Farflung

My IP address has been compromised and sent to ‘them’. Great, now I’ll end up in the suspect pool of DB Coopers since I can’t provide one bit of evidence to prove it was not me. I drink bourbon and have worn a black raincoat in Seattle. I do not have a single bill with a matching serial number. My DNA does not match the FBI’s sample. When I returned from a camping trip the ‘old lady’ asked if I caught any fish or just did the sodomy thing the whole time. I don’t have the carbon copy of the ticket. No one can ID me as 100 percent for sure not to be the suspect. I can’t prove (with work records) that I was not on the plane that night. I smoked in the 70’s and it was the brand with the coupon on the back of the package. It was called… ummm… oh yeah, all of them. I have worked in aviation my entire life and complained about how little I was paid to family, friends and anyone in public gathering areas. I have a secret past which I have concealed through the cunning ruse of ‘camping trips’ or unexpected business travel to Bangkok. How can I shake this DB Cooper sphere of suspicion? I feel the noose getting tighter.

Robert99, I should have been slightly (read big time) more succinct regarding the robust equipment. I meant an attaching device. Cooper is credited with an in depth knowledge of airline operations (as an employee) or piloting skills (ex-military) without the benefit of a cross check via associated behaviors. I can be easily (easily that is) BS’d about things involving skydiving since I have no experience with jumping. No so much with aircraft systems and flight dynamics. Yet the battle of wills beats wits with great consistency. As a person NOT familiar with parachutes, I would be hesitant to jack one open and cannibalize the lines in order to attach the money to the rig (my big ass bias). For attaching equipment I would have used some webbing with buckles already attached (aka- seat belt extension). This again is my big ass bias since I have experience with this subject and would give little thought to canning a reserve rig in order to obtain a way to lash the money to my harness. Seat belts (the webbing) are already flat (distribute that shock) and are certified to some stupid amount of G forces (40 plus with 200 lbs?). One could (just could- non mandatory here) buckle, tie or weave a belt extension and attach the money similar to a ‘Butt Boat’ container in an ejection seat. This is just a simple difference in approach given a different professional affinity with associated equipment familiarity. Cooper was problem solving with a canvas bag of money and a reserve chute without attach points. What could be realistically gleaned from Cooper’s solution? Bonus question: What does line look like after being cut with the ‘hook’ blade on an MC-1 knife (or equivalent)? I have no idea, even though I wore an MC-1 in my Go Fast Suit (causing another large bulge in the inner thigh area) and looked all cool and hunky and chick magnety.

There was some chat about the condition of the cut ends of the reserve chute left on the plane. This video has the necktie (looks like a Towncraft), ticket, money and parachute (0:54 – 1:16). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLOgfkv4alk Don’t know what Cooper used to cut the lines or why he resorted to such a drastic solution. Far more robust equipment was available in the aircraft. That makes one point for opening a chute and canning it for materials as being familiar with skydiving. Zero points for aircraft system/ops knowledge. With a bonus point for haberdashery selection since he avoided using a bow tie (ref: Pee Wee Herman, Senator Paul Simon and Orville Redenbacher).

It has been a struggle and I’ve spent hours and hours searching for anything which would illustrate the operation of these complex stairs. The video is a sort of training film about the average day a person spends working on a small commuter airline. Most of it is admittedly drudgery with equipment checks, lavatory inspections and the loading of food stuffs and liquor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNEyvJgfKfM Around 1:50 you will observe a thoroughly trained Stewardess, resplendent in white aviator’s scarf, operate the aft stairs. This is followed by the usual mind numbing, air ops like: take off, gear retraction, cruise configuration, starting in-flight entertainment, beverage service and then a shower. I know, yawwwwn. I wish it could be as exciting as extruded plastic sales, reading insurance actuarial reports or some other slow death with a promise of a retirement program; but it is not to be. This was the golden age of aviation when the customer was welcomed in the cockpit and they could smoke and thoroughly enjoy their transportation experience. Low level flights were common place and enhanced the ‘look at me’ element of going from point A to B with a display of superiority, just the way it should be. A Stewardess to passenger ratio of 4:1 was the norm with lobster and bruschetta gingerly placed on hand crafted china with linen napkins and the fuselage completely filtered of non-beautiful people so the chosen ones could properly digest. What better way to stay beautiful then having a little dance after your dinner? Whew, that was a work out, now it is time for an evening movie to round out the journey. Kinda funny how this attempt to make some jobs appear exciting just makes one more appreciative of the Monday to Friday, 8 to 5, routine we all enjoy. There was a reason for that shower after all. The never ending trysts with thousands and thousands of women was difficult to wash away, no matter how much French milled soap was used. Oh well, hope the aft stair operation was of some small value.

airtwardo adroitly observed: “Here’s a guy in a creepy motel……” Upon reflecting on the texture of the program and the ‘challenging production values’ (the host is anchored to a chalk board after all), there would be an equally limited area of consideration for accommodations (code for close and painfully cheap). Since they were in Bonney Lake they probably used some local flop house. So a quick search for “Creepy Motels in Puyallup” and Bingo….. third listing is the “Motel Puyallup”. But could it be one in the same? Well you can decide for yourself. Sure is good they went to that super secret (read crack whore country) location. Bernie could have simply been stunned by the surroundings and trying to recover after running the gauntlet of drug users, ladies of ill repute, stained carpets, poorly placed air fresheners and orphaned peanuts.

What would make a man sit like a lump rather than answer what he did on some long weekend holiday in an Airstream trailer with a ‘special friend’ in the woods? Enjoy (or be vexed by) the following ditty with a tribal beat of deep, thrusting bass and some whimsical lyrics. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyl5DlrsU90 Well, how were you affected by that? Moved to having a bit of a dance perhaps? The slope is equally insidious and slippery on the journey to owning and hiding an Airstream from the spouse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJv5qLsLYoo&feature=related Still too subtle? Don’t fret because the opus magnum anthem to Airstream ownership is next. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO43p2Wqc08 Before you start searching Craigslist for trailers, take some time to let the enthusiasm diminish and start thinking rationally again. Why would a couple of men conspire to hijack an airliner and neglect to give the wife a cover story??? Gee guys, all the radios and toupees and trailers were arranged; you just forgot some tale to feed the old lady about your absence during one of the biggest man hunts in history. Well done, well done indeed. Try cleansing the audio and intellectual palate and sing along to this classic….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R36CixkIaIc Didn’t you feel like DB Cooper? Una Paloma Blancaaaaaaahhhhhh (cough.. cough) aaahhhh, over the Cascades I fly. I feel like DB Cooperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, only to my wife I’ll lie. No one can take…… my Airstream away.

I was just browsing the internet, and minding my own business, when I came upon this astonishingly unbiased and brilliantly accurate article about DB Cooper; which should appeal to those with a higher intellect and bigger knob. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6192100/brad_meltzers_decoded_season_1_episode.html?cat=2 After reading this article I was happy at all the niceness and began to skip and jump and do a few pirouettes and what not, in my driveway. Well my neighbor comes out and announces that he doesn’t need any of this crap and gives me a squirt with the garden hose. It’s going to take more than a dose of 37 degree water dispensed from Captain Buzzkill’s strange sense of decorum to cool my enthusiasm. I’m just looking for the truth anywhere it happens to take me. As long as it is convenient, cheap or involves the consumption of some sort of intoxicant, which should be near the truth in any case.

Old Bernie looked like a deer in a pair of high beams when asked about what he was doing in that Airstream trailer during the Thanksgiving holiday of November 1971. Superb investigation and research to be sure. I can’t think of any other possibility other than aiding and abetting a hijacking. Who would leave their wife’s behind on Thanksgiving?

Oh, now I see. In the 19,817 posts I was the FIRST to mention DME and needed to be associated with some absurd notion that Cooper was wearing one. Got it. 99 and 44/100th pure to be sure. But what is so heavy and expensive about DME? Very vague ‘Shoe Clerk’ terms not becoming a pilot. Sounds more like some ‘Junior Bird Man Wannabe’ who adjusts insurance claims by day and makes people puke by night. I know it might seem crazy, but damn it; a portable DME might just work! I just need to find out if it will transmit with a toupee. But how? Curses, I’m foiled again. Damn you toupees!

Orange1, Completely true. 100% true. True as true can be on a day when… umm… true blue… bluebirds sing their magic blue…. got lost in my own allegory there. This MAY be the point that Cooper did not preselect an airway BUT (HUGE BUT HERE); the flight crew was NOT (NOT) predisposed to fly in some pseudo random pattern over the skies of Washington and Oregon because they were ‘special’ and could. This jump in logic is what induces a cerebral aneurism in anyone with some flight experience. And for whatever reason is such an irresistible consideration to the squadron of Walter Mitty’s operating the Cooper machinery. I am NOT (NOT) saying that Cooper did anything, just trying (and failing again) to define some aviation materials and why they are, the way they are. That is all.

WOW, don’t have ANY idea where this, ”Cooper had a DME system” came from. I can testify with an accuracy of 100% that I made no such mention in my comment and this is the product of some bias or lack of reading comprehension. The title of the comment was ‘Some Simple Stuff’ and was nothing more than an introduction to some of the symbology on the FAA, ‘L’ charts and how to interpret the same. How did this logic train take a dirt road so quickly? Oh well, nothing new here.

Don’t even get me started on the lack of chart reading skills on this thread. Too late. OK, so now the field of airway possibilities has been narrowed from thousands to two in regard to traveling south from SeaTac, some further analysis may be needed. Cooper let it be known that he wanted to fly at 10,000 feet and go to Mexico City or at least something around 170ish on the whiskey compass. Somehow, the idea was hatched that this aircraft had some sort of carte blanche in regard to flying over Washington. More ‘Shoe Clerk’ goo which has been left on the bathroom doorknob in the house of Cooper. Where do these ‘people’ come up with these absurd ideas? Hollywood or some dark recess perhaps? Well it is long time to put this ridiculous notion back where it came from and this may involve some squealing, boy, lots and lots of squealing. Won’t you give a warm DB Cooper thread welcome, for an encore performance of Sluggo Monster’s, L-1 instrument chart with the two Southbound and down, airways? Cause we’re goin’ to do what they say can’t be done. We’ve got a long way to fly and a short time to get there. We’re Southbound, just watch ‘ol Cooper jump. So gaze upon the two choices of routes. They both start off in the GREEN ovals with altitudes of 3,000 feet. I like it when the airways are nice to each other it makes me happy and joyous. But then something goes horribly wrong at WIRT intersection on the pink (but no threat to my obvious masculinity) airway. All of a sudden the minimum altitude is 9,000 (RED oval) feet while the YELLOW route requires only 5,000 (GOLD oval) feet many miles further south. Now, I’m so sad because the airways are not the same anymore and I need to, a little bit, cry, bwahh, bwahhh, bhahhahahah. With mean old DB Cooper wanting 10,000 feet, that leaves very little margin for the sweet little Nancy, pink route that I was so completely stuck upon. Gosh, now it appears there is only one logical selection and that is Victor 23, if one is interested in NOT crashing and burning on a mountainside. And according to the ‘Crew Transcripts’ on PDF page 64, finding a route that allowed 10,000 was priority. So why was the crew so uptight about having charts, making sure there is clearance from terrain, blah, blah, blah. Are you looking at the chart? What do you see? Some blue lines and confounding clusters of numbers and arrows and bizarre names I suppose. Where are the mountain tops? Can you see any? Oh yeah, that’s because the airways represent a surveyed section of airspace which exists 4 nautical miles either side of centerline and NO MORE. None, nada, zip, nothing but death and writhing pain in the form of a violent fireball. Get it Shoe Clerks? I didn’t think so. Turn your attention to the textual box that says “4000 foot delta in 7 miles”. See that little ‘ol blue line between the YELLOW and PINK routes? In that distance one is required to climb 4,000 feet. So if you’re making a groundspeed of 180 knots you would have just over 2 minutes to make this climb by achieving a 2,000 foot per minute climb rate. You think anyone with an operative brain stem would consider deviating from a standard airway just for the heck of it? I mean really, where did this 10, 15, 20 plus miles off centerline deviation come from? Just another glaring example of how shallow, vapid and embarrassing the flight ops knowledge is and with few exceptions, most should classify themselves as a sort of ‘Toonces the Flying Cat’ and that is being way generous. So it appears that the choice of airways was actually one, kinda like voting for Hitler. If people get the government they deserve, then forums get the information they deserve. What does this say about this thread? Pretty deep monkey thought there. Don’t worry, there is plenty more to expose in the ‘Shoe Clerk’s chronicles’. Next we will study the technique of air deliveries with nothing more than some rough airspeed and a Timex. You’ll like.

All this loose, unsourced and unattributed guano about flight profiles and aircraft ops is giving me some heartburn. Especially considering the Shoe Clerk opinion it represents. So rather than adding to the endless stream of professorial down speak, I felt a simple show and tell was long, long. looooooooooong over due. I would love to blather on and on about my qualifications (code for penis) but feel an individual validation of what I write and represent is far more honest, valuable and damages only my sense of self importance and unchecked ego. The attached graphic is from Sluggo Monster’s web page which has the instrument charts for the Seattle airport. It is a close up of the SeaTac (Seattle – Tacoma) airport and the many, many, many, many, many routes one could chose when flying in a Southerly direction…… OK, there is only two, ummm….just two choices. They are the lines which are colored YELLOW and PINK. Do you see them? They both begin at Runway 16C which I have crudely but like a person with a massive knob, drew with the correct orientation, relative scale and number with thick, black lines. Are they too big for you? SeaTac has three (3) long runways and they are numbered based upon magnetic headings rounded to the nearest ten (164 degrees is Runway 16) and in the case of parallel runways will include an alpha designator for left, right and center (Runway 16C is the center strip). The RED circles are highlighting the Radials the two routes represent. If you are taking off from Runway 16C, you would climb out on runway heading then turn from three to thirteen degrees and join the airway which is virtually oriented in the direction of departure. Following along so far? I knew you would. The three images on the right margin of the chart are structures which many women have asked about and ALL men have lied with a Cliff Claven-esque answer. Anyone want to claim this is not true? I thought so. Anyway, those three images are of VORTACs which transmit the electronic highway the aircraft equipped with an RMI and DME (instruments) can follow. VORTAC stands for - Very High Frequency Omnidirectional Radio Range and Tactical Air….. ahhh crap, there is not a single person on this planet that knows or cares what this stands for; so just do like everyone in history and make up whatever name makes you happiest. I would contract the two contractions of SeaTac and VORTAC and create a SEAVORTAC thus trumping Esperanto as an exclusive language while creating a wicked Scrabble score in one smooth move. Damn I’m awesome. Not so quick, there is more to review. The GREEN line starts where the VORTAC is located and terminates in a GREEN, quadrangle with chamfered edges which contain the DNA for SeaTac’s VORTAC. Or excuse me, SEAVORTACDNA. Seattle is the name of the station and has an associated tri-graph of SEA. Now there is some James Bond-y stuff in that the audio identifier is transmitted in…… wait for it….. that’s right…. Morse code. How quaint, arcane and Mondo-testicular can one thing be at the same time? Listen closely; you can hear it through static and above the ambient noise…. Dit Dit Dit….. Dit….. Dit Dahhhh……… Well, that’s how you know you dialed in the right station AND know it is transmitting righteous signals. Next to the secret, decoded, Morse tri-graph is 116.8. This is the VHF (remember how VORTAC got the name?) frequency you dial into the Navigation receiver to receive the directional signal and hear the Morse identifier. Not too tough, unless you are trying to make things sound all ‘only I can do this-y’ and ‘you can’t understand-y’ because you are suffering from a crippling case of overcompensation. Which leaves the last data point in the form of Chan(nel) 115. I know you probably think this is so you can watch the Telemundo girls in the cockpit (laughs), but no, that is not what channel it is at all (recovers from laughs). This is a preset frequency from the UHF band and can be calculated to figure the value in MHz if you are willing to remain a friendless individual, who will never know the touch of a beautiful woman. Obviously there is someone on this thread with the answer, it simply is not me. This channel will facilitate the operation of DME (Distance Measuring Equipment) which is equipment that measures distance…….. ummm… in Nautical Miles of slant range called ‘miles DME’. Sort of like an electronic odometer but you never get the rush of seeing it roll over to 000,000 miles. So that is a long introduction to the cornucopia of information contained in the ‘L’ series of FAA approved instrument charts. If you found this to be too long and boring, you are a loser for making such a determination at this point and should (but won’t) find a hole to slither into and die. If you understood this stuff you are of above average intelligence and possess a rare ability to comprehend the written American language. If you have any questions, ask. If I don’t know the answer, I will lie.

WOW Quade, is that what you gleaned from those comments? Politics? You actually think Roswell Aliens will run in 2052 sponsored by an ‘Atomic Bouffant’ and I was making a political statement? Really? I haven’t seen the mark missed this bad since that Thai Ladyboy sued me for paternity. But this isn’t about my obvious talents with the ladies, it is about DB Cooper. It was an example of the historical dumbing down the average American represents and how bad our reading comprehension has become. It was an attempt at trend analysis and I failed. Ore halve eye? A thousand pardons for my grotesque transgression. Please remember I’m a humorless man with a small, oh so small bank account and equally sized winky. I am not now, nor have I ever been a member of the Alien party. Nor was I endorsing or campaigning for any member of that party, now or 42 years in the future. Up to and including the green chick which I began to find oddly attractive. Hey, I think you caught this just in time, thanks – I needed that.

Just look at what has happened from 1964 to 2008. The Goldwater campaign was established on the platform which was constructed around their campaign slogan: “Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice; moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.” Forty four years later, a much better educated and far more sophisticated group gathered all of their creative talents and crafted: “Change” A new dawn indeed. The election year 2052 will no doubt culminate in the complete abandonment of the written word and witness the continued atrophy of what resides between our ears and below some toupees. All the better since no one appeared to be using the things in the first place.

Dit Dit Dit DAH Dit If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there.... Did Roswell Aliens chop it down?

I suppose the profiling has as much to do with effective communications and probabilities as anything. I failed with a point about long lists confounding an argument with the death penalty. The ‘opponents’ keep claiming that it is more expensive to execute than to jail for life. The State of Texas accepted this inefficiency the ‘opponents’ so deftly identified and streamlined their execution process to be the most efficient and cost effective in the nation. I guess that was their intent, since they still doggedly publish this fact daring other States to lower the costs and increase their output. I completely misunderstood their point and still can’t bring myself to put a price on justice. I’m just too simple of a thinker like that. The profilers could offer more than one analysis and abandon this brain dead assumption that one profile trumps or invalidates another. The Unabomber demonstrated an affinity for Berkley and Chicago, he could have been blazingly brilliant or a Luddite of sorts. Hey, anyone know of a prodigy from Berkley or Chicago that acted weird and possibly burned out? Nawww, list would be way too long. I’m convinced, if a body is recovered from the Columbia, wearing Cossey’s rig there will be an instant explanation of how ‘Whoever’s Favorite Suspect’ had robbed a grave or killed a guy accidentally (funny story though) and put him in the harness and tossed both into the river.

You have your theory airtwardo and I have verified, certified, cross checked, pre arranged in advance, known facts, from numerous people who have said the same thing from different times for many years….. know whatta mean?

Come on now Sluggo Monster, what about American Airlines 444? Although it was a ‘trend’ of one. With 20/20 hindsight, I think they should have called him the ‘UnaBerkleyChicagoEnviron’ Bomber since his targets all seems to cluster in those areas. They should have been looking for a veteran with experience with ordinance since there were bombs and no one could possibly teach themselves how to make one of those things. Obviously, since there was never a ransom demand, the Unabomber was very wealthy. They should have looked for a well off, veteran. Plus, did you read his manifest? Man could that guy talk. So using the DB Cooper forum logic stream; the FBI should have been targeting a gregarious, explosives veteran who was independently wealthy and wore a toupee.

There is no such thing. That’s how Bernie Madoff and Jim Jones managed to rise to their respective levels of disrespect. It takes a village…… idiot. How many examples of full frontal insults are imbedded in explanations about suspects wearing colored contact lenses or toupees? Let’s count them shall we? Or not. 1. Colored contacts ASSUMES that ‘whoever’ was wearing the color the unreliable flight attendants described; piercing brown to black (no one says what color contacts). Yes, most people with green, blue or some other exotic eye color go to the optometrist and order what 85% of the world possesses for eye pigment. How stupid must the receiver be? Oh yes doctor, I have the most amazing turquoise eyes, but would like brown…. dark brown. While you are at it, can you give me a massive nose to compliment my eye color selection? Yet no doctor can recall such a request…. In the history of man. But Roswell Aliens are dumb. 2. Kenny had a toupee…. period (fill in the blanks yourself). Well OK then, what color was Kenny’s toupee? Oops…. Thought the average person would assume his hair color to be D B Cooper-ish, auburn. Thank God this isn’t a YouTube video hyperlink…. whew, those exhaust me. 3. What style was Kenny’s toupee? Straight, wavy, curly, flat top, Beatles, Hendrix, Future Trump, nappy or….. let me guess…. ummmm… how bout D B Cooper-ish? Yeah, that’s it; it looked just like D B Cooper’s to include the fact that there is no photographic evidence of either. See how solid and reliable? No distractions to the Cooper story here, just ‘known facts’. 4. By simply adding colored contacts and toupees, the reader is demanded to accept the descriptions offered by those who are considered in error when it comes to those attributes which don’t match their curves. What a crock of intellectual guano. 5. Notice how the details are constantly lacking and modified on an ad hoc basis? Oh yeah, the toupee was Cooper’s color and style as depicted by all the composites, WE thought that was understood. Even though WE will regale you with minutia about every other subject. Gosh. At least this type of comment is guaranteed to keep the largest offenders quiet on the subject. Or not.

Some light and easy research validation (never tried in over 19,800 posts), http://foia.fbi.gov/cooper_d_b/cooper_d_b_part04.pdf Page 3 of the PDF file, Item 5, subset 2. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/stores--services/Content?oid=4489 See: Best Hotel Hair Salon Best Place to Reenact ‘Leaving Las Vegas’ Then search: “Karl Fleming D B Cooper” and read the story ‘A Fall From Grace’ in the preview of his book “Son of the Rough South: An Uncivil Memoir”. You may find it shocking, the ramifications he experienced from getting a single element of the DB Cooper interview wrong. Or not, probably not. As Sluggo Monster has stated in every conceivable way one can imagine, discount what you don’t like and take what matches your pre plotted curve. Same as it ever was.

According to the ‘Best of SEATAC’ stores and services; the ‘BEST hotel hair salon’ is Paul’s Hair Fashions. This salon is located in the beautiful Airport Plaza Hotel adjacent to the airport and below the dominating monolith that is the Northwest Orient building (insert that dum, dum, dummmm, mood sound). This motel has a history, a history that will finally be told where intrigue, lore and hair collide in a lusty samba of unbridled greed and betrayal. Where hijacking turns to hijinks in the high stakes arena of high tension hyperbole hiding where…. umm… in or ahh… I think I just got lost in my own allegory here. Before becoming the Airport Plaza Hotel and before the Denny’s and adjacent La Quinta were built, this was the space age named Swept Wing Inn. The attached image was taken at night when the view is even more spectacular. Spending an evening there must have been like sleeping in space. How cool. While guests slumbered below jets constantly launching into the turbid skies of Seattle, there were classified articles being read where D B Cooper was asked to come forward for an interview. His identity would be protected and a legal defense funded. The person who submitted the article was an author who was just after the truth. As luck would have it, D B Cooper read this ad and happened to live in Seattle, what are the odds? Well, a meeting was scheduled between Cooper and the author at that very motel which crouched in the umbra of the massive shadow of the Northwest Orient building like some sort of Remus or Romulus of lodging, sheepishly trying to suckle what clearly should have been dispensed. A wrong had been done to Cooper and he was going to expose all the aviation industry for just what a cold heartless entity they truly knew they were. Bastards. Cooper said he had been unfairly fired by Boeing AND betrayed by Northwest. The longer the list, the greater the odds of some truths being told. Come on, this guy was screwed by Boeing and the airline he hijacked, you gotta love that. This has to be true since anyone would hijack a pair of companies that acted like Georgian mountain men to Cooper’s, Ned Beatty on a canoe trip. This screams for justice. Cooper looked like the composite and produced two bills with matching serial numbers. We all know that one bill could be altered, but not two. Two is twice as many as one and twice the proof of authenticity. During his three day interview with Cooper, the author was driven to Portland and shown where the escape car was stashed, how exciting. Cooper went on to explain that he had three radio transmitters set up over a large area to mark were to jump (it all sounds so familiar). Cooper tells the author that he can’t spend the marked money and that is why he demanded $45,000 for the interview. Satisfied with events, the author handed over $30,000 which he carried in a tennis racket cover. Gosh it is all so ‘deep throaty’ and ‘double oh seven-y’. Two weeks later the FBI (who must have investigated the former employee lead) informed the author that he was hoaxed and Cooper was wearing a toupee as part of his disguise. Yep, the author got scalped then cut out of his job, but the money was returned (most anyway) in a close shave with larceny from a bunch of bald faced lies told by some hare brained crook, who was combing through the classifieds and thought he could brush off the FBI with razor like precision….. and… umm.. scissors. The Swept Wing Inn changed names several times to include the Vagabond Executive Inn (what is with us American’s and our 4th grade reading comprehension?)…. An Executive Vagabond, really? Anyway, the best hair salon in SEATAC was attached to one of the greatest clip jobs of 1972 and has now faded into the ignoble existence that most structures enjoy near airport properties (code for crack whore country).

Very true about the viewpoint a whuffo would have about 550 cord and its application. His use of items in the plane makes Cooper look like a ‘shoe clerk’ also. Most people have seen a flight attendant demonstrate the use of the seatbelt and O2 mask. Believe it or not, there are dozens of seat belt extensions throughout the airframe. I would prefer that as an attaching accessory over some shroud cord any day. I’m too lazy to cut some cord and too stupid to tie a good knot. The plane also had some chart or flight cases (pardon me, common sample cases) in the cockpit. One would have provided ample volume for the cash. Much easier to secure and extremely robust in construction. Now there are some more toys in the sand box to consider. Not knowing the physics of jumping with a bank bag, perhaps some jumpers could ‘MacGyver’ some suggestions for the way a person with jump and flight experience would have problem solved attaching the loot.

Yes, the investigation into the Cooper toupee that Kenny refused to wear after Nov 1971 continues to gain momentum. This may prove to be as accurate as the Dan Cooper comic observed in the day room in 1951. Let’s all say a silent prayer for such an outcome. Now I’ve discovered numerous attachment systems for Kenny’s toupee(s). Tape, glue or some sort of freakish alien weaving rounds out the candidates. All of which I will go into some of the most painful detail ever imagined. You won’t believe that people actually put tape on their gourds that holds the front of their rug in order to look cool and hunky. But they do. Don’t we all start our day with some coffee while placing an adhesive strip across the forehead; then possibly going for a ‘quickie’? How could anyone resist such charms? I’m feeling funny down there just thinking about it. The glue slays me. I guess one just slathers their head with the brush in bottle applicator and presses the chick magnet in place. I think huffing the glue in a small paper bag would produce a far better outcome and leave me not giving a crap about what is glued to the top of my head. According to the bottle this glue will last 3 to 6 weeks. The weave is for people who want to make small children cry. An appliance is attached to the barren scalp which is tied to existing hair. The toupee is sewn to the skull cap holding the hairpiece in place for several months. Not only does this latest information enlighten one about the bald Cooper the FBI talked about which has convinced everyone that he wore a toupee; there is a new source for holding bundles of money together. Kenny may have been in the lavatory swabbing glue on his head and ooops; he’s got glue all over his hands. He reaches for the nearest paper source and uses three bundles of money to wipe off his hands. The money was held together with toupee glue which could easily withstand the windblast if Kenny’s toupee stayed on for his jump. Occam rules again. There is still so much to learn about toupees. Much more to follow on this vital element of the DB Cooper story.

RobertMBlevins opined anachronistically: “To be fair, History Channel also does very legitimate shows such as… ‘Life After People’.” How could a HISTORY based channel possibly transmit anything legitimate about life after 100% of the audience has long been gone? That is ‘Science Fiction’ not history.