Farflung

I have to confess watching those skydivers in the DC-9 was amazing. They were precise, controlled, nimble, smooth and cool. So WTF? These people are wearing parachutes, helmets, cameras, reserves, altimeters and they are bounding down the narrow isle of a DC-9 and unhesitant in jumping into the thin air. Fantastic. Why have my experiences been so diametrically and universally opposed to this type of deplaning? Before the plane comes to a complete stop, there is the one less than agile person who stands to retrieve their laptop/rock collection bag by the shoulder strap. When the aircraft jolts to a standstill they jerk the luggage out of the overhead compartment where my skull is used to cushion the fall of the bags contents. They never acknowledge this violation, so don’t expect any. Next are the ‘bag ditherers’ who have some OCD which requires the opening and closing of every zipper and pouch in the search for some social skills. This must be done while they block the isle protected by their invisible ‘oblivious to the surroundings’ chamber. Next is the child being dressed in the isle by a detached parent. Coats and hats are donned with the greatest resistance by the child who seems to know the airport actually is a climate controlled environment. But the parent wants the other passengers to witness what they endure every day. Don’t forget about the passengers who like the mighty salmon, will fight all the forces of nature to travel upstream. These losers always manage to forget something. Rather than wait outside the aircraft in the Jetway for a few minutes; they begin an arduous upstream walk to seat 87D to get the other half of their PowerBar. I guess those people jumping out of the DC-9 deserve some recognition for the example they offer of how quickly and gracefully a plane can be exited. It was kind of like watching Business Travel porn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4ax-Eg0vZo At 3:14 you can see the pressure vessel door (left) and the lavatory door (right). Is there any discernable wind blast in the fuselage? The woman holding the camera at 3:13 seems relatively undisturbed by any wind (hair). The tail cone has clearly been cleaned up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmImnArlghQ Look at the pig tails on the woman at 1:52, are they being blown around? The jumpmaster at 1:54 is the epitome of near disinterest with her hair a T-shirt showing no signs being windblown. No horrendous blasts or screaming jet engines, a nearly casual environment. Notice in both videos that the aft stairs have been removed. Not part of the pressure vessel or significant contribution to the structural integrity of the tail cone. Apparently this permanent bomb bay does not affect the flight characteristics of the aircraft to a large degree (inferred). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO_lneWprfM&feature=fvst This is of a C-130 with a side door open 1:43 illustrating the wind blast on two people. At 2:21 with the gaping hole in the back and in a turn you can see a strap hanging from the ceiling. Not exactly gale force winds. I think I experience more wind blast while driving around with my window down looking all hunky and rad for the ladies. Where did this sense of churning wind blast and noise and chaos originate exactly? Hollywood or the imagination of those who have never been in a similar environment perhaps? That DC-9 looks like any Southwestish commuter plane thousands of people have flown in with one notable exception; the passengers are wearing their carry on. This may not be that bad of an idea to institute nationwide. Why not offer ‘Jump Service’ for those who don’t think spending two or three hours in the gentle embrace of SFO or LAX is a great way to end your day. Replace the flight attendant light with a parachute symbol; when approaching your destination it illuminates and you coolly exit with your back yard as a DZ. Show me a business traveler and I’ll show you a man that travels light, a lost and defeated man but one that travels with that thousand mile stare known only to the other un-dead which fill Abercrombie & Fitch stores and have couscous lunches. Whew, sure glad I’m not like that.

I found some contemporary pictures of KC-135 (gas passers) chutes BEFORE the USAF instituted the ‘Smart’ program removing these things. Sure is nice of the Air Force to avoid using passive aggressive names for programs involving the removal of equipment classified as ‘life support’. I’m all for the ‘Smart’ program because I’m smart and that makes me feel all groovy inside. And that’s good. They look like the ones I was shackled to with a few exceptions. The butt boats are missing their ‘crunchy shell‘ and there is some sort of Fanny-Pack-ish thing above the D-handle. Probably holds an i-Phone, GPS or more condoms. Hard to recall since the last time I touched one was over 25 years ago and my mind is fuzzy also. I meant the C-9 parachutes, by the way and not the condoms.

There seems to be several variables being grouped into one problem. First, was the 727 jumpable? What was the big unknown about stepping off the trailing edge of some stairs oriented in the slipstream versus some crew members dropping out of an entry hatch on a 707? I must be missing some concern about the 727, but can’t figure it out. People had been strolling off the aft ramps of 130s for years. Second is the operation of the aft stairs. Put the lever in the down position or pull the emergency release lanyard or both. The hatches are designed for people (sometimes PAX) to open in an emergency without training. Should this element really take on some mystic expertise? Third would be a basic understanding of the behavior of the stairs in the open position (I know nothing). The stairs are NOT part of the pressure vessel. They live in the cold cruel tail cone. The meat locker looking door at the end of the fuselage is the aft seal to the pressurized area of the fuselage. To open the stairs or a hatch or cargo door, you will more than likely need to depressurize the cabin. But these devices will open in flight. Not saying it is a good idea, just that it is not some great mystery to ponder for more than a few seconds. Cooper did not care if the door closed again so he did not need to plan (design) any further. After Cooper, McCoy proved it could be done without STCs, Tech Orders, Design Reviews or equipment modifications. Then McNally followed and proved it could be done without parachute training and then LaPoint did all of the above in a DC-9. Was the DC-9 jumpable? What about those stairs? Were the Douglas and Boeing engineers engaged in some sort of bizarre collusion? Four goofballs managed to open some stairs which have a Big Red Handle that says OPEN and step out in a parachute. Three of the four managed to do it without killing themselves and one is simply missing (successful). Now, what am I missing about these planes and stairs? The government in some sort of omnipotent wisdom requires the installation of the Cooper Vane. Great, now some psycho is hijacking my plane and this loser is trapped inside thanks to the fast thinking of the FAA. Am I the only one? Give this creature an escape route and put the hijacker filters in FRONT of the plane not in the tail.

I really don’t see ANY problem with bailing out of a 135. The book said you could. You just had to be sure and keep the palms of your hands facing forward when you dropped from the bar. There was a little picture near the hatch to remind you. Oh, and be sure and check your data card and verify your chute is current. Wouldn’t want to bail with a stale re-pack. Imagine having to explain using an out of date chute on the ground, embarrassing.

There is a great deal of talk about the 727 being ‘jumpable’ or the aft stairs requiring some sort of doctorial degree to operate. Perhaps both are true, so I thought I would supply some show and tell about another Boeing product, the 707 (aka C-135). The little door on the left side of the aircraft cheek is the crew entry hatch. In case of an emergency, it becomes the bailout hatch. Does that look jumpable? Kinda scary in front of Skyvac #2. But that was in fact where the crew would exit that plane in whatever configuration. Obviously, it could be opened in flight. Same for the teeny, tiny over wing hatch. That was also an egress point and could be opened in flight. Real eye opener when the peckerwoods would fall in during takeoff or landing or anytime for that matter. The cargo door. Could it be opened in flight? Yes. Would you want to do such a thing? No. Since it is the more complex of the systems, here is a long tutorial on the proper care and feeding. A. Handle in NEUTRAL position. This is typically the center detent which allows hydraulic fluid to pass through the system without stressing associated components. B. Open position. Typically the upper detent which allows the pump to force fluid into the piston(s) which move the actuator which elevates the door. C. Motor. A toggle switch that powers an electric motor to force fluid into the actuator which opens the door. D. Close. This allows the door to gravity fall to the cam locks on the floor of the fuselage. E. Locking Handel(s). These are manual locks which operate cams which pull the door closed and create a seal. OK, that is all. Not too tough. Can’t imagine what was so vexing about those aft stairs, but I’m sure someone has some simple explanation.

I could not find an NTSB report on a Twin Beech hitting the drink between California and Hawaii to back up the story. The girlfriend had her name misspelled Jeannie (jeanni) McCombs (D251) was killed one day after her 50th birthday on 28 Mar 1981 (see pic helmet). Guess enough time has passed for the urban legends to bloom.

So I’m trying to be a good uncle and get the nephew interested in aviation. I built a Swing Landing Trainer for the kid in the back yard for very little money. He really took to it. But his mother has branded me as a ‘Bad Guy’ for some reason. Maybe she will get over it after he tries the Ejection Seat Trainer I’m building now.

Excellent job with the images georger, as usual. I did the customary split face and side by side renderings. Any person of superior intelligence or beauty can clearly see he is a dead ringer for the DB Cooper composites. No need to discuss this any further as we all agree to this known fact. Secondly is the inset of his arms. Again, clearly they are not hairy. This has been used as a point of identification and accepted as relevant and another known fact. Could there be more? I’m glad that one good reason for a person not being DB Cooper or executed for that matter, is disfavored for a litany of oft disjointed non sequiturs of a larger quantity. “Quantity has a quality all its own” – Joseph Stalin “You bought the ticket, now take the ride” – Hunter S. Thompson

Looks like Vicki’s list is actually very compelling AND longer than most. I think it is only fair to say that Melvin Wilson is a ‘long list’ suspect now. 1. Age mid forties (time of the crime) 2. Out on bail (Sept 1971) on Federal charges 3. Counterfeiter of over $200,000 (affinity) 4. Vanished and has not been seen since 1971 (this is a new one) 5. Last resided near the HQ town of Northwest Orient 6. Known smoker and drinker (unknown cigarette brand and alcohol type) 7. Height and weight are correct 8. Did not need a toupee 9. Olive complexion (did not need a winter tan) 10. Familiar with Federal law enforcement and definitely had a grudge 11. Unknown whereabouts as the US Marshals Office was after him 12. Knew how to change identity and blend into new surroundings 13. Known to abandon money or at least counterfeit money into navigable waterways and have it discovered 14. On the run and likely had no vehicle 15. On the run and did not have a permanent residence 16. Photo in video shows him wearing sunglasses similar to the pair described on Cooper 17. Was able to successfully pass counterfeit money making passing ransom money child’s play 18. Was known to be in possession of large sums of cash, albeit counterfeit 19. Was in the military 20. Described as polite (by his wife!) 21. Comfortable working complex larcenies alone That is an impressive list to be sure. The running from the Feds in September, 71 and the familiarity with hundreds of thousands of dollars is an amazing coincidence. I have no idea if Melvin Wilson was Cooper, but found the exercise of scribing the similarities enlightening. At least there may be some more perspective about others, but I doubt it.

Hello Vicki, Welcome to the national reading comprehension forum and DB Cooper chat line. The video you posted is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpE1oyHWpG0 This makes it easier for the less ambitious to click and avoid the arduous copy and paste function which is so taxing on the index finger. Below are some times I noticed the pictures of your father featured in the video: 1:05 to 1:13 1:34 to 1:37 1:43 to 2:00 4:21 to 4:40 5:24 to 5:44 You (Vicki) 5:48 to 5:57 (very brave) 6:01 to 6:10 (your dad again) 7:57 to 8:04 8:11 to 8:30 9:21 to end of video. Thanks for your comment, interesting segment on Unsolved Mysteries.

I’m coming to the conclusion that this ultimately has to do with perceptions and life (long and short) experiences. Just as Bernie Madoff was discovered as a fraud, right after he confessed; so goes other activities. Bernie was universally described as a nice guy, people approached him to invest, he said he had a super secret formula that returns 11 percent on average and proceeded to do just that. Where’s the crime? Was Bernie a bully? How did he gain such entre to the funds of so many? The attached image is one such example. My life experience (bias) instantly has my skin blanching as my mind tries to perceive what is going on. The average citizen would see a pretty airplane. The jump crowd would probably start to salivate at the thought of another load being prepped. Good luck reconciling anything into something representing a consensus. Instant conflict veiled with vapid validation. Death penalty opponents use these to their total disservice in the US. They claim that it is more expensive to execute than jail for life. How would they respond to making executions less expensive? Oops, they have never supported that solution, me so confused. At least have the stones to admit you screwed the pooch. You bought the ticket, take the ride. Pick the perception that matches your curve the best and use it exclusively. After all, this appears to represent reality more than any other avenue I have explored.

So here’s my business plan: Cirrus produces about 285 airframes each year at about half a million per. That totals roughly $142,500,000 retail for the entire production run. Now, can you think of anyone who has recently spent that much for the thrill of a humiliating loss running for the office of Governor? Yeah that adds some perspective, doesn’t it? This is the ultimate sport. 377 acknowledged that none of the Paunchous Pilots attended an AFF course. The NTSB files are filled with partially trained celebs and uber-rich pranging one in. Here is a sport that encourages partial training in two others, Skydiving and General Aviation. What a rush just having to learn to take off and climb at mil power to the service ceiling. I’m getting giddy just thinking about it. Then reaching above my head and grabbing that crimson, T handle and giving it a 60 pound pull to the ignition detent. Then a rocket is launched pulling that massive chute out, in a full on, ballistic deployment. I’ve got a throbbing diamond cutter now. Who’s your daddy? That’s right, who’s a Whuffo now? Yeeeee Hawwww!!! Instant, ultra exclusive, sports legend and pioneer just like most race drivers today. When the FlyDiver lands in the FZ (OK, probably Spyglass or Pebble Beach), they will be met by their valet (let’s call her Pilar or Consuelo) and given a demitasse and a ride to the airport for their next FlyDive. Who’s the victim here? General Aviation gets a boost they desperately need, Skydiving is elevated in the social stratum and job responsibilities are expanded for valets (like Pilar or Consuelo). Truly a win-win proposition with absolutely no chance of blow back consequences, and that’s with just ONE customer. Imagine when I land Gates and Musk.

Don’t know if this will catch on, but I said the same thing about bungee jumping, the WheelSurf and Sea Monkeys. Not quite sure if I was wrong about those things yet.

377 Precisely concluded: “The demi-god pilots always get the hot girl, one way or another.” From your keyboard to God’s monitor 377. But it comes at a price.

377 Wildly fantasizes: “I'd grab a stack of bills and offer some to Tina (as a test). When she declined I'd know I had found a very attractive woman of good character and figure out a way to connect with her later sans disguise. Isnt that what you'd do Farflung?” I would have used a three prong approach regarding Tina. 1. After noticing what a ‘God’s gift to Farflung’ Tina represented, I would have bailed on the hijacking idea and told her about my life’s ambition to build orphanages between working at the animal shelter and designing figurines for the Precious Moments Chapel. 2. If she remained nonplused, I would clutch my chest and feign a massive coronary while insisting that Tina write my dying declaration. I would bequeath my vast (and overstated) fortune to my wife and then confess that I had never known the joy of wedded union, my ‘last’ wish. An official on the plane conducts the ceremony in flight and I make a miraculous recovery (if you know what I mean). 3. Confess that I’m bad in the sack and become violently flatulent. I know one of the tines of my trident would work, just not sure exactly which one.

You’re right about those modern day ‘hunter gatherers’ at the Neiman-Marcus. I’ve had to attract women the old fashioned way, through humility, sensitivity and a Henry the VIII codpiece. Strange breed that group. They all feel so unique as they travel between Aspen, Corfu and Atherton. I’ve always wanted to live adjacent to East Palo Alto, but will probably never get the chance. Still sitting the fence on Cooper and the money. He may have not thought that he would actually get as far as he did and was more surprised by the money as anything else. What would any of us do with a cash pile of money? The elite struggle with the inverse side of the money equation. Who would worry about 0.14% (14 hundreds of one percent) regarding any purchase, investment or whatever? That is what percentage $200,000 represented to Meg Whitman’s, self funded campaign. What level of detachment must have been involved when ‘contracting’ with an agency to hire a part-time house cleaner for $25 an hour? I’ll bet she could have found a native born citizen, with all zee papers, if she offered fifty clams an hour and would have come across as a ‘Good Guy’ to boot. Proportion, logic and relevance are usually the first victims when money is involved.

Though not about Cooper, it seems applicable for trivia on a skydiving forum. I found this popular (there’s that word again) slot machine game called ‘Mid-Life Crisis’. This is not like the old standard three reelers with some fruit and stars, no sir. As a player you enter the interactive world of a man in the clutches of a crippling task, to regain the coolness that never was. Your job is to equip this curmudgeon with all the panache to join the Old Navy and Dockers demographic. Choose the hot tub and proper toupee for starters. There are also the other standbys like the cars (you know the kind, they don’t) and of course- skydiving. Why would a game, named ‘Mid-Life Crisis’ have skydivers? I mean really, is this the engine that powers the Clockwork Orange and Lord of the Flies behavior? Oh well, it is just a game and I’m sure a purely random collection of symbols which is not inspired by any actual displays by real people. Sure would be embarrassing if it was.

377, I agree that Quade demonstrated genuine moderation from a difficult position. I would have difficulties dealing with that type of situation and would not have done it with such eloquence. Thank you Quade. Yet I will go to my grave never understanding what drives this to occur over and over again. Is this sport so polluted with participants that it can afford to alienate the curious and be so brusque to the veteran? Where are these threads that are ‘on point’, dedicated solely to skydiving or endlessly interesting to read? Is there one example out of the thousands available? I have read a few other threads (largely safety related) and find them to represent some thoughtful analysis, risk mitigation and pro-active actions. There is also a large sector that does not meet those attributes and the weird part is, they DON’T know who they are. No one ever describes themselves as - lacking a sense of humor, bad in the sack or violently flatulent; but damn there sure are a lot of them around on the average Friday night.

As Sluggo Monster has indicated, these endeavors into science or entertainment will serve as a meme for future anthropological studies. After all, the Egyptians didn’t build the Pyramids thinking, ‘I’ll just bet, some day all this will be irrelevant’. Plus, we have all accepted the fact that the Pyramids were built of such a size and durability to represent what was truly important to that society. I feel we do the same thing today. What will the people from the year 3535 surmise from the study of our monuments? Will they be correct?

One can’t ignore the similarities between the ill fated Roswell space craft and our own home grown Genesis probe. Designed to collect some sort of space dust for three or four years and return to Earth where it would be recovered through the use of parachutes AND helicopters which would snag the craft (midair) and whisk it off to a secret location in the Utah desert. What could possibly go wrong with this plan? Stupid Roswell Aliens losing their chute over Amboy. So after years of collecting space dirt and years of aircrews practicing their techniques at snatching a parachute with a helicopter piloted by a… bear in a tootoo skirt, Genesis was coming home. Yes, an apathetic nation yawned as this 250 million dollar device came crackling into the scorching embrace of the good Earth’s atmosphere. After racing across the Oregon sky at a hyperspace velocity, it became apparent that the gaily colored parachute had remained inside its container. After crossing two more states and slowing slightly, the vehicle ended years of painstaking sand collection by completing a high tech, face plant in the Utah desert (Roswell Grey - shaking head). Yes, history repeats itself and the USA has two flying saucer impact craters. Although the government has not released what caused the Roswell crash, the Genesis mishap was from installing an accelerometer which was supposed to trigger the parachute deployment…. backwards. Proving once again, that just because it came from space, it is not inherently more intelligent. The Roswell UFO could have crashed from a similar ‘design flaw’ or the Aliens sent to explore Earth were the space equivalent of doing community service work after a DUI. No reason to expect the best or brightest being sent here.

One thing made it from this forum (page 31). She reviews how Dan Cooper got his name from a popular French comic book. There you have it, the second source to publish snowmman’s alias source thus transforming it from myth to fact in less than two years. That is great. Hey, can anyone name another ‘popular French comic book’ or does it require the word popular in order to make the reader feel inadequate?

The Amboy Chute is part of a government blunder, but not in regard to Cooper. Through the use of ballistic calculations, perfected at Patuxent and practiced at Kwajalein, I was able to forensically recreate the Roswell Crash profile. I have prepared a compelling, exhaustive and devastatingly intelligent list which points to one and only one possible solution. 1. July, 1947 a shepherd named Mac Brazel discovers a debris field in the marginal grazing area north west of Roswell. 2. On a heading of 118 degrees, the remainder of the craft and bodies are found. There is no deceleration device. 3. This technology is gathered and used for our own fledgling space program. 4. V-2 and Redstone rockets did not use parachutes for re-entry until AFTER 1947. 5. The distance from entering the Earth’s atmosphere to touchdown would be 1120 nautical miles. 6. From the Roswell Crash site, on a reciprocal heading to 118 degrees, for 1120 nautical miles is…. Uh huh, Amboy, Washington. 7. Where is a deceleration device found which is made of an unknown and often argued about material? You are correct, Amboy again. 8. The date of manufacture of this mystery material is BEFORE the Roswell Crash (anybody in there?). 9. What exactly could survive 60 years in cold, wet Amboy dirt other than something manufactured on some loom in a deep space sweat shop? 10. The government kept the constituent parts of the space ship separated under the assumption that no one could connect the dots. The chute in Amboy, Saucer in Area 51, bodies in Wright-Pat, Ohio and the German science team inexplicably moved from White Sands to Alabama. 11. Now the government has gone covert while tending to their gardens of twisted deceit. A Seattle native is hired to become the prurient fantasy of every red blooded male by posing suggestively on an album cover. 12. One such admirer ‘coincidently’ hails from Alabama and happens to work in the nuclear field in Washington where a long standing interest in the Flight 305 hijacking manifests in endless research and a ‘recognized’ website. 13. Mr. Norjak (not his real name), constantly supplies reasons for the money found at Tena Bar originating around Battle Ground or some other form of terra firma. 14. Downstream of the Cooper jump would be the prime location to ‘harvest’ the ransom money as it drifted by without notice. The FIRST city downstream from the Cooper zone is Longview, WA. 15. Who gave up a lucrative modeling job and just happened to settle in that very town? Well, you’re probably way ahead of the game if you said – Dolores Erikson. 16. Who is the ONLY aboriginal Alabamian, to enter the nuclear field and reside in Washington, while deflecting attention away from the disposition of the Flight 305 ransom AFTER betraying an all consuming passion for Dolores Erikson? 17. That’s right, you’re busted Sluggo Monster. Hoisted by your own lusty petards. I would like to see you try and dig your way out from this mountain of damning, unbiased, circumstantial evidence.

Sluggo Monster, I had the same concerns about the year 2525, if woman can survive. Then I realized this would be the introductory vanguard from 1966 UHF transmissions into deep space. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Owq1adHHXoQ What intergalactic intelligent life would gaze upon this display and conclude there was a second generation as a result of sexual reproduction? No doubt, they have already concluded this species as having interbred to the point of being void of any rhythm, masculine features or pigmentation. My theory: we have already been classified as extinct by Roswell Greys. In the unlikely event that I may be mistaken, I joined the Neptune Society. Not the one where your remains become part of a reef system, but the one where your ashes are launched towards the planet Neptune. I just want to make good and sure that I’m out of the pool of candidates for reanimation by future generations of scientists where I’m potentially facing a tribunal of anthropologists and trying to explain the before viewed abomination. Money well spent, to be sure.

Sluggo Monster, There are only two things that surprise me anymore. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncjYnLgxyCI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw1g2yKxb0I http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM The things people invent and those that buy them.