Divalent
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Everything posted by Divalent
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Concrete Rebound Hammer is always the last to post in a thread.
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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I'm off to New York. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. "Where are you going?" she asks. "I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
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well, sort of. But you have to be the last one. (Being next-to-last doesn't count)
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My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job, girl! How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!" I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
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A wealthy art dealer is having a drink by his pool when his lawyer calls him... Lawyer: "I've got some bad news for you. Your wife has spent ten thousand dollars to purchase two pictures. She thinks she can get anywhere from ten to twenty million for the pair", says the lawyer. "That's not bad news! That's wonderful! That kind of profit margin is unheard of!", exclaims the dealer. "How is that possibly bad news?" The lawyer takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. "Well, they are pictures of you with your mistress."
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neither are you
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I'm in the lead!
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Concrete Rebound Hammer matters more.
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An old man is lying in a hospital bed. Feeling that these may be the last moments of his life, he says to his wife: "We have 7 children. The older 6 are all good looking, athletic, smart, symmetrical, outgoing, and responsible, but our seventh child is just about the complete opposite in all those ways. Tell me the truth, does he have a different father?" Wife: "Yes..." Husband: "Who's the father?" Wife: "You are."
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I arrived home and my wife was nowhere to be found, which was very unusual. Then I noticed a note on the fridge that said, "This isn’t working." I’m not quite sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
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True dat. Could even be this evening while everyone is sleeping.
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A man’s walking home late on a dark night when he notices a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks for a quickie!” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell. They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman. “What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer. “I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.” “Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
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Late at night the husband is browsing porn websites on his computer, thinking that his wife is sound asleep. The wife wakes up to go to the bathroom, and then without saying a word (and without the husband noticing) stands behind his back observing. All of a sudden, he hears her say: “Go back… another page. There! Those are the curtains I want for our bedroom.”
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Hi
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The last person to post in this thread wins! [And it looks like it is me]
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If I had a dollar for every time I didn't have sex, I could have sex all the time.
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My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother. That is, until my dad took her urn away from me.
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It takes guts to be an organ donor.
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When I was little, a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason. Now, after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it!
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If you throw someone out of a pub in Ireland and they come right back in ... then it's probably just Rick O'Shea
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A friend told me that his girlfriend had left him. Me: "Why?" He: "She asked who I would choose for a threesome." Me: "Let me guess: you chose one of her friends?" He: "No, I chose two of of them."
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Office manager to his boss: "Can I have Thursday and Friday off next week so I can travel with my wife to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss: "Certainly not!" Office manager: "Thanks so much! I knew you would be understanding."
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Father: "Son, your mother and I have some news for you. You are adopted." Son: "I knew it! So who are my real parents?" Father: "We are. Your new parents are coming by in 30 minutes to pick you up, so get packing"
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I doubt anyone would find if profitable to buy this place and coast on the earnings. IMO, it would take a lot of effort to revamp the place to slow the rate at which traffic here is declining. IMO, a big problem is that the number of forums is insane relative to the number of users, which balkanizes the interesting nuggets of information/discussion. Most forums haven't had a post in months, (and when they get one, it typically gets ignored). It's sad, but I think this place's era is long gone.
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Just a heads up for those of you that hang out here, but don't check out other forums:
