southern charm. Smokin99 cautiously reflects: “...I would take Hot Nuns for 200,000.....but that just sounds..... so.......wrong. So Alex, I'll take Denial for 1600.” and the Coopardy answer is….

I just watched the video clips that smokin99 posted and I’m sitting here beside myself. I’m not going to cry because that wouldn’t be hunky, but I do feel extremely ‘misty’ right now. The executive summary: They were poor. So poor that Thanksgiving turkeys had to be stalked and dispatched with a gun and presumably a license. So this is cheaper than going to the Piggly Wiggly and getting an armload of Butterball, a six pack and calling it a day? My mouth is dry. But they could afford $90 walkie talkies. My brain is sore. Then the money gets lost in some fashion, even though it was tied to his waist. But the walkie talkie made it to the ground because Marla and her brother were playing with them after the hijacking. My left arm is getting numb. Then she said she is writing the book to help veterans? There, now I’m insane. So what did they eat for Thanksgiving? Obviously there was not turkey. How did LD get so beat up yet the walkie talkie survive? Could have been a Motorola, those babies were really built. But a Lloyds would have been toast. Come on smokin99, help a brother out here. Are LD’s arms hairy?

Looks like there will be a returning champion from the first game of ‘Coopardy’. Robert99 adroitly answered: “Alex, I'll take the "codes" for the maximum amount allowable: QRN : Are the atmospherics strong? - . ., - . . ., - . - . : What are DB Cooper's initials? 7500 : What is the aircraft transponder hijack code? Alex, I'll next take "Hot Nuns" for the maximum amount allowable: Flight 305 FA - Who is Tina? City name in Oregon - What is Sister's? Fred MacMurray's Spouse(s) - Who are Lillian Lamont and June Haver? Farflung Fantasy - Who is Vicki?” Perfectly played Robert99, except $1200 dollars was deducted. Although Fred MacMurray did have two wives only one was a Hot Nun; that was of course June Haver…. June… Haver. Although I don’t know if Vicki is a Hot Nun, since this answer was ‘Farflung Fantasy’; she is now. Congratulations Robert99 and Vicki, and thanks for playing and being victimized.

Along with ‘Cooperland’ the next logical progression would be media and merchandising. The cable system already has offerings which include the mind-numbing C-Span and HSN so the general public is clearly starving for ‘DBC-Span’. It will be a channel dedicated to all things Cooper and serve as a depository for electronic content. Watch for it on Channel 305 which will feature a premier broadcast of a game show named ‘Coopardy’.

Ok, so I’m reading these articles where the deceased father reminds Marla that her uncle hijacked that airplane. Then a few years later her mother says something about her uncle being Cooper upon which I assumed her mother to be dead. Because her mother has not joined forces with the former 8 year old who was witness to his walkie talkie use and planning. Apparently the mother is a source of confirmation to what a little girl witnessed but good ‘ol mom isn’t part of this discovery. http://www.kolotv.com/nationalnews/headlines/Okla_Woman_Claims_Famed_Hijacker_DB_Cooper_is_Her_Uncle_126738193.html Third line from the bottom: “She said her mother recently provided investigators with a guitar strap belonging to her uncle to be tested for fingerprints.” What about mother?

I know, I know, could there be more? This thread has a long and rich history of checking maps first. So let me launch a preemptive apology to the closet cartographers who are suffered to read this. After around 25,000 comments and some of the most painfully sub-atomic analysis known to man about the jump location, Sisters, OR sounds plausible to some? Attached is a graphic that illustrates the distance between Battle Ground, WA and Sisters, OR which is roughly 113.149 statute miles as the crow flies. OK then, so far so good. Now the story goes that Cooper arrived in Sisters wearing a blood stained shirt and proclaiming to the person he just traveled those afore mentioned miles, ’Hey we really hijacked that airplane’. So this is my question; is the town sisters named after girls that are related or lesbian nuns? I hope 377 doesn’t notice my bias on this subject.

Whew, was I happy to read this: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2015808203_cooper04m.html "I'm certain he was my uncle, Lynn Doyle Cooper, who we called L.D. Cooper," she told ABC News.” Cooper (Marla) told ABC News that she is working on a book about her uncle, but said that wasn't her primary motivation for coming forward. It never is. All she wants is the truth. All we have to do is wait for the book to be published, then buy it and read it. Kinda weird how previous reports wanted to protect the identity of the family. Hmmmm, well I don’t see anything strange about this at all.

D-B-C-C-O-O-P-E-R you see. As Yogi Berra said, “Life is 90 percent timing, the other half is luck.”

This new story certainly has the ingredients to qualify as a Cooper fable. The Canadian comic book is now pinned to the uncle’s wall. That’s good. Oh and the recollection of just what the uncles were doing just before Thanksgiving. Turkey hunting. Call me sentimental, but I long for the good old days when a couple of men could retreat to the wilds of the northwest for nothing more than reconnecting with the good Earth and some savage sodomy in an Airstream. It’s long been a tradition in America that men go out and hunt provisions for their loving families and for a chance to get out of the house or cave. I’m sure we can all remember the excitement of our first turkey hunt. Yep, things just keep getting better and better.

I DO read the entire comment YOU make and see what context is offered. A goose step answer would not benefit you and I understand that. Are there lessons to be learned? I was making the wrong assumption of things regarding your self proclaimed abilities. Perhaps I was too bold in what I just said.

Vicki coquettishly responds: “DON'T continue to contact me! Please STOP! DON'T PM through Dropzone.com. STOP the phone calls and emails. I think you may be crying NOW?” OK then, I’ll take that to mean you want me to use IM. I can read between the lines. Yeah, I saw the double negative in the ‘Title’. Plus I want you to know that I was crying about something else, because you didn’t hit me that hard.

I’ll confess that when plied with spirits I may say more than I should about my past. This includes 35 reasons why I’m DB Cooper as referenced on 21 April. Vicki knows this first hand. After a full day of being cool, I gave Vicki a call and asked her out to Psycho Suzie’s Tiki Bar because I’m classy. She must have had a rough day because it took a long time for her to answer and her words seemed very labored. I’m sensitive about these things so I insisted that she show up and would not take no for an answer, even though she tried seven times. She must have felt tense from work also because she wanted to know just what the hell was in my pocket. I played ‘Last Train to Clarksville’ and she appeared to like my style. I was just finishing my fourth Zombie when the waitress strong armed me out of the place for reasons which will become public record I’m sure. As luck would have it Vicki backed me up (paid for the damages) and since I was in no condition to drive took me home and walked me up to my place. She no doubt noticed the fresh layer of papers on my bed. Then things started to get a little blackouty and weird. I can’t remember much after the crying. I had a great time though and sent Vicki a PM invitation to do it again real soon. Haven’t heard back yet, kinda strange.

Here is an article that verifies, confirms and certifies who is not on the FBI suspect list. http://blogs.seattleweekly.com/dailyweekly/2011/08/db_cooper_unsolved_hijacking_c.php Let the parsing begin. Or go back to watching your normally scheduled broadcast. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wJX1Atch1k Who’s that ridin across the plain…. Who’s lost count of the wives he slain….

Don’t even get me started on Fred Astaire. Too late. Thanks to the likes of Dr Spock and his ‘book’, I was doomed to make a choice about participation in the arts. That’s right, sentenced to attend piano lessons to make me ‘just like Liberace’ or go to a Fred Astaire Dance Studio to make me graceful. Either choice made me sick. What was up with that generation that won WWII? After defeating totalitarianism they wanted me to be just like all the other kids. Weird. Anyway, I did in fact learn a great deal about grace and tolerance from my experiences. Not from the piano or dance lessons they were a major flop. It was during the travels (code for walking alone) to those venues that I was introduced to size 28 butt helmets and atomic ambush wedgies. No point in trying to run because you can’t get any traction with patent leather shoes or speed with an armful of sheet music. Sometimes victory is in fact defined by receiving ‘less punishment’ and many, many days I was the clear victor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk